Seeking Advice on Serious Issue

Additional note: as far as the PO Box. If you don't want these people to try to hunt you down, so to speak, use a Post Office in an outlying community that you can travel to easily. Say, 10 - 15 miles. The others will know you are in Ohio, but not the exact community.

I guess the first thing you need to be sure of is if what you're doing is legal. Does your ex have parental rights? If so, you may need to check with an attorney to see what kind of legal recourse he may have.

Your husband now needs to understand that family is blood and to cut off ties to them could be a real bad idea. What if something happens to one of your family members and no one can contact you? If you have to hide it from him get a p.o. box so they can at least write you. Take my advice my family cut off ties from my sister becasuse she was causing problems and doing drugs. That was the worst thing we could of done I didn't speak to her for over 2 years. I finally sucked it up and was an adult and contacted her she's doing better now with the support of our family again, and turning her life around. As for the father of your daughter he has a right to be in contact with his child if he wants to send her birthday cards or presents or write her a letter he should be able to, again just set up a p.o. box. What happens if he gets upset that he is not allowed to have any type of contact with his child or send her anyhting and decides to take legal action, it will only get messy, and the courts will grant him some type of visitation or contact with the child regardless if you live in another state. So level with him and your family and make a happy medium

I had a similar situation....My boyfriend didn't want my son's father to know where we moved even though all we did was move 3 blocks away from our old residence. I told him that it wasn't fair to my son or to his father. It caused problems at first but he got over it quick. You can't let your husband rule your relationship with your daughters father. It's not fair to your daughter or her father. If he wants to be in her life let him.

If he just want to send her things then get a p.o box and let him send it there. I also wouldn't want to cut my child off of knowing her bio father even if there were problems in the past. this coould cause some serious issues later in the future. as far as your family goes. you don't have to give them the address just yet. take things one step at a time. think of what you feel is in the best interest of your daughter. your husband may say hes been there for her majority of the time, hes done this, hes done that, but in the end its your daughter that this is about.

Hi L.
How about getting a P.O. Box for your daughters father to send her stuff to. That way he does not know your address and he can still have contact with your daughter. I hear that P.O. boxes are really inexspensive. One of my friends has one that she only pays $13 for a year. That is in a backwater town though.

To me, the main thing you need to think about is your daughter and how it affects her. Does she want the things from her biological father. If your family or her biological father's family are causing problems for her then I would say no. But if it is all your husband and him being protective then he needs to understand that her father wants to be part of her life.

I had a similar situation. My exhusband was supposed to pay support and see our children but never wanted to. His family on the other hand were great to the children. My current husband has since adopted the children so they don't see thier biological father but still see his mother and grandmother regularly.

You just really need to think what will be best for your daughter and then stand up and defend your decision. Good luck.

D.

I agree with everything that has been said. If your ex is a good father, then he should be able to send your daughter things. You can get a P.O. Box and that would alleviate a lot of issues, but I don't think it's fair to cut off her dad if he is a good father just because your current husband doesn't want him to have contact. In the long run, the only person who will be hurt is your daughter, so her needs should come first.

I understand your problem very well. My advice is this..simple as it may be, but it has helped more than you could imagine. Just get a small PO Box for $20 for 6 months or do it for a year. You can chose who gets that address. I still get mail for business there and for ex family and general magazines, etc. My home address is for my family and mail that I want right away. This solves a lot of issues. Good luck!

Id get a PO BOX and have things sent there!!

I would get an p.o. box at the post office and give him that address. He really does not need to know your home address and your daughter will still get any correspondence or gifts he would send.

M.

How about getting a PO box then he can still send stuff but won't know your personal information? Just remember not to have your phone # listed or he can just look you up on a computer.
Good luck

if the father has legal rights to her and is paying support then you definitely need tocheck with your attorney. If you chose tocut the ties then you could be in contempt, have serious legal issues and battles ahead that you do not want because he he does have legal rights and you moved and he does not know where you are there could be kidnapping charges that could be filed and if he is paying support how are you supposed to get those checks?

as for your family and the issues and battles of the past, family is blood and if YOU want to work things out with them remember this: IT'S YOUR FAMILY! battle or not blood is thicker than that marriage liscense.

your child needs her bio father, if he's not a danger to her and you cut the ties then there is a very strong chance that when your child finds him again she could cut ties with you for making her believe her father abandoned her, that is not something that you want.

