The other day ds#1 (7 years old) went to the holiday shop at school. I had filled out the form that morning and sent in $20. All he had to buy for was his dad, younger brother and I. Well he comes home shows me the three things he bought for himself. He said he used his allowance money (which I don’t discredit. He gets $5 a week).
Since I was wary, I checked the bag today. There was a pair of baby socks and a world’s greatest grandpa mug. There was a smaller baggie but it was empty. I am pretty upset about this. Ds#1 was more interested in what he could get than buying us gifts. I could tel by his tone and the thought he put into his stuff.
I emailed his teacher to find out what he spent his money on (he came home with no change!) and if it was possible to return items. I don’t know if I want to have him return his items if he can or have him donate them. Or should I just talk to him. But I feel it was pretty selfish of him to buy himself stuff when he should have been buying other people gifts. Any advice on what would be a good step to take?
Thanks everyone so far for the advice! I wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. I didn't think the teacher could fix it, I was hoping for insight on cost.
I am taking him out to purchase gifts at the store. Idk why I allow him to go to the holiday shop in the first place. It’s a silly idea at his age for the reasons people listed. I told him that the items he purchased have to put aside for Christmas. He wasn’t happy about it but it worked out.
Managing money and thinking of others is a lot to expect of a seven year old. I'm glad you're taking him gift shopping, he still needs help and guidance in this area after all!
I hated those things when my kids where young. But that is very typical. If I let my boys do it I would give them specific amounts that was to be spent on each person no more. And that if there was money left they were to bring it home. Or sometimes the school would have them make a list of what they wanted with prices and I could tell them what was ok to buy. 7 years old is very young to just give money to and tell them to find gifts.
Wow. What a learning experience for him. Just the look on your face must have let him know that you were disappointed in his decision making.
As a teacher who led many classes through these fairs, I would suggest that you send less money next year. For whatever reason, I found the children made better decisions with fewer dollars. Go figure.
I know you did not blame anyone (thank you), but I would like to mention that these fairs are often produced by parent associations that are trying to be helpful. Teachers typically do not have control over what is for sale or the amount of time given for shopping. Sometimes I found the fairs well directed and sometimes I was given 20 minutes to have 15 kindergarteners make multiple gift choices. Nightmare!
well, geez, he's only 7.
how much time have you spent working with him on money, shopping and budgeting?
you wanted him to buy 3 gifts. he bought 2, and some stuff for himself, which may be 'selfish'......
but he's only 7.
i certainly wouldn't make this the teacher's problem or guilt trip the little fellow over this. i'd have a no-drama discussion about it with him, emphasizing what i DID want him to do (not all the awful selfish stuff he did wrong) and take him out on a supervised shopping trip so i'd know for sure that he understood what was expected.
khairete
S.
He's 7. Sounds about right for a 7 year old. He had money and saw cool stuff he wanted. It's not the teachers fault. I would just talk to him and explain what he did wrong. Don't make him return the stuff or expect the teacher to make it right. He didn't understand. Most 7 year old wouldn't.
Take him shopping and have him pick out gifts for other people where you can supervise and teach him. Tell him the stuff he bought for himself is part of his Christmas gifts and let it go.
How old is he?
Why is this shocking to you?
Of course kids buy things for themselves.
I bet all his friends were doing the same thing.
I'd let it go.
If you want him to shop for others then take him with you to a store, supervise it and walk him through the steps - practice it.
This is something he's learning to do and it takes time.
Having him return his items or donate them is just cruel.
Chill out.
If I recall, he is 7 years old. I think it is pretty irresponsible of the school to just throw caution to the wind and lets kids loose with money for the purpose of "buying gifts." What a crock - I'd be WAY more annoyed with the school for this than my kid. If they aren't going to be more organized and chaperone kids through with a "wish list" of gifts and some parental instruction, what is the point?
I'd email the school about my disappointment regarding how this was handled, but not ask about returning the items since likely that really isn't an option anyways. You could ask about the general cost of the items your son did purchase as this leads to the next issue.
