Seeking Advice on How to Cope with an Overbearing Mom Friend.

Hmm, that's rough. Clearly she has self esteem issues. She is one of those who HAS to have the lime light...always. Very annoying. Do other mom's notice or saying anything? Do they ever comment on being interrupted, or is it just you? There is no way around it, no matter how nice or sweet you try and say it, she will probably get offended. So, the next time she does that I would just say "Excues me" and look her straight in the eye and say "if you don't mind, may I please just finish what I was saying to Jane really quickly?" That's it. And do it EVERY time- being consistant. Like training a child!! She should get the point and hopefully, just apologize and let you finish. Or, when she rudely yells from 10ft away, just ignore her. Keep talking like you don't hear her. HA! Good luck. Amazing how adults act this way :)

First off - I think we all have a friend like that. There are many ways to handle it and you need to choose what is best for you. My advise is for anyone's bad habit that you are forced to deal with. I'm the "funny" one so I can say so much thru humor and it doesn't come across as being rude. ie "Geeze Louise - let me finish my story would you" with a slight chuckle after that. Or perhaps after she's intereupted you can (in a light hearted way)say something on the idea "Are you done? I need to finish what I was saying before you interupted - my memory isn't what it used to be you know!" I don't know - but just something light. My sister has picked up this nasty habit of talking with her mouth full. Its amazing that when something aggrivates it is somehow magnified to new heights. Nobody else even notices but I'm cringing and sliding down in my chair in embarassment. What I've been trying to do with that is when we are having a meal together and someone asks me something, I purposely put a bite of something in my mouth, and then hold my finger up (as if to say "one minute") so that my sister can see the "proper" way to hold a conversation while eating. I finish my bite, and say thanks for waiting and state that I didn't want to talk with my mouth open (and then because she's my sister I can give a darting look across the table, lol) But you can also use that same manner with your friend over talking you. Simpley set yourself up the same way. If she is talking with someone you can start to talk and say "whoops, sorry I didn't realize you were talking, go on, I don't want to be rude and interupr" Just like kids, people learn by watching others. Nip it in the bud though, if this is a good friend, you don't want it turning into something worse and unfixable. Good luck!

Hi S. - OMG I used to be that person. I can tell you this, there really is no direct way to tell her how offensive her behavior is to you and the group. For me, the light bulb went on after reading a Dale Carnegie book titled: How to Win Friends & Influence People. It was part of a reading program that I was involved with at the time. So it was more of a self discovery rather than someone recommending it to me. Honestly the title itself can be offensive if you were to recommend it to her. Perhaps you and your group can join forces w/o "overbearing mom" there and discuss polite and effective ways to blockade her intrusions. Maybe as she is comming your way, acknolwedge her, but then quickly regain control of the conversation by saying, "hey,so-and-so...good to see you...let me just finish telling this story." or "I was just finishing my story about "such and such"...and then immediately turn your attention back to whom you were speaking with. She will eventually have that light bulb moment like I did. It's quite likely that this gal has made it to adulthood without any social filter what so ever. She may have been from a large family where everyone had to fend for the spot light. There are countless reasons for that type of behavior, but just love her where she is at. Gently cueing her with subtle ways of regaining control. You may want to read that Carnegie book just to pick up some of the ways he suggests to approach people. I hope this helps. Better days ahead!

I know how youfeel but with me it's my family(mother) we don't mean to interupt but we come from a large family(8 kids) and we kind of need to shout to be heard. We interupt often and talk loud but it's really not on purpose it's just sometimes we need to be heard over the roar of everyone else. Sometimes it's just a matter of we think of something and blurt it out before we forget what we need to say or ask.
As far as your "friend" is concerned you could try saying "i'ld love to talk about that but I need to finish discussing this matter first" or yuo could mention you're trying to get your kids to say excuse me when they interupt a conversation or take turns speaking in an "inside" voice, maybe being subtle will help her realize what's she's doing.
i know in my family we usually don't realize we're interupting so maybe she doesn't either. Do the other moms feel this way too?

