Seeking Advice on Caring for My 10 Month Old and Expecting a Newborn

HAVING YOUR CHILDREN SO CLOSE TOGETHER WILL BE NICE BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW A TIME WHEN EACH OTHER WASN'T THERE. I THINK THEY'LL BE CLOSER TOO! I ONLY HAVE ONE, SO NO ADVICE FROM ME, BUT GOOD LUCK! AND CONGRATS!!

PS I WAS IN YOUR BABY CLASS!!

Hi A.! Congratulations on having another baby. They are so much fun and grow soooo fast. Well, you don't mention if you have a man in your life or a mother to help, but you don't mention going to work either. This could be long Soooo...First, did the doctor tell you you have to have a C-section or is it just because that is what happened the last time? Many women have V-births after having a C-section, but there is preparation that needs to be done with that, (mentally, physically, and also with your doctor), but it sounds like it's too late for that. I am very pro natural birth so please don't take that wrong; it just makes things a lot easier for you. If you are nursing your baby, I would suggest getting a Boppy (nursing pillow) because it will support the baby on your belly rather than using your arm, and in turn your little boy will love to sit and lay on it on the floor; it will also help him to hold the baby if you are letting him feed the baby with a bottle. If you get a baby holder (a sling, not a front pack carrier...I don't know what those are called), but if you have a sling, (search baby sling or Over the Shoulder Baby Holder - ask for a couple to go in on one for a shower gift) the sling will hold the baby close to you while you are able to take care of your son, you will be able to hold and snuggle your baby and your son amongst various other things!! By the way, while the baby is asleep in the crib, the sling can also hold your 10 month old so no need for him to feel left out. Agreed, have him help do things for you. Obviously since he's so young, you know what his capabilities are. And, yes housework will go on standby for a bit, but don't get so behind that you can't catch up! This is a good website for helping you keep up..http://www.flylady.net/index.asp Make sure your son gets some one on one with you whether it be a trip to the store without baby, getting him ready for bed, and reading stories, watching a movie, and don't forget, if you can, have him go with dad, grandma, or grandpa for short little trips too, to give you a break. You really do need a support system. Have you ever heard, "it takes a village to raise a child"? It is so true. Get your favorite children and/or parenting magazine. Parents magazine is good, and Family Fun has lots of fun crafts and recipes. Not sure where you live, but there are mom support groups (and that is not meant in a negative way) The groups consist of regular moms, (single moms, married moms, old moms, young moms, etc...) they are moms full of advice, tips, hints, there is usually child care, you get a snack and do a craft, and you make new friends (with people in the same boat as you). Usually these are some how church related (because, well, churchy things like to be supportive = ), but by no means are they preachy and they don't make you feel different (at least mine anyways). Where I live we have MOPS - Mothers of Pre-Schoolers, (Christian based), website http://www.mops.org and then we have another one, but I don't know the name of it, but it seems to be a little bit more LDS based, but they say it is not. Anyways, it's fun to get out and socialize. I hope something here helps!

Hi A.! Well, I wanted to tell you that I also have two children that are very close in age (15 months apart). The first year was really the hardest, but it is SO WORTH IT! The other posters who talked about someone to help pick up baby #1 are exactly right, you will need some help initially. Then expect to be carrying two babies anywhere you go for a while, so PLAN AHEAD. In some respects it is almost like having twins. Don't worry about jealousy, there will be none after a few weeks. Your son will never remember a time when he was an only child. Diapers diapers diapers...(but you may also be able to potty train at one time like I did!!). Just hang in there and get as much help as possible. Today I have a 7 and 8 year old who have never known a time when they were not together. They love each other and almost always want to be together. Good luck!

