Santa - Virginia Beach,VA

At that age I knew he didn't exist but still pretended for the benefit of my parents (and also thought I might not get the presents if I didn't "believe")! Is it possible he could be doing this? If so, no real harm... you could just kind of do a wink-wink when you talk about "Santa" so that he doesn't feel you are lying, just playing along with the game.

Why would you want to ruin Christmas for him by telling him? I have 3 boys and my oldest was 12 before I felt the need to share the secret and frankly I wish I hadn't since my 9 yr old came to me soon after and asked point blank. I did tell him too (in 4th grade) but he's always been more cynical. I think the longer they can believe the better. There was great debate in the 5th grade class about it as I recall and theories were flying. They were trying to catch santa on video. My answer was always "if you don't believe, he won't come." That held him off for a few years. Once you do tell them you risk the chance of ruining it for their friends and younger siblings. The longer they can stay innocent the better in my opinion. Stay strong.

Let children believe as long as they will! My daughter is 8 and she still believes - it is magical. When my daugher was visiting with Santa this year, I spoke to him (he has been Santa for 47 years)! He originally didn't want to be a Santa because he didn't want to lie to children, but he realized that there are lots of different Santas in the world. He has written several books (which I haven't yet read - since I just found out myself), but I'm going to point you to his website: santaone.com. Have a Merry Christmas!

Children raised with the idea of Santa (etc.) will believe in him until they are ready not to believe any longer. For my own daughter that was around age 10. At that time knew a family in another state where the Dad was about to die from cancer. They had a DD about 8, and naturally the family's energy was not really focused on Christmas that year. When my DD discovered what was happening, she felt that she should make sure her friend had a good Christmas, and organized a toy drive for the girl - sending a letter to a local church explaining the situation, and getting neighborhood friends involved. About 2 weeks later we met with a mutual friend at the halfway point between our homes and gave her the wrapped gifts for the girl. When we got home, my daughter wrote thank you notes to those involved. It was only by becoming one of "Santa's helpers" that my DD became ready to let go of her belief in the commercial idea of the Big Guy at the North Pole.
About 2 years before, my DH had gone grocery shopping with her and bought the Easter Candy. I was sure the jig was up and she would no longer be a believer. I tried talking to her about it to see if she had put the pieces together, but she just felt that since her Dad had bought candy, that just meant that there would be more for everyone that year. So, at 8 and 9 my DD believed in the child's version, and by 10 she was ready to believe in a more adult version of Santa (etc.), it all depends on the child.
I'm with you. Let the child find out on his own. Childhood lasts for such a short time. If school friends tell him there is no Santa - or he is a baby for believing in him - he will probably come to you for the truth. What you tell him then, or don't tell him, is a whole other issue.
Happy Holidays-there are a lot of them this time of year!

Your husband should keep quiet and leave this alone. He will find out when he is ready to find out. There is so little magic left in the world, why not let him believe for another year or 2? My nephew was 11 before he stopped believing. We all wonder if he really knew but just pretended to believe in the fear that he wouldn't get as many presents if he stopped believing, but none of us were willing to risk asking him. I remember figuring it out when I was about 5 or 6 from a price tag on a gift. And I remember at lunch in the 4th grade all the kids teasing a girl that still believed, but she held out in her belief that santa still existed. You could eventually teach him that santa is a symbol for giving to others. Enjoy his belief while it lasts.

HI,
This is very long so I hope you have time to read. My husband and I both responded so grab a cup of coffee!

Our youngest son is 12 and the last to go through this "revelation" that happened just last year at age 11.

He was in his last year of elementary school when he figured it out. Believe me, they get a lot of prodding from their friends that Santa doesn't exist, even from kids who are still trying to figure it out for themselves and trying to see who still believes like they do but are afraid to show it. Your son is not the only one in his class to still believe. I think Middle School is usually the age when NONE of the kids believe anymore.

For the past few years we have been "lax" with our preparation/buildup for Santa's mystery in order to help him to figure it out on his own. We gradually reduced our involvement of playing Santa's promoter in our house but we didn't "tell" our kids.

Our idea is to let the kids figure it out for themselves by HELPING them come to that decision on their own but positively NOT "telling" them. It is such a letdown to be told. It's like having someone tell you your favorite friend is dead. To kids, Santa dies and they seem to go through a mourning process that frustrates them because no-one seems to understand. And especially if it happens BEFORE Christmas, they have to deal with this "death". Not good.

