Seeking Advice About Disciplining My 2 Year Old Who Likes to Push Brothers

My sister was having a similar problem with my neice. Her issue was spitting (2 year-olds :) They tried all of the things you've tried and some other very creative ones. Finally, they tried positive reinforcement. Instead of reponding to my neice's bad behavior, they rewarded her on good behavior. They would set the microwave timer for 20 minutes (long enough that Ingrid would forget that she was being timed) and if after 20 minutes she had "kept her spit in her mouth" she got 1 m&m. They hated rewarding with food since we are the fattest nation in the world, but you do what works. It has. Slowly, Ingrid just didn't spit anymore. Maybe they broke her of it or maybe she just grew out of it - who knows. The fact is that just about everything children do is temporary - we just have to do what we have to do to stay sane until they move on to the next thing. Good Luck!

I'm sure this won't be a popular answer. When you see him push one of the boys, go up and push him down (gently, but enough so he lands on his butt). And when he gets upset & he will. Tell him that's why big kids aren't suppose to push little kids & how does he like it. My guess is he's probably frustrated about something (not getting enough attention? 2 babies in the house is a lot for anyone to deal w/) My 2yo son liked to pull the cats tail, he thought it was funny to hear the cat howl. We tried everyhting!!!!!!!!And he would not stop. So, one day when he did it, I told him no & he wouldn't let go, so I pulled a tuft of his hair gently. It only took 3 times of me doing that for him to stop. Now, if he goes near her tail, I just have to say his name & he loves on her instead.

2 year's old is a tough age, especially with TWO babies to take attention away...and typically time outs don't work well until kids are at least 3. There is also the "boy" factor...boys play rough. Of course you can't allow him to be pushing your babies...but give it a few years, and you will need to back off and let the boys rough house a bit.

It sounds like at this point your son can't be trusted to be more than arms reach away from you...so keep him that close. Try to involve him in what you are doing when you can, otherwise let him bring along his toys or coloring. But he needs to stay close until he gets past this.

My children are all grown now but I remember all to well that happening with my two girls.
The older one wants to be your big boy. He can do something the "babies" can't. When they start standing his "job" is being threatened.
Spend extra time with your big boy. Tell him how important his job is to help teach his brothers.Extra one-on 0ne time.
This too will pass and they will become best of friend.

Hi Tania,

My just turned three year old does the exact same thing with my daughter who just turned one. The pushing began as soon as she started pulling herself up, too. We have consistently taken my son to the timeout chair each time he does it. He still pushes her to this day - probably about four times a day. I think the older sibling sort of feels out of control and this is the only way they can think of to control the situation. We talk to our son about what he can do instead of pushing. For example, if our daughter pulls herself up on the couch where our son is sitting, we tell him that he can either move himself somewhere else or ask us to please move her. Obviously you can't always move the younger one, but it does give them more options so they feel more in control. Good luck!

Make sure his time outs are out of your sight (our time out pillow was in the foyer away from the rest of us). If he can see you then it isn't a time out. I would just keep putting him in time out with a stern "no pushing is allowed" for 2 1/2 minutes EVERY time that he does it. We also used to make our older son face the wall while in time out...he HATED that.

I highly recommend a discipline plan called "Love and Logic" They have a website and some amazing books and CDs. My husband is a teacher and he was sent to one of their conferences. We have four kids and they are all rather willful and have very very strong personalities. Love and Logic has helped us to be much better parents and my husband a better teacher.
One thing that they recommend is something they call the "OH oh song" When you see him doing something wrong you Say "uh-oh, uh-oh" in a sing-songy voice and then carry him to his bed. Nothing else, don't get angry, don't give sympathy, just remove him. Every time he does it you do the same thing. When it's time for him to get up you can give him the attention he wants but not about the pushing. It seems really simple but really works if you stick with it.
If he is a little more advanced you can tell him before hand "I wouldn't do that if I were you." And then when he does have the same consequence. When he doesn't do it then you give him positive attention. Their website is www.loveandlogic.com. Hope this helps.

Sounds like you already answered your own question. You are doing the right things. Just keep it up and be consistent.

Catch him being good. Instead of telling him when he is being "bad", catch him being good and reward him. The reward could simply be a story or a big hug and praise. Every time you put him in time-out, you are giving him attention, so try giving him the attention for a job well done. This has worked wonders for my sisters young children (2 and 4). Don't get me wrong, I am all for time-outs, but sometimes you need to go a different direction. The next time you see him being nice to his brothers in any way, make sure he knows that you noticed.

Your 28 month old is showing the signs of future total disregard for you power if he's smirking during time outs-it will get worse not better. You should give him an immediate, cool headed spanking the minute he first does this and be absolutely consistent on his subsequent tries. Don't wait until you've told him several times or gotten mad, because then he will think he is being punished because you are angry, not for his behavior. Show him the result of his pushing every time with a spanking, and that he NEVER gets away with it, and that he's only hurting himself. I have never seen time outs or taking toys work for any of my friends when dealing with aggressive disobedient behavior. It only stresses the entire household out and takes hours of shoving them into time out, which to me is meaner ( especially to the victims of the behavior) than a quick slap to the butt. Set the boundaries! It's natural for him to test them. This technique worked great for me. My two year old is extremely happy and well behaved and never has tantrums or pushes anyone, because i used this technique the first few times she tried to. Good luck!

I think that may be a little of a normal I am trying to push buttons thing and a little of he may feel like he does not have enough attention on him. The thing I can suggest doing and this may sound cruel but it apparently worked on my brother and I very well. My father used to put us in the corner and turn one of our cartoons on the tv and if we turned around it was a few more minutes in the corner. Or he would let us see our toy but keep it in a place we couldn't reach but we couldn't have it until he said it was okay. Again, I know this might sound cruel to some people but the two year old needs to understand that he cannot push the 9 month olds down. Short of giving him a slight shove too, which I am not recommending doing, I can't really think of anything else. Stick to your guns about the timeouts though too. He may be smiling because he knows that he did what he wanted and it is frustrating you. Stick to those too because he will eventually get the idea that he can't do it, but until he stops I would not leave him alone with the younger ones. Also do you include him in things you do with the younger ones? I know that that helps me out big time with my almost three year old and my almost 3 month old. Good luck!

Is he still in a crib? I have a 2 year old, and his time out is in his crib, which usually solves things pretty quickly. He hasn't tried climbing out yet, and I know a lot of little guys his age already do climb out, but if not, you may try it. I usually don't even have to put him in his crib, I just ask him if he wants to go to his crib and he changes his behavior. I'll have to figure out something new when he switchs to a bed though! Good luck.

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