Scatterbrained Daughter

Every time I hear "I'm bored," I use the same exact line: "You're bored? Oh, that's great news! I need someone to clean out the toilet for me. Since you can't think of anything better to do, why don't you get started right now? And when you're done, you can change the litterbox."

Since I started using that line, I haven't heard much about boredom at all ;)

(I should clarify that my son does have his own chores -- namely cleaning up after himself, setting and clearing the table, and feeding the cat. When I hear about boredom, I deliberately give him something that's *not* on his list.)

In general, a seven-year-old should be learning to entertain herself for longer and longer periods of time -- but it's a learning process. Neither you nor she is doing anything wrong if she's not there yet, but it's perfectly reasonable to give her a gentle push to take care of this problem herself. She'll strengthen all kinds of mental muscles if you insist on it.

What you describe is typical for a kid her age. I wouldn't push her to finish art projects, for instance; if they're not something for school, let it go. Does she finish her schoolwork as required? Does she finish reading things she has to read for school? Does she do homework when asked and get through it all as needed? If she does those things with adequate focus, I would let the other things go.

It's not unusual for kids who love reading to jump from book to book and have several going at once.

I have an only child too. The shifting from thing to thing and getting bored quickly is not necessarily because of only-child status; it's personality and not based on being an only child, I think. Only children often tend to enjoy interacting with mom and dad more. But is SHE asking you to entertain her or are you just assuming she needs you to do so? I would tell her: One, the word "bored" is now banished; no one with a brain should ever be bored. (I actually don't use it and our daughter knows not to use it!). Two, you need something to do right now? I can't talk/play/etc. but you have game X in your room and it's fine for one person; you left two books on the couch that you can choose to finish or not; you know where the art supplies are. And so on.

If she follows you around you may have to ignore her somewhat and keep repeating: Books on couch, game on shelf, supplies over there. Then tell her that at X o'clock you are done and you and she will play a game or whatever; and stick to that -- do stop at that time and do play with her THEN but not whenever she demands it. Be sure to have that one on one time with her -- not "entertaining her" but interacting with her and enjoying her.

Another thing -- when she's not around one day, have a good long look at her books, games, art supplies, anything else that she can use to amuse herself. Ensure that it's all age-appropriate and challenging enough. If she hasn't had new games for a while, or is sticking with the same series of books she's been reading for a while, or the supplies are pom-poms and craft sticks instead of real paints and more complex craft kits -- consider updating her stuff so it give her more of a challenge for her age and stage.

Don't worry that this is "a habit that never goes away." All too soon she will not be coming to you at all to see what you're doing or to ask you what she should do next. Embrace it some and interact, while also setting boundaries so she knows that when you are busy, she needs to wait while entertaining herself. She will learn it. She's fine.

Re the art projects, don't worry about it. Art is about the process, not the finished product. If she loses interest and moves to something else that is totally normal.
Re independent play and the "need" to be entertained, yes, she should be able to keep herself occupied for extended periods of time. But some kids DO like constant engagement and company. It's okay for her to be nearby and to chat with you but she needs to understand that you have things to do too. Whenever possible engage her in what you are doing, cooking, housework, working outside, etc. But it's okay for you to say to her, I am going to read a book for a while now, or take a bath, or whatever, she is old enough to understand that. If the "I'm bored" mantra begins find a chore for her to do, she will likely suddenly find something more fun to keep her busy instead!
As far as not finishing books, I struggle with that too, with my youngest who is ADHD. I'm not saying your daughter has this disorder but it's something to keep an eye on. My daughter sounds a lot like yours (moving quickly from book to book, project to project, needing constant engagement) so I would just give it some time and see how that develops. Keep an open dialogue with her teachers too, because if she does have a real attention/focus issue it will be evident in the classroom. Likely it's just a maturity thing and she will grow out of it, but like I said, just keep an eye on it. These things are better/easier dealt with sooner rather than later.

