Seeking Advice - Ogden,UT

S..

Honey.

With tons of love and support and sympathy:

:::::Firmly placing hands on your shoulders and shaking:::::

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO you should NOT continue to pay money!
(Unless you signed some binding legal document in which case you need to consult an attorney)

:::::OH, oh, I stop shaking you now:::::

This is were you learn that when helping others they automatically think you have MORE than what you're giving and begin to EXPECT more if you give handouts on a long term basis without having high standards of your own. You must be sure that your assistance of others matches their own effort at most--because you have to care about and take care of yourself as much as you care about them.

Your "friend" is not actually a friend at this point and you've been reduced to a meal ticket. In all probability this "friendship" is OVER.

I'm sorry about all of this. Pick yourself off, brush off your knees, and remember this lesson of life.

Again, I say this from my heart with sympathy and love.

I think your friend has taken advantage of you enough. STOP paying her any money. If she borrows money for school, she needs to figure out how to pay it back. It may have been your idea, but she is resposible to make it happen. If she continues to harass you, break off the friendship.

Dear S.,
I'm sorry to say this but this gal is NOT your friend. She is using you to support her family. This happens a lot with people in that area of the world. I've seen it often (we're ex-military) with people from the Philippines, and Thailand. I have 2 friends who actually sponsored people into the United States that were from those areas that they were "friends" with. Both of my friends actually ended up deeply in debt while those they sponsored into the country lived debt free and were able to prosper but they NEVER repaid a dime or even helped when help was needed. I had another friend who ended up in the same situation as you are in now, when payment didn't come, she was harrassed by this so called "friend" and the guilt was laid on thick. When no more money was forth coming she harrassed this woman's other friends via e-mail and letters, and phone calls bad mouthing her and asking if they could help out. These are not uncommon instances. My advice to you is STOP sending money or anything else PERIOD!!!! The school probably doesn't even exist, if it does exist you can probably find out about it on the internet and contact them yourself without her giving you a name to contact. The person you talked to was most likely a friend of hers there and she set you up. Her attitude tells it all. Sweetness and light as long as you send her money for what she needs. Rudeness and demands when you can't. Think of that for a minite, is that really how a TRUE friend acts? NO. This gal has milked you for all she can, and this is a very one sided friendship. STOP!!!! CEASE!!!! DESIST!!!! With ALL monetary support NOW before you go broke and are in debt over your head and can't get out!!!! Please take this advice from someone who has cried with good friends who have been where you are and I couldn't help them. I'm sure you will find that when the money quits coming the friendship will end on her part. Take this as a hard lesson and move on. I have a very good friend at church that is Filipino and she had to cut off her own family for the very reasons described above. It hurt her greatly to do so but she and her family survived intact, and in the end her family figured it out on their own and began to prosper where they were. Tough love hurts but it can be the best thing for everyone.

Now having said all that there are great hard working Filipino and Thai people, that make their own way work hard and prosper on their own after receiving a little help. But they pay it back and do it happily. I know lots of them they are wonderful. This woman is not in that category. So for your own sake STOP!!!!!!

Oh and if there was no formal contract (signed agreement) and this was just a verbal agreement between you two (out of the goodness of your heart), you don't have to honor her requests for a thing. NOTHING!!!! ZERO!!!! ZIP!!!! NADA!!!!

Please take care of yourself and MOVE ON.

Stop paying and take care of yourself. It sounds like she is really taking advantage of you and you have your own problems. This may be time to re-evaluate your priorities and decide what makes the best choices for you now. Sorry if I was blunt but that would be my advice. Good luck and take care of yourself.

STOP giving her money! you've been more than a good friend to her...and she's not returing the behavior. unless you signed something, she can't 'make' you pay her; you don't truly owe her. stop! take care of yourself. =)

often when we find ourselves in a "service" mode towards a culture or particular friend it is hard to recognize when service stops and boundaries are being crossed. First off WOW! You are so amazing to even take on helping out someone in that situation. Make sure you aknowledge yourself for that. Acknowledge what you have done for your friend and sever the guilt. I think that you could send her a letter in love and then leave the response to her. If I were in the situation, I think I would write something like, I love you so much and I believe in you, in your dream and the life you have been blessed to live. I am so thankful that I was in a position to help you get into school. I love you and want you to always know that. My life situation has changed. I am now seperated as you know. My finances are tight at this time. I have a responsibility to first take care of my own family. I know as a mother you can appreciate that. I will no longer be able to send you money and it is so hard for me to tell you this because I care so deeply about your future and what happens. I am still here to support you emotionally--I love you.
something like that. and leave the response to her. If she lashes out and is angry I hope at that point you will see she isn't acting out of love and friendship. a true friend will recognize the situation you are in and offer sympathy for what you are going through and perhaps ask for advice on how to proceed but I would advise her to talk to her schools financial aid department since you are not familiar with the procedures of her school. If it isn't a legitimate school she will realize her lies have put her in this siutaion, yeah, if that is the case she will blame you etc. but you will with good conscious know you did what you felt was right out of love for a friend and be able to close this chapter in your life. We hold on to that which helps us grow, friends should lift us up encourage us enable us to be our best selves. You have given her that gift, what she does with it, while it may hurt, is not your responsibility.