I agree with everyone about the PO box then your ex can have contact with out knowing exactly where you are. The same can go for your family.
Does your husband have a good reason for wanting distance from all these people who are important to you or is he trying to isolate you? He may have a good reason, but that sounds like a red flag to me.
As far as keeping your daughters father from her. My husband was not allowed to see his daughter for 14 years. We thought it was her moms doing but we recently found out it was her husband that would not allow it. We now she is 19 has looked up her dad and they have started a new relationship. But her is what her life was like, she thought her dad had abandonded her and was broken hearted. She did not like her step dad. Her mom and this guy had a baby who was the "golden child" She spent most of her child trying to escape to neighbors and friends house. at 16 she became so unruly her mom had her turned over as a ward of the state. ( She could call us a year earlier for 1500.00 dollars but not when our daughter was in trouble) she spent her senior year in foster care. Not something me or her father would have tolerated if we would have known about it. She now has her life togehter and has a job and an apartment on her own. She has been sober for 2+ years. Like I said she is reconnecting with her dad.
As it turns out it was heart breaking for both of them and totally unfair to both of them. My step daughter has summed it up this way "Mom felt like she had to save that marriage and that was the only way she could".
Bottom line her dad my husband is an awesome father and she is an awesome young woman but both of them have so many years and so many scares that can't be taken away.
I know there are bad guys out there that should not see their kids but not all of them are that way.
Good luck.
J.

wow, I don't envy you this problem. The tough spot is, if our ex has even visitation rights to your daughter, you cannot withhold her from him. He is legally allowed to have contact! If this is the case, explain it gently to your current husband, that she is your exes child and he has legal rights to see her, and send her things. Plus, it is not fair to cut her off from her father. If you do, you may end up with issues inside your own home, she may resent you for keeping her father away from her. My sister had this problem. It is not an easy place to be. Good luck.

K.

I'm not sure how serious the drama is but why cut a child off from her father if the father wants to be a part of her life? I grew up feeling like my father wanted nothing to do with me (I lived in Ohio and he lived in California so I didn't see him much) and it can add some serious issues to adulthood. If you want to cut yourself off from your family, go ahead but why deny that girl her family????? When you have a child with someone, you're connected to that man FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask yourself and your husband how you would feel if someone cut you out of your childs life. Thats not fair, if he is a good father then he has a right to be in her life and send her things. If he has custody too then not giving your address to him is illegal and you could end up in court with some serious problems. As far as anyone else if there is a problem or was you don't have to give them your address if you don't want to. Good luck

I would say that if you would be fearful for your daughter if they had an address then I would not give it...But if it is just because your husband is being overprotective, then I would let your daughters father play a role in her life as long as he is consistent. It is not good for a child to grow up thinking they are unloved...If you purposely keep her from him then she will resent you to some extent someday. If he can't do it consistently though she will be hurt by him...It's a fine line, but I would definitely at least think of it as a possibility...And, after talking to everyone involved (including your daughter assuming she is old enough to understand the situation) and come to an arrangement that everyone is comfortable with, including your husband, because in the long run it will effect everyone.

I dont know the story about the ex and family but i will say it depends on what your divorce papers say.if there are no divorce papers i would just get a post office box.

Hi L.,

While I can appreciate your husband's concern over past issues and problems, it is unfair to cut your daughter off from her father unless he poses some sort of physical danger to her. I get the impression that by giving him your address, you're concerned he might show up on your doorstep unannounced.

I think the idea of a post office box is a good one. As long as you can afford it, make sure you get one that's large enough to hold small packages. If something comes in larger than will fit, the post office will notify you and you can pick it up at the desk.

This will still enable him to send his daughter cards, letters or gifts and will maintain your physical privacy. If he wants to have phone contact with her, give him a cell number . . never a home number, which can lead to your home address. I suggest if he ever wants to have physical contact with her, you do it in an area away from your home and make sure someone is with you, because there is always the possibility he could follow you home.

I hope this information has helped you somewhat.

C.

Since I am unaware of the seriousness of the issue, I would say that your daughter is lucky that her father wants to still be a part of her life. As a daughter to a man who lived a few minutes away and knew where I lived, but hardly acknowledged my existance, I would say let him have the address. But is he was the reason behind the move, then like all the other advice get a PO Box. However, there are limited things that can be sent there.
Try talking to your ex and walking something out. Also, I would talk to your lawyer about these things, because if he has any rights to see her, you can't keep her from him. Your husband has to understand that. I am sure that you will be able to work past all of this.

It would depend on his legal rights. You may have to give him your address. I would talk to a lawyer about it.

L.,

First, what are the legal rights of your daughter's bio father? You don't want to be in contempt of court and lose custody of your daughter if her dad has a legal right to visitation and to know your daughter's address and to be able to talk to her on the phone.

Second, is your daughter in danger of being harmed in any way from contact with her dad?

Third, if he just wants to send her things, get a p.o. box and a prepaid cell phone if you don't want him to have your phone humber.

Fourth, is your present husband dangerously controlling, jealous, or possessive?

Will they accept a PO box? If so, maybe that would be your best bet and will make everyone happy. Good luck...