My SD was like that for years as an only child.
The good thing? She outgrew it at the age of 13.
You're right, you cannot entertain her 24 hours a day nor are you
expected to.
Since she gets bored quickly, get her started on a project or play, tell her
what she can do next if she gets bored then tell her you have things to
do.
When she gets bored & comes to you, re-direct her verbally to another
thing she can do (a project laid out nearby, a toy, puzzle, barbies etc.)
then leve her to it.
Once in awhile, do sit down w/her for 10 mins to play w/her then tell her
it's time for you to get work done (even set a timer). Do this once every
couple of hours. She, also, wants interaction w/the ppl she loves most
in the world & they happen to be home. :)
Pick out a toy for her to play with, get her involved then leave to do your
chores. If she says anything, tell her she needs to play as you have
things to do.
It takes time & consistency but keep at it. She'll get the message.

for the life of me i cannot understand why any parent would feel the need to entertain a child.
nor do i understand the concept of boredom.
no child who is not physically restrained in a cage should ever be bored.
okay, i take that back. sitting in classrooms where you cannot speak or focus on something that interests you could be boring. waiting rooms with bad magazines if you don't have a book in your purse could be boring. having to attend a social function and be required to participate in shallow conversations with people who don't interest you could be boring.
but a child in a house with books and toys? a child with access to grass or trees or bikes or blocks or paints or sand or legos or hula hoops or her own imagination?
boredom is a fertile training ground for the imagination. don't prevent her from flexing it.
as for making her finish books or art projects, i wouldn't. if she really has a short attention span, i might direct her to books and projects with a shorter finish ratio. but i'd probably leave her to work out for herself just what interests her and for how long.
but i sure wouldn't make it my problem.
leave her alone.
let her figure it out for herself.
khairete
S.

This sounds fairly age-appropriate. However, if you want to get more information check out the book, "Smart but Scattered." I have a "scatterbrained," but very intelligent 13-year-old and his issues are starting to affect his school performance. I just started reading this book, but so far it's been enlightening.

I like the suggestions you have already! Here's my two cents' worth:

The way to get her to play independently is, first, to tell her that it's time she entertained herself. But then you have to help her learn how to do that. It's a lot different than turning on the TV.

You might talk to her teacher for suggestions. Teachers sometimes have a chance to notice things about a child that the parents don't.

Then, if your daughter likes art projects, get her some of that clay that won't dry out, a table knife, and a work area that the clay won't ruin, and say, "See how many things you can do with this in half an hour." It doesn't have to be a half hour. Set a time that is a bit of a challenge for her. Anything she does with the clay is fine, of course, as long as she does something. It may take her twenty-nine minutes, though, before she gets into the activity. But next time, it may be only twenty-five. And the next time, she might ask you for the clay.

Send her out in the snow and say, "How many things can you do with snow in ten minutes?" Or, once the weather is nicer, send her out with crayons and a pad of drawing paper, and say, "Draw pictures of the smallest living things you can find in the yard. Make your pictures as detailed as you can."

Next time she reads a book, have her read it out loud and make up all the voices. You don't have to be there to listen to her.

Give her some jobs around the house that *have* to be finished. Not icky jobs (this isn't punishment) - just ones that she can feel a sense of accomplishment about when she actually completes them.

Take three quarters of her toys and store them away. Explain that they will come back later, but that she needs to see what she can do herself with only the ones that are out. (Often, seeing too many toys can prevent a child from playing with any.) Let the toys that are out be ones that she can do things with, rather than ones she just watches or listens to. There are plenty of popular toys that essentially turn a child into a spectator, not an active player, so choose wisely.

Can you have her help you with supper? Not just setting the table, but cooking one food - with your supervision, of course. Have her in on every step while you explain what needs to be done and why. (My mama used biscuits with me.) It might make her interested in asking questions about it and doing a little more herself next time.

Have a family game night, and play a game together all the way through. Give yourselves high fives for finishing the thing, whoever wins, and don't have your mind on the laundry or the to-do list while you play - keep your mind on the game. That's an example you set, by the way.

The idea is for your girl to begin concentrating on one thing for a little while (not too long, but enough). A brain that simply skims the surface of things doesn't know how much fun it is to dive deeply.

