Okay. As I am well aware of there are many hormone changes at this age in girls. We have tried the counseling thing. I got a call from a teacher stating that my daughter was not participating in class, and that my child told her I had not been home for the last 2 weeks!! Granted...I sometimes do not get home until 630-730pm depending on my schedule for the week at work, but I am home EVERY night. The same day I received a call less than 30 minutes later to tell me my daughter did not show for a volleyball practice and that it wasnt the first time. She was kicked off the team. Needless to say, I marched into school with her the next morning to have a talk with the counselor about her behavior and lies. She was definitly not the happy camper. We got it all straightened out and when I asked her why she would say something like that about me not being home, she stated she told the teacher she was joking. I didnt find this too funny. We have just recently moved into a neighborhood that is not the best. She knows not to have people over when I am not home, but with me getting off so late in the evenings, its hard for me to stop this. Neighbors have complained about her behavior and company as well. She acts like Im out to take all of her friends away. I even got her signed up for the Big Bros/Sisters program. She has a big sister to take her out and do things with her a couple of times a week. Her dad is useless. He doesnt support us, and when I do mention her behavior he gets on the phone with her and makes fun of me. Any suggestions? Thanks
I wouldn't use the school counselor but try a psychologist. and get out of that neighborhood!! Good luck!
my aunt went thru this exact situation with her daughter - right around 12-13 yrs old. since my aunt was the solid worker of the family, she had long hrs and not much time to attend to my cousin. and, my uncle was no help - discipline or role model-wise. although i don't have a clear cut answer for you, i can tell you that your daughter is seeking your attention. unfortunately at this point in her life she realizes that getting your attention is easiest when she does negative things. i know you probably have little energy leftover to devote to her at nite and weekends, being THE parent and she might be "resisting" time with you, but pursue it if you can. these are the BEST years to do it. maybe take a saturday trip just with her somewhere that she wants to go: hiking? sightseeing? shopping? i really felt compelled to respond to this only b/c my aunt's situation with my cousin got so terrible at one point and after dedicating to spending quality time with her now their relationship is so much better. (cousin is 18 now) good luck!!! i hope you can get some more specific answers from others.
My kids aren't quite this old yet, but my daughter is already showing signs of preteen angst. My only suggestion to you would be to see if there are any other parents in your neighborhood who are as devoted as you obviously are. See if anyone has a daughter who is close in age who is also home after school. They could trade off, go to your place one week and hers the next. There might also be someone in the neighborhood, an elderly lady, maybe--who would be glad to have some company for an hour or two in the evening. It might do your daughter good to have to care about or for someone else, rather than her world obviously being centered around her. As it is for all preteens, and most teens, too! Good luck!
T. I so am understanding you, I raised two daughters and my oldest was the one at that time that gave me alot of trouble with going to school and inviting friends over when I was at work. I would tell the school to call me at work or home and let me know when she was not in school and I would just show up at home earlier than I was expected and if any friends were there I would inform them that no guest were allowed unless they themselves asked for permission. When the school saw that I was concerned for my daughter I had the security guard at school helping me out as well. We a single mothers have to work and sadly the fathers only care about themsleves, so stay strong and if you have anyone that she can stay with after school or can stay with her I would look into that as well. Just stay in touch with the school call them don't waith for them to call you. Stay ahead of her. Take Care and Gods Blessings
i agree with the olther moms, dont what ever you do DONT give up on her. I remeber ggoing thtough the same stage. My parents were thinking of divorcing which was excpecially hard on me beacuese just a few years earlier my dad adopted me. I acted out in hopes to get them back together. Although they are together my actions didnt help at all. My Dad traveled alot so he couldnt help uch even if he wanted to. My mom worked long hours and had my two sisters to take care of as well. She did the only thing she could think of. She hired me a babysitter. They would pick me up from my last class and watch me until my mom came home. If I wanted to do sports she went to practice with me and everything. i felt like a baby. After a while of that I began listening more, the babysitter wasnt aroudna s much and i got small rewards for my imporved behavior. Going to friends for a few hours, (mom still called every hour or so to make sure i was there) small trips to go shopping etc.