When asked by our kids "does Santa really exist" we answer "well, what do YOU think"? We stop confirming and demanding that Santa is real so we're not "lying". "If you want Santa to be real then he is to you" is another thing we say. This does not confirm or deny to the kids of his existence. "Santa lives in you if you want him to". "Santa is part of the wonder and mystery of Christmas and he'll live in your heart as he does in mine". The truth is that St. Nicholas WAS a real person who delivered gifts and of course he's long dead but we continue the tradition because it's a nice part of the holiday.

Last year, we didn't know it but we made a lot of noise when putting out our Santa gifts before going to bed and our son heard it, and then heard us talking as we walked by his bedroom door. This was the turning point for him I think. He put two and two together on his own and declared to us that we were Santa. We didn't deny it but told him that he could think what he wanted and we believed in Santa in our hearts the way that all children do.

We try to let our kids mature all on their own. Just yesterday our 18 year old told us he had put his enormous collection of Lego's in a box in the attic for his kids. We had no idea. And all of his favorite stuffed animals and precious "can't live without" childhood memory items have been lovingly tucked into a box in his closet...also by him. Once again, he did this on his own and I'm sure he's planning on sharing these also with his children. There is no need to dispose of these beloved items "for" them. They will put them away when they're ready, just like Santa. All of us mature in our own time.

Back to Santa: When our oldest son no longer believed, we allowed him to fill the stocking of his younger brother AND he helped to buy those little gifts. We went out shopping together and it was a "right of passage" that we continue which helps us to enjoy Santa on a different level. He now gets to play Santa for his brother and he loves it. Now that my youngest no longer believes, I'll take him shopping for the stocking presents for his 18 year old brother and for the stocking items for his father and let him fill it just the same. We continue to put little items into the stockings just because it's fun and adults love to dig through a stocking for small items too. He will now know that his brother has been doing this for him for several years.

When all is said and done, what harm is it causing for your son to continue believing? When your kids come bounding down the stairs in the morning to see what Santa has brought, it is clear that Santa DOES exist, even though it's just in their minds.

Now for the response from my husband to yours!

My wife shared this with me so I just had to add to it. From one "old solider" to a younger one: I retired in '97 after 24 years of faithful service and I thank you for yours right now. We appreciate all you both are doing. Thank you for your service and thank you to your wife for supporting you in that effort.

I feel sad at the thought of no Santa for children because someone declares he is not real. Santa is as real as the father or mother who puts those presents under the tree. Look at the sheer wonder and joy in the child's eye when they see those presents. The real St Nicholas may be gone but his legacy lives on in every parent's heart and every child's mind.

I've even put on the suit and played Santa. Do that just once and you'll see just how real he truly is. It may be the parent (or older siblings) putting the gift under the tree or filling the stockings, but take a look in the mirror when you do it--you'll see that little Santa twinkle in your own eye. When the time comes that your son does find out, you can "initiate" him into the other side of the world of Santa and let him place the gifts out for his younger siblings and help keep the love alive.

You will be "mentoring" him how to do it for your own grandkids. He can still enjoy having Santa in Christmas, he's just more a part of the history and can enjoy playing Santa with you and your wife, while sharing winks and giggles with you as you three help the younger kids to enjoy this beautiful family tradition.

When the time came, this is how we explained it to our boys when they declared that they no longer believed, or when we could tell by our older son's rolling eyes when he was about 12. "It is part of the magic of Christmas. Santa doesn't have to make the trip around the world in one night--he has millions of parent Santas doing the job for him".

Oh, believe me. Santa is as real as we want him to be. Let your kids believe as long as they want. They have to rest of their lives to harden for the real world. Sadly, the world will harden your children's hearts all on it's own. All kids eventually grow up and indicate to their parents when they want the "babying" to stop whether it's through rolling eyes, verbal requests or whatever. These moments are more sad for the parents than you can know right now...until you have an 18 year old and you're looking back, wishing for the playfulness and sillyness of the younger days. You WILL miss these days.

The VA Hoo's

B. - I found out about Santa when I was 11. It was a totally humiliating situation and because of that I never told my own children about Santa. Here's what I told them, "Santa is a make pretend man. You get your gifts from the people who love you". They were still able to 'pretend' with Santa, they were still surprised by the gifts, but they knew who gave them. Another added advantage was that they were able to thank family memebers for their kindness.I think you can re-spin your Santa tale for your son. Do it while he is still in the single digits. C. F.

