Seeking Advice About Mealtime Become a Battle with 9 Month Old

EVERYTHING he is doing is totally age appropriate and normal. Give him his own spoon, and you feed him with a seperate spoon. Only put about 4 bites of food on his tray and replace as he eats it. I swear I wanted to invent a food catcher for the kids - an umbrella type thing that would catch all the spills and stuff, lol.

Find a bib that snaps or ties, can't get those off. Or put a shirt you don't care about over his normal shirt, or remove his shirt all together and just wash him after each meal.

You can also try splitting up his food schedule. For that age the kids do
wake - bottle
7:30 jar food/cherrios
10 bottle
11 jar food/some table food
3 bottle
4 table food
5:30 jar food/table food
7 bottle for bed

Maybe he isn't hungry or is too hungry when you are feeding him.

The best way to enjoy this phase - probably from now till perhaps age 2 or 2 1/2 is to accept that you are going to do a lot of clean up. He will throw, fling, toss, spit, muss into table, put on his head/face/rest of body etc. This is totally normal and how he learns about lots of stuff including gravity. He will likely get frustrated at times and the best approach is to accept this and give him so love and affection so that he can best deal with the stress of new things. Put amazingly, it will all pass. I remember my little one's carer remarking that she was no longer flinging everything on the floor. Somewhere between christmas and now she stopped. My little one will be 2 in May. So she is 23 months and somewhere around 21 months she seems to have just voluntarily, without any "getting on her case" just stopped. Believe me there were times when I was ready to throttle her. One day she took the milk carton, undid the top and poured it - she was trying for her bowl- all over the table and then in frustration, she flung her oatmeal with much of this milk in it like a frisby across the room - what a mess. But oh well :) With regards to the spoon. I suggest you use 2 or 3. My little one would have two in her hands and then I would have 1 as well. But it is important to let them have a good go themselves and to really only supplement with your spoon. Enjoy the new phase and don't battle him just accept - you will both find it all much more pleasurable.

Spoon - use two spoons. Load up one spoon and hand to the baby. While he is self-feeding (great skill he's learning) load up the second spoon and trade back and forth.

Bib - go buy one of the 'washcloth-style' bibs that go over the head. He'll try to take it off, won't be able to take it off, and then he'll quit fussing with it.

Food on the floor - he's 9 months! Give him a break. It will get better. If you get upset with him during this time of experimentation, you'll make mealtimes anxiety-ridden. You will have lots of messes - wait til I uses a spoon more regularly and you've got yogurt, cereal, soup, whatever all over the table, chair, and floor. It isn't because he's deliberately trying to make a mess; he's just trying to perfect a new skill. Put this into perspective - if you don't play golf, when you are first learning how to golf your game is going to be really bad, your score really high, your swing totally sloppy, and the ball all over the place. To get better, you practice, and eventually you see improvement. That's sorta like what your son is doing with eating!

Buy a dustbuster.

Hi J.,

I know this sounds silly, but we fed our son in the bathtub, with nothing but a diaper on, for a while until he "got over" his throwing food and pulling bib off stage. It worked, and now he sits well for his meals in his highchair with his bib.

Sounds familiar! I had the same thing happen with my son. That's what kids do..they are gonna make a mess at mealtime. You just have to be consistent in making sure that he is getting the proper nutrition and clean clean clean! It will get better. My son is 16 months and I still have a mess to clean up each time! Its not as bad..but he still has me on my hands and knees after meals! Just hang in there..the rewards are endless..it is all worthwhile!!

Use a vinyl table cloth or one of those mats made for it under the high chair. Put him in his high chair in a diaper only and use a suction-cup bowl. Enjoy the few minutes of peace and quiet while has fun with his food!

Stop stressing the little stuff. Be prepared to clean up and fight with your son for the next 25 years or so (there will be loving times too)!

This is what parenting is about. Every so often you will day dream about what it would be like to not have to deal with all the extra stuff that goes along with parenting. Then you will take a deep breath, come back to reality and continue to care for and clean up after your kid.

Happy parenting!

I am the mom who preferred to clean up afterwards as long as my kids ate well and learned to feed themselves. After 3 kids I've learned feeding them in diaper only is best (especially when everything is mainly baby food), that a dip in the tub after meals isn't that hard, that they need their own spoon to hold while I feed them with mine, and that although it isn't always fun to clean them (especially at that 9 month mark) that the results of them feeding themselves by 12 or 14 months is absolutely wonderful and saves you so much time. And as long as you encourage them to stay clean during feedings and don't allow them to throw food - they will learn to eat neatly by themselves. Goodluck!

I agree with the other moms - it's a phase. Don't focus so much on being/staying clean. You don't want to end up with a toddler that screams when they get their hands dirty, do you?

