Dear S.,
SOME THINGS TO PONDER AND QUESTIONS TO ANSWER:
What were you like before you meet your husband?
Do you ever ask yourself, Where is S.?
Is the son who acts just like your husband the 10 year old?
Where is your husband's first wife/mother of the 10 year old and is she in the picture?
Are your younger boys following the pattern of not being able to control their tempers?
If you left would you be taking all three boys? (If your husband can't control his temper, the courts can stipulate that all visits must be supervised).
You have a new house and things are good as far as material things are concerned...BUT:
How do you feel during the holidays or before a family event?
How does it feel knowing your mother doesn't want to come to your home because of your husband’s behavior?
Does your stomach begin to churn just at the thought of not knowing when your husband will BLOW? (You know it will happen, you just don't know when).
Are you staying in your marriage for love or the comfort of material things?
I believe the most important thing to remember is that children are a product of their environment. Your sons see that their father gets his way by displaying violent behavior, screaming and using vulgar language around anyone. There is no respect for you, your family, friends or strangers.
If you separate and your husband wants to see his children, the courts will probably order him to attend both parenting and anger management classes. This may be the best solution to get him to see the light. It will take time because his behavior has been tolerated all his life. Tolerated by his family, his first wife, and YOU!
If he is willing to seek counseling as a family and has a sincere desire to change--all the better. Either way it is time for a better life for S. and her family.