I'm not sure how "good" a friend she is if you dread her arrival, she always makes you feel lousy, and is having a negative impact on your relationships with the other moms. She may not realize what she is doing, or she may be completely aware of it! I tend to use humor a lot, and so I have said, when I inadvertently interrupt, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt while you were speaking." Then I can turn it around on the interruptor, saying, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak while you were interrupting!" If this woman knows what she is doing, then she is very insecure and worried that she will not be noticed - ganging up on her with the other moms will make her feel even more insecure, and she will realize that you planned something behind her back. On the other hand, if you think she is oblivious to what she is doing, you could try that. If you are the only one she is doing this to, then it's absolutely intentional and you need to tell her to stop. You can say, "Did you mean to hurt my feelings by interrupting me? Because that's how it feels." When she walks up while you are chatting with someone else, you can invite her into the EXISTING conversation by saying, "I was just telling Jane about...." and then continue. But if she tries to derail that conversation, you can say, "Hold on, I really want to finish this." And then keep going. By stopping whenever she interrupts, you empower her. Good luck.

Maybe you can recruit some of the other Moms in the group to come to your aid when she does it. They could listen to her briefly when she interrupts, respond if necessary then pointedly turn back to you and say.."and you were saying?" I'm sure she doesn't even realize what she's doing. Most people like that don't. I tend to be sometimes like that myself because I have something I want to share and can't wait to share it or can relate to what someone else is saying and have to put my 2 cents in. Over the years I have made a concscious effort to be a little more patient but it does take time!!! Good luck.

I agree with one of the other mothers that if you are the only one she is doing this to, then she is doing it on purpose. She may be jealous of you - how you look, your husband, jealous of your kids, or not like you for some reason (hey, we can't have everyone like us all the time!) so this is her way of holding some power over you. I've had so-called friends do that to me too. Not to anyone else, just ME. It would drive me crazy! And what makes it worse is that the people I was talking to, just then stopped listening to me, and started listening to the other person! That drives me crazy too. Why don't you say to your one friend when you are talking to her, "If so-and-so interrupts me, could you do me a favor and say, 'WAIT - S. IS TELLING ME SOMETHING.' That would really help. Thanks!" Because "Overbearing Mom" sounds like she is trying to steal the spotlight from you.

i would make a joke of it to ease the blow - something like -"hey, what i'm saying is important too!!" with a smile on your face. and if she doesn't respect it, and keeps going, put a hand on her, and say gently "i'm serious". say this a few times when she does it, and then all you may have to say is - "you're doing it again..." (with or without a smile, up to you) and hopefully she will get the hint. good luck, that has got to be SO annoying!

I think "Wireless" catalog has a T-shirt that says it best...Some people think I have ADD, but then I...hey look at the chicken!

Is there a fun way you can show her her own behavior? I like to lean right on friends and talk 1 inch from their face when they are "close-talkers". It has to be down in your way, but funny exaggerations make it easiest to point this social flaws out. Think Seinfeld.

Knock, knock?
Who's th...(moooo)
Moooo wh..? (mmoooo)
Interrupting cow. Stupid, I know, but the kids love that one. And then once the joke is established...Moooo signals that someone is interrupting?
Good luck with MIL!

I have a similar friend who interrupts with her own stories constantly when I start to say something because something I say triggers a thought in her. I always remember where I left off and make sure I interject as soon as she is finished with her story with an "as I was saying. . ." She also talks through movies - makes constant comments, etc. I have just learn to accept this is who she is and will probably never change. It makes dinner out with a group very difficult because before we know it everyone is talking at once and loudly to be heard. She is closer to other of my friends and will stay that way because I will not make an effort to invite her anywhere personally because of this trait. Don't feel forced into being her best friend.

This is a tough situation, but I hope you realize that you are making yourself uncomfortable to make someone else comfortable, and it will only be a matter of time before you truly resent this person. Does anyone else feel this way? If yes, maybe you could suggest that a group (1-3 so it doesn't seem like a gang-up) of you talk to her, "delicately", since she is sensitive. Maybe preface it with, "maybe you don't realize that you..." OR, when she starts to interrupt, say, "Let me just finish my thought." If none of these seem like a good option or it will lead to a confrontation, you should start asking yourself why you even hang around with this person.

Shelia, OMG!!!! I am reading a GREAT book right now that address your EXACT problem. It's called "The Civility Solution, What to Do When People Are Rude" by P.M. Forni. That kind of interrupting is either totally clueless (unfocused rudeness) or passive aggressive hostility (focused rudeness).
Personally, I would call her out on it with a smile. "Hold on Lucy, we were in the middle of something" or "I think my voice must inspire you because you seem to interrupt me a lot!"
Seriously, people like that need a HUGE wake-up call, not a soft nudging.
Good Luck!!

Very frustrating indeed......too bad you couldn't just avoid her but I guess that isn't possible. Could you say something like "Excuse me Carol but I wasn't finished" and look her directly in the face and smile? That way you are being polite and assertive and getting your point across?Good luck!