Seeking Advice on Consoling a 17 M/o W/crying Tantrums - Day and Night

Such a challenge!
I think your son is likely dealing with a structural problem. This is what I do for work, so I know the signs pretty well. When kids scream like that they are frustrated, and when its for longer periods of time, I find they 've usually been in pain. Which goes along with his increased need to be held and breastfed. if you can find a pediatric chiropractor in your area, Ihighly recommend you give her/him a try. its likely your son might have taken a fall (even little ones can count), or some more subtle torsion in his skeleton might just now be bothering him b/c he may be hitting a growth spurt, and that brings it to the fore. www.icpa4kids.com will take you to the 'find a doctor' link. THese are Docs who've spent extra years learning very subtle, gentle, and specific-to-kids techniques, and will be able to answer your questions about your son's behaviour.
Is it possible he could be suffering from any constipation?

best of luck with this, and if you have any questions, please let me know. ____@____.com

Hi A.!

In order to answer this question I would need to know, when does he throw these tantrums? Is it every time he doesn't get his way?

I am a toddler teacher and have a child in my classroom who is 20 months old and has thrown tantrums since before he came to my room from the infant room when he was about 15 months old. I would like to add that this is "typical" toddler behavior. He did it EVERYTIME he didn't get his way. The tantrums have tapered off tremendously. Not to say he doesn't still throw a tantrum every now and then but not everytime he doesn't get his way. I'll give you a senario and tell you how I handle it (we'll call the child Joe):

Teacher: You can play a little bit longer then we will be
cleaning up for lunch Joe. ( I always give them a
warning).

Teacher: (a litte bit goes by) Ok Joe it's time to
clean up for lunch Joe.

Joe: (playing with cars) "No"

Teacher: Yes Joe, it's time to clean up for lunch.
I know you are having fun playing with
the cars but it's time eat lunch. After lunch
you can play with the cars some more.

Joe: "No"

Teacher: Joe it's time to clean up now. If you don't put the
cars away yourself, I will have to help you. 1,2,3
(toddlers are independent). (Joe doesn't clean up).
Ok Joe I'm going to clean the cars up now since you
chose not to do it yourself.
Joe: Lays on floor, kicks his feet, screams and cries.

Teacher: Ok Joe when you are all done you can come and join
us at the table for lunch. (walk away to table and
don't pay attention to Joe).

Joe: (when he's all done his tantrum) walks over to table and
sits down for lunch.
Teacher: I see you are ready for lunch Joe
Joe: nods his head and begins eating.

My point is that if you stick with it and don't give in the tantrums will be less because he will know that he won't get his way just because he threw a tantrum. It works with my toddlers and I have 9 in my classroom each day. I am sure it will work with yours. I hope this helps. : )

I'm not sure if communication is the major problem with you son but if it is teaching sign language may help. I taught my son just some basics (eat, more, help, all done, up and thank you) and it has been really helpful. My son, now 22 mos, is really starting to say and parrot more words now but he still uses the signs regularly.

If it's teething I've used Hyland's Teething tablets that dissolve in the mouth. They are homeopathic and safe for newborns as well. I found them really helpful especia;;y at night to help him calm down. I've even used it when he wasn't teething.

Hope this helps-Good Luck!

With my children, now ages 15, 13, 11 & 7, I used sign language for babies. It helped them to communicate much earlier and it slowed the "I'm done with this meal" floor clean up and much of the frustrations of not being able to communicate. Check your local library for books and video on sign language for babies.

I also offered appropriate choices. Such as: Do you want to wear this outfit or this one? Do you want this snack or this one? I let the youngest choose the snack for everyone and that way they had some 'power' over those they see as the 'boss'.
Hope this helps.
D. C

Great book: parenting our children, parenting ourselves. And the Happiest toddler on the block

I would consult an outstanding pediatrician. If I lived near Children's Hospital in Boston MA, I would certainly take him there for a consultation. One of your theories might be right on or right off. I know you love your precious child. Get the best professional advice to have access to.
N.