Was your son selfish? Well, no more than many kids with cash in their pocket, likely limited instructions from the teacher/school, and a bunch of shiny objects on a shelf just begging to be purchased. However, the fact that your son took other money to school and spent it - is that generally allowed? At 7, my kids were not allowed to bring money for just spending without clearing it with me first. Does your child generally get to shop for himself for items without checking in on it first?
I'd focus on the rules that you have in your home about spending personal money without permission on items that haven't been cleared with mom/dad rather than focusing on being "selfish" - that lesson could come in a more roundabout way. For example, having him spend his own allowance on a more appropriate gift than a greatest grandpa coffee mug or a pair of baby socks :)
Good luck!
First, let me say that this is really really typical - happens all the time.
I don't think he should return things to the school store - probably not possible. However, you could talk about the gifts with him, and ask him to explain why he got them. He likely had no idea what size socks to buy and he didn't realize that the mug said grandpa instead of dad. Then, you can help him use his allowance money to buy more appropriate gifts.
I will say though that he is only 7 and 7 year olds haven't learned how to buy gifts yet. They have a hard time projecting to what someone else would want. When one of mine was 7, he bought me and his dad each a stuffed animal because he loved stuffed animals and assumed we would too (and I received it in the spirit that he gave it). So cut him a little slack - he's 7.
On a tangent, if you have time I strongly suggest that you get more involved in the PTO, which probably ran the event. I have been to some events like this where the adults running the shop help steer the kids to appropriate stuff. For example - at the register looking at the list that says "Mom, Dad, and brother" and saying "you bought a Grandpa mug, are you buying for your grandpa too? Which present is for mom and which is for dad? How old is your brother?" and then make suggestions if the gift is really inappropriate. If your PTO doesn't do this, it might be because they don't have enough hands and if you volunteer to help next year, you might be able to help steer kids so this doesn't happen to other parents.
I wasn’t a fan of these things either. It’s expensive, cheap junk. I permitted my girls to purchase a gift for their sister, me and my husband. I used to only give $10.
Our school also used to send home a check off sheet saying who the child was purchasing a gift for.
I would suggest going with him next year.
I used to find out what time the class was going to be at “the store”, and I’d meet the children there. We would talk about each person he or she was going to buy for and what they thought each person would like.
If they saw something they wanted, and it wasn’t outrageous, I’d tell them that I’d mention it to their sibling as a suggestion. They were always pleased as punch to think they’d given their sibling an idea for their gift. (If the sibling chose something else, so be it.) 🙂
They learned to be good shoppers, excellent gift givers, and gracious recipients.
The school Holiday Shop can be an absolutely wonderful thing. I have helped run the one at my childrens' school for the past 5 years or so and the children get so excited. PTA usually runs the shop at most schools since the rest of the staff is busy doing their regular jobs. That being said, PTA runs this on volunteers and we are often shorthanded and just doing the best we can. We definitely help children shop as much as we can, but when an entire class comes at the same time, there is only so much we can do. We have encouraged teachers to send children a few at a time so that we can help more and some do. Often the teacher's aids come in and help their children as well.
My son did something like this a few years ago. We did make him take this back and get the presents on his list and he has gotten better at shopping each and every year. My guess is that the teacher will have no idea how he spent his money. Often, we bag and wrap gifts before the children leave. Sometimes the fun part of this is seeing what crazy stuff the kids actually pick out. I understand that you are annoyed, but I would encourage you to volunteer to help with these events. You will likely see that it just isn't as easy as you think.
The same thing happened at our school. He's only 7 so are the kids at our school that did the very same thing. They have no idea yet about thinking of others first. At this stage in their development, it is still about them. He'll get there. I wouldn't email the teacher as she has a lot to do and has no control of this type of thing. Instead, I would take him to the store to purchase gifts for everyone. That's what I do. Don't worry mama, it happens all the time.
I think the school has a nice idea but in reality those items would most likely be cheap items. I think your idea of taking him shopping yourself is the better thing.
