My adorable son is so sweet except at bedtime. Since he was little he liked to twirl my hair to go to sleep but now that he is older he pulls at my hair to fall asleep. And it hurts!!! Does anyone have any advice besides the old "pulling his hair to teach him a lesson"? I am not comfortable doing that and I am not sure it works. I have tried a lot of stuff but I am consistent that we are always very over the top and posiive when he does gentle touches ( but it has not seemed to have helped). Lately, he has not been sleeping well and he is way overtired so we have encountered a new problem. Now, suddenly, he is hitting and kicking me at bedtime and pulling my hair. Any ideas on how to best deal with it when it happens? Advice appreciated. Thanks!
Just adding a little point since a few people asked - he is overtired because he has been really sick with chronic ear and sinus infections.
I would take this as a sign that he is ready to start going to sleep on his own. Ferber is a good method to teach him to fall asleep on his own.
How about, when he starts this behavior, taking his hands in yours so he is no longer able to pull or hit, then very firmly saying, "No! That hurts Mommy and it needs to stop!" If he continues, tell him, "I am not going to let you do this - no more cuddle time if you are going to pull hair and hit and kick." Then walk away and leave the room. You can be gentle, but also very firm and adamant at the same time - you are not going to tolerate it and the consequence is that you leave the room. Trust me, it's easier than constantly trying to reason with them and get them to do the right thing when they are already so overtired that they can't even think straight anymore. I've had to do with my daughter (who is now 5) sometimes when she's too worked up at bedtime and won't settle down - acting more goofy than anything, wanting the jump on the bed, etc. I tell her I am just too tired and I don't have the patience to deal with her acting this way, so I am going downstairs now.
If he's already overtired at bedtime, start putting him to bed sooner, when hopefully he will be relaxed and sleepy before he gets to the "beyond tired" crazy stage.
Tell him "no", and tell him firmly. He is not a little baby, he should have learned long ago how to put himself to sleep without you and your hair... positive reinforcement is great, but it cant be the only teaching tool...
Not adorable ...Not Sweet.....You have let bad behavior go on far too long. It is up to YOU to stop this NOW.
Why is he overtired? Did you cut out a nap? I think we cut out a nap around that age.... but we had to adjust the rest of the day or if my daughter didn't have the afternoon nap she was grumpy at night.
I would switch it up..... start a new bedtime routine. One that you know you can stick with.... and then be consistent. If he pulls hair - redirect him or say "we touch gentle" and show him, like you have been. Same with kicking or hitting. Hopefully a new routine with a little guy that's not overtired will do the trick!
Good luck.
For the hair issue.... shop around for a soft, plush, lovey that he can snuggle with. My kids, too, liked to wrap their little hands/fingers/fists into my hair at the nape of my neck and twist. Not being mean, it just was how they were soothing themselves---with my hair! But it hurt.
I would untangle their little hand and tell them ouch, it hurt. Etc. but they were LITTLE when they started this, so I stopped it well before they hit 2 years old. They were no longer being held/rocked to sleep when they were that age, so the soothing to fall asleep using my hair as a crutch wasn't an issue, because they were in their bed.
But when they were small, they would reach up and wrap their hand into my hair. I got them lovies and they began to use those to self-soothe. Does your son have a lovey that is very soft? Something he can wrap his hands in? A really plush doggie with long ears, maybe? Or a blanket with fringe? That is what I would suggest you search out for him---something to use as a substitute for your hair.
As for the kicking/hitting... um. NO. That would just be me saying "no. We don't _____" and then putting him down and walking away. If it is bedtime or naptime, he gets put in the bed and I'd walk away. If it was any other time, just set him down on the floor and walk away. He will learn really quickly that he will lose all attention for those behaviors.
Give him one warning, then put him down and leave. Use the "Ferber Method" about it. If he doesn't know how to go to sleep on his own yet (Ferber works for that, btw), tell him "no ____" and put him down, then walk away for 5 minutes. Come back and give him another chance to cuddle or whatever you are doing when he starts hitting/kicking you, and if he does it again, again tell him "no ____", put him down and leave again. Extend the time you are gone by a few minutes... maybe 10 minutes this time (use a timer or a watch). If you want, you can give him another try, and extend the time up to 10 or 15 minutes if necessary, or just come back in, don't pick him up, just sit next to him or near his bed on the floor or in a chair, etc. He will learn that if he wants YOU, he cannot hit you.
If this were a daytime thing he was doing out of anger or defiance, I would probably suggest something totally different. But it sounds like this is something happening when he is exhausted / overtired, needing to go to sleep, and not feeling well.
Please ignore people knocking you for staying with your son at bedtime. You can stay with your son at bedtime as long as he needs you! But he is old enough to know that he can't hurt you for his own benefit. Yes, the idea of getting fake hair at the beauty store is great! Does he have a lovie? I know things are hard when a child is sick so try to stick to a routine as much as possible. When young children are sick or overtired you can't reason or discipline them. Just put him in bed, no talking, hug, and lights out!
When he pulls, take his hand out of your hair and say, "No. That hurts and is not nice." If he continues, get up and leave, even if he cries. He's nearly 2, not 2 months. Then stop the snuggling at bedtime if the habit persists. Change the routine to something like book, bath and bed. If he's hitting and kicking because he's overtired, try starting bedtime earlier. At 2, you can often "fake out" a kid that it's bedtime earlier.
My suggestion is to get him his own hair. Go to Walgreens and buy one of those cheap clip in hair ponytail extenders. OR you could go to a wig shop - I find the ones that cater to 'black' hair have really good products, quality and variety - and find something there that works to match you hair or to find human hair depending on your views/needs. I have a friend who made a few "tracks" of hair and sewed them to her son's blanket - he too loved to stroke her hair at night and when she had baby#2 it was not as easy to sit next to his bed for however long while he did so.
