Seeking Advice on Motivating Students, Esp as the School Year Draws to a Close

I have three girls, ages 9, 16 and 20. I also didn't feel right paying them to get good grades. What has worked for us, we told them that if they made all A's during the school year (or mostly A's) that after school was out they could invite 10 of their friends over for a pool party. They could choose the theme, food, music, etc. This was a fun way to start their summer vacation.

Don't get started paying for grades. Our daughter is in 4th grade at a private school, and she is the same--she's tired & counting the minutes for school to be out. We used this analogy with her the other night at dinner.."Abby, when the Cowboys play, they have 4 quarters of 15 minutes each to play. If they play 3 quarters reallllly well, and score a lot of points, then decide to go home after the 3rd quarter, what would happen? They would still lose the game, right?" She understood that very well, and it seems to help a little. I feel your pain, believe me!

I never imagined giving rewards for good grades either. Up until middle school, we never did. However, we offered a year-end performance bonus ($100 - with half going into a savings account). We expect no missing assignments, B+ or higher and recognized TAKS scores. (Just like the corporate-world!) Our son is now working harder than he ever has before and more importantly, he is learning more. He also asks for help when he needs it where before, he'd just skip it. He has a genuine vested interest. Crazy, maybe, but it's working him - and us.

I know when my kids were in school some parents paid their kids for good grades. I don't exactly agree, and I didn't do that (if I had, I would have made them put it in savings - when I told my boys that, they didn't like that idea. I also reminded them that I would be paying for the college and already "paid" for them to go to school by paying my taxes, providing them with what they needed for school, etc, and that asking for money for good grades, which caring about good grades was for their future success and not mine, was something I didn't agree with). Instead, I made plans to celebrate school being out if they ended on a good year. They could choose to have a party, an outing, something they wanted to do, but it had to be something they all agreed on that could be done as a family. They actually enjoyed that and we came up with other ways of making money - taking on additional chores around the house, etc. School vacation IS something to celebrate, especially if the kids worked hard and made good grades. It's celebrating the vacation, the hard work, and the promotion to the next grade.

B.,

Think about this, would you enjoy/continue going to work if you did not get paid? Motivators are okay as long as they reward good behavior and not bad behavior. It does not have to be money. It could be, for example, something good for them in another way, like sports equipment that encouraged exercise. If you did choose to give them money, you could put it in their own savings account to encourage them to save it.

E.

Don't start PAYING for grades!!! As you know having 2 kids in college, that's paying for grades. Let them know your expectations. If you want to reward them, think of creative ways; their favorite meal, a small gift certificate somewhere. Life is not always about rewards and to set them up to think anytime they do what is expected of them they will get a reward is setting them up for disappointment.
Some people may not agree, but that's my story and I'm sticking toit!
j

Hi, B.,
I was a 3rd grade teacher up until I had my daughter 2 months ago. You wouldn't believe what some parents do to bribe their kids into working hard and getting good grades! I had one student whose dad would buy him expensive (and violent, if you ask me) video games, and give him lots of money- I know because he always had over $50 of earned cash to spend at the bookfairs! This is a 9 year old we're talking about! Other kids would be punished for not making the grade- remember that 3rd grade is much harder now for a lot of these kids with the added pressure of the TAKS test.

In my very biased opinion, if you start giving them rewards for doing what they are supposed to do anyway, you are setting them up for disappointment later in life. On the other hand, if they go above and beyond what is expected of them, which it sounds like yours are doing, then a reward may be called for. After all, when you do extra work, you get paid extra, right?

Although I don't agree with this entirely, it seemed to really work at my school: when the entire 3rd grade (all 6 classes) met a goal, such as 75% passed a practice TAKS test, then the entire grade would get a reward. Maybe you can instill something like that? That way your kids are motivating each other, and no one wants to be the one that makes the rest of the kids miss out on a prize!

Good luck and let me know how it turns out!

A.

As a former middle school and high school teacher, I will tell you this, YOU CHILDREN ARE REWARDED EVERYDAY for things you may think they should not be rewarded for. We all strive off of motivation. I am sure your children's teachers give them all types of rewards, homework passes, extra recess, pizza parties, candy, and the list goes on and on. The principal gives parties to entire classes or groups of students for whatever reason. So if you are a child you have to think, I get rewarded at school for my great performance but not at home "what is going on?, why should I continue to work hard for nothing?"

REWARD your children. My mother was a school teacher, and I was rewarded. But i will have to say I was rewarding for LEARNING and DEVELOPING SKILLS instead of for my grades. The grades do not mean squat if you cannot think, comprehend, and create. Anyway, i getting off on a tangent.

What my parents told me was "SCHOOL IS YOUR JOB, and we will pay you for doing well." I learned all about performance evaluations, and saving money and investing in money because of this.

it is a new time and a new day, remember school is a full time job and children should get rewarded, what ever system you set up for them make it rewarding to them. Ask your children what type of reward they would like, and then let them come up with the performance standards, you may be surprised how tough they will be.

if you went to work and did not get any praise or raise or other reward, you would probably quit, and that is what your children feel like doing.

