My sweet little 10 month old daughter has begun screaming at the top of her lungs. Not any kind of normal scream but one so loud and high pitched I expect the windows to break and the neighbors to come running over to see if all is o.k. We are very attentive to her needs but if she wants or doesn't want something, she begins instantly sreaming. If I don't instantly pick her up, get her out of her chair, take something away she shouldn't have, things like that,look out. When she really gets going, she turns red and starts shaking. I think she actually enjoys doing it because sometimes she is smiling! My question is, how do I deal with baby temper tantrums? It's not like I can put her in time out. My son never did this. He had more words at his command at 10 months than she does though. My husband and I try to ignore it when she does it but it is so hard, especially in stores and places like that. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Hi S.,
Have you thought about teaching her baby signs to help her with communication? I found the book "Baby Signs" by Acredolo and Goodwyn very helpful and informative. The signs are very simple and easy for 9+ month olds to do.
Good luck,
K.
Girls love to scream!
You CAN put her in time-out for 2 minutes.
You can flick a little bit of cold water in her face to startle her out of the scream or a light flick on the cheek with your finger and a stern "No Screaming!"
Whatever she screams for - DO NOT give her - even if it's attenion or food until she "asks" for it calmly. This rule is great for curbing whining when she's older too - If she screams, whines or cries for something, the answer will always be NO! ( stole that from my neighbor - a mom of 3 girls)
Many long years ago I babysat for a family of 2 girls - the older girl never let the baby get a word in edgewise and ran roughshod all over her - the baby didn't talk much even though she knew a few words - she would just walk into room I was in a scream at the top of her lungs. After 3 long nights of that I flicked her on the cheek mid-scream told her "NO SCreaming! Use your words or show me what you need" then I held out my hand so she could show me - she led me to the playroom where her older sister was sitting on top of ALL of the baby's toys. I hugged her for showing me like a big girl - made big sis cough up the stolen toys and from then on thanked the baby every time she let me know she needed help without screaming. I told her mom what I did - she wasn't happy about me "punishing" her kid but admitted a few days later that the screaming had stopped and the baby asking for help. Big Sister's behavior improved too once she realized she was getting reported for bad behavior. ;)
Hang in there - do your best to not reward the screaming and she'll find a new way to communicate. YOu could scream with her to show her how silly it is - but that might really freak out your neighbors!
Oh, little girls and their screams. It seems like they all do it, at least in my experience in raising one daughter and having three granddaughters. They all go through the screaming phase. I think it's just a new thing that they discover they can do that's fun and that also irritates their parents. If she is doing it as a form of a tantrum, I would put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's done screaming. My granddaughters do it when they are excited, happy, etc. so we just remind them about no screaming in the house and they can go out back and scream all they want and they do!
Aside from the tantrums, I hear that screaming helps with the equalibrium... I have three ages 6, 4, & 2 and it is NEVER quiet, except when they sleep... my youngest has to compete and is constantly crying or screaming. But from I hear the screaming is supposed to help establish their equalibrium...
Best of luck...
They all go through this phase at one point or another, I think. You just have to remember, this is a great time to teach cause and effect! The question is, what effect do you want to teach her? If you give her whatever she wants, then she knows that screaming is going to have a positive outcome for her. If you ignore the screaming (or calmly and quietly put her in a safe place like her bedroom floor for a minute or two), she will learn that screaming gets her nowhere. It's up to you! =)If you are in public, you can calmly and quietly take her outside or to your car until she stops. (This is also a useful tactic to keep in your back pocket for when she starts real 2-year-old-tantrums!)
My son does/did the same thing. Why can't you put her in time out? When my son started to scream, I would pick him up and put him in his time out spot on the wall and let him know, "no screaming". And left him there. He soon learned that screaming means the "wall" and he didn't like that. So he stoppped. He still every once in a while will forget for a day or two, but once put back on that wall, he remembers quickly. He'd rather be playing with is brother or doing ANYTHING else than sitting on that wall.
good luck.......I almost thought we were going to get kicked out of daycare because our providers ears were busted teh screaming was so loud. But it all worked out, he sort of grew out of it....well grew out of doing it constantly anyway.
-K.
If it bugs you put her in her room. If you're in a store you can leave.
It sounds like you're not overreacting to it, which you don't need to. My youngest son was a screamer - he's now 15 and still pretty damn loud, but he's awesome.
I personally like feisty kids because I think they will do better in life. I think having a voice is better than being the shy, silent type.
