D.D.
Somewhere along the line you've turned this into you vs the school instead of you and the school working together to help your daughter. Why are they complaining to you? I don't think they are. I think they are trying to work with you to get your daughter educated so she can grow up to be a productive member of society. Don't you want that?
the neurologist didn't give a diagnosis because he/she is friends with the psychologist. He/she did the testing and that's the findings. Mild asperger. Another test on another day with a different outcome doesn't mean she doesn't have issues. It might mean she figured out the test from the first time and did better because of it.
I think maybe you need to talk to a therapist about your feelings of having a child with special needs. It appears that you are in denial about what her situation is right now. Maybe you need to come to terms with the fact that your daughter has challenges you didn't foresee and how that impacts your life.