First of all, I know at least one of you out there thinks that I shouldn't be having sex in the first place since we can't afford another baby right now. I'm not interested in hearing those same thoughts right now. We are using protection.
Anyways, since our baby was born things have definitely not been the same. I knew that sex was gonna hurt for a little while after giving birth, but it's been 9 and a half months! It hurts right around the opening, and deeper in as well. It doesn't hurt during, just after. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I can't even walk. The pain last 10-15 minutes and then subsides. It's not because I'm not wet enough. After 7 months, I went in to my doctor. She couldn't figure anything out. She sent me to a specialist. The specialist said that it was one of two things but that they were treated the same way so she was just going to give me the medication that was supposed to help and send me home. It was this cream stuff that was supposed to numb the area so that I wouldn't feel any pain. The cream made the area start stinging before my boyfriend even touched me, and didn't help the after pain at all.
My boyfriend wants to have "birthday sex" tonight, and I'm terrified. I don't want to turn him down because we barely ever have sex (Once a month, if even). He knows that it hurts, and would be understanding if I said no tonight. I would just feel terrified. We've tried going slower, but it doesn't help.
Any suggestions? I don't want to turn him down tonight, but at the same time I am terrified at the thought of giving in and giving it to him.
Edited to ad: We do not use condoms & it's not just him that hurts. Any penetration. My toy hurts, and even using tampons hurts.
Do you use condoms? I know that we used them for awhile but then I started to have pain a bit like you are describing. We tried all sorts of different ones and they all bothered me. So we had to stop. Just a thought
Instead of having sex, how about another birthday "treat". I'm sure he'd be just as satisfied.
Eh, how about some birthday oral? Might work out as a decent compromise, right?
Ok . ... Could this be a deeper sort of mental pain rather than physical? Not saying your crazy or anything, but perhaps there was something traumatic about your pregnancy and your scared for that to happen again or that you are really terrified of having another baby and you know sex is your way to control the situation.
These are just another thing to think about. AND You can have sex all you want even if you aren't financially able to have another baby, as long as your smart about it. Which you already are.
Go to your gyno again. Tell her it didn't work and get something to help you and your boyfriend out.
If you had an episiotomy or tore and had to be sewn up, they probably gave you a hormone cream which softens the scarring and stretched the tissue. UNFORTUNATELY at this point (just from observation at working in a women's clinic) if you've used the hormone cream 2-3x per day and any penetration still hurts than either the opening was sewn just FAR too tight to stretch, or a nerve has regrown in the wrong place. Which would mean a surgical fix to either make the opening more natural, or to 'redirect' the nerve that grew in the wrong place.
This is JUST from observation. It's time to go in and be seen by a specialist... because living celibate for the rest of you and your husband's natural lives, and being restricted to pads until menopause, just isn't an option most people would want.
I had to have surgery a year after giving birth to remove painful scar tissue. Then my Doctor prescribed a testosterone cream that I rubbed on alternating thighs every day, which helped so much! It was just to help my body heal faster and darned if it didn't. Before that I had the kind of pain you described. For awhile we did a lidocaine cream, which was fine, except I was numb down there and didn't enjoy myself. Before all that it was very frustrating for me and my husband not have sex, which I hated doing when it hurt so bad.
Does Tylenol or Ibuprofen help the pain at all? Take one of these 20-30 minutes before sex and see if that helps. Otherwise, I would do what Melissa suggested and offer birthday oral to him instead.
Here's a question, does it hurt when you masturbate or have oral sex performed on you? Or is it just penetration? Either way, you need to get back to the doctor's office and figure out what's going on and don't give up till you find an answer!
A friend of my wife said they sewed her up too much when they fixed the episotomy (sp). It not only made any penetration painful, it hindered the healing.
Good luck to you and yours.
Don't let your doctors off so easily! It's their responsibility, not yours, to find a solution to the problem. If you're financially able, you should go back as often as you have to, until they solve the problem!
Hope this helps.
Try lubrication before penetration
First of all I would get a 2nd opinion. That doesn't seem normal to me. It burned for me one time and I had a bacterial infection and I didn't know it. Got some meds and I was fine. If you don't want to have sex with him then maybe oral sex? Its something and may make him feel better about it? Sex is a good thing and I love the closeness it gives me and my husband and I think its important. Go have it checked mama.
instead of sex - try dinner and a movie.
he should understand that sex hurts and respect you enough to wait until you aren't in any pain...
I would ask your OB to check you for Rectocile as well as see if your vaginal wall dropped because of having a baby so young and your body really wasn't prepared for it.
If using tampons hurts as well - I would NOT have ANY sex until it was straightened out...that is NOT right....press your doctor to think outside the box...find out what is wrong...and in the mean time - think of other things instead of sex...