A.,

First of all- *HUGS!* I felt like you were telling my story 3 months ago, well, close anyway. My daughter is 20 mo and my son is 2 mo. I also had a c-section. The first days are the hardest. The time that is the hardest is when I nurse my son. The first 2 weeks when you can't pick your son up, it is essential that you have someone there to do that. You never realize how much you pick your kids up until you can't pick them up. The high chair, the crib, up on the couch, etc. So, make sure that either the daddy or someone else is there around the clock to help you with that. That was the hardest for me. In the next couple of weeks, I would get your son used to cuddling NEXT to you, not on you. Have him sit next to you on the couch so that you can put your arm around him, etc. I am sure that you can remember the positions that were the most comfortable for you when you had your son, so I would make sure that he is used to a "new" cuddle time that will work with those positions. They WILL accidently bump your incision, pounce on your belly, etc. While this DOES hurt, you will be fine. The pain goes away. One last thing. Remember how you got to sleep when the baby slept the first time? While you have someone there to help you, make sure that you do that, because the chances of 2 babies sleeping at a time comes along maybe once a week.

Those are the only pieces of advice that I have for you. The two in diapers was no big deal for me. For the most part, everything has gone really smoothly. I am only 24 years old, but even though we are young mothers, we still have the instincts that we need and we ARE able to do it. Just think of how great it will be when they are in elementary school and friends. Let me know if you have any more questions about the 2nd c-section, kids in general, etc. I will be happy to help!!! If you want my email address, just send me a message and I will give it to you. Best of luck and one more *hug*

K.
Mommy to:
Ani- 20 mos
Jack- 2 mos

A.-

Hi. I'm brand new to this site. I was reading through some of the messages and yours caught my eye.
I am a 25 year old mom of 3 kids and one on the way. My youngest 2 so far are 1 year and 1 day apart (ages 7 1/2, 3 and 2 years old). I was sooooo scared as to how to handle to babies at one time....There is no real answer to how to do it. You are a mother and you do what you have to do to make things work. Just make sure that you spend individual time with ur son so that he doesnt feel soo alone. I know that sounds hard to do but you really don't want him to resent his little sitter taking all of mommies time. If you are using some of his old things for her (carseat, bouncy, swing etc) make sure you wean him off and give him some "big" boy toys and go from there. I hope this helps alittle bit. Feel free to catch up with me if you have more questions...i'll do my best to help.

I definately know what you are going through! I had my kids a little farther apart, they were 13 1/2 months apart. That is tough, especially if your fiance works all day. One idea might be to try to explain to him, again as a 10 month old you don't know how much he will get, but explain that there is a new baby and that he should buy his baby sister a present. Then I would also buy a present from the baby to her big brother.
On the seperation anxiety thing, it will get better but not right away, anytime that you can play with both of them together that will help. One idea I did was that when I was nursing, or bottle feeding, I would sit on a couch and have my son bring me as many books as he wanted or, as he got older, he could just talk to me about his toys or whatever he would say, maybe working on phoneics stuff as he gets older, It really helped BOTH of my kids talk very well, they usually use better grammer than I do now! Hope this is helpful to you. Goodluck with the new baby, keep me posted!

My two oldest are 14 months apart, my middle two are sixteen months apart and my last two are 22 months apart. I went through a diaper assembly line! You can do it. Just explain that your new baby is his baby too and have him help you with little things. Get him a gift when the baby is born and have him visit you in the hospital. You can do it!

Hello I'm a mother of two children that are about the same age apart from yours. With your little boy thats 10 months spend as much time with him but try not to have him lay on you but next to you and not carry him anymore at least until after your other one is born.As for how he will act with the new baby is at first a little jealous but then he will more then likely he will try and help you with everything that has to do with the baby. You should let him like feeding him. Even if you breast feed pump yourself and put it in a bottle and let him help even though he is little it will make him not feel isolated. Both of my girls are now 6 and 7 and very close.I let my oldest daughter hold my newborn (with me also holding her) Just try to make your son as involved with the new baby as possible so he does not become too jealous. Their will be time when it will be hard like when they are both sick but just give them both the love that they need together. You should at least pick one night or some time during the week just for you and relax. It should get easier as they get older as long as they but feel equally loved but you.