Put a plastic mat under the high chair. He doesn't like bibs? Have him eat in just his diaper.

Bottom line is you eventually want him to feed himself, they only way to do that is to let him try now.

Good luck!

My son began doing the same around 9 or 10 months. I would suggest that you allow him to learn. Let him hold the spoon but guide his hand to his mouth. He wants to explore. I also purchased a matt to put under his high chair with made cleaning easier. It always seemed to land on the matt thankfully. I would also suggest that you firmly tell him "NO" in the firm Mom voice if he begins to throw food. Your note mentions a tray? If you don't have a high chair, I would recommend you purchase one. Lastly most babies at some point hates the bib. Just keep a towel close by and wipe him up periodically.

Unfortunately, the messy part of meal time is just beginning. Most children will be in this stage for close to a year (give or take a few months).

as for the bib....my best suggestion is to try using an oversized T-shirt with long sleeves that can be laundered. If you need the "waterproofing" a bib offers, try adding the t-shirt over the bib. Food is another issue. Your baby is ready to try feeding himself. Of course, this means semi=soft foods and anything that requires a spoon is out of the question if you want him to actually eat what you present. I believe that you should have roughly twice the amount of food available than you actually expect him to eat to allow for the droppings on the floor, rubbed in the hair, etc....and allow him to feed himself about 1/2 of his food with you feeding him inbetween. He will then feel he has done it himself, and you will feel he has actually eaten enough. It does get better, but it also means more work for you in the clean-up department for a while.

I agree that it's totally normal. If you let him feed himself, you will have more clean up, but you can eat your dinner while he eats his and not have to be in charge of feeding him each bite. The only other suggestion is to scoop his food on the spoon/fork and then hand it to him. This is sometimes less messy than the battle of him grabbing it. Good luck!

give him a spoon too. while you feed him let him hold the spoon and try every once in a while. just holding the spoon may make him happy enough to get throught the meal peacefully and he'll get a little practice too. get ready for a mess and just take a deep breath. it is easier to just clean it up afterwards than be frustrated the entire meal. he is just going to be messy for awhile while he learns to feed himself. good luck. get a few drop cloths.

Don't try to make the experience more than what it is or you take his babyhood from him. Babies are messy...that's how they learn. Let him figure it out (how the hand moves to the mouth). You can help guide it so a spoonful makes it's destiny every now and then. It's hit and miss but you'll look babk onthose days with saddness when they're GONE. Tuck a napkin under your chin when baby eats. It'll help keep you clean and he'll see you wear one just like him. Give him more finger foods and just one at a time and the teaspoon for an applesauce cup that you hold until you start putting a tablespoon at a time for his fingers and spoon to delve into. 1 french toast stick or fingerfood piece at a time. Remember, they learn in bits and pieces so don't push him and frustrate yourself. They ALL makes messes. Give him a rag to clean his tray after eating while you wipe your placemat. They love to mimic mom and dad.

You will need to get used to it! It is very normal. Simply leave the things on the floor and don't react. That way you can minimize him doing it even more in order to get your reaction. But he will still do it, because it is part of him learning to eat and feed himself.

Some people put newspapers on the floor before mealtime and then toss them out after, along with the food that found its way onto it.

Dear J.,

While I know it sounds frustrating, you're going to have to accept that all of this behavior is just part of the process : ) All babies do these things! Yes, you will have enormous messes to clean up (floors, walls, trays, you & baby & clothing) after every meal. You will do more laundry, too. Try not to get so hung up on the clean-up and the mess. (And by the way, the messes just get bigger as baby gets bigger!) If you dwell on all of this as a negative, you're not going to enjoy your time with your baby at all. I remember when my 4 year old was that age... he refused to wear a bib at all and we were constantly cleaning food off of the wall. This time around I have a splat mat underneath the high chair, which helps keep the mess off of the floor. And I use the hand-vac to vacuum crumbs out of the highchair after each meal. Good luck!

1.) Strip him down to his diaper....no need for a bib.
2.) Get those plastic mats for under the highchair or get a cheap plastic table cloth...just fold up and then shake outside...then wipe down if needed.
3.) Give him a spoon to use while you have one to feed him with...alternate as he tries to take the one you have.
4.) Keep giving him finger foods to pick up regardless of how good he is at it...he won't get better if you don't allow him to practice a lot.
5.) Clean up the highchair with the vacuum cleaner first and then a diaper wipe to finish. Easy-peasy

PS start to teach manners....no throwing food or spitting food out. Mine is 10 months old and I have already started with some basic rules. He understands no and if I distract him when he wants to spit something out he will typically swallow what is in his mouth.

I've never allowed my kids to throw food. My girls didn't do that much because I told them no very sternly and occasionally slapped a hand if they continued.

