Scared 6 Yo

Hey D.,

Is it possible he saw something that frightened him on tv without you realizing it. One time I was watching a show and this clown frightened my son so much he started having nightmares. He was so afraid to sleep he would cry that the clown was going to get him. I know this is deceiving but I was desperate for sleep and wanted to help him through this time. So I put a old intercom monitor by his bed and I told him it was an alarm and that if anyone tried to come into this house it would call the police. It worked he was no longer frightened and began to sleep alone again. I know it was sneaky but I had tried everything else rational I could think of. Kids are very visual and having that fake alarm by his bed gave him security that talking and explaining didn't. Sometimes a little white lie won't hurt. My son is now 24 years old. When I finally told him the truth about what I did he thought it was hysterical and creative. I told him it was just desperation and fatigue LOL!!! Good luck

I agree with Diane, I think he saw something on TV that scared him. My kids were positive that the Ninja turtles were real and along with that so were the monster they fought. I had to inspect sewer caps with them and talk about make believe. Showing him how the same actor can be on different shows or movies might help. 6 is around the age that kids develop empathy and relate to the larger world around them, so this is not uncommon.

Hi D.
It is so sad when we see our children suffering.
I see a few things that could have happened. Something at school is always there. Check with school and see if he is exhibiting fears there. Of course there is TV if you watch it at all. Ads are horrible offenders even when you monitor closely. The other thought is more delicate: by any chance would your DH have said anything like
"take care of the family" "you are the man of the house" Well you get the idea. Since that is unrealistic and if he took on that burden for real, it is too much responsibility for him. Do you know what I mean? I am sure that even if it was said, this reaction was not meant but... Or would someone else have said it?
Just a thought.
God bless you
God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind
K. SAHM married 38 years --- adult children 37,32, and twins 18.

You say you are trying to be understanding, but at the say time, you are still guessing about why he's scared, so it sounds like you DON'T actually understand why he's scared. Have you actually sat down and talked to him about what's really going on with him ? And I don't mean, "why are you afraid of ......." There's obviously an underlying cause that has changed him that you need to get to the root of. If he won't open up to you, maybe he'll talk to daddy or another adult he trusts. Just work the discussion in while you're playing pretend with him or drawing or something so he's more comfortable.

hi im bell mother of a 20 month old boy i have no experience with a 6 year but i am a mom. i know how when there is allot going on and ur alone allot with 3 kids how things can be overwhelming. and with the way this economy is there is allot of stress and worry for all of mom and dads, but we are equipt to handle the stress our children arent. so be aware mom that sometimes what u feel and how u express even with no words dew to the current situation can have an effect on ur children maybe not the one who understands allot or the one who has no idea but the one in the middle so try to be patient mom he doesnt understand but you do. maybe theres a place or a thing he likes allot in ur home a comfort zone. honestly he will evenually feel confident and secur. but he is doing for a reason.

Ome thing that MIGHT work with him is have Daddy go and get him a a new stuffed animal, something like a bear or a lion. And each night before bed remind him that the animal is from Daddy, and it is there to protect him and keep him safe. This works with my 4 yearold when she has a nightmare. Of course I give her a sheep.. but hey.. its what I had that was still "mine" lol. The other thing that might make the seperation from Daddy a little easier is if he stays in hotels have him bring home the little soaps and shampoos for the kids, I lised to LOVE it when My dad would do it. Sometimes as silly as it is if he goes to school for his job and comes here for dinner (it is close to us and the kids love it) he will bring them to me still. It might make them look forward to him comming home, and seeing what he "got" for them. It also might help with the fact that he is gone, knowing that he will be bringing them something (that doesnt cost a penny!) Good luck!

I would just talk with him about it. As I'm sure you know, six year old's are very verbal and can let you know what their thoughts are. Just continue to reassure your son that he is safe and loved. It could easily be something a kid on the school playground told him one day, that is scaring him, you never know, so just ask him a few questions in an easy manner and see what he says. I remember seeing a scary movie when I was 7 and being scared by that for a very long time. I'd have to run, not walk, up the stairs to bed because in the movie, the ghost was coming up the stairs with her arms stretched out to a woman and her baby, saying in a ghostly voice; "I waaaaaant the baby!!!!!!" (yikes!) I liked the idea the one mom said about dad bringing home the little soaps and shampoos from his travels. My kids were always thrilled with whatever my husband would bring home from work.... any little thing would do.... Also, the stuffed animal from dad, and the baby monitor to protect him from any clowns or monsters. All great stuff! Good luck....
D. N.

D.,
The monitor turned into alarm system I think was a good idea.

My suggestion was going to be a phone call at night, and a picture by the bedside, so he can see Dad still cares about him even when he's sleeping.

Good luck,
M.

You've already received some great ideas. One more suggestion. I assume your husband has a cell phone. If he doesn't, given that he's away a lot, that should be a priority. If he does, he needs to know how to use it, text, get messages, etc. Sounds silly, but my husband had to be taught by our kids. He travels quite a bit and it was taking its toll on all of us. My kids were older and more vocal about it and they told him that what would help was knowing they could always reach him. He now makes a point of calling them frequently, and they all know the can leave messages and he will return them as soon as he can. Perhaps your husband can call at night and say hi to everyone and tell the kids "good night! sleep tight!" or something comforting. No preaching, just support. Good luck.

Sometimes kids just go through a phase where they are scared of the world. Try working out little "agreements" with him where he can take small steps towards conquring his fears: Agree on a particular step on the staircase to which he goes on his own, after which you accompy him the rest of the way with lots of praise for being brave enough to go part of the way himself. Start out small and expand: one step, then two etc.

My daughter described her fear to me at around this age in a way that really helped me stay patient. She was afraid of monsters (still is a bit) and nothing helped. Finally one day she looked at me and said: "You say there are no monsters, and you are probably right. But you can never prove that something does not exist, you can only prove that it does. So that little part of of me that thinks there might be monsters is still scared." That made perfect sense to me, and made it easier for me to work with her without getting frustrated.

When we moved into a new house where she has her own room, we also got her a walkie-talkie so she could call me at any time.

I wonder if it's an age-related stage? My son is also 6 and acts virtually the same way! I try to be patient and consider his fears when setting my expectations and making requests of him. It's hard sometimes, though. He's our only child, and sometimes I really have to stop to remember that as big as he's getting, he is only 6 afterall! I'll be interested to read other responses. Best wishes!