Seeking Advice for Toddler Issues

For our 2 year old, I made his room as boring as possible with nothing to play with available and put a gate in the doorway, so he could see out if he came to the door and opened it, but could not GET out. When it was all new to be in his big boy bed, he'd get out of bed and play around a little and then he would get bored and go to sleep. He sleeps 10 hours at night (9-7) and 3 hour naps (1-4) now with no problems. When overtired it's harder for kids to go to sleep making it all the harder to get out of that cycle, and he's probably playing on the attention he gets for being so difficult to put to bed. It sounds like he feeds off the attention he gets from causing you to chase after him and all. My suggestion if you haven't tried it already is to try to get ahead of him by structuring a couple activities for him first thing before he has a chance to tear up the house. And then to try to make it REALLY boring when he is to go to sleep. Best wishes to you!! 2 year olds I think are THE MOST exhausting age. I'm convinced that they have so much energy because they suck the energy out of all the adults around them. BEST WISHES TO YOU!!!! And I hope your 1 year old gives you a much easier time at age 2. :)

Hey K.!

Have you ever had your child evaluated in a preschool screening? It might give you a piece of mind that there is nothing more wrong with him, or show some of the things he needs help with. Call your local school district to see when and where the next screening is as it is a service provided by the state to find kids that are in need.

Does your 2 year old sleep in his room with someone else? I would consider possibly putting him in with your older child for a night or two so he sees what is expected at bed time. I would also establish a bedtime routine. Ours is brush teeth and bathroom, read a book, kisses and lights out. For my 16 month old I just simply put him into the crib and he puts himself to sleep. If all else fails, I know you said he is too big, but a "pack and play" would possibly keep him contained lower to the ground where if he did climb out he would probably not get hurt. He probably wont like it but it is okay if he crys a bit to learn how to put himself to sleep.

Good luck!
J.

Dear K.,

My 2 year old will be 3 in March. Right away when you said that your child does not take naps, the sirens went off.
In my experience a healthy child who has trouble napping/sleeping is usually OVERTIRED. I am sure you are OVERTIRED as well.

My poor baby always had his sleep interrupted by my HUGE family coming over and calling at all hours. 34 people were in my living room the day we came home from the hospital! My son would not sleep more than two hours at a time and he would never nap. A NEWBORN!!! I had a fit!

I went to the libraries, bookstores, and babies r us to talk to every mom I could find. Then I found my answer. He was overtired. I was so tired that it didn't even occur to me. I was a zombie! He was in a bad cycle and catch 22.

Here's what I did:
I let everyone have a piece of my mind. I turned the phone off, made a HUGE sign for the door and got that baby to sleep. Naps were imperative. Everyday at the same time. Then a bedtime routine. Bath, book, cuddles, sleep. Every night at the same time. It meant that I had to sacrifice but it was worth it. No more tantrums, no more awake every two hours, and a nice nap in the afternoon. ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

My little secret while I was trying to implement my plan was homeopathic chamomille and Calms Forte for Kids. 1/2 hour before bedtime, a little chamomille, and I could literally see his body respond and succumb to sleepiness.

Now he sleeps for 10-12 hours and takes 2-2.5 hour naps. Now the phone can ring and someone can come over without him waking up.

Since you're overtired you probably get awakened very easily too. I bet you couldn't take a nap if I paid you :) To darn tired aren't cha?

You could also try some Calms Fore for adults. And for goodness sakes GET SOME SLEEP.

Nighty night,

M.

let me know how it works out for you.

K., It looks like you already have some great advice. I agree with the overtired theories and the gate or safety thing on the door knob. Whatever it will take so he can't leave the room. Set a consistant time frame that he stays in there no matter what. Soon he will realize you aren't coming and he can't get out and he'll sleep -- maybe on the floor at first but eventually, his bed will be more appealing to him. It is key to have consistant times though. It may take a few days and they could be awful screaming and tantrum kind of days but you will be doing the best thing for him. For strength, remind yourself that you are giving him good sleeping habits that will help him for the rest of his life.

A great book is "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child" -- it has been my bible for all three of my kids and though we've had our rough times, they are all excellent sleepers. My 2 year old takes a nap from 11:30-2:30 and goes to bed at night from 7:00-6:30AM. My 4 and 6 year old still go to bed by 7:00 or 7:30 each night at sleep until 6:30/7:00AM.

Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Hi K.,

I have been there! But my son was eventually given diagnosis of Asperger's which is in the Autism Spectrum disorder so we had to learn to pick our battles. A common thing with asperger's is sensory issues. He quit takig naps at 18 months and is now almost 8. His little brain also has trouble shutting off. If there is something that he can watch or listen to while laying in bed this might help by giving him something to focus on. Now do not think I am in any way saying that this is what is happening with your child. My other two boys also had trouble with staying in bed. One thing that works but you have to maintain control over it is having a small tv and vcr or dvd player in the room. We allow at bedtime a short movie, one that is relaxing not an energetic one,which helps a ton. If the kids want to watch a bigger movie then they know they need to go to bed earlier to have enough time. Another thing might be some music. Maybe a cd player with some classical music or bedtime songs. I hope this helps and good luck!!

