Second Child Coming Soon. Any Tips or Advice?

Updated on September 20, 2010
E.H. asks from Kokomo, IN
7 answers

I am due to have my c-section in 3 weeks and we are all very exctied to meet our little boy Rowen. We already have a a 4 1/2 yo girl, who for the most part is looking forward to him coming despite the fact that "he is not a girl"! I think we have prepared her well for the birth and the immediate changes, but I know there will be many things we did not think of.

Could you please give me any advice, tips, or ideas you have from your experience of having multiple children. Things you would have loved to have been told about before the situations occured. Also any mothers who had a c-section with multiple children around.

Thanks, E.

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes, I have had three c-sections. My third was the easiest c-section because it was not an emergency operation. I really did not experience any pain and was released from the hospital within two days.

I always 'help' the baby purchase a gift to their siblings that we give to them when the older child visits for the first time. I remember my six year old being amazed that his baby sister knew that he loved video games. It created a 'bond' immediately. Even though My ten year old loved his gift, he questioned how the baby could do this and I simply said that I helped her. He was satified with this answer. When his brother was born, he was three and I remember him being thrilled at the present.

Good luck and enjoy your precious children!

1 mom found this helpful
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F.C.

answers from Miami on

I JUST went through this... I made sure when I came home, that daddy was holding the baby and my hands were free to hug her as she welcomed me home.
The only thing I made clear and don't budge from is the hand washing, the kisses and caresses (on feet, belly and top of head ONLY) and no rough movements around the baby.

If you have family members coming over, make sure they lavish their attention on her! She already knows, her bro stole the show, let her at least enjoy attention... Let her introduce him to visitors, open the baby presents...
Put the diapers, wipes, towels, change of clothes at her level so she can get them for you when you need them, let her pick outfits for him...
But don't force her to do it if she's not interested. We tend to make a BIG fuss about baby coming home, so she's super excited until she realizes baby doesn't "do" anything... She thought she's be able to play, so make it clear what she's allowed to do, and not allowed to do. So don't force anything on her about the baby and listen to her feelings

My dad gave her a doll set the morning I went in the hospital. It had ALL the accessories: bassinet, diapers, car chair, bottles, tub and clothes. If you can afford it or someone asks, go for that! Oh, and the baby got her a present she'd been asking for a while!

But most of all, don't control her interactions with the baby, and let her participate! It's working for us so far...

Good luck to you all!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Dayton on

Kids are much more adaptable than we give them credit for, so you have probably prepared her as much as you can. If you don't tread lightly with her on this issue or act like she should be having trouble adjusting, she probably will pick up your cues and do just fine. I would try to find sometimes during the day where you can sit and read with her by herself, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it to her.

I had a c-section with 2 preschoolers at home. It was more recovery than my vaginal births, but doable. My husband took off about a week and a half including hospital time, and that seemed like enough. 2 weeks may have been better. When he went back to work I figured the only thing I had to do was get through the day - I didn't need to get things done around the house really. Stay on top of the pain medicine so your pain doesn't get out of control - that's a big one. I think after about 7 or so days I was taking the prescription Motrin only. It was harder, but for me the benefits far outweighed the negatives. Hopefully, you find the same thing!

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

My son was only 2 when my daughter was born. We encourage him giving her a hug and kiss when she goes down for naps, etc. Always tell him what a big helper he is, and have him help out with things. Daddy is also a HUGE help. While my time with him decreased, my husband's increased. Because I couldn't pick him up for the 6 weeks, dad did everything for him. When I am nursing, I chat with him, he "makes" me food, I read him books, or he joins me on the couch to cuddle. I try to not blame anything on the baby, and constantly tell him that how much she loves her big brother. How he will be teaching her so much, and protecting her, etc. I'm sure when she can start to move around and interact, they will have their issues, but I am trying to build the foundation of a relationship now.

As for the c-section, hopefully at 4.5 your daughter doesn't have to be carried around much. Just take it easy, and if you can get help for at least the first 2 weeks, until you can carry the baby AND the carseat, that is helpful.

B.C.

answers from Dallas on

Make sure that during all the fuss that you make sure that you give the older one plenty of snuggle time (separate from the baby) and that your hubby take her to do things to have some one on one.
Mine was a little older at 6 1/2 when I had #2, and there WILL be some jealousy issues, but things will be fine. My girls are 3 and 9 now and love each other so much. It's so cute to see them play.

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M.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I think one of the most important pieces of advice I was given when I was prego with my second child (and after she was born) was to make sure you don't use the baby as an excuse for why you can't do something for your older child. My son was two when I had our daughter. Being a toddler, he still enjoyed being carried at time and there was just no way that I could have his weight on my prego belly. At first I would tell him that I couldn't carry him because it could hurt the baby in my belly. Then one day he told me that he didn't like the baby because it won't let mommy do things with him. That really hit me hard because she wasn't even born yet. I mentioned it to the peditrician and she strongly suggested watching the wording we use with him. After that point, my husband and I both were very careful about what reasons we gave for something. I usually put the blame on myself....saying "your such a big boy that mommy isn't strong enough to pick you up, but I bet dad still can." My son loved that reason because it made him feel like a big boy. Then after my daughter was born, I breast fed so obviously she needed a great deal of attention, I would tell my son that I was hungry and needed to eat (so I would eat a banana/granola bar/etc while my daughter was nursing).

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H.D.

answers from Cleveland on

I had 2 c-sections due to complications in the pregnancies & the 2nd was MUCH easier than the 1st.

Our oldest turned 6 in Dec. & we had our 2nd on Valentine's Day (they're 9 & 3 now). As soon as I was in the recovery room, my husband called our daughter (who slept at a neighbor's house b/c we left for the hospital at 4:30 a.m. & THAT was pretty cool in itself b/c she got to have a sleep over on a school night). She felt pretty important b/c she was the 1st person we called. Later that day, my hubby picked her up & brought her to the hospital. When it was time for us to go home, he had her with us & she was "in charge" of the back seat & making sure the baby was OK.

We've done things that others suggested ~ she had a nice gift waiting for her when she got home (my parents were there & gave it to her ~ it was a gigantic horse (Butterscotch) that she wanted). She helped with whatever she was comfortable with (we didn't force anything), typically, people got both of them gifts ~ she was in charge of opening gifts, she helped feed the baby, etc. We also made sure she got to do "big girl" things the baby couldn't w/ 1 of us (to make sure she still got lots of attention) ~ going to a movie, going to lunch, etc.

Good luck & congrats!

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