Seeking Advice for a 5 Years Old Daughter Who Has No Confidence.

I have not dealt with this personally but have heard a lot about the benefits of karate in boosting self-esteem. In fact, most people I talk to have their kids do it for that reason. As far as books, I have heard a lot of good things about Max Lucedo (sp?) Personally, I think the best thing to do is to keep listening to her and looking for other ways to boost her self-esteem. At five I think it is really hard just to ignore other kids simply because sensitive kids can't understand why someone would be mean to begin with. Also, do you know any of the kids in her class that you could arrange some playdates with? Maybe that would help her become more comfortable in a non-threating enviroment.

Good Luck,

W.

Hello,

I have a daughter who will turn five at the end of this month. She's a happy child, but sensitive; that's a little girl for you. :)

She really enjoyed preschool this year, her little friends, dancing lessons and piano lessons. I try to praise her when she accomplishes things in school, at home or in dancing, etc. We still had issues to work through, which was normal. When she would get frustrated or say, "I can't do this; it's too hard", I would have to say many times, "Practicing homework or piano makes you a better student and once you learn a new skill it's fun to practice or demonstrate what you have learned."

I would invite her little friends over to play, which she really looked forward to. At this age, little ones are learning so much about themselves, others and their emotions. One day, she's mad at a friend, the next day, they're friends once again. They're learning how to share, cooperate with others, how to handle their emotions and independence.

Your daughter may find great satisfaction in something she enjoys, like dancing, music, art or a sport. Learning a new skill that's enjoyable and that she can do well will boost her self-worth, relieve stress and may help her adjust more easily in school. Also, music (singing, dancing, or playing the piano) can stimulate a child in learning math and literacy skills in school. Someone had mentioned the Kindermusik program as being beneficial. I agree; my children have been involved in Kindermusik for several years and we LOVE it!

It's a good idea to point out all of your daughter's strengths or what you love about her, very often. Positive words will put a smile on her face and a spring in her step. Also, set aside time to play a game with her or bake cookies. Read and snuggle with her every day or at bedtime each night. Tell her you love her and give her lots of hugs...every day. She can also be a wonderful big sister and help you entertain or take care of baby brother. I'm sure it has been a big adjustment for your daughter learning to share your attention with her new brother. I remember when my son was born, my daughter felt left out and envious of her baby brother for a while until the family settled back into a normal routine.

Another good idea is to read some sweet stories or fairy tales to your daughter that build self-esteem or teach a moral lesson. Ask your local librarian for suggestions. I came across a book that looked good titled The Star Catchers: Stories for You to Read to Your Child to Encourage Calm, Confidence And Creativity by Joyce Dunbar.

I wish you the best! I'm sure everything will work out just fine.

Do you have involved in any group activites like dance, or Little Gym? Maybe some sports type activity might help. This would get her to socialize but also let her know she is strong, and CAN do what she sets her mind too.

Is there anything in particular that she does really well or seems to enjoy a lot? If so,help her to pursue this activity and become really good at something. If you can find a soccer team for her age that the coach makes sure all get to play and have fun this could be a big help in her learning to play as a team and would help at school. Is she musical?Let her take lessons in piano or an instrument she likes. Her excelling at something will give her something to be confident about. Can you possibly set up some play dates with some of schoolmates in very small groups? A small cookout at your home or the park would help her to become part of group. A working mom does have limited time but if you can devote 2or3 hours a couple of times a month to play dates it would be very helpful for her. V.

I believe that one or two little girls have told her that nobody likes her and she believes them(I have seen this happen in a K-5 class). Your daughter should try playing with all the children(girls and boys). My son's school friend in K-5 was a little girl. Also if there is a counselor, talk to the counselor about the situation. Good luck.
P. S

I think it sounds like you are a very caring and sensible parent. Talking to the teacher was the right thing to do. As a former kindergarten teacher, I can appreciate your reluctance to change schools. I think that would send a message that 1.,one can fix everything by running away and your parents are here to help you do that, and 2.,you lack confidence in your child's ability to work throught this problem. It is very important that you point out when she does something well and reassure her of your confidence in every area of life. I don't believe in false praise, though; it must be realistic or your child will learn not to trust what you say. You always want to strengthen the parent/child bond and fill her to overflowing with your love. It sounds like you are already doing that.
Maybe you could try some extra-curricular family activities in which you could also participate. Then you might be able to pinpoint where the problem lies and how to encourage her better. I'm thinking of Kindermusik because that is what I teach now, but there are other programs out there. Kindermusik offers a Family Time class where everyone can participate. You can find one in your area at www.kindermusik.com.

Although I never had this problem with my own children, I did encounter it with others' children. I am a volunteer soccer coach. My advice is for you to enroll your daughter in an athletics program through your local park and rec department. There is usually a few for your child to participate but most programs have scholarships available so that every child can participate. It doesnt have to a sports program, either. You could do dance or gymnastics. Find a program in your area and with children her age. She will be able to meet children from her school and have a common interest. As a coach, I have seen very timid and reserved children really spring to life and become little social butterflies. It doesnt matter whether they have a talent for the game or activity. It boost their confidence to be a part of a team and to be around kids their own ages. My children began with these athletics programs when they were three. Both are now teenagers and most of their friends are kids they met when they began these programs. As a mom, I get to spend time with my children's friends and meet their parents as well. It is a great way for children to bond and for you to make some life long friends as well. She may start one of these programs and decide she doesnt like it. That is ok. She will get to meet other kids her age and have a bonding experience that will help her over come her reservedness. Try it. It works!