K.,
I was in your shoes this spring with my son. When we moved him to a big bed, we had an awful time keeping him there. What we ended up doing was putting a safety door knob lock on the inside of his door. The first day all day we talked about was how when he went to bed, he would not be able to open the door. He had to stay in bed and go to sleep . . .mommy and daddy would tuck him in, but that was it, no more coming in and "re-tucking." It took about 2 or 3 days for him to scream at the door (10-15 minutes tops) and then he eventually learned that we weren't coming back in and he had to put himself back in bed. Now, bedtime is very peaceful.
Good luck . ..I know how hard sleep issues can be!
B.

Ever watch the "Nanny" show on channel 7?
Always keep your nighttime ritual the same. Read story, say prayers, cuddle, kiss, lights off, etc... 1st time up, you take him back to bed, quickly say goodnight, and leave the room, second time up, you say nothing, no cuddles, no kisses, no talking period on your part, tuck him in and leave. Repeat this process as many times as it takes. Yes it wears you down the first 2 or 3 nights, but they get the message and by the 3rd night or so, they stop getting up. This is only the beginning of your having to consistantly discipline ALL THE TIME, whether you feel like it or not. If you change the routine or start talking etc. it ruins the discipline and your back to the beginning.

I'd just like to re-inforce the already mentioned advice. It's really a power struggle now, and basically, you need to win. We must choose our battles carefully, but it is IMPERATIVE that we win the ones we choose. This is the only way the child will know who is the boss. He needs a boss and actually WANTS one, to feel loved and safe.

I'd also like to recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It has some very good information on what is required in the way of sleep for a child. Sleep begets sleep. As an adult, we get lathargic and we drag when we are over tired, as well as irritable. A child who is over-tired, however, has the opposite reaction. They will get extreemly hyper and have a VERY difficult time settling down.

You also might try a "white noise" machine in his room. I know it's a sleep crutch, but it is a really small one (you can pack it in a suitcase) and it's quite cheap ($12 at Target). We have found this to be great at masking odd noises that occur during the day and night. My best to you...be firm with him and hold fast...

K. -
I had to laugh when I read this because this was me about 3 months ago! My husband and I felt totally out of control when it came to sleeping and my 2 year old. We tried a couple of things. First, we were very strict with the time we put her down. Her routine always started at 7:30pm - we did the same thing, brush our teeth, go pee on the potty, put our pj's on and read 3 books, say our prayers, turn on the nightlight, kisses all around and then go to sleep. Although it was time consuming, it worked. . .for about a month. Then we moved to a a sticker chart. She would get a sticker in the morning when she woke up for staying in her bed. Again this worked for about a month. We then moved to putting up a gate on her door. (we weren't very keen on closing the door nor locking the door so we figured this was the next best thing). Again, this worked, but she kept getting out of the bed and just sitting at the gate. Finally, we just moved her to a twin sized bed where she had more room (vs. her toddler bed) and closed the door. Now this was what really worked for us. We honestly don't know if it was the bigger bed (now it was higher off the ground and she was a bit scared of falling off so she wouldn't get down too much) or just closing the door. But through all of our trials and tribulations, the routine stayed the same - to this day. I'm sorry I have to "real solution" to your dilema - I can only tell you what worked and didn't work for us. Best of luck to you - let me know how it turns out!

P.S. I agree with the overtired thing (my daughter is a PRIME example of that) and would 100% recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I actually give it out as a gift when my family and friends have babies!

K.,
I don't have any advice about sleep b/c my 26mo. old is still in a crib and sleeping like a champ. I will comment on daily activities and the you having to say "no" all the time. I suggest setting up some structured play with him. For example - sit down and say - let's work some puzzles now, or lets play with your trains, or let's go outside and kick a ball together and then we are going to get a snack etc. I find, often times, when i don't initiate some structured play into the day - my son finds things to play with by himself is is perfectly calm and happy - but then often starts getting into things he shouldn't.

Also - re: things he shouldn't be doing - do you have a dicipline policy in place? We started giving my son time outs (we very calmly put him on a chair where he sits anywhere from 1-2 minutes) for not listening to us and it being a safety issue (throwing toys, standing up on the gate etc.) for throwing food and a maybe one other thing. And they have worked great for us. My son knows if he does one of these things he will get a time out. We are very consistent when we give them etc. So we really are not saying "no" very often b/c he (1) either listens to us and knows his boundaries or (2) doesn't do the action b/c he knows he will get a time out.

Maybe this will help a little. Good luck - they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing! : )