School - Los Angeles,CA

Updated on June 03, 2012
D.F. asks from Los Angeles, CA
15 answers

My child who is 10 is being heavily bullied in school. I went to the principle about it but nothing has been done regarding the bullies. What should I do?

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Now that you have spoken with the Principal, you need to find out who her boss is. Here is our school district, it would be the Elementary Area Superintendent.

Email this person and cc the Principal and the Teacher and tell this boss person what has been going on, the specific dates you spoke with the teacher and the Principal and what has happened since then..

If the Principal does not have a Area Superintendent then email the actual Superintendent of all schools.. again cc, the teacher and the Principal.

Request a meeting, if you want to talk face to face, otherwise set up a phone call or agree to emails.. Let this person know how you want to communicate.

6 moms found this helpful
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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

As someone noted, get everything documented. Do not rely on chats in the hallway or even phone calls. Do things by e-mail and keep everything you send and everything you ever get. Send any letters by registered mail so the school, principal, superintendent and school board (yes, write to the school board too) know that YOU know they received the letters. When something happens to your chiild, write down a diary of what happened, the date and time, location, etc.Make sure everyone involved knows you are keeping notes, doing everything in writing as well as in person, and then use that magic word: Police. If you do not get immediate resolution, be sure to say that you are now going to the police. In some cases, as someone posted below, the police WILL get involved so don't hesitate!

Meanwhile -- it is nearly the end of the school year -- is that correct for you? Be absolutely sure you write the school and say you do not want your child in any classes or activities next year with the children who are bullying him now. NAME THEM. "I am formally requesting that my son not be placed in any classes with X, Y and Z in the next school year, due to this year's issues between them. If my child is placed in any classes with these specific children in the fall, I will ask the school board to move my child immediately and will request a report on why this letter was not honored."

Also -- dont' forget in your focus on the school that your son is hurting inside. Please consider whether he might need some counseling over the summer from a counselor experienced in dealing with victims of bullies. This sticks with kids a long time and has even caused some quite young kids to commit suicide. I'm not saying your son would do this, but be aware that kids do not always tell parents the entire story of how bad this can get. Please seek out help for him to cope with this. If you can't afford a counselor, see your county or city mental health department, tell them what you need, and ask about sliding scale fee payments.

4 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

In addition to Laurie's answer, gather as much evidence as you can as well. Be prepared for your kid to take the fall as well and get into trouble - yes it happens.

Ex: My nephew in 6th grade was attacked by a number of the kids on the playground and they choked him from behind with a rope. They left marks and rope burn, but because he kicked one of the kids and elbowed another to break free he got suspended and they got detention. My nephew then moved to another state to live with his father.
In my case we had to call the police because once the school started to do something about it the girls brought it to my house and the school bus - I had a police escort on the school bus and at the stop because of these people. So, if it is this intense for your son - or you see it going there get in there NOW and do something - protect your kid/family and do not stop until it is resolved.

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

Go to the superintendent of your schools. Tell him or or her they have one day to put an end to this. If my son cannot be safe at school then you will go to the police and start procedures to take the school and all the parents of these bullies children to court. Report this as a hate crime and do not wait. Start your day off tomorrow with a trip to the Super. Do not wait.

3 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Immediately put your complaint in writing...be sure that both the principal and superintendent receive a copy (hand delivered). Also talk to both of them when you deliver it. Be sure that the steps you have already taken are specified (so your prior contact w/ principal is documented too). Ask both what they plan to do. Realize that school is almost out and they may not have much time to impose the normal punishments but should at the very least speak w/ the bullies.

Contact the school counselor directly as well (cc her/him on the complaint as well). Let the counselor give you and your daughter advise on dealing with/coping with the bullying so she is equipped in this case as well as future ones.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

Time to put everything in writing and logging all conversations. Time to also contact the school board. If things start to get even more complicated you could discuss your options with an attorney. Keep at it.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Ditto Laurie and Kristina. Take it to the top and don't stop until something is done.

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

go to the Board of ED, next, call the police-much of bullying can be construed as a hate crime-especially if your son is in a protected group.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

A friend of mine from high school has an amazing daughter. She is part of an Upward Bound group at her high school. She and the other members of Upward Bound heard the story of Ty Smalley and helped start this organization. This group has become a movement against bullying all over the USA.

