School Carpool Expectations:

If you haven't already talked to the parent, then you can't expect them to know how you feel. I think you should tell the mom and child before the next time you drive that there is no eating in the car. If he comes out with breakfast in hand after that, he has to just hold it until he gets to school. I would think that after you told mom the rule, and he tells her he had to hold his breakfast and wasn't allowed to eat it in the car, they will understand that you really mean it. If you keep letting it slide, they will never stop. Actions speak louder than words.

Sorry, nobody eats in my car. Certainly not children. Ick. I would talk to his mom or dad but they need to get on the ball.

I'd tell the parents the night before your next pickup morning: "I'm doing pickup tomorrow morning and just wanted a word with you. Last week (or whenever), Billy brought breakfast with him and I let him eat it in the car then -- but I can't do that next time. I have a 'no eating in the car' rule for my own family and need to keep to that during the carpool. If Billy's running late and hasn't had breakfast, he can bring it to eat at school but please don't send it with the expectation he'd eat in the car."

I would not just wait and see if Billy brings breakfast and then tell him, "Sorry, you can't eat that." If you do that, Billy's going to tell mom and dad that night how the mean mom didn't let him eat, he was starving, he was so distracted by being hungry, etc. Don't let them hear it from their son, let them hear it from you before he ever gets in he car with food.

If Billy - or the parents -- complain that "Mom X and Dad Y in the carpool let kids eat in their cars" and so on, you'll need to paste on a big smile (even on the phone -- they can hear it in your tone....) and say, "I realize other drivers might have different rules, and that's fine but we really need to stick to our rule in our car."

The lateness is a total pain, I agree, but I'd keep it separate from the food issue. If the kid is just a few moments late, that's one thing and can be ignored, but if he's quite late and actually making you rush to get to school on time, then it's time for another talk with the parents. If his lateness is causing a rush and pushing the carpool up against the school bell, I would talk with other drivers in the carpool and see if they have the same issue with this family. It will be much more effective if a couple of the carpool drivers, together, tell this family that the lateness is a problem, than if you do it all by yourself.

No, you are not a giant grump. However, not everyone follows that rule and may not be aware that you do. Voice your position to the mom. "We don't allow food in our cars, so please make sure little Johnny doesn't bring his breakfast to eat in the car."
It's not a problem to have an issue with it, but it isn't exactly fair to complain if you haven't made the parent aware that it's an issue. Just say something.

Not having the kid ready, that would be an issue for me, too. There's no way they don't know what time they are expected to be ready to go. If it is a routine problem, again, speak up. "Jenny, little Johnny doesn't seem to be ready on time about a third the time. It's frustrating for us to sit and wait, when we rushed through something ourselves so that we would not be late. Please be sure he is ready to go at the agreed upon time. Thanks."

No one eats in my car including me. It is just a rule. I would have no problem telling the child that they are not allowed to eat in my car. If they try to again tell the parent your rule. I honestly think it is incredibly rude for the parent to send their child out to your car with food. Crumbs are bound to make your car dirty.

Also, the fact you have to wait for this child is also incredibly rude. My kids were always standing by the door ready to go as soon as their ride showed up.

Well, we eat in our car all the time, so it wouldn't occur to me that this is a problem unless you tell me. So I think it's fair to say that yes, you can set the rules for your car. But you can't expect others to know what the rules are if you don't tell them.

For the lateness - here is my question: Does his lateness make all the kids late for school? Or are you actually leaving earlier than you need to? If it does, then I'd tell the parent - when we pick up, we can't wait because the rest of the kids shouldn't be late for school. Then, if he's not ready, let her know that you have to leave without him. If those few minutes do NOT make everyone late for school, then maybe the leave time doesn't need to be so early. Maybe you can make it 5 minutes later so that everyone can have those extra minutes. Then, go with strategy #1, and tell her that you pushed the time back 5 minutes, but that this means that you will not wait for her child if he's late.

To me, carpooling only works if you're the type of parent who can address problems if they arise. If you can't nicely request that kids don't eat in your car, or please have your child ready on time, then carpooling might not be for you.