S....
just a thought have you tried agreeing with her??? responding to her with matched emotion and mirroring her facial and body expressions??? not at such high of a pitch or volume as to draw attention to yourself in public or anything, but enough out of the norm of your usual responses to her so much so that her attention is drawn to you? and once you've garnered her attention stroke her ego?? with phrases like; "i know you're upset, ohhh i know,so upset...this makes you angry huh?" then begin to bring your voice down...with "oh well i would be angry too!!! being angry is ok." then with a soothing comforting tone except for emoting words in which case you would say with matching emotion, "you go ahead and be angry, but if you would like mommies help or attention, even though you are soo mad and so frustrated, you'll have to let mommy know with words. when you're angry, say MOMMY I'M ANGRY!!!, and say it loud and mommy will be sure to answer you. or mad, say MOMMY I'M MAD, or frustrated because you want or need something that you don't have or arent getting... say MOMMY I'M FRUSTRATED, because this is the only way mommy can help you... mommy will not help you when you scream like this, do you understand i don't know how to help if you can't tell me why you need help and your screaming doesn't tell mommy why...ok? now what is it? mad? angry? sad? can you tell mommy?" when she tries to tell you and i'm pretty sure she will, in her own 10 month old sorta way, praise her. this sort of dialogue while mostly one sided will begin to get her thinking of how she feels,when she feels this way and by talking through all the emotions (make sure your face expresses the emotion you are relaying to her) you will begin to give her the language to one day truly say MOMMY I'M ANGRY, and your mirrored reaction to her fit will most likely come to mind the next time she feels like fitting and talking her down and out of said fit will get easier each time, and eventually wont be necessary.
good luck.
aline
My son went through a screaming phase around the same age. We tried a variety of things but what finally worked (though he was probably closer to 13 months before it did) was that we taught him how to sign "please"--brushing one hand across his chest. As soon as he learned that, the shrieking stopped. He could finally ask for something in a more appropriate way. We just used "please" because it is easy to sign, but for us it means "I want that" or "Give me that" or "Help me" and other similar things. Sometimes he signs please very vigorously (along with saying it more and more), but it's not accompanied by those ear-splitting screams anymore.
Maybe it makes her feel powerful! Physically, I mean. Take heart...maybe she is showing early signs of being a confident, assertive female, which can be helpful in this society.
The thought of her lesser vocabulary compared to your son was a good consideration--- but if she is smiling, then it's definitely not frustration. Ignoring it sounds like the right thing. Sometimes kids get a kick out of cause/effect, and just enjoy creating a reaction.
It's embarrassing, I know, that everyone can hear her and might get the wrong idea...
Maybe try to avoid taking her into stores until she gets over this phase.
I think Screaming at this age is a normal part of progression... for whatever the reason. That said its still not right! My son started at that age sreaming for no reason at all. I think it was just to be heard. The best thing to do whatever the reason is, is just to ignore them, don't make eye contact. It takes a little while because I think they enjoy it. But it is a phase and it will patter off.
Your daughter is learning that she can control parts of her environment. It is a very powerful feeling and kids really get a kick out of how they can cause us to react.
The key here is to let her know that she has control over certain things in her environment, and that for other things you will be making the decisions. DO NOT give into her when she starts to scream. Don't grab her and rush out of stores or hand her toy back, etc. TRY to stay calm and tell her what is going to happen. Don't argue or "reason" with her, as that puts her in control still.
For example: "You have to put your toy down because it is time to eat." If she starts screaming because she doesn't want to put down the toy and you give into her screaming, you are actually encouraging the behavior. You are telling her that if she screams she can get her way.
What you need to do is to let her know that you are in charge. She is trying to get your attention and get her way. If she starts to scream tell her that you will pay attention to her when she stops screaming, then turn your back to her. It can be a VERY difficult thing to do, but it should work fairly quickly. This will let her know that she can't get her way OR get your attention by screaming. Trust me, there isn't a parent out there who wouldn't understand if they heard her and saw you doing that.
Kids develop a sense of security and trust when they know what the rules are and that they are followed on a consistant basis.
Good Luck,
K.
She screams because it works. Stop responding to the screaming...don't give her what she wants when she screams.
When my daughter did things that we didn't like to get attention, I took her to her room, sat her on her carpet, and walked out without looking back. Believe it or not, she would just sit there and cry (scream sometimes). When she was quiet, I would go back to her and said, "Please, don't throw toys" or whatever the thing was she was doing over and over again.
I put her back where she was when she was removed and kissed her head. When she wasn't verbal, I tried to figure out the issue, and ask her questions...Are you finished? Do you want to get down? More beans? Etc.
That worked for us.
S
As hard as it may be, ignore it. My baby did the same thing a few weeks ago and we just ignored her. It was tough and my almost 4 year old was getting so mad because she was loud. It didn't last that long and now she doesn't do it at all. Babies look for cause and effect. She screams and gets attention.