I think it is normal to go through stages of being ready for a break. I think even hard workers in the corporate and general working world look forward to some vacation. I do not reward with money for good grades. I want them to work hard because it is right. I understand the thought process of rewarding with money since the working world is rewarded the same way.

Motivating kids is tough because they have to want it. Your kids sound like they work hard and are just looking for a break from having to concentrate and study so hard. My oldest is in her first year of college and she is really looking forward to the end of her semester. The key is that she presses on and continues to work hard, even if she's wanting a break. My daughter isn't always motivated to go to class, but she always does it (and on her own). One of the things that she has really had to adjust to is the lack of time to pursue her own interests (something she had when she was homeschooled). Are your kids' time just filled up with the studies their school gives them or do they have time to study their own interests too?

I am currently a high school student, and I don't think that students should be paid for getting good grades.
By high school, most students should have realized that education is imperative for their careers. If they choose not to do their work because their parents aren't paying them money, then they're the ones who are going to suffer in the future.
My parents never paid me money for good grades, and I never felt it right to ask. Aren't they paying money for the home that I live in, for the food that I eat, for my books, and all of my other expenses?
Sure, giving students money teaches them some lessons about money management, but I don't think that money should be given for good grades, and if that is the primary motivation for trying hard and building your own future, then I think that needs to change.
From what I've seen of my friends, all they do with their money is spend it on fancy clothes, video games, and other such items. Now I'm not saying that's wrong. It's okay to have fun, and having your own money is a delightful experience.
But that shouldn't interfere with your studies. When I get good grades, my parents just pat me on the back, and say "Good job. I'm proud of you." If they have the time, they may take me out to a restaurant I like, but I don't expect anything else of them. Occasionally, my parents do give me money because they feel like I deserve it, but it makes no difference to me since I never spend any of it (perhaps this is because I hate shopping).
I get a good feeling about myself when I get good grades, and that's why I work for them. I also understand how it feels when the year is almost over. I don't feel like working as hard, I feel like relaxing and taking my deserved break. But I use my own judgment to decide when to relax and when to study. If I don't use proper judgment, then I will have to suffer the consequences.
If there is a final exam coming up that will have a major impact on my grade, I will study as long as required--not because my parents offer me money, but because I don't want my carefully maintained average to fall at the end of the year because of a few moments of laziness.
If, on the other hand, there's a little assignment due at the end of the year, I may not put as much effort into it, because I know that it won't drastically affect my grade.
To sum it up:
I think it is okay to give your students money when they get good grades, but it is not okay for them to expect it and get good grades for that purpose.

I heard this one a lot when my kids were growing up, but I agree with you and your husband that kids ought to work hard for the internal rewards. I always told our kids this and they became high achievers (one is in law school and one is in nursing school)
The only reward we ever gave was a celebration dinner at any restaurant they chose after the semester was over, no matter what their grades were, to show them we were proud of how hard they worked.
I would stick to your guns if I were you-in the long run, the only reward for hard work comes from within and you are teaching them a good lesson in life.

to make this as simple as possible. my kids who are only 9 and 10 years old brought up a good point one night while they where listening to a conversation about my getting a raise at work. they said i did a good job at work and got more money for it, why didnt they get money for doing good at school. So YES it is a good way to show your kids how life really works as you get older by rewarding them for doing a good job and paying them for good grades. if they dont get good grades NO they dont get paid. if they get good grades YES they get better pay the better the grade the better the pay.

example C= $1
B= $2
A= $3

something like that and if you want make them put it into a savings account and once a year let them take some out for a one time item that they are saving for. this will show them also how to save money and teach them alot about what it means to have money of their own.

i do this with my girls and allowance. every 2 weeks they get paid they go to the bank and put money in if they want to they can choose to keep it out but that means it is that much less they have for that item later and it will take that much longer to get it. when report cards come they do the same thing we go to the bank they fill out the slips and the balance sheet in the book, go to the teller and make that deposit. they feel grown up and resposible for there actions and work that much harder for their grades and themselves.

i know this was long and a little off of what you asked but maybe it explained some other things for you as well.

good luck

I am an elementary school teacher, and also one of the ones that used to say "but the other kids get paid for good grades." Some of them did, especially in high school. My parents NEVER, EVER did that. They felt, like you do, that learning and achievement yield their own rewards, like scholarships and recognitions, as well as the intrinsic value of the learning itself. I would be willing to bet that only a few of the other kids' parents actually pay for grades, and that their parents may not devote the kind of attention to their kids' learning that you obviously do. (We both grew up to be college graduates and gainfully employed in our chosen careers.) Personally, I don't think that kids at your children's ages need a monetary award for doing that which you expect of them -- their best. Growing up (not that long ago, as I'm under 30) we didn't get rewarded with money or anything else for doing things we were expected to do...our best schoolwork, chores, instrument practicing, etc. When we complained (as all kids do) our parents stuck with their stance that this is how our family works, and this is what is expected just because you are a part of our family. We all have resonsibilities, and we are all expected to strive for excellence. The end. It sounds like your kids have a bad case of Spring Fever, which just needs encouragement, and perhaps a daily countdown to the end of the school year.