Seeking a Cure for the 7Year Itch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The challenges that are making it hard for you to remember why you got married have everything to do with the fact that you are dealing with 2 very young and very demanding children, PLUS an industry that is imploding. I'm a Home Stager/Feng Shui consultant, and it's tough out there. You nailed the issue on the head when you referenced how long it had been since you had been alone. 9 months is a very long time to not have a moment to yourselves, other than when you collapse in bed at the end of a very long day. Is there any chance that you could leave the kids with a sitter/grandparent/friend overnight, so you could have a romantic evening with your husband? My husband and I have been together for 18 years, and without those alone times, would have had a much more difficult life as a couple.

Try to remember who you were before the marriage, why this man attracted you, and what you enjoyed together before the kids came along. Write him a letter describing this, tuck it into his suitcase before he leaves, and see what happens. Don't discount the age-old tradition of phone sex, either! A couple of provacative text messages, later at night, will also help to remind you both of your connection to each other.

If you do feel the urge to stray, just remember that a hole in your heart can only be filled from the inside. In other words, don't expect another person, even your husband, to fulfill you. That's your job, and your birthright. Never give that responsibility away. Good luck!

I am sure you will get some good tips. We've been married almost 25 years. And in my experience sometimes the relationship just sucks for awhile. Maybe months. Maybe a year. But if you're in it for the long haul, like we are, you realize that 6 months out of a lifetime of happiness is not bad.

So when I just don't like my husband, I concentrate on my girlfriends, my career, my interests. I do my chores, and don't ignore him, but I don't engage him either. Kind of like taking a trip away, but not actually going anywhere.

Then I find myself thinking, again, that he's the greatest thing on the planet and can't imagine why he was irritating me so much.

Hopefully, you'll get better tips from others (maybe I'll get some too!) and you won't have to just grin and bear it till the next upswing. Do remember it is a cycle, good and bad, up and down, and this just may be the down time.

I think I feel this more than my husband and only in spurts. We are coming up on our 6 year anniverssary but have been together for more than 7. All those pesky daily things tend to get in my way and then he is furniture in a crazy life, not my best friend. I just have to remeber why we got together and that life is life and if you two work together, it is so much easier. And honestly, for me, more sex helped the issue. It made us connect on a level that we hadnt shared in a while and could make me realize why we are together, that we do love eachother and want to enjoy eachother. I know that sounds corny, I thought so too, but regardless of how tired we were or how mad I was at time, etc we knew we needed that contact. Know that you are not the only one that had gone through this. We wish you the best

I, too, have been married for seven years and feel like the marriage we once had is gone and I have no idea how to get it back or make it better. I would never consider an affair because I would feel too guilty and I can't consider divorce because, as a former teacher, I've seen what it does to children. We don't argue all that much anymore, but maybe that's worse because we never talk to each other unless it is about the boys and rarely go out, just the 2 of us. We don't have much family close by and our friends are either busy with their own kids or have no experience, nor do they want to, with children. So, we usually take our kids everywhere with us. My husband just takes things as they come and never seems to worry about anything except work sometimes. I'm the one who is dissatisfied with our relationship. If you get any good advice, please pass it on. This is another mom who could use it!! Good luck!

I know how rough it is going through these type of events. I am always sorry to hear about these struggles. My husband and I had some very difficult patches in the past. What worked for us is talking. At first we had to schedule time together 2x a week and picked non sensitve subjects to talk about (parenting ideas, past experiences) and we forced ourselves to talk and listen to each other. Sometimes through these talks we were able to open up to each other about things that were really bothering us. What surprised me the most was learning that even though I felt truly alone, my husband felt the same way.
In our experience unmet emotional needs caused us to fight more with each other. I expected that if he really knew and love me he wouldn't do (or would do) XYZ. For us simply setting aside time to REALLY talk did the trick. It allowed us to get connected. Now the only times we tend to have fights is if we are not connected with each other.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck finding the advice that works best for your marriage.

