Second Baby Coming--my First Is Very Clingy. Help!

The best advice I can give you is that you are only one person. My kids are close together and there were plenty of times one was screaming for me while I was attending the other. I would just repeat to myself "I can only do so much". You learn to juggle them. It does sound like you are spoiling him a bit. If he screams and cries and you give him his way, it just teaches him that screaming and crying work. I would put a stop to that quickly. One thing I found that really works well is to praise the child when they are doing well. I used to be bad about not acknowledging my oldest when she was being good but yelling at her when she was acting out. The yelling was still attention. So now if she's sitting down coloring, being good, I'll sit down and start coloring with her. If she starts being rude I get up and walk away. Works really well :)

Congratulations! Sounds like you have a totally normal almost-2-year-old. This behavior (clingy) cycles in and out over the next several years. There is a difference between being emotionally available to your kids and spoiling them. Responding to their needs is always a good idea. That being said, having clear and consistent rules is good for them too-- but there aren't too many rules that you can have for a not-even-2 year old. Sounds like you are doing great.

I, too, had PPD after my son was born, and the best thing you can do is make sure that everyone is aware of it and on the lookout for signs. Make sure your OB and your pediatrician is aware, and your husband too. Also, I think that sleep deprivation really contributed to my PPD (and probably most peoples') so do anything you can to get sleep. Spend the money for some help right now-- it will be so worth it in the end. Good luck!

This is normal 21 month old behaviour (at least in my experience). My first went through it. It lasted a couple of months. Now my second is going through it. Its just a stage & will pass. I did the same as you. When they want to eat in my lap I allow it, as long as they behave themselves at the table. If they want to cuddle I allow it too. And if they wake in the middle of the night I will allow them to come to bed with us until they fall back asleep. Sometimes I will move them back to their bed, sometimes I'll let them stay with us until morning. (This doesn't happen every night. That I won't allow.) I think its good to support them emotionally. When they feel needy, I support them. My oldest (now 3 &1/2) still needs some cuddle time & occassionally wants to eat on my lap. But its much less now than it was during the almost 2 year old phase.
Remind your husband & MIL that very soon your child will be all grown up & not want to cuddle at all. Take advantage of the time you have now & enjoy it. Also use it as a time for forced relaxation for you. I'm sure as a pregnant mommy you can use all the rest you can get.
I just wanted to add. That I do not respond to screaming & crying. If they want to sit in my lap at the table I tell them to stop crying, use their words & ask to sit in mommy's lap. Obviously, they don't have many words at this age. So, if they stop crying & say please, that's good enough for me. As they get older it needs to be more. I make my 3 &1/2 ask in a sentence, "Mommy, can I please sit in your lap". I often have to remind them to stop crying & say the sentence, which they repeat. This teaches them good behavior & allows them to get their way at the same time. It also makes meal times more peaceful & my kids eat more. One word of caution....I occasionally have had both kids in my lap at meals (usually at parties or other occasions when they feel overwhelmed). I don't mind it, but if you think you will, you might want to nip it in the bud now.
Good luck.

You will adjust, don't worry too much. One bit of advice I have been given is that when it comes down to it and both kiddos are crying for attention--focus on your older one first. A new baby is not going to remember if they had to wait 5 extra minutes to get fed, but your older one will remember all the times you have to say "in a minute after I feed the baby". It will all work itself out. Involve your older one with the new baby when you can and try to set aside some special alone time with each of them. Best and congrats!

Your son probably does sense the changes coming (especially if he hears you talking about it with hubby/family). I would give into him as much as you can because one baby is here, he has to share you. For now, he doesn't so I recommend indulging him as much as you can. Then once baby is here, if he's still clingy and whiney, he'll have to learn to do things differently or wait his turn. I recommend getting some sort of baby carrier so you can keep the baby close to you but also attend to your son. If your son wants to sit in your lap, I'd let him anytime but mealtime. I'd stress that this is the time for everyone to be a big boy or girl and sit and eat their food. If he keeps crying/screaming, remove him from the table until he's ready to eat like a big boy. Just a suggestion!

In short, your husband and mother in law are wrong. Good luck.

We just had our third. Our twin boys (4yo) are older than your little guy, but I do find my natural inclination is toward providing more attention to the baby. I do make sure to hug, kiss and snuggle each boy first thing in the morning and then throughout the day - at my prompting - so that it's OK when I sometimes have to tell them to wait. I let them snuggle up close to me even if the baby is in my arms, moving to the big couch if we need the space. The only time I'm "off limits" to cuddling is when she's nursing (but I do stay in the same room as them). They've adapted quite well, although they're at an age when they are more able to reason and discuss things. I guess my suggestion is to find plenty of time for cuddling your toddler - the laundry and dishes can wait - and he'll know how important he is in your family. All the best with your new little bundle of joy~

That sounds like very normal 21 mo. old behavior to me. It's very common for them to be clingy & unsure of things. Especially when they can sense such a huge change coming.

Dr. Sears has a couple of great childrens books about mom being pregnant & one about becoming an older sibling. They're really fantastic! There are, in fact, several really great childrens books that we read to our daughter when we were expecting our son.

Another thing that was an absolute God-send was a great baby sling! I could hold my son in it & have my hands free to sit on the floor/in a chair w/ my older child & read or play; I could nurse him in it while playing or making her a snack & since your older one is still pretty young, you could probably still wear him in it. The one that I used had a 35lb wt. limit (THING-A-MA-SLING).

I'm sure that he'll adjust. It's just really scary. Try hitting the book store for some really good, positive books & talk to him about things & see if that helps. You can also get him his own "baby" (doll) to help take care of.

Good luck with everything! I'm sure it will work out wonderfully!

My daughter who was the same age did the same thing right before my son came along. it is normal....Give him all the love and attention he wants. You are not spoiling him.
As for the ppd, make sure you are taking your dha/fish oil and continue to do so as that can help with ppd.