It's not about is it rude, or you wouldn't do it. If it bothers you - you need to speak up. You can without being a "grump". Good luck :)

I agree that you need to talk to the parents about the tardy behavior and breakfast. He can pack it to go (if you are OK with that), but not eat it en route if he has to take it with him. I'd say that if he's not in the car by x time, then you will not be able to wait, as that makes everyone late and you don't have time to sign children into the office/other parents expect you to get their kids to school on time. If it persists after a few weeks, then say unfortunately this arrangement is not working and he'll have to find a new ride.

We have been known to eat in our car when traveling or crazy busy, so perhaps this other mom thinks nothing of it. Just tell her that you have a rule of no eating in your car. She will understand. I would! Just tell her.

This is why I don't do carpools. I have that child who is always pulling herself together at the last minute. Every once in awhile she eats something in my car on the way to school. Big picture with her, this is not a battle I fight. I don't mind the food in the car because I'd rather have her eat than not eat. I'm not picky about food in my car, but knowing others really don't approve of it, I would not send her out the door with food to be eaten in anyone else's car. I also do not want anyone else inconvenienced by her type-b style. At one point she was always getting a ride to school with a friend. I had to explain to her that it was rude to keep her friend waiting. Right now I just drive her myself. If she's late, it's on her. I make her manage her own time, and we leave when she decides she is ready. I'm always ready on time, and I would be super irritated if we were kept waiting by another child, so I also do not pick up friends on the way to school.

Agree with j c!

Updated

AGREE WITH J C!

Send out an email to everyone and say "Please, no eating breakfast in my car."

I'd start with this. It might fix the late problem.

If it doesn't work, then you have to decide if you're the only one who is bothered by lateness. If you are, then you either accept it, or leave the carpool.

But DON'T accept breakfast in your car. Better nip that in the bud NOW.

we just bought our first car that actually still hads a warranty. and there is no eating in the car period. i would of had the child put it away till they got to school and informed mom that no one is allowed to eat in the car. and i am an early kinda gal so the late thing wouldn't fly with me wither, i would be tellin mom that just like the bus if the child is not in my car at xxx time i am leaving and assuming the child is not going to school or that mom is bringing them to school that day.
i am also the B and don't care what others think.

Food in the car - just let everyone know that there is a "no eating/drinking in the car" rule and since you enforce it with the family, you enforce it with others too. Suggest that for rushed mornings that they pack something to eat once they arrive at school. I would of course allow water.

Lateness - Are you getting there before the agreed upon time and having to wait until the agreed upon time? or did you agree on 7 and he walks out the door at 710 every day? If it's the first, you are waiting because you arrived early (like at a doctor's appointment or a bus stop) but if it's the latter then you need to remind everyone that like a bus stop you will be there to pick up at xxx and they should be ready. I can tell you that here in DE, there is an 'unwritten policy" that the kids should be ready but if the bus arrives before the specified time, the driver is to wait (pick up 745 and they pull up at 735 then the driver has to wait if the kid isn't ready) but they do suggest the kids are ready 5 minutes before.

uggh, I hate carpools, I'll never do it again. I'd rather drive myself, even it its more time involved. We had a problem with one kid never showing up when it was her mother's day to drive home.
Never again.
I think you should tell the boy directly that you'd prefer that he finish his breakfast before he gets in the car. I'm sure he'll pass it on to his mom.

Tell the boy when he starts to get in your car to give the food back to mom. Then tell the mom when she gets upset that you don't allow your own kids to eat in your car and either he needs to get up early to eat or eat at school. I thought all public schools offer breakfast nowadays.

Maybe the mom really is trying too. The natural consequences of this boy not being ready on time is that he can't eat on the way to school. If mom doesn't like it she can go sit her hiney in her own car and take him to school herself.

If you want to talk to the other car pool parents before this happens to see if he does that in their car too then set a date to do that by. They all might be okay with it and they don't mind all the kids eating in their own cars. So the mom doesn't know you have an issue with it. I don't mind kids eating in my car IF it's not messy food like a bowl of cereal with milk.

You don't mention the age of this child. Is he/she old enough to remind to be ready by 6:30 AM? Can you tell him no more eating in my car? My daughter's teacher corrects her and I get the message. I then assist her in getting it done so she is not told again.