Seeking Advice on Helping a 2 Year Old Give up the Pacifier

Sounds like an average two yr old to me. Just dont make the mistake I did, when we took his bottle away I then let him have a sippy cup. Now he HAS to have one. another fight is coming soon..sigh

This is a normal thing, this asking for things at bedtime. Yes, he is having a hard time soothing himself, but it isn't because of the pacifier. He will need a good bedtime schedule, but he will test you anyway. Be consistent, and have patience. Once he learns about being a big boy, he will want to do big boy things such as going to bed. In order for this to work, he will need big boy rewards too. If he acts like a big boy, he can play with big boy toys, or have a big boy snack or have his bedtime extended 5 minutes for being a big boy all day. Find out what he likes, and offer it to him as a reward for going to bed like a big boy. You will be surprised at how well this works.

Did you throw it away? If not do so in front of him. When he ask for it,tellhim you don't have it anymore.

He needs a bed time routine. He will ask for food and water and books and a monkey and to hang from the ceiling fan-- anything he can think of to stall. If you have a consistant routine and STICK with it, he will get it that there is no use asking for that stuff because the answer will always be no. I am watching my niece this week-- she's 3-- and my sister is shocked at how well she is behaving for me. She got it right away that I mean what I say and say what I mean. When I told her it was time for nap, she asked for milk and I told her no. I knew if I gave her that, she would more than likely keep asking for things and stall as long as she could until my patience wore out, so instead of playing that game I just told her no to the first thing she asked for. With the loss of the pacifier, he needs a new routine. Find one that works for your family and stick to it. It's doesn't need to be multi-step and complex. For my toddler, I just let him know it's time for bed, then I pick him up and carry him around the house as he says good night to the other family members in the same order eveytime (rocking horse, sister, dad, brother), then I lay him in his bed, help him locate the tags on his 2 blankies, then cover him up and leave the room. My husband tries to follow the same simple routine when I'm not home at bedtime (which is rare)

I waited until my daughter was 2 to take her pacifier away as well. I would just encourage you to keep at it. Even if he is throwing fits because he doesn't know how to soothe himself, he will learn and he needs to learn to self soothe. Trust me - you cannot be his source of soothing or he will not be able to go to sleep on his own. THat means he only goes to bed for you - no other caretaker - and that bed time becomes a long term battle. It is much easier to fight a short term battle and let some tears happen now than try "everything" to make him happy "just so he will go to sleep" (I have tried that approach) and have to wage war on bad habits later...

I think so often we forget the "long range perspective" when parenting because we live so often in the moment.

Hang in there - he will go back to sleep and it is worth it to get rid of the pacifier!

A little about me: I am a SAHM of 4 with a supportive husband and wonderful friends and family in town.

He probably needs something else to comfort him. We took my daughter's away the week before Easter and we had the Easter Bunny "mail" her a stuffed kitty (she was obsessed with one of her friends) and I just read the packing slip like it was a note from the Easter Bunny telling her how very proud he was of her for giving up her binkies and that he was sending her this kitty for doing such a good job and being a big girl. She still takes that thing with her EVERYWHERE WE GO. The kitty has been all over Jacksonville and also to Disney World! She sleeps with it every night and goes to sleep so much faster and sleeps so much harder than she ever did with the pacifier.
Good luck!!!!!

Throw it away and don't look back or give in!
He is at the age where he will start the tantrums and screaming and whining for things and giving in for anything when he does this will only reinforce this behavior and it will cause it to get worse. Don't get me wrong, my son just turned 3 and he still have tantrums and fits when he doesn't get his way, but they would be much worse and for a much longer period of time if we gave in.
When he does start in, try some redirection techniques to nip them in the bud. If that doesn't work, then ignoring them is really the best thing to do until he calms down, then immediately give him some praise/positive reinforcement when he stops to help him understand what behaviors "works" to get your attention.
Just stick to your guns and know that your decision is the right one (to get rid of the pacifier)!

I can tell you from my experience that it's both. My little girl is still asking about the pacie that we "gave" to the babies over 3 months ago. Every night, as if it was ritrual, she asks about "taking the pacies away from babies" because she wants it back. She cries a bit about it once in a while. It's a big deal to them. I told her that we gave them to the babies since they are for babies. Of course she didn't like that AT ALL!

Please just stay the course on this one and since he is two, he will include fits into the withdrawls of the pacifier.