I totally disagree with your husband. Most 9 year olds I know still believe. I think a child should believe as long as they want.

I found out when I was about 7..I started piecing things together, then found the gifts in my parents closet. I was never told that Santa wasn't real, and though I was sad that it was make believe, I wasn't upset that my parents lied to me all my life.
We all need something to beleive in. Santa is a sweet tradtion, and finding the truth should be a coing of age thing. Tell your husband not to worry, he'll figure it out on his own, if he hasn't already..
Happy Holidays!

There's no Santa!?! When did this happen? I've believed for 48 years and now you've gone and spoiled it. Not really. Belief doesn't have a whole lot to do with facts. You can believe there's no Santa if you want to, but that in no way interferes with my belief that there is one. Terry Pratchett in 'Hogfather' says we have to practice believing in small lies like the Tooth Fairy and Hogfather (Santa) as children in order to prepare us to believe in big lies like truth and justice, because believing in them is the only way for them to become real. He has some deep thoughts on the power of belief.
The stages of Santa Claus:
1- You believe in Santa Claus
2- You don't believe in Santa Claus
3- You become Santa Claus
4- You look like Santa Claus.

(I'm well into stage 4, but more like Mrs Claus.)

Enjoy it all. Every moment is precious.

my 9 year old is almost 10 and she still believes and i am enjoying every last minute of it.....soon she will figure it out and it's the end of that part of her child hood

I believe that you let it go as long as it can. Despite the religious beliefs about Christmas, for many children it is about Santa and what he represents. I am sure you are right in thinking this is his last Christmas to believe due to his age. I would enjoy this time with him because you may never be able to enjoy it like this again. Also, he may already not believe but is too afraid to tell you. With my experience in this matter, kids tend to have an idea prior to us thinking they might know the "truth." Is it really wrong to continue to foster an idea for just a bit longer? Many believe in a greater being such as God, but do we know if he is truly real? Same idea with Santa. Do we know if he is real? Keep going with it!

Don't tell him!!!! Let him believe for as long as he wants (which realisitcaly will be abother yr at the most). Kids are kids for too short a time as it is so let him enjoy this while he still can. You have a younger child in the house aswell so you need to keep it going for him. This is something that you and your husband really do not need to worry over , there are so many worse things going on all around us & one day your son will be grown up and have to deal with all this adult stuff that get's thrown at us.....so just let him be for now & enjoy him as a 'kid' while you still can!

Happy Christmas to you all

K.

Kids are innocent for so short a time, enjoy it!! I also wanted to say, my parents and I never had "a talk!" So please encourage your husband to let it be. I just figured out when I was 6 that there wasn't a "real" Santa, but my brother was 4 and of course I didn't say anything. Neither one of us ever talked to our parents about it. It was just part of Christmas in our house for stockings to be filled. We'd open our family gifts on Christmas Eve and stockings on Christmas Day, through college and then continued it at my house when I got married (my SIL and BIL had a 6 mo old the year I got married.) ENJOY IT and THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAMILY'S SERVICE!! D.

My son is 11 and he still believes. He gets all excited about it too, when he is talking about the past. He said Mommy, remember that year Grandma and I saw Santa out the window? I LOVE IT!!! Many of his friends have tried to tell him there is NO santa but he gets upset and comes home saying why don't they believe in santa or is there really a santa Mommy? I always tell him, What do you think? I always tell him It does not matter what others think. All that matters is what you think. It always makes him feel better. This will be our 1st Christmas as a separated family and my soon to be ex is trying to out do me and get gifts for the kids from him when he knows I already bought the gifts from Santa. It may only be a matter of time before they figure it out now.

My daughter is 9 and she still believes too. I don't believe you should tell them I think it is better to let them be kids and enjoy that feeling. They grow up so fast anyways, so why make them rush to be adults. I think you are doing an AWESOME job so continue to do what you are doing and allow him to be a kid yet another year. Good Luck!!!

I totally agree with everybody else. He will find out soon enough, and his friends will probably be the ones to tell him. As for him no longer being your baby, that never happens. Believe me. My "babies" are 32, 29, 24, and 18, and they will ALWAYS be my babies.

Hi there,
I would let the "magic" stay alive for as long as possible. Our 9 yr old took us aside last year and asked for the truth. The only request we made was that he keeps it alive for his sister who is 7. Deep down your son may already know, but why take that spirit away by telling him. Good Luck

My daughter is 8 and she still believes! Personally, I think you should jut let them believe until they figure it out. There is no reason your husband should have to tell him anything. Just enjoy it!