My daughter used to do it with books too. Sometimes she'd get bored with the book--but more often than not I'd find that she was either lost in the book or didn't understand something in the book. Even though my daughter was a good reader, sometimes books can be complicated to follow.

I solved the problem by reading her books. When she wanted to put the book down I'd start asking her questions about it. Almost every time she'd eventually say "well, I didn't understand this one part," or "the author was really confusing me!" Her go-to answer was "I'm bored with the book" but the REAL reason was something else.

Every once in a while she was truly bored with the book.

There's nothing wrong with reading a few books at once, but it's strange if she doesn't finish ANY of the books!

As far as follow through--sometimes I had to encourage my daughter past the difficult parts to get to the finish. My daughter lacks follow-through and if something got a little difficult she'd quit. I never PUSHED her to finish, but I would often take the time to sit beside her and either help or encourage her. It's time well-spent because it brings us closer together. The excitement she had when a project finished was worth it, and I would make sure to compliment her on her follow-through.

It should also get better as she gets older.

Good luck!

I'm considered an almost only child, since the age difference between my siblings and I is so great. I was used to playing indepently by my self, since I had older parents as well. Once in a while they'd play a board game with me or my mom would play badminton with me, but not a lot. The thing that I didn't like was there really weren't any games for one person when I was growing up. Now, there's video games. I would have loved those. I spent most of my time climbing trees, walking in the woods with the cats and dog, and sewing clothes for my dolls. My son is an only child and is very happy being one. I think it's easier for me to understand he, because he is so much like me. I will admit to spoiling him by playing with him a lot, because that is what I wish my parents could have done. (They couldn't, because they were old and not very healthy.) Now DS is a teenager, and I really miss playing with him. I guess I'm trying to say to treasure the moment while you've got it, because things change when they become teenagers. As for never finishing a book...Guilty too. I prefered to read those gossip papers from the local grocery store when I was a kid. (Yeah, my parents had me reading the newspaper when I was 4.) Those chapter books can get boring and pretty long after a while. Plus, I didn't like fiction...I liked non-fiction. My mom used to read fiction chapter books to me every night as a bedtime treat. I couldn't wait to go to bed just to here here read "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory;" even though, I hated chocolate. So what did I do with my DS?
1. Played video games with him. It got to the point that I had to get my own hand held video game system, because he didn't want me "messing his game up." Ok I'm not good at vidoe games, but it is fun. We'd play them side by side. I even got games that I like to play. No, we didn't spend all our time playing video games. Also I like them, because 1 player can play them.
2. We read together. Yep, he'd lay on the couch reading his book and I'd sit in the recliner reading mine. Then we'd have fun exchanging storys and talking to each other about what happened in our books. It was fun. Kind of like some ladys do when they watch their soap operas. We'd even say what we think we would have had the main characters do instead of what they did in the book. It's soooooooo much fun! We couldn't wait to read another chapter just to talk about it. We both liked action books. My DS taught me to enjoy fiction.
3. I played outside with my DS. I figured I needed the exercise anyhow, so why not? We'd blow bubbles, play badminton, play frisbee, kick a giant ball around as if we were playing soccer...I even tried my best to catch a football and throw it. Wouldn't you know it...DH and MIL got into the act too! They played basketball and badminton with him.
4. We'd draw together. We'd take Yu-Gi-Oh cards and try to draw them with colored pencils. Colored pencils are way cooler than crayons.

Bottom line: She's a kid, so don't worry about her not finishing chapter books or playing by herself. Just enjoy the moment while you can. Make excuses to put down the dish cloth and play. :)

I wouldn't try to make her finish books, unless they are for school. Based on your description, though, she might very well be ADD, as she sounds like my 7 yr old daughter, who has ADHD. As for keeping her entertained, while I agree that she does need to learn to play by herself, how about arranging play dates with her friends? Or send her to some sort of after school program?

She sounds normal to me.
Maybe she would benefit from doing activities outside the house. Sports, clubs, etc.

Why not read the book with her to help her get excited? Or each of you read the book independently and talk about the book over hot chocolate.
Kids that age may need encouragement to stick with a book and I can't think of a better way than seeing their parents excited over the same book