School Is Out and Daughter Is Almost Unbearable

My son who is 12 is just like this too. He flips out easily... and then I find I flip out even more - which only gets him really going. Things I've learned. If I'm calm.. I tell him to sit and relax a few minutes and then we will talk. I tell him he has to calm down.. I give him a few minutes of alone time.. then I call him to sit and relax. We talk over why he is so angry.. and I let him know I don't like when he gets like that. Then I tell him he has to say he is sorry and that he has to give up something - like ice cream that night or whatever.... This usually works and these outbreaks are less and less. good luck!!

This is probably no help, but I am right there with you. My daughter will be 5 at the end of Sept. and in the past several weeks, she has been really hard to be around. Demanding, whiny, prone to crying, it is like pre-k PMS. I am wondering if there is some kind of developmental stage they go through at this point, and will be eager to see other responses. Generally, she has been a very easy, flexible kid, has just hit a rough patch. It is looking like it's going to be a LONNNGGGG summer!

Hang in there!

D. D.

This time every year I have problems with my usually very well behaved easy going kids. I think you're right the schedule change throws them off. Plan play dates with friends, plan something everyday (even if it is just a craft). Library programs are always great-- we love story time and book buddies and it gives me a 1/2 hour of reading time to myself. If you can put her in some time of summer program/camp do it for a week or 2 and everything will be so much better.
Once they adjust to the new routines it gets much better.

She is both excited and nervous. It will all end when she starts school, but until then you will just have to do a lot of counting to ten and deep breathing. Hang in there, it will pass.

It sounds like she is bored.
She had a regular routine going at school and now that she isn't there it's hard for her.

Try making a schedule for her for the daytime. I had to do this for my kids for a couple of summers. It worked nicely. We had a craft time, nap time, clean up time, reading time, quiet time (they could nap or do something quietly during this time). Also schedule lunch and dinner. And a free time should be included too.

You don't have to be strict about the schedule, but if you make a simple one, and try to stick to it, you will probably see a difference in her.

Also check with your library, most offer reading groups for kids her age. I'm sure her brother would enjoy that too.
If they don't offer one, do it yourself. Go check out books that are age appropriate and set a reading time with the kids.

Take them on 'field trips' to the park and such. Since you are a SAHM, it's a little easier for you to follow a schedule with them. Just include different activities for them to do each day.

Example schedule I had was:

8:00-9:00 a.m. Breakfast
9:00-9:45 a.m. Craft time
9:45-10:00 a.m. Clean up
10:00 a.m.-11:00 p.m. Outside Play
11:00- 12:00 p.m. Reading Time
12:00-1:00 p.m. Lunch
1:00-2:00 p.m. Free Time
2:00-3:30 p.m. Nap/Quiet time
3:30-5:00 p.m. Outside Play
5:00 Dinner

Evenings should be family time with you and dad.
I hope this helps you out.
Good luck

She sounds like she is missing the structure and companionship the pre-K offers. Try setting up some type of routine and that will probably help! A.

Hm... I certainly can see the cause for your concern.
It really makes us feel worse and creates alot of anxiety when you cant make the hurt stop for your child.
How long was she going to the pre-k? Look at it this way .. we have them to look forward to going to a certain place every day. Seeing the same people. and even when we tell you that it is going to change (kindergarten). Which she has no control over... If she enjoyed it, she may not really know how to express her sadness that she wont be going back, and the uncertainty of when she can see those same people again.

her routine changed dramatically, she is bored.

Sounds to me like maybe she's bored. Is there a summer camp or daycare that you can put her in until she starts kindergarten?

Some children have adjustment problems in summer. They are used to a routine, structured activity and daily socialization. In the summer, it helps to keep a schedule. There are also some kids who absolutely must go to camp or a summer program, even if they have a SAH parent. However, being disrespectful, spitting and being defiant are not ever acceptable (not to me anyway) and I would put a stop to it immediately. Being out of routine is not an excuse and I wouldn't put up with it, there would be immediate punishment.

Good luck

I would suggest that you look into getting a book(s) that might give you some project ideas, your girls may enjoy being offered some challenging things to do with their time. Resources may include material used for people that home school their kids. Going to the local library for story time, or taking out some books to read may be another idea to consider.

D.

I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for 38 years and have two grown sons.

Hi V.,
Though I have 4 kids and have gone through what you are going through many times, I'm on the same boat. Actually today is the first day in summer break for my oldest and next week, everybody will be home. I think your daughter doesn’t know what to do since she's been in school for full year. Small children go through that phase time to time. My 3rd child had very difficult time one year because he was so used to have his older sister together to play with. Then all of a sudden, she's gone (She started kinder) and he didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to do because usually I didn't have to do anything since our children entertain each other. But children need to learn different thing, one is socialization but also they need to know how to play by themselves. I think you just have to be patient with her. I don't think it's good idea to go crazy finding things for her to do and trying to do everything because she has to learn. Stay calm. It's very important that you don't get emotional and not get angry. Be sympathetic and let her deal with her emotions, that's her job. She will learn.