Let him enjoy being a kid while he can! He'll have plenty of time to be a grown-up. With his dad deployed, he is probably already taking on more concerns and responsibilities than most kids his age. My husband just returned from a deployment and my 7-year-old worried the whole time that Daddy might not ever come home. We tried to focus on the happy aspects of being a child whenever we could. Your son will find out soon enough-- smile and enjoy another magical Christmas while you can.
I hope your husband returns home safely... and soon!

I cannot imagine any good reason why your husband should feel so compelled to tell your son about santa. I think we all remember how magical and special it was when we believed. He will find out soon enough from his friends. There is no reason to speed that up! My mom used to tell me when I was little that he was real as long as you believed.

I think that giving your son one more year to have magic and joy of Christmas. I am a teacher and in my experience, 8-9 is about the time they find out anyway. I have seen children as old as ten, but I would agree, that is pushing it. I think he is at a totally appropriate age for you to enjoy the holiday.

In my opinion - kids have to grow up way too fast these days and if I can drag out believing in Santa as long as I can I'm all for it. My youngest is 9 years old and I think she is on the verge but hasn't really said anything yet about not believing in Santa. It will be a very sad day when she stops believing. I also have a 13 year o;d and we try to do something every year that will stump her and then she's not so sure. Christmas is a very special time in my family and as long as I can keep that special magic alive for my children I am going to do it. I say good for you! I don't think you are babying him at all :0)

i don't think he's too old. it's likely that he has started to question but enjoys believing. adults like to believe all kinds of things. or perhaps he thinks if he admits not believing that he will not get or get fewer gifts. whatever it is, i'm with another poster. unless the kid is asking questions i would not be messing around with innocent fun beliefs while dad is deployed. having said that if the kid is asking questions i would not at this age put a lot of effort into reinforcing the belief. full disclosure, i have not dealt with this yet but this is based off of my siblings. happy holidays!

What!? There is no Santa?! Seriously, I found out by snooping, so my husband and I go to great lengths to hide the gifts from our daughter. She also has a "magical" advent calendar that may give her a small gift. I'm really enjoying the magic, so is my daughter, and she'll find out soon enough when she is ready.

Maybe your husband needs to watch the Polar Express. I know I can still here the bells.

Enjoy it as long as you can. I know kids who are that age and still believe in Santa. I think I found out at that agefrom kids at school, at first I was kindof shocked but it turned out to not be a big deal.
Enjoy it as long as you can because they will be grown up before you know it. And as doing it for yourself, that is great, if you emjoy it then keep doing it. I am sure your husband is a great guy but tell him to not take the magic away until your son finds out on his own. Enjoy this time, you only get this time once with that child. I am planning on letting my children believe as long as possible. Once they find out some of the magic will be gone. BTW that is a cute idea of letters and having Santa call on Christmas eve. Good luck and Merry Christmas!!!

i think it is great that he still believes.............my 10 year old still believes......it is over so soon...let them have the magic as long as they can..........

Our family was always told Santa was the spirit of Christmas. Mom never made him a person in conversation. There was a beautiful Santa in a big department store that she worked at. We had our pictures taken there and talked with him there. All the other Santa's that we saw were "Santa's helpers". I was in third grade, 8, and my sister was 10 when we stopped believing. I work with children in daycare, and they usually believe up until 4th grade. They are always told by their friends.

We just talk about Santa being the "spirit" of Christmas. The spirit makes everyone happy, and caring, and wanting to share gifts with those we love. They want to know how the story began and why we have "Santa" at all. We start with St. Nicholas and tell how good he was. There are books and info. in the library or on the internet. After he died, people carried on the "spirit" of St. Nicholas sharing gifts with friends and family to celebrate the birth of Christ. After they are "in" on the secret, they are happy to keep it a secret for the little ones.

I can't answer for sure when kids find out, but as a mother to two grown boys (23 & 21) and also two girls (8 & 4), the rule at our house is if you don't believe, he doesn't come. and everyone knows Santa brings the best gifts. So even to this day my boys have never told me they dont believe. I don't think your babying him, your just trying to keep the magic alive.