I would need to stop the sister saying "no" all the time. Then, for your son, you sound like you are doing all you should. I know it is hard to live through, day after day, BUT he will outgrow these "growing" pains that you mentioned. He has a lot
happening in his life and sometimes just screaming about it helps. Drives everyone else crazy, but that is his outlet. Everytime he does it, you could get him dressed to go outside and let him cool off in the snow!!

Hi A., I know the feeling of being frustrated. My daughter has temper tantrums, especially when she's over tired or has had too much sugar. I would recommend two things. One is to look at your sons diet. When my brother was about that age he had horrible tantrums, throwing himself on the floor and flailing. At time my mother had to physically restrain him so he didn't hurt himself or others. She discovered that he was allergic to refined sugar. He could still eat fruit and honey, but no white sugar, or high fructose corn syrup. She went through the food in our house and got rid of everything that had sugar as an ingredient. His behavior changed within a couple of days. Now I keep an eye on my daughter for possibly the same problem. I don't think she's allergic to the same extent as he was, but it certainly effects her behavior.

When she does act out like that I hold her and talk to her about calming down. We have taught her that if she takes some deep breaths it will help her to calm down, so we try to breath with her and take slow deep breaths, it actually works really well, and then we can talk about what was bothering her. Sometime breastfeeding helps too.

The second thing that I would suggest is to borrow the book 'How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk' it's a great book with practical suggestions, and might also give you some ideas about how to help your daughter talk to your son with less no's as well. The same authors have another book called 'Siblings without Rivalry' as well, I haven't read it but others who have tell me that it's also good.

Good luck!

First of all, my sympathies, I had a son with sever crying events and it is exhausting and stressful. In my case I felt something was wrong, that good old mothers intuition, but everyone, Drs. Husbands, friends said that I was "a nervous first time mother." When I returned to work part time, I took my son to a wonderful, 45 year old grandmother who ran a home daycare. She called me mid-day on day two and said, "There is something wrong with your son." Armed with and "expert opinion" I went to a new pediatrician and it was finally decided that he had acid reflux. In any case the poor guy was crying all the time because he was in pain. This went on for a long time and he was well into his second year before it all began to calm down. By then though he had been well trained that if he cried we would walk and walk and walk. Much more comfortable than sleeping alone! However, we tried Ferber and it worked after about 2 attempts.

I would say that if you tried Ferber, which I'm not so sure now is a good idea, and it doesn't work then something is wrong. I suggest that you find someone else you can trust to take care of your son during the day for a few days and see if his behavior is different with them. Maybe you stop trying to ween if you can for a little while until you can narrow down the issue. Just remember that he won't be 16 wanting to breast feed and it will happen sooner or later.

Good luck.

Hi my name is D., and that was my son, 5 years ago, buy the book 1, 2, 3 MAGIC, it works and will help, take a day at a time, I have cried alot of tears over my sons behavior, I can tell you it does get better, I also had him evaluated at TUFTS NE medical center, and was his advocate for non drug behavior modification and he is still not drugged but gets help thru an IEP over the years to help, no diagnosis for my son, just likes to press buttnos and is not very good at emotional coping skills and acts out his feelings instead of speaking out, maybe try a integrated pre school setting by 3 years and he will have role models too, good luck, god bless you D.

Two thoughts:
1) his "tantrums" sound exactly like the reaction my daughter had as a result to what turned out to be a very bad case of reflux (especially the arching backwards)they often seemed like tantrums but were in fact an instinctual/subconscious attempt to keep the acid reflux from coming up; they arch back to try to stop the reflux and cry from the discomfort. She is perfectly fine now thanks to meds (at first) and now a selective diet.
2) as it turns out my daughter is also allergic to dairy (not lactose-intolerant, allergic), have you considered an allergy test?
Sometimes these things aren't simply behavioral, although many are tempted to assume so... it might not hurt to consult with your Dr.
Best of Luck!