I could be wrong but it sounds like typical new school(hospital, moving, insert anything new) anxiety. I suggest you let her set up a kindergarten play scene with little figures, play areas, similar tables to your son's kindergarten. Let her work it out as she plays. It can be as little as your home play area and creativity dictate. You might change a big box into this room kinda like a cardboard doll house. I'm an older mom so I don't know what toys are out there. You might find Playschool or Legos has a school toy. Puppets are always great for revealing feelings.
Books are usually good but since your daughter knows the school and teacher it seems like a more internal anxiety that she has to work throough. Good luck. You know she'll love it once she finishes giving you trouble.

I used to be one of those mothers who thought how could people send their kids to camp over the summer....I thought I would NEVER do THAT! BUT, the one thing I have come to realize in the last nine years of being a mommy is there comes a point when you the mom are no longer enough....your child wants and needs more then you can provide(as stimulas)...she needs and craves playmates. I would recomend 2 things...first find a summer program through the recreation centers,school district or church...or look into a gymnastics/dance/karate class. Second get a big calander(either one of those family planners or a desk calander)put it up on the wall and fill it up, with her name and activites(I color code mine so it easier for my kiddies to read but I have 5 so it's really messy)then get on the phone and figure out playdates with friends and free activies in your area...for example Regals Cinemas does free movies for kids on tues and weds mornings all summer, AC Moore has a free make and take once a week for kids(check your local store for days and times), Home Depot has a free craft the first Sat of each month(you have to sign up in the store), check your local libraries for activites and storytimes, also B&N, Borders, Pottery Barn kids all have story hour once a week, join a mommy's group (they organize the activies for you)...fill up her calander with things that you have planned so she can see what's comming and she'll be excited and look forward to everyday(I also put my cleaning days on there and the kids do the toliet, showers and dust with all those neat gadgets...they LOVE it!) My last little trick is when you are leaving some place and you see her getting upset ask her if she had fun, and then tell her if she doesn't leave nicely you won't be able to bring her back(or do the next event)...this works for me like a charm....Good luck, I hope this helps!

First you need to deal with your anxiety rising and not allow yourself to reach the point of losing it and yelling.
Try removing yourself from the situation for a bit, long enough to do some deep breathing to calm yourself. It also might help to get you into a different mind set to think that your child needs support from you when she's behaving this way or try using some humor.

Every child is different and all children need to be disciplined and there are not only different degrees of it but also different reactions that children have from it.
Maybe you need to rethink how you deal with her when she needs to be disciplined? Question how they delt with discipline in Pre-k. You might want to talk to the other Mom's, or to someone who ran the Pre-k class or even your daughter can shed some light on it if you question her when she is calm.

Maybe having some plays days in the house with some of her pre-K friends more often will help but I tend to think you need to help her move on with helping her to find new interests and some new friends.

Look into the many activities for children her age in your area and see if you can get her excited about joining something....for an example: Maybe sign her up for dancing lessons with children of her age or join a "Y" where she can learn to swim and do the many other activities they have there.... Or maybe a gumnastics class, or ice staking, or roller staking classes....

I have a soon to be 5 year old as well, who loves school. I put him in summer camp so that he would still have adequate time to socialize with other kids his age and his friends. It sounds like your daughter may be acting out becuase she misses school and her friends. She's most likely bored. Therefore if you can swing a summer program it may be good for her. I have no choice for my son since hubby and I both work. If you can't swing it try to set up things for her to do with other kids during the day. The library usually has free summer programs for kids. Hopefully she'll see the effort you are making to keep her busy and happy and she will in turn behave in a way to make you happy.

my daughter who is 5 1/2 also has this problem. she has sensory processing disorder and every time there is a big transition like school ending or even a long break during the year we go through this. i think that they're reacting to the change in structure and routene that they're used to getting at school. also even though your daughter is excited and looking forward to kindergarten i think it's still a lot emotionally for them to know that preschool is done. they make such a big deal about it at the preschools with the graduations etc. it's a big change for the kids.my daughter is starting camp in 2 weeks so i'm hoping that helps. you could try signing her up for some kind of regular class or activity if she wont be going to camp.anyway, good luck!

Hi V., I have a question, was your daughter disrespectful and spitting while in school or did this just happen? I can understand the trouble with now not having friends around and lots of regular activity but most kids love not having to get up and go and sitting in front of the TV for a while. As I write this my 5 year old grand daughter is doing just that. I agree with you talking to her and arranging playdates but the bad attitude and habits are unacceptable and you need to deal with that. You also don't need your son to think she can continue that behavior or he may jump on that bad bandwagon. I would tell her if she is a good girl then we will do something fun today and take it one day at a time. Summer is a great outdoor season. Beaches, pools, picnics, parks! :-) I wish you my best, Grandma Mary

Hi V., All I can say is please read this book. Have A New Kid By Friday Written by Dr. Kevin Leman. It is a simple way of handling a child of any age. I've read this book and have tried the methods and they really do work. You can find it at www.revellbooks.com Good luck to you and anyone else reading this. K.