It worked for me and my sisters I hope that this advice helps you out too!!
This may be a last resort - but hubby and I are always talking about things like these, so we know we are on the same page.
If she is having such an issue in school, our plan would be to take a day of vacation and be her school buddy, have a desk pulled up right next to hers the ENTIRE day....lunch included....
After school, it sounds like she can't handle the responsibility of being home alone at this point, and she can go to the Y or Patchwork Central. Both of those are downtown and have good programs.
I work for a program that helps prenatal mom's become better parents, and we are getting prenatal mom's as young as 12....so please nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand....
We had a similar situtation happen with my neice when she was 12.As far as school we just kept on top of it since I was home all day i would call the scholl every period to see if she was in clas and if she wasnt id go out and find her a few times of that and she stoped and stayed in school.And for her being at home well this now has to be earned if u have a parent or someone u can trust stay with her that will help and if u can try cutting back on your long days at work.My other suggestion would be u need to spend more time with her this maybe why she is acting out and lieing to get your attention.Hopefully this helps..K.
I feel for you, I would put my foot down on her father making fun of you, he is only disabeling her to do it again. You need some support, do you have family? not to say that your child is bad, but she is making bad choices and it is reflecting you and her and people around her, have you maybe tried therapy, she sounds as if she may be ADHD Attention deficit hyperactive disorder. the reason I say that is I have 6 kid's. and the ages are 9,9,16,17,18,20, and my one twin daughter is bipolar and ADHD and anxiety and ODD <--opositional defiant disorder, and my 18 year old is also ADHD, and 16 yr old is also Bipolar and ADHD. I am very well of the behaviors. maybe start with therapy then if the therapist may think there may be a diagnosis she will have you see the child pshyciatrist. I tell you what. it was a gods sent for me, if her dad really loves her and cares he will be a parent , not a hipocrit and laugh about it! Good Luck hun
My son did this when we moved. I am divorced and remarried.
My son ended up hanging with the wrong crowd, got into testing
some drugs, alcohol, failing grades. Took everything away, cell, computer, door off bedroom. We were at our witts end.
Didn't work.
Need to find out her interest, hobbies. We put a recorder on our phone because he lied so much we didn't know what to believe. Got to apoint no one wanted to be around him.
We turned him into police for possession of drugs in the home.
We told him we got a lawyer and he suggested to get him checked out at a hospital then send him to boot camp. At this
point we let him listen to the recordings. No way around it.
Told him we are taking lawyers advise and if he didn't like it
there's the door. He doesn't want anything to do with his dad.
We're thinking he needs to learn consequences. At this age I
am being told they all act like this. I still don't like it.
Take interest in what she's doing. I found out the wierder the stories the truer it is. Not and never will give up on my son but never thought these teen years would be this tough. My sons grades are up, we remind him we are the boss and what the rules are. These kids are getting into sex & drugs. They jokes are mean and they have no idea how they are hurting other
emotionally. At this age, watch the sleep overs. Know what the other parents are doing. Kids lie. Keep tabs and always, always follow through on your discipline. About all I can tell you. Hope it helps.
H.
closer tabs on her.
Girls tend to act out as a result of their environment. Children need stability and structure. It is very hard to be there when you have to be the sole provider. Try to spend time with her when you are home on the weekend. Don't get discouraged. She may say that she hates you, however you have to put your foot down. Be consistent. She needs that. If that doesn't work try counseling. Even if its just her talking to a therapist. Find out what it is that she is unhappy with. When you get home in the evenings make her show you her homework. Make your time at home quality time with her. Even if she doesn't like it. If her Dad is useless don't call him for help. Don't call him at all and don't allow her to talk to him.