I am sorry you are going through this. I have been married 20 yrs and there are rough patches as well as great patches all the way through.

You have 2 young children and it is understandable that you have a lot going on.

When I was pregnant we decided that we would not let our marriage go. We have wide open lines of communication and anything goes.. We made a pact to have date night once a week and we have rarely not done that since our daughter was born in 12/1994. The only time we have not had date night was when my hubby was almost killed in a car accident and then, we only missed a few weeks!

You don't have to go spend a lot of money, just do something that is one on one with your husband that involves talking. We love to go out and look forward to it weekly. Our favorite is a nice restaurant, some dancing, music. If time is crunched (because our daughter has quite a calendar!) We may just walk, I tag along with him to the golf course....simple things.

At this point, we are saving $ because we no longer have to pay for a babysitter whish set us back $60-100 per date but we would pay that and more all over again because it is SO worth it.

Yes, we have had rough spots. You just get through them but do not stop talking. So many things factor in for rough spots. My husband is one of the hardest working people and planners I know with a work ethic off the charts. Since the new year, he does not travel as much which was about 2-4 nights a week. This was an adjustment for daughter and myself because our routines have changed. We are still tweaking the routines.

Hang in there and remember why you married him and what attracted him to you at the time.

Best wishes to you.

Hey Girlfriend!
I hope you don't mind me responding - I know this site is good because of anonymity but as I remember it, you were the one that sent me the link to this site so it's your fault I'm responding!! LOL

I guess I have a bit of an advantage over the other responders since I know you and B and what a fun and friendly couple you are and how you have worked so hard to be blessed with your little M&M's. So, I want to respond as your friend who knows you and as one who has been there.

Toby and I will be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary on 2/15 - can't believe time has flown so quickly. We have had some major ups and downs over the years and came even close six years ago to ending our marriage (not me that wanted it, it was him). Anyway, way too long of a story to lay out all the details here but the bottom line is we had grown apart. We weren't really communicating like a close couple should, we had J at the time and had become so focused on being parents that we forgot what it was like to be a couple who cared about the other's needs. I felt like work was more important than me and he felt like I was never happy with anything he tried to do. It broke my heart when he told me one time, "Everything I do is to make you happy but it never seems like it's enough." Nearly losing him taught me that I was living a pretty selfish life, I wanted him to do everything I wanted and needed but I completely missed the boat on meeting his needs (physical and emotional). Since then, I've learned a lot through reading and bible studies that I really didn't know about men/women. Things like how our needs are met differently and how very very very important it is to live selflessly even when you feel like your partner isn't. I also learned that it is very important to lighten up! So what if he doesn't do things exactly like me (especially where the kids are involved!). The bottom line is that our husbands need to know that we respect them and appreciate what they are doing to provide for us and the kids. If your husband knows that you truly feel those things for him, he will bend over backwards to be an amazing husband. And I know your guy....he's a rare one so don't be too hard on him :-)

Finally, learn to be content with what God has given you. Don't get caught up in what the world implies you should have or what your friends or other playgroup moms have. Yes, there are many many many who have much nicer homes and cars and clothes and bodies than you and I but what we do have are husbands that will cut off a limb to make us happy and "children that are alive and well!!!". That my friend, is what makes the best life of all!!!!! We both know that very well.

Before I head out, I want to say that I understand how hard the travel is. Toby has been gone to California all week and it's been tough but it is what he needs to do to provide for his family. Yes, I get a little jealous when I think about how much alone time he's getting or the nice meals he's having but I remind myself that just like Esther in the Bible, God has placed me where I am "for such a time as this". My job is to be the mommy that's at home and consistent, there's no big pay out but one day when I'm old and gray, I know I'll look back on these years with fondness and a sense of sadness that they went by way to fast. Hang in there girl, love that great guy and those sweet girls and be strong and valiant, this is where you are supposed to be right now!

Hope I've encouraged you a little dear friend!
Hugs and Blessings!
G