Seeking Advice - - Tempe,AZ

He is able to cut off his feelings and reject you because of 1. proximity, 2. exciting new relationship, 3. no responsibility. Research proves that there is a marked decrease in marital satisfaction after having kids. Wife's focus tends to more on the kids (out of necessity). Husbands OFTEN feel neglected. What he has now is a wife taking care of his children while he gets to have a girlfriend and play: best of both worlds.

Its so much easier to cut off feelings when you choose an entirely different path. You are still, essentially on the same path: mother, working, etc. The dream of the future that you created doesn't match up anymore and its so difficult to reconcile to this reality.

I'll tell you this: you will be on this roller coaster for a little while and will handle it much better if you draw in a lot of support for you and your children AND take the time to allow the feels to come, really feel them. That's the yucky part, but don't shy away from mourning the loss, missing him, loving him, your own regret, anger at him or yourself, pride that you are putting one foot in front of the other... Don't cut off your own emotions! Years from now, if he hasn't dealt with what he created, he will be in a terrible fix. Whereas, by dealing and feeling what you've been dealt, you will come out stronger. And you will come through it though it may not look like it today.

My heart goes out to you!!
Jen

I don't really have much advice, but wanted to say that you haven't done anything wrong! He has made this choice, and now he's going to have to live with it. He has done wrong by you and your children. Guys are just plain stupid sometimes!!

Many have gotten through these things, and you will too. It just takes time.

The kids are with you and you are being the responsible parent, due to his selfishness. His thinking is clouded with the "third party" that he is doing the tango with.....He has zero rational behavior. Children really don't like to talk on the phone when they are little, but you should seek a counselor for you and what your are dealing with. THis generation of men have a tendency to feel more obligated to be in their children's life that our dad's did. Most mom's took care of the children when there was a divorce situation...He may never move back since he is away at this moment, or he may return? You need to be on board for your mental health, so you can make better choices.
See if you can make an appointment during your lunch or get some time off. You need to click with the therapist too~
May God help you with your most difficult situation~

No, it certainly doesn't sound fair. You may or may not have done "anything" wrong, per se, but it's not an issue at this point. It's out of your control except for accepting the situation for what is is right now. How can he love you and still be in this other relationship? That's a lie. Don't fall for his lies. Not only did he abandon you, he abandoned two children as well. That speaks volumes about his character. I'm sorry you have been thrust into this situation.

I first want to say that I am very sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine what you must be feeling but I'm not sure if working this out now will fix anything. You will always be angry for what he did. Plus you don't want to put your kids through all that. They can sense your emotions and that is not good for them. I'm sure there are men out there that are caring and kind hearted but most of them are heartless, clueless, unemotional and can only think with one part of their body. It's harder for women because we are emotional beings and for most of us our children come first. Men might be physically stronger, but God chose women to have children because mentally we are stronger than men. Think about yourself and your children and if possible contact a Therapist.