Seeking Advice for 37 Week Pregnant Mom for Sick, Emotional Nana!

Has she been diagnosed with an upper-respiratory illness or is she assuming that's what it is? If she's being treated on antibiotics, she should be OK in a few days - you may want to ask what the specific diagnosis is to see if she is contagious or not (not all infections are contagious - such as ear infections).

18 months ago, I was diagnosed with cancer and literally had NO immune system. There were times my blood was drawn and I had no white blood cells. I had a 2 year old and an infant (she was 10.5 weeks at diagnosis) both in day care full time, and my job was to go in and out of doctor's offices all day.

My oncologists recommended diligent hand washing. That, hand sanitizer and sensibility (not sharing foods, kissing directly on the mouth - my kids, not random people) helped keep me infection free.

It sounds like there are other issues (we all have them). But, I'd not be so concerned until you know exactly what her diagnosis is, how it's being treated and whether it could impact your health and your family's health.

I know my response isn't going to be popular, but it's based upon a situation in which infection literally could have killed me, and I came through it OK.

Best wishes.

Talk about it with your doctor at your next prenatal visit. Be honest with them and let them know what you need. I guarantee you the doc will tell you to tell her to stay away anyway. "So no matter how much I want her to come, she shouldn't?" Then tell your mom that you talked to your doc about it and the doc said that no matter how much you want her to come, they advise that she stay away until she's no longer sick.

Book a motel room for her (a nice one) and stick to your guns. There is a terrible virus going around that easily turns into pneumonia. You don't want it. I had it and it lasted a month and I was in pain every time I coughed. Try talking to your dad. Don't even let her in the door until she is well.

I read the other answers and I don't think they are quite as adamant as I would like you to be. Do not let her in if she is sick.

Poor Dear,

Sounds familar, but you are the adult of your house, not your mother. If your mother creates more drama than support, and is disrespectful of your adulthood, not to mention common sense, her support may better be felt from a distance. I have one of these myself, and unfortunately I've had to distance myself and family from my mother. It sounds extreme, but peace of mind and good health are priceless. Do you have local support from close friends and other family members? Can you hire a nanny whose less dramatic?

My best!

No face masks. This is the time to put your foot down again & say no. Put her up in a hotel until she gets better. If she won't go for that, she can't come. She can throw a fit over it but it is not worth getting your children sick & ricking yor pregnancy over to not offend her. She just has to deal. She'll talk to you when the baby's born...babies have a way of making everything better, especially for new grandparents.

Well, the face masks might work, but better to simply tell her she will have to wear one. It's rude of her to expose you and your children to something contagious in the first place, let alone when you are at a vulnerable state being pregnant and all. She needs to back off. How about if hubby tells her? I mean the protective "daddy" might get a better result if he can be firm but kind. Tell her over the phone so she will know ahead of time but when she comes in that door she will sanitize her hands and she will wear a face mask, and she will treat her symptoms. Offer to have an appropriate cough suppressant..(both night and day kind if she needs the rest). Or whatever you need to. She can come and have a good time but she needs to treat her symptoms at the very least. Sick is sick and spreading sickness because you are simply being stubborn and refusing to let it "get you" is not an excuse! Also..can't help but completely agree with JenniferK's response..she's on the money too. Is it worth the stress involved to have her there anyway? If she quits speaking to you, that's her prerogative but really it's her that ends up missing out on things involved with the new baby etc. SO, she will either come around or not but you need to stick to your guns on this one! Good Luck!

A.,

I think you need to be firm here about your mom bringing any illness into your house right now. If she hasn't seen a doctor, that should be your number one request so antibiotics can be prescribed if needed. You should also enlist your father and hubby to get on board with this too. Not only do you not want sick kids right now, but your getting sick could make life a lot tougher than it's already going to be or needs to be in the coming weeks. You need rest and no stress. A house full of sickness is not going to do that!

Be firm. It's your house and you shouldn't have to walk around in face masks.

With regards to the flu cancelled flight/vacation: Did you reschedule your vacation for a later date so she had the opportunity to see her grandkids and you? You never know what she had planned and her disappointment was probably HUGE and then you didn't reschedule. She wasn't going to let a flu bug keep you away.

Now with their cross-country trip to come help you with your new baby. Are you sure what she has going on is an infection? Did she tell you that? Could it be allergies? If it is an URI, she goes to her doctor, gets an antibiotic that she takes while they are driving and she arrives at your door in a non-contagious state. Your Mom sounds like a determined individual who doesn't let life's curve balls knock her out of the game. So, let's cut her some slack. Yes, face masks do work. You don't say how old your two kids are. I bet they are looking forward to seeing their grandparents and your husband will be happy to have the extra hands on deck when it comes to carrying for your oldest two and you.

Don't stress over this, it's small potatoes and your Mom is a wise woman who will take care of herself and do what's necessary to get well or be non-contagious when she arrives. You are so lucky to have parents that will make that kind of trip to help you out. Your baby will have the immunity of a newborn which is stronger than yours. Your older kids have a greater chance of bringing something home from school at this point in their lives than your Mom has of infecting the whole house. Take a moment and breathe....

Remember this one thing, your Mom got you to this point in your life. Through every cough, cold, virus, bump, bruise and/or break, she managed to keep you alive and safe. She's a smart woman and she won't harm you or your kids, she loves you all without limits.

Have a great visit with your parents!! An easy and joyous delivery! And a happy larger edition of your family!!

I don't know how close she was to your house when she called to say she's sick, but if she's a few days away, she won't be contagious anymore. She's most contagious just before all the symptoms show up, so I really wouldn't worry about her making you or the baby or our other children sick.

I've read a bunch of the emails-- My opinion- I would say stay in a hotel till you are better- Face masks will not work when she is touching everything and holding everybody. Airborne or not. Be real- will she really wear one for the whole time she is sick? Also people are contagious for longer than or shorter than the rule. It varies from person and sickness etc. I wouldn't chance it.. Maybe if she is at the hotel YOU can go over and assess her with a mask on? Bottom line this is another chance for you to set boundries, She may not have talked to you for 2 months but she did end up talking. I have in laws that don't know boundries- I have no problem helping them out;-) I hope you figure out a solution for your whole family.

I don't think you are over-reacting. Any illness, especially respiratory, is dangerous for a near-birth mama and newborn baby. Were your parents planning on staying with you or in a hotel? If hotel, just ask them nicely to respect your wishes (and your health!) and stay there until the illness has passed (it likely won't be long, and hopefully well in advance of your delivery). If they are staying with you, I am at a loss for a suggestion. I don't know if those masks work, but if she is as subborn as you say, I don't think she would wear a mask anyway! =) I can't imagine having to deal with your mom, sick kids, sick yourself, all while trying to adjust to a newborn baby.

Good luck to you! Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Find her a hotel room close by. As soon as she is well she is welcome to go to your house..

Stand your ground. The LAST thing you and your family needs is for everyone to get sick.. She can suck it up, or she can turn around and drive home cross-country. Do not even worry about this.. If she gives you a hard time, have your husband call her and tell her, he also does not want the kids to get sick.

Does your dad have any power over her? Maybe he can speak with her about her getting well so she will also not have to deal with the thought she made everybody ill. .