You might ask yourself, in the bigger picture, why is this such a big deal to your husband? Does he want your son to "man up" and "be a big boy" in other ways, when maybe your son wants to be a kid a while longer? Just a thought. When your husband comes home, consider with him whether he is pushing your sons to grow up too fast in other ways, not just where Christmas is concerned.

As for Santa: At age eight, your son very, very likely already has the inkling that Santa has lots of help, and likely that the help comes from you. His belief is probably already tempered by that, but he WANTS to believe a little longer. That's just fine!

But now is the age to get him involved in the bigger reason for Christmas while still retaining Santa. Whether you're religious or not, you could have him go with you to buy (or make at home together) gifts for the needy, or help him assemble a food basket for a local food pantry, or take him to give his spare change to a Salvation Army "red kettle" bell ringer outside a store, and explain to him about charity and giving to others. Certainly don't "diss" Santa but don't necessarily mention him at that point either. Keep up the Santa stuff you'd usually do but add in the charitable lessons.

You also, if you are religious, could focus more time and energy on playing with a kids' nativity set to retell the Christmas story. Have him read his litttle brother the Christmas story. Take the kids to a "live nativity" with real animals and people re-enacting the first Christmas; there are lots of such nativities at churches all over the area and they are great for children.

And maybe introduce the idea of the real, historic Saint Nicholas -- there are lots of good kids' books about him and his acts of charity and protection of the needy. That might create some confusion, of course, but as your son ages it might also give him something to fall back on, so to speak, when his belief in Santa as a real person fades. You can teach him how the tradition of our Christmas stockings on the mantel comes from a story about St. Nicholas (look it up online or in the books, it's lovely). Also, if you're religious, get him a religious Advent calendar that tells the Christmas story a little each day, rather than a secular Advent calendar with candy or Santa/candycane/toy images. For the record, we have both types in our house.

We go to a "St. Nicholas festival" for children, held in early Dec. each year at a local Episcopal church (though we are not Episcopalian ourselves) and you could seek out something like that next year, if you're interested. There are crafts and "St. Nicholas" rather than "Santa" appears in costume. All the kids know it's the pastor, but they play along and laugh with him. St. Nicholas can't replace Santa if your son has had a long and happy relationship with Santa, but as you son grows up St Nick can help him make sense of Santa as a treasured tradition.

Let us know what happens with your son. I hope your whole familiy has a merry Christmas.

First I have to say God bless you and your family during this Christmas season. I know it is extremely difficult to have your husband deployed during Christmas, you have enough on your plate than having to worry about your son's emotions if either of you told him that you are santa. I have to agree with all the other responders, let him beleive as long as possible. It is inevitable that someone from school will spoil it for him, and you'll have to fess up eventually, but let it go as long as you can. Especially since you have younger children in the house!
Seriously, how many kids have been damaged because they beleived in santa?

B.,

I have two sons ages 9 and 6 and they still believe in Santa and I think its wonderful. There is nothing weird about it and let him figure it out on his own. I would say things like, " I got a call from Santa the other day," plus the fact that they received a call from "Santa's" Elves the other night and they thought it was a "real" phone call. It is fun and if one day they ask me (which I am sure they will) then I will tell them the truth but for right now I just play along with them.
Good Luck.
KRW

I do not think that your son is too old for Santa at 8. Definitely not. There is no harm in his believing and I don't see any reason to sit him down and tell him the "truth". He will hear it from his friends or reason it out on his own soon and come to his conclusion and confront you about it. I have 4 children and 3 of them are way past the age of believing. I have always told them that Santa brings presents to those who believe. Once you don't believe mom and dad do the rest. I don't say he doesn't exist because in my heart and soul he surely does! If you believe, he's real. If you don't, he's a wonderful spirit that brings so many people joy around the Christmas season. My kids never lost the thrill of Christmas after they knew. They still, at 16, 21 and 24 run out with the little one and wave frantically (as do their parents) to Santa as he drives by on the fire truck on Christmas eve. The magic is alive and well here and I hope it always will be. Enjoy your children and this wonderful time of year. They won't be little long and they won't always believe in Santa, but your holiday should always be bright and full of love and wonder no matter what their age.

B.,
I think is grate for your son to still belive in Santa, I wouldn´t ever steel that magic world from him. He´s problably going to find out soon no matter what and that usually happens throught his friends. Anyway I saw a very interesting program a couple weeks ago (it´s spanish, and is call Redes (nets) here´s the link http://www.redesparalaciencia.com/1694/redes/2009/redes-4... ) Where an american scientist was talking about how good is to extend as much as posible kids imaginaries worlds. She was telling that those kids that have these oportunities to imagine learn faster and afterwards they will be more inteligent....
I so agree with that so don´t worry and keep your husband from telling him LOL.
Enjoy the magic with your son and happy holidays!!
P.

