Screaming Child at Nap/bed Times

There is more going on here than your job, I bet, as you say she never really slept well for you before this started. The first thing I would suggest is spending time with your parents on what exactly they do before and during putting her to sleep. Nowadays we take so much for granted-- loud music, ingestion of sweets/caffeine, etc. Take a look at your own life-- are you doing things that rev up your child before bed? Compare what your parents do.

The second is a take-off from your change in routine, ie from non-working to working schedules. As you note, this can be disruptive. Is your husband handling putting her to bed in your absence? If so, does he do this when you are around, too? If not, that might help so that your daughter doesn't associate his presence with your absence. Also, you might see if he has problems putting her down.

Also, how can you both work together to create a routine for this child? Even in your absence, there should be a definite structure to her day-- create a definite routine for going to bed and be consistent in following it. Perhaps one does some quiet activities-- having a bedtime snack/bottle, soothing music, reading a story, taking a warm bath, whatever is best for her and your family. Take her upstairs at a set time, which seems to work for her. Maybe spend some time reviewing the day and planning the next. Tell her she and you all need a good night's sleep in order to do all these nice things. Let her know your plan-- if you cry, we will come in to check on you, but if there is nothing wrong we will close the door and leave you until morning. (If that's your plan.) If she continues to cry for your husband, maybe you can take the 3 year old with you to babysitting so he can get some sleep? Would it help to arrange with her that you will come in when you get home from babysitting to say goodnight?

Not sure how helpful or new these suggestions are. From my perspective the bottomline is that no matter how young your daughter might seem, she is still facing what all humans must-- the trauma of change. That does not mean one has to change one's job for her, but rather to put on your thinking caps. How can you as parents help her deal with something that no one likes? How can you help her communicate her distress in appropriate ways? How can you make her feel safe and loved and protected during these times of change? How can you help her learn self-control and resilience, as young as she is, and support her in the need to outgrow temper tantrums and unpleasant acting out behaviors. There are many good books written on just this subject which might inspire you with better ideas than mine. Check them out.

Another good resource which people speak so rarely about today is prayer. Ask God to help you better understand and respond to your daughter's and family's needs and to help you grow ever more into a good, life-giving mom.

God Bless,
S.

My pediatrician told me if he could wake up in the middle of the night and get pizza and company, he'd yell for it, too! If your daughter is over 8.0 lbs. she should not need nourishment from 11 p.m. until morning. When one of my kids would scream in the middle of the night, we would go in and pat their back long enough to let them know we were there and everything was all right. Then we would go back to bed. We'd repeat the back patting every half hour but never pick the child up. It shouldn't take too many nights of letting your daughter scream before she learns to put herself back to sleep. It only took my oldest 3 nights and she cried less and less each night. After that, she would only waken after a disruption to her schedule. Then it would usually only happen once. Since your daughter has learned that she gets what she wants (company is always more fun than being alone, and she doesn't separate day and night that well yet) it will probably take a few more nights for you to train her. It is very hard on the family and I'm sure you're exhausted. (Maybe your son can get a longer or earlier nap?) Stick it out, though, and you'll all sleep better.

A.,
My almost 4 year has been going through this recently. My husband travels quite a bit and it got worse when his travel picked up. Your daughter has no control over anything but sleep. So can not control your schedule. She is crying and waking up to make sure you are there. Her security of you being there every night has changed. You need to comfort her and let her know you are there. Put a picture by her bed and give extra hugs and kisses prior to you leaving. Reassure her you will be home. It will get easier, I promise. Obviously, you are not going to be able to reason with her so giving her a little extra understanding will help here. Just remember, you have to take control back. The fact that she sleeps fine without you should tell you that she wants to check in on you. You might have to sleep in there with her for a few nights, then work your way out. It really helped us out. We are all sleeping now!!! 2 weeks today. Hope this helps.

Do you try nursing her to sleep? I did that with mine...and in the daytime when she'd scream & refuse her nap (at 18 mons), she was DONE WITH NAPPING. Finished. Never again, and she's SIX now. She hates to sleep at night, but if she sreams & won't go down, I know she's OVER tired, and the next night I have to try her to bed an hour earlier.

Try gentle methods of soothing, and she will eventually sleep...and you can try earlier the next night. :) Good Luck!

Hi A.. I had the same problem last year with my son. My doctor suggested I read "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child" which is an amazing book. I let him cry it out. He is extremely stubborn and would bang his head. My doctor said to let him bang his head, that if I kept going in there, I was reinforcing the behavior because he was getting attention. It was torture for me but it took one whole week of the screaming and banging and now, he's been sleeping through the night since November. Don't feel bad about it. I would do it again. We all need our sleep. Good luck!

Take a look at the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It worked wonders for my daughter when she was a baby!

It could be she misses you when you are working. When i was watching my nephew my sister said he wasnt sleeping good at night but once she stopped working he has been sleeping much better. Or it could just be the age. My son is almost a year old and for about a month he wasnt sleeping good when he used to be a good sleeper but he's back to himself and I've noticed alot of people that posted questions about 10-11 months old babies not sleeping. Does your daughter walk yet? Because sometimes right before and shortly after they achieve a major milestone they go through a period of not sleeping.

when my daughter was 9 months old, my peditrician told me, to set a bed time routine and stick to it. like bath, and then maybe a story and at say 8 p.m. put her in the crib. lay her down, cover her with blanky, kiss on the cheek if you want and leave the room. if she screams wait 5 mins. go in and lay her back down and cover her up again and leave the room. if she screams this time wait 10 mins and go back in do the same thing. soothe talk like night night time, lay down, cover and leave. keep doing this each time adding 5 mins. first night it took 45 mins till she fell asleep. the second night was 30 mins and the third night she was asleep within 15 mins. he also suggested nothing in the crib with her. as toys and stuffed animals really are more a stimulus than a comfort. good luck...