And all those mom's that will want to email me and tell me I'm mean and teaching my kids to hit...

If I can train a puppy to go on paper, I can teach my toddler not to throw food. They will still love me and know that I love them even if I swat their hand from time to time.

Generations of kids were expected to behave and they turned out to be productive, successful, hardworking, well-rounded, stable adults...until about the 70's when psychologist started telling us kids don't understand and spanking a child makes them violent.

I would argue that kids are far more violent today than in generations past.

So teach them when they are young with firmness, fairness, consistency, and lots of love and you won't be having most battles for years to come.

I have a 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 1/2 year old I watch, and a 10 month old. The three older kids know to eat over their plate (sometimes need to be reminded), to use a napkin (not their shirt), to eat with their mouth closed, to use their utensils (sometimes need to be reminded), and so on. It can be done. But just take it one day at a time and don't stress yourself. Just be insistent and remind them every meal time what you expect. They will get it.

Wait, the best is yet to come when he starts throwing his food... My 2 year old is still a very messy eater and still throws stuff.

Couple suggestions: Give him his own spoon to play with, buy a splat mat to put under his chair and have someone or you make a bib from a towel. You cut a hole in the center and stitch ribbing around the hole. You can then pull the whole thing over his head. He will not be able to remove it at his young age. My 2 year old can't yet pull it over his head. You can buy something similar but smaller. The bigger the better.

It is very frustrating to have to keep cleaning up the same mess everyday.

My youngest just got over that phase! I found that if I fed him really quickly, he'd grab the spoon less, and get less frustrated. I also gave him his own spoon to play with while I fed him.
Good luck!

My 8 month old loves to eat, however he too is after the spoon and if it's not the spoon he wants to tackle my hair. I bought him Gerber Graduates Toddler Spoons since they are wider and I let him play with one spoon while I feed him with mine. I also place the food AWAY from him. I place the food on my counter and his tray is empty. When he is being fussy I give him a bowl and place a little water in it and he splashes it with the spoon. Yes, it can get messy, but he eats and it doesn't take as long.

My advice:
give him a spoon. Get one of those suction cup bowls and let him feed himself. You can help with your own spoon.
Dont worry about a bib, just change his clothes when he is done. Sweep/sponge off the floor around his highchair when the meal is over. dont worry about how much food he is actually eating. He will eat (from your spoon if necessary) if he is hungry. I have yet to meet a kid who starves himself.
if he throws, the item gets taken away, but otherwise let him have as much control as he wants. this is NOT worth a fight. Get used to it - kids have ultimate control over only 3 things in their lives: eating, sleeping, and using the bathroom. Best to let them have it.

I hate to say it b ut the mess is inevitable. What I did after a while was I stripped the kids down to their diaper and I bought a plastic mat that goes under the high chair and I let them eat. Sure it got all over the highchair and the floor and the child but I didn't fight with my child while they are trying to forge their independence. When giving food try to choose food that doesn't have sauce. Plain old noodles are still my kids favorite. I also recommend a wet/dry Dustbuster. It is a lifesaver. Good luck.

Hi J.,

I think what he's doing is probably pretty normal, even though it can be frustrating. My daughter used to always take her bib off all the time. I would just say, "all done?" and take her down from the highchair. I think she eventually began to associate removing her bib with the end of mealtime. At 9 mos old, he's still getting most of his nutrients from breastmilk/formula...so this technique definitely will not starve him.

My daughter also wants to hold the spoon, dump out her food, and purposefully throw her food on the floor. I usually let her hold the spoon when she wants and help her guide it into her mouth. Then I let her hold onto it until she's ready for the next bite. She's gotten to the point now that she gives the spoon back to me for the next bite! Munchkins sells some bowls that have suction cups on the bottom. My 13 mo old has now figured out how to yank them off the tray, but they might trick your 9 mo old for awhile. When she throws her food on the floor (i'm talking stare at me defiantly while doing so), I also say "all done!" and take her out of the highchair. It doesn't stop the behavior completely, but at least now she won't take off her bib, throw her food or (her newest) stand in her highchair until she's done eating.

Last of all, I used to get SO frustrated when she would get herself or the floor all dirty. I finally had to surrender to this and accept it. I feed her breakfast before changing her out of her pjs and give her a bath after lunch or dinner. She's become a more efficient eater, so this has started to subside.

Hope this is helpful!

Hi J.,
Just try not to get too stressed out about it because it will become a giant, needless battle. My baby is 14 months and she refuses to sit in her high chair so I know about mealtime struggles. I would just feed him wearing only a diaper -- him, not you ;) -- and give him a few spoons to play with & hold while you try to feed him. Let him practice trying to feed himself...you'll both be happier! Good luck!