Ty killed himself because he got suspended for defending himself.

I think if you contact then that they may be able to give you good solid avenues to get the help you need. Your son is at risk for all kinds of things, not only the bully actually hurting him but his self esteem and self worth is at risk.

Please take every step to protect your son from this heinous person. He needs you even if he thinks he doesn't.

http://www.standforthesilent.org/

There is also a FB "like" page for Stand for The Silent.

1 mom found this helpful

D.P.

answers from Detroit on

I would seek out a school counselor and ask him/her to counsel your child on how to cope with this issue. I am not saying that you should not do what others have advised you to and I am not sure what being heavily bullied is. My point is that there is no guarantee that when you get rid of one bully another one won't pop up. Therefore our kids should learn the skills to deflect what bullies do. Whether they be like a duck and let all the taunting be like water rolling off their backs, or some other way.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

Document everything. Who is bullying your son, what they are doing, dates, times, places, witnesses.

Document your conversations with the principal, teachers, other parents.

After you have documentation, go to the Board of Ed.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

they won't tell you what they do to discipline the bullies, if thats what you're saying. Has it stopped or not? Hard to tell by your post. If it stopped but you see no evidence of punishment, I'd leave it at that. If it hasn't stopped then thats a different story. Did you give principal the names of each and every student and examples of behavior (Johnny X did this, Susie Q said that). I agree to put it in writing. I'd present it to the principal one.more time.with specifics, before running to the superintendant. The superintendant will want to evidence you've already been to the principal. Depending how big your district is, going to the superintendant may or may not be the next best thing.
If the school has a counselor, call him/her about this. He/she can support your kid at school.
Last thought, have you considered contacting these kids parents yourself? They are 10, they are still very much under their parents thumb at that age. And if my own kid were being a jerk to someone at school, I'd appreciate a heads up about it before my kid got in trouble at the principals office.
This advice is coming as a mom and as a school counselor.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

Go meet with the principle. Most schools have an anti bullying program. But its probably the pta kids doing it so don't expect much change. But you can put the principle on notice. After the meeting fax over the follow up of what happened. CC the school board. Get actual kids names. Its the end of school though. If you are planning to put your child back kin this school next year you need to be prepared to keep notes. Also put the main kids parents on notice. First time something happens have a lawyer write a letter ccing the principle, school boardand the police. Or just switch his school. Go tothe school board and sahy the principle has been un able to control the bullying that is happening at her school and request a switch to another public school. Baring that you need to help improve your childs confidence. Karate, gymnastics, dance. I actually prefer small classrooms in a private setting that the teacher has more time for one on one focus. You'd think a bigger school would be better but teachers do not have time in bigger schools and cannnot control or watch everything. Expect retribution from the teachers and pta moms that are at the school all the time.

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

Saddly, a lot of issues aren't handled with just a "talk" you do need a paper trail - so maybe writing the principle & his teacher would be the next step. If the teachers & principle won't help - go higher up... call or write the school board. Actually - I have been e-mailing is always a great way to communicate because people are more likely to open an e-mail then a letter now days, plus you can forward or write more then one person at a time. Plus, if you know how to set the opion - you can get a notice when it is opened.

The only other option is to home school, but I know that isn't always an option for everyone.

Hopefully all will be better next year - since this year is almost over, but I do understand the picking - I have been told my kids are "bullied" they are just being picked on... not sure their is a difference in my eyes - my daughter now dislikes school & I have been told she tries to hide when she enters her classroom.

We are trying to get through the last 4 days of school & will hit the problem head on next year if it starts again or just start home schooling if I am still not working!!! Good luck!!!

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I'd work on this right now in hopes that you can prevent your child from being in the same 5th grade class with these kids who are doing the bullying. Go see the principal. Tell her that you will be sending her an email detailing the problem and that you haven't seen any improvement. Tell her that you want your child in a different classroom.

Finally, tell her that you will be on top of this in the fall if things aren't better, including calling the police.

I think that if you say all of this, they will really try to get your child is a class away from those kids.

Dawn

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