Seeking Advice - Clifton Heights, PA

I am having the same issues w/ my daughter (3 1/2). We just had a baby 5 months ago and she has responded the same way. It has helped to get her more involved in doing things w/ her sister and reminding her that she has to show her sister how to behave. I have started to try to ignore behaviors when I can, which has helped some. When she throws her fit, she is removed to another room until she calms down. I am also trying to do special "big girl" activities just with her. Let me know how it goes!! Good luck!
S.

You may want to start having your older son help out. Ask him to go get mommy a diaper or help hold the bottle while feeding. If you get him more involved he may feel more of a sense of pride rather than feeling left out. Hope this helps!

I've never been one to follow rules and guidelines put in place by other people for dealing with my child but I want to recommend a wonderful book that someone recommended to me. It's called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk". The thoughts shared are so brilliant and yet so simple to put into place and just make a lot of sense! It has been an absolute lifesaver for me and dealing with my son and put an end to the word "NO!" constantly flying out of my mouth! There are excercises in each chapter to help you further understand the concepts. It's certainly a must read for not only parents, but for everyone who deals with people on a day to day basis!

This is probally a new baby issue. Because he knows you are busy and he knows that you can't get him right when he does something he shouldn't. Keep doing time out, and some mommy and him time will help too.

K.,
I think everyone has that problem with their 3 or 4 yr olds. I know I do. I tried everything to get him to calm down and listen. Then my sister in law told me maybe he needs more exercise. So we started taking a long walk after dinner and have an hour extra with outside time. Its like having a different child. He is calmer inside and listens better. He doesn't always listen but its alot better. If you can't go outside much or take a long walk then try doing exercises with him inside like having him do lots of jumping jacks and running in place anything cardio works and the best part is its time with just mommy and son.
Good luck,
C. (mother of 2 boys 3 1/2 yrs old and 19 months old)

I am sure that part of it has to do with just being three but probably mostly because of the new baby. As far as him starting it before the baby came home it is probably because he knew that a new baby was coming and I'm sure there was alot of attention put on the baby even before he was born. You just need to make sure that you give your three year old a little bit more attention. Some special mommy and son time without the baby, just reassure him that jsut because thre's another baby that doesn't mean he's any less important. Also keep in mind that he is three so it's normal for them to test tou and see how far they can push you. You just can't back down and feel sorry, you have to be firm or it can only get worse. If it's getting really bad and time out isn't working try taking away some of his favortie toys for awhile. That always sounds mean but it will show him that his bad behaivor isn't going to be rewarded but when he does behave good then give it back to him, and he will know that good behavior is rewrded. Hope this helps. Good Luck!

As a mom of 2 and a former child care worker (for the past 10 years) I can honestly tell you that what your 3 year old is doing is totally and completely normal. Its called regression. Its something that happens to most children with younger siblings. They see that the baby gets more attention (not just from you but from people coming to see the new baby BLAH BLAH BLAH) so in turn, he thinks that if he shows the inapprotprate behavior he will get the attention he once held.

To help the situation, try to have a mommy and me day, or better yet, set aside some time during the day to spend only with him. It has to be time that you can devote to him and him only. Sit and color, go for a walk, play a game ect.

As for the behavior.. just be strong! If you have to put him on time out... then do it. No matter how many times you have to do it. The rule of thumb for time outs is 1 minutes on time out for every year. So since he's 3, he gets 3 minutes. Oh and as soon as you tell him he has a time out, make sure you tell him exactly what he is on time out for... he's probably not going to remember when he gets up either.

Hi K.!
I also have a 3-year old. She is my third child. She doesn't give me too much trouble, but when she does, the time-out chair seems to work. However, I have sought advice from a friend who's 3-year old was not good with time-outs. Her son wouldn't stay in a time out chair. He would get up and think it was a joke. So she brought in the car seat from the van and actually buckled him in his car seat for time out. Other things she and I have done is take away something they like...and be firm about it. My daughter likes to paint. I tell her she won't get the chance to paint. Her son has a favorite show/movie on TV and she will take that away from him or perhaps a favorite toy. Have you tried that? Usually once they see that their behavior will affect them directly, they may think twice about doing it. Most important...be persistent!! It's hard, but important. Hope this helps. Good Luck!!

I am having the same problem with my soon to be 3 year old. I'm in the same situation as you I have a 2 month old and my 2 year old started pushing me right before she was born. It seems like your allways yelling at them about the same things over and over and over again. I think it is just age. Another one of thoes phases. They say terrible two's I think it is terrible three's. I have 3 sisters and they said they all went through the same thing so just hang in there and try to keep your sanity. It will pass (I hope).

I also have a 3 1/2 yr old son, and a 3 wk old. My first born is a natural debater and negotiator. My oldest pushes the limits all the time and tests me more when others are around. I started this new thing and its REALLY... working. I told him I only should tell him once not to do something. If I get to the second time, its time out chair. So when he is misbehaving, I tell him, this is number one, if I have to tell you again to stop it, you go to the time out chair. When he does it again, I tell him, Joshua I have told you twice, go to the time out chair for...fill in the blank. And its working!!! There is no more debating! I have stayed consistent and he is figuring out the boundaries and doing so much better! Good Luck!

Hi Kristi,
I have a little boy who just turned 5, but at 3 he was really pushing the buttons too. My advice is BE CONSISTANT... if after he has been in time out, he does the same offense that sent him to time out in the first place then maybe do the same: send him back to time out for as many minutes as his age(if he is three, send him to time out for 3 minutes). Keep up this pattern until he is tired of being sent back to time out...
if you give up, he will know that he can wear you down and you just want to prove that the behavior is unacceptable.
Another trick that works for me is that if your son has a favorite toy, tell him that if he does the offense again, that he will lose his favorite toy for 2 or 3 days (whatever you think is fair) and then put it up high (like on top of refrigerator (or whatever) --- somewhere that he can see it, but not reach it and then keep it there for the amount of time you said you would. don't back down. This has worked for me too. (and most likely this behavior is your sons way of trying to get your attention since your attention has now been shifted to a new baby...maybe, try to include him with helping with the baby as much as a three year old can...
("Can you help me change the baby's diaper? Get the wipes and the diaper please..." ... "What a good helper and great big brother you are... " "the baby really loves you")

When he whines, don't give him what he wants JUST BECAUSE he's whining.... or you will be "rewarding" that whiny behavior.
let him know that NO means NO, and stick to it.
Just be consistant and do what you say, follow through.
Hope this helps, it has for me...

I would guess the new baby is the biggest issue. Your son is trying to figure out where he fits now, he was used to having you all to himself. He gets your attention when he misbehaves, so he keeps doing it. My daughter did the same thing, and add to that the exhaustion that comes with having a new baby, and I was wiped out! I finally started putting Max (baby) down and giving my daughter my time whenever I could. I also made sure during his morning nap times that I did things with her, or just cuddled and watched tv. We also kept up the same schedule we had before he was born of outside activities like a tumbling class, storytime at the library and a playgroup. Also, she started preschool when he was about 6 months old which was great for all of us, maybe your little guy could get into one now. Good luck, it's an adjustment period.