WHAT? There is NO SANTA?? tee hee

He is NOT too old!! My neice is 10 years old and still believes. One of her "friends" told her last year that he did not exist, she came to me and asked. I explained to her that I believe Santa exists - that "someone" loves me so much they leave me gifts once a year under a tree... how could you not believe? Christmas is a big deal in our family, we always make a big deal out of how much fun it is to give.... the bonus is to receive. Don't worry about babying your son, reality kicks in soon enough! :)

I am 35 and I still believe in Santa. Santa is not a "person" but a belief in the magic of the the season. It is a time for all of us young and old to be young. Let your son believe in Santa the "person" as long as he does, when I asked my parents only smiled and reminded me that no matter what believe in the blessings of others and share generosity to those around you. There may not be a "person" that is Santa but there is love in each person's heart that will continue the keep Santa "alive" all year through all the years to come.

I say let them be little and have the wonder of Christmas for as long as possible. I am having the same issue with my ex as he wants to tell and I don't. My son is now 12 and daughter 8 and I have told them as long as you still believe Santa will come. When you stop believing, he will stop coming. That should keep them in the fold for a good long time. :)

Dear B.,

My oldest son is 9-years-old and still believes in Santa. We enjoyed a wonderful breakfast with Santa, his younger brother, and their grandmother this past weekend. He often talks about how some of his friends do not believe in Santa and that they say it is the parents that put the gifts under the tree. Most of the time, I just listen to what he has to say. In the past when he has asked if there is a Santa, I simply ask him "What do you believe?" He believes, so we let him enjoy this childhood memory. My husband and I have discussed what is too old to believe in Santa, but we really do not have an answer. I love the thought of Santa and what he stands for, which is the spirit of giving. If he has not guessed by the end of next Christmas, more than likely I will break the news to him, since he will be in middle school the following year. At this age, I see no problem encouraging his imagination or mine. ;-) There are still some children that still believe in his class, so he is not alone.

Please send my families’ heartfelt gratitude to your husband, his fellow troops, and all of their families for all they are doing for our country. Merry Christmas!

Hi, Just to let you know that my daughter is 15 and I think that she has finally realized that Santa - the man is not real. But in my family we believe in the spirit of Santa and all that comes with that. It's a childhood memory that we all want to hold on to. My parents never told my 7 siblings and I, we just figured it out on our own and that actually kept the mystery alive for longer. We believe in the joy, innocence, and the magic and mystery of Santa, it just brings a warm glow from inside and who wants to dim that glow in a child? My kids are 21,15, and 5 and the older ones won't say anything to the youngest because they know what it feels like to believe in Santa. They loved it and won't spoil it. My daughter would come home from school and tell me that her friends said that he wasn't real but that she told them that that's fine if they don't believe but that if she still wants to believe then thats her choice. They get old enough where reason and logic kicks in, by that time they are ready to accept it all, instead of being devastated because they were told to soon, ruining the magic of Santa.
Its your choice as to when to tell about Santa, but I just wanted to let you know that you can still believe in the spirit.

Good luck and Merry Christmas!

The last poster on this issue got a mixed bag on answers. I have let my son figure it out. He still wants to "believe" so why not let him? I don't consider this "lying" to him. My son is 11 and asked if it was me. I said he needed to figure it out on his own. He still wrote a letter to Santa. I wasn't affected negatively that there wasn't a Santa. I kept getting Santa gifts and still get a stocking filled with goodies from Santa.

Personally, with your husband deployed and not at home, why make this the Christmas dad was gone and I found out Santa didn't exist?

Good luck, this is not an easy one.
S.

I do not think he is to old. My friend has a son who is 10 and he still believes. The tradition for Christmas is there is a Santa and kids believe. Your son is still a child and you are doing good to keep the spirit alive. There is nothing wrong with that. Santa is not something that I see as telling a lie. Whoever thinks that is being a scrooge. Let your son enjoy this as long as you can. In my opinion your husband shouldn't take that away from him. Let him find out thru friends or another way. He should let him be a kid as long as he can because he is going to be grown one day and then your husband is going to miss that. Then what?? Stand your ground. Your doing only what a mother would do and keep him near as long as you can. I mean don't smother him but he is only young once. I am with you one hundred percent. :) MERRY CHRISTMAS
S.