A.- I know exactly how you are feeling. I have to toddlers one is 3 and one is 4 they are 10 months apart should have been 11. Let me tell you it is a challenge. I am hoping that you have some support wether it be a husband,boyfriend,family memeber or what not. You wiil find that they are in two total different stages , your newborn will sleep a lot and your 10 month old will want to play a lot. So when you would usually sleep with the baby you will be running around playing with the 10 month old. My best advice is to take one day at a time take time for yourself wheneve possible don't be ashamed to ask for help . Also as they get older it is tough especially birthday time, they both expect presents when it is the other ones birthday and will throw a fit. Not sure how to handel this myself but my husband wants to start celebrating there birthdays on the same day next year. At least until they are older. Not sure how I feel about it but we will see. It is also important to make sure you treat them as individuals I have two girls and I love dressing them the same and they look a lot alike so people just think I have twins. But I still treat them like individual girls take time with each one and take time for them together. Good luck to you. And yes knowing what i know today , I would still have babies close together if though it wasn't my intention .

I'm 24 and my son will be two in December and I am tending a 3 month old and two other 2 year old girls. My situation isn't the same as yours, but I basically have triplets and a newborn! The biggest thing that's helped me is to have a schedule. Not a strict guideline, just the basics - meals, naptimes, reading, playing outside, tv, etc) as long as I stay within my schedule, things go a little smoother than if not. Of course, you have to make time for each one! It totally is not easy but it's worth getting up a little extra early in the morning just so you have time for yourself too! I'm happy just to get my face washed in the morning! Good luck and congratulations! Let me know how it goes!

Hi A.,
My first two are also very close in age. The best thing I ever did was to not have any expectations, to take each day as it came. IT IS HARD! BUT VERY REWARDING! My house was a mess many days, clothes piled up, but I enjoyed that time with my kids. There is always time to clean later. My daughter and son are very close now at ages 3 and 2. Whenever my son went down for a nap, I spent time just sitting and playing, coloring, or whatever with my daughter. A day will come when your son won't remember what life was like before his little sister. I was 24 when my son was born, and being so young, I doubted myself. However, I found that my youth was a great advantage. It will be your advantage too. Enjoy your kids, enjoy feeling tired, and enjoy all the wonderful moments!
Congratulations, and definitely spend time doing something for yourself.
R.

First i just want to say how brave you are to have children that close in age. I waited 6 yrs for my second. You know there is good things about waiting and then there is not so good things. I really thing every kids goes through a jelious stage and its goes away. I think things will just take time and your little boy will get used to the new baby. I was wondering if you were married or had any help at home because that also makes a big diffrence. Well good luck and i hope everything goes well for you.................

Well congrats on the new one I know exactly how you feel. I have a three year old and then a two year old they are 14 months apart and then a 7 month old they are 18 months apart. So I hopefully will have good advice for you. You just try and love them both as much and as you can it was hard cause with my first he is a really big mommas boy and the second one was a quiet keep to himself baby so they were pretty easy to take care of but you just need to give them both the same amount of love all the time make sure that they both know they are loved just as much as the other. It gets tough some times cause I have three that all want to be held or sit on my lap at the same time and believe it or not it can be done... It will be a little tough I don't want to lie to you and say that it is easy but just keep your sanity and everything works out in the end... Well I hope that helped and at least made a little bit of sense but I hope you do well with both of them....

My kids aren't that close together but I still felt the same way you do when expecting my daugther. So I can relate to how you feel. I'm not sure if you son is old enough, but I let my son "help" it made him feel important. Other then that remember to breath...When you are with him without the baby make sure you do something that he will think is just great because it will make him feel more cared for then if you just do what my fiance does and watch a movie with him, It just means more if you color together or somthing.

A.
Congrats....My advice to you is to always ask for help when you need it. There is no sence in making yourself go crazy..
Better to ask for help and be a better mom who is rested and in the right state of mind
Good luck
A. B