SAHM Who Is Tired and Bored

Updated on April 08, 2008
L.G. asks from Spring, TX
8 answers

I'm a SAHM who is an okay housekeeper but not enthused about it. I have 3 kids who I haven't trained to help out very well so there's constant picking up. I have a large house and get tired of trying to make it look nice and even when I do clean it never looks that great. My husband thinks it is my job to make the house look nice everyday and keep it clutterfree but it doesn't come natural to me. His mom is a perfectionist. Our house has never been nice enough for him to invite her to see it (and she lives about 3 hours away). It seems like it will never be good enough. Do you know what I mean by feeling like you're never good enough? I don't even feel like I'm a good enough mom because my middle child is always saying I'm doing more for the younger one. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder and brings up how unfair I am all the time no matter what I do. Thanks for listening.

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S.W.

answers from Houston on

Boy, can I relate! I have 3 kids too (7,4 and 2) and our house looks like I don't pick up or clean much. We have a housekeeper that comes every other week, but I still have the day-to-day--laundry, dishes, etc. I am not over enthusiastic about housekeeping either, because I would rather be doing other things. My mother-in-law lives on another planet and has very unrealistic expectations of children. She also had the philsophy that children should be seen and not heard. In fact she told me that she doesn't even really like children. She lives about 45 minutes away and I am thankful we don't live closer. You are doing your best. There are a lot of demands on mothers. It is wonderful that your children chip in so much and you have your priorities in order. So many people place material things over their family, oftentimes at the expense of the children. Is there something specific about your house that your husband doesn't like? If so, consider hiring a decorator if you can afford it and give your house a facelift. As far as your middle child, perhaps you could arrange some special time with her alone so she feels important even if its just for an hour or two a week.

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F.B.

answers from Houston on

It sounds to me like you are a little depressed. I hope I am wrong. But on the chance that I may be right...go to the drug store and get you some St John's Wart. Fight the depression first.

Then try finding someone, a friend, family member (your mom-in-law would probably love to help you get your home set up)or an aquaintance that cleans and decorates and see what you can offer in exchange for help...ex: offer to keep her childern in exchange for her helping you get your home the way you want it.

Personally, I think family life is much more important than a clean house. Love your family, have fun with them and if the house isn't perfect, oh well!

Next, don't wait for your husband to call his mom. Call her yourself and ask her if she can come and give you some pointers. Tell her that you need her! Mom-in-laws love that. I know I am one and it thrills me to death when my daughter in law lets me know she needs me or likes the way I do something.

Good luck to you and remember, God loves you! Put your problems in his hands and he will diliver you!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Houston on

go look at flylady.com

Give it a try. (it's a free organization , sleaning support yahoo group) . release the clutter ..
This will give you a whole new perspective on cleaning and clutter and other people's opinion and even boost your confidence..

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T.H.

answers from Houston on

Don't be so hard on yourself, you have 3 kids so it is somewhat imposible to have your house looking perfectly clean all the time.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Houston on

You are good enough!!! Kids and clutter go together. I can't even imagine having 3 of them. Their age does matter and you are in control to take away and get rid of things if it is too much for them to manage. I can identify with your frustration but if the house is cluttered and you feel overwhelmed get rid of some stuff and there will be less clutter. It's hard to let go of things but when you do it is so freeing. Stuff doesn't matter as much as a happy Mommy. If the kids leave things out the things must not be very important to them. Make their things disapear on them a few times and they will know if they leave it out it goes away. Oh and you are GOOD ENOUGH! God loves you very much and so do your kids and your husband. One day you will look around at your clean clutter free house and wish there where toys every where. Enjoy them they are only little once.

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A.

answers from Houston on

L., answer to yourself first and the others second. You have to figure out what is enough or good enough on your standards. What are YOU OK with about the house? If you middle child is acting like he's not getting enough, it might be he looking at you and you acting like you are not getting enough. Start thinking about yourself and making yourself happy and satisfy. Its hard for so many woman to do. Its easier to wallow in self pity. But don't judge yourself against your mil, she lived and raised her kids in different times. You need to do whatever it takes to make you proud of what you've accomplished. Then that will make you more happy.

But on the note of keeping the house clean. I'm not great at it either and it does make me feel good that there are other mothers that are willing to admit that they too do not keep a clean house. For me, what helps is that I have tubs and attempted to lable them. It's the hardest when I look at something and have no clue where it should go. That's usually when things tend to stay where they are for an obsenly long period of time. But if there's a home for a piece of paper, toy, tool, clothing, art supply, then its easy for me to speed clean. That is of course when I get motivated enough to do it. I had to hire a professional organizer to come in a set up "stations" areas for me. That has help tremendously. She cost $50/hour. But I invested in that several years ago. And basically she help me organize the ideas that I had in my head and tweaked and suggested lots of other things to make the house and cleaning run smoother. So if this is an option I would highly recommend it. If the kids knows exactly where there things need to go, it will be easier for you to ask that they put thier things back where it belongs. Once you set them up to where they can clean after themselves then you can make it a reward system. Say, the first person to pick up their toys/belonging gets to choose "special" time with you. That could be something that only you and they get to do. Go to the park, watch a movie, they get to pick the movie for family video night, or they get to choose what's for dinner, or the dessert for that night. You can be creative without spending money. Keep a chart out in the open where you reward each child with a point for things, or you can cut out an 8 section circle. Once a child does something "good" (that you may have already set the standard for; vacuums, puts their back pack away, put away their laudry, cleans their toys, the things that you know they can do and you would like them to do it) then you reward them with a piece of the pie, once their pie is full then they earn a reward. Be creative and enlist the help of your children. No matter how old they are they can still help. We started our kid from the time they could walk to start puting thier toys away. And since their toys go into different bins that have been lable/pictures they know exactly where everything goes.
If you need more creative suggestions let me know.
____@____.com
A.

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K.S.

answers from Houston on

I can relate to this some what. I have 2 kids..one 2 and the other is 5 mos. I can never keep the house clean because my daughter just tears it up as soon as it looks nice. Some days I just don't even deal with it so yeah the dishes can get piled up a little bit and there is junk all over the living room floor. Some days all the clutter just puts me in a bad mood. My husband works and although he doesn't say its my job if I waited for him to do anything it wouldn't get done. I don't even think he knows how to work the dishwasher or the washing machine....lol. But, he never judges, demeans, or puts me down. He lives with what I do and thanks me for all my efforts and is patient with all my shortcomings.

You have 3 kids and I can't even imagine it. That in itself is a huge job. I was married once before to a guy and he was such a perfectionist about everything. I think he was ocd really. He would wax the stainless steel refrigerator if there were any finger prints and that included the stainless steel trash can. He always put me down and was sooo mean to me. He would tell me that if i ever had kids (I didn't with him) i would be a bad mother because i bit my fingernails.

My only advice is to tell your husband if you don't like what I do or how i do it, by all means feel free to clean the house yourself. I mean really just talk to him and really tell him how you feel and how he makes you feel. If that doesn't work then I don't know what else you could do. As for your kids, don't listen to what they say...I know we always tried to do that to my mom, but she knew better. You are doing an excellent job!

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J.M.

answers from Houston on

I totally agree with Charlie;
go to flylady.com.
Her website and daily e-mails
will set you free, your home
will be clean and organized at
all times,and you will feel peace
in your home; amazing results.
Best of luck to you.
A flybaby...

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