Hey - with Dad far away this is not the time for your son to lose Santa. That said - Dr Phil addressed this very thing recently. Let the child give you clues about when he wants the truth. He will start asking if Santa is real or if Mom & Dad buy all the presents - then he is really ready to give up the myth. And I don't think it should be considered "lieing". It is just that wonderful magical thinking that all children do. They get to enjoy it for such a short time - let them have it for as long as they wish. Once they start to ask about the truth about Santa - that is when you make sure that the truth is always told and expected. I hope that helps!!!

Okay I don't know how much this helps, but my daughter believed in the tooth fairy until she was ten. We don't celebrate with santa, gifts etc but I'm sure if we did she would have believed in him until then also. I don't see anything wrong with it. I say leave it alone. Howeverdoes he go to see " Santa" at the mall? What have you told him about that? Maybe you can use that as an opener to the truth. Good Luck!

What my parents did was even though I was 4 years older than my brother they didn't 'tell' us at all. They let us figure it out for ourselves and then once I broached the subject they told me, but I was strictly told that there was absolutely no way that my brother could find out from me. Even when we both knew about it we still got presents under the tree from Santa. Part of my Mom not being able to stop (I get my belief from her).

Maybe your husband didn't get to have the "Santa magic" in his life for long and was told and then got his hopes dashed. It makes for a very hard thing when your believing in something and then it all comes crashing down upon you.

I say don't tell you 'baby'. Let him figure it out. It might be a little easier than a bombshell from Dad at the age of 9 going 'oh well yeah guess what theres no santa, get over it.' To me thats a little harsh. Sometimes kids don't figure it out until later on such as ages of pre-teen and early teenage years. Its all part of being a kid so try and convince your husband to let your baby remain a kid for a little longer.

I don't think that its really a 'lie' about Santa. Its something that for generations has been happening. Sort of like a tradition. Besides call me hopeful but part of me still believes in Santa, Kris Kringle (and Ruprecht! A really fun German tradition that I've picked up and have started doing every year,) and the many other names he goes by.

I guess what I'm trying to say is let your boy figure it out on his own. Who knows he may already know and doesn't want to tell you, but why ruin Santa, this early in life. Tell your husband that once you tell your son that Santa isn't real, then there goes the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy as well. Besides its not fair to the younger child if he notices that the older one isn't getting anything from Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy when they get older.

Best of luck. I hope you can keep Santa in your home.

i have much education and experience in the field of child psychology, and my best advice is to always let your children lead you as to how long they believe. if he still believes, let him believe. if he gets to the point when he asks you whether santa is real, ask him back. say "what do you think?" and his answer will help you move forward. if he then presses you and says "no, i want you to tell me the truth," then of course it is right to tell him the truth very gently. tell him that santa is a way for people to show love to one another, and that it's perfectly fine to believe in him as long as you'd like. help him know that he is a big guy now who can help younger children still keep believing, and that is a privelege. help him know it would be wrong to ruin the surprise for other people.

I do not think 8 years old is too old to believe in Santa - our kids have a whole life time to learn about "the facts of life" why rush. I do not see any harm in continuing the belief of Santa and letting his knowledge unfold naturally. In the next year or two other kids will start talking and he will begin to understand and then you can have a talk with him and explain that the younger one still believes and he can actually help with Santa's arrival. I think it is great that you are fostering the child like behavior - he is only 8 - are you babying him - I do not think so as he still is somewhat of a baby - I see 10 being more of a turning point. I think you are doing a great job!

Ur not real Santa is ur not HA

Hi B.,
I think you can start emphasizing more that Santa is all about giving and showing your love for others and less on the raindeer and flying down chimneys. You can maybe have your 8 year old help wrap presents that he knows you're giving friends or family and tell him that your both being Santa's helper by doing that. I think it makes their transition easier if the perspective is simply that they find out Santa may not be a real person who flys down from the North Pole, but that the spirit and meaning of Santa (aka Christmas) is very real and comes through all the real people he knows including himself now (rather than realizing all the fun things they've enjoyed were a "lie"). My kids are 5 and 2 and obviously still believe, but I have friends with kids older (even 11 in one case) who still believe or at least want to believe in Santa. They all seem to get to the point of questioning things in their own time. Good luck! :-) S., in Virginia.