We give her a cup of water, blanket and her doll. I let her cry a little by herself. I go in and comfort her while she lays in bed... give her a few pats and rub her back. She is doing better now.

Good Luck!

In my opinion, its probably a little bit of both. My son hasn't given up the paci yet (I'm doing it at 3 yrs-just my own personal decision), but he does those similar things from time to time. Sometimes he goes to bed like a little angel, and then other nights it takes forever to get him to go to sleep...so I think it is probably more the age thing, plus your's is going thru a developmental stage of giving up the paci. Good luck, & hang in there! :)

I took my son shopping and he wanted a fishing pole really bad. I told him if he gave his pacifier to the lady at checkout and put it in her garbage can he could have the fishing pole. He put it in her garbage can and never asked for a pacifier again.

The paci was his self soother and it was also his power play with you. He was able to scream, "give me what I wnat, NOW!" and you did, you found his paci. Now that he doesn't have that, he is using other things to make sure he still can make you cater to him when he wants. Although this behavior is mostly manipulative, it doesn have a center of needing to have the security that when he needs you, you will be there. If he is asking for food, water, toys, books, etc, chances are you gave in and gave them to him. So his protest worked before and he is likely to repeat his demands until he is sure that asking for items and not going to bed nicely with a fuss is not going to get him anything. When he is awake and you are not trying to get him in bed, you need to discuss with him what routine you will allow and stick to it no matter what. My daughter is 2 1/2 and she just went through this and what helped her was for me to be the parent and decide what she needed, which was to take her potty, get her pajama's on, put lotion on her legs ( a little 2 minute massage makes a huge difference), her favorite blankie, one stuffed animal, one book and then i kiss her and turn her music on and leave the room, if she gets out of bed screaming, I turn off the music, take the stuffed animal and book away and of course that upsets her, and i tell her that when she is ready to stay quietly in her bed, she can have her things back. She immediately hops back up there and I give her her stuff back. In the beginning you may have a screaming, kicking kid who eventually falls asleep on the floor, but know that you gave him the choice and eh will choose the nicer route in a few days.

Let him have the pacifier. There is too much pressure on giving up soothing objects. Sucking will help him in every aspect in life. It helps with reading, coordination, balance (proprioception)..... everyone develops at his own speed. Sucking or putting things on one's mouth is the only way we can take in our environment or objects in a 3D mode. He will give up the paci when he is ready. If he hasn't given it up by kindergarten, pluck it out of his mouth as he goes to get on the school bus. Until then, I think he will act out. Good luck!

BTW: Mine are almost 18 and autistic, 16 yr old boy, 14 yr old girl (A JOY), and 9 yr old boy............ They all set their own time tables for everything. It all works out. Don't let anyone esle tell you when it is "time."

I responded to this but see you've already resolved it! YAY
J

It sounds like your child is not missing the pacifier but maybe his dad(or even you). He's lashing out at bed time because he knows that is when you will give him attention. Plan a mommy and me time everyday(atleast thirty solid minutes of personal interaction). Then at bed time you can be the best mom by not giving into his fits and he'll be less likely to have them.

This too shall pass.

We decided my son should give up the pacifier at 2 as well. He had only been using it at nap time & bed time, and the dentist said it wouldn't affect his teeth until he were older (as in a 5 yr. old sucking pacifier).

So I delayed.

Then, we were moving -- not a good idea to take away a child's soothing mechanism when everything else is changing around him.

So I delayed.

Then months later I thought I'd try again because he ripped one pacifier, and we had only one left. I thought choking hazard -- I have to get rid of the pacifier.

I decided to play the "big boy" game and praise -- sleeping rituals (story/song -- what other moms said) and so forth. He had good nap days and bad. (Bedtime sleep really wasn't a problem - - but nap time was definitely affected.)

I worked very hard to make him physically tired (parks!) to help him break the pacifier habit.
I think it took a really bad napping week (or 2?) -- then definitely back and forth for a month -- finally it was just a memory.

Hang in there!

I haven't had to deal with this yet myself, but I know I will since my 13-month-old loves her paci. I did, however, have a friend who took her daughter with bag 'o paci's in hand to Toys R Us and let her trade them in for something new that she could use at bedtime. Stuffed animal, book to read to her, etc. This worked beautifully for her, and the cashier at Toys R Us was more than willing to go along and took the bag from her as payment (while Mom swiped her debit card). Good luck!