SAHM That Need Some Uplifting Advice

I can relate! If was tough for me at first, but then I think of handing one of my kids over to someone I do not know to watch them and it makes my stomach turn.
As crazy as it is, you get used to it and know you are doing the right thing. They drive me crazy A LOT, but this time that they are little is so precious and it is and will go by so fast. Before you know it, you will reminisce about the days when you had a little sidekick to talk to while you were pooping. :)

That being said, you DO need to get out sometimes. I hope your husband is understanding and will help you stay sane and get out.
It can be depressing and lonely at times, but not always! Hang in there!

P.S. I HAVE a gym membership and by the time my husband gets home, I am too tired to go!

Please remember, your situation is temporary. Your kids will be in school before you know it and you can take the bus if you can't drive. Do you have any friends that you can trade favors with?
Perhaps one day you watch their kids, the next day they watch yours? Are your older kids old enough to babysit? You could pay them of course, but, it might give you a little bit of alone time.

Check into local churches in your area for a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). I don't know the ages of all your children, but they usually don't limit it to just preschool age and the cost to participate is minimal or free. Childcare is usually provided so you can have some kid-free time with other moms in your season of life. It is usually a potluck, time to socialize, do crafts and other fun activities such as a spa day. Sometimes they will bring in a speaker to talk about relevant issues for women and being a parent. It is a great social time for your kids too. Also check into bible groups for women as well. They could probably arrange transportation for you too if that is an issue.
I have two small children, ages 3 and 4.5 and these two groups have been so valuable to me for the last few years.
HTH,
A.

I am in the exact same situation. My husband works very long hours and has a very physical job so when he is home he is not really home. I have two very young children so I can't even leave them alone downstairs when I am upstairs. This makes for a VERY stressed mommy. I know people always tell me to take time for yourself, have you time but that just us not an option. My family lives 800 miles away and if you are stuck in your house all day it is kind of hard to make any friends to have them watch your kids. Plus my husband does not trust ANYONE so he wouldn't let that happen anyway. I had to talk him into letting my 3 year old start pre-school this year. I don't know how old your kids are but even if you only have one (the baby) with you sometimes that is enough alone time without having twenty kids (feels like it sometimes) tugging at your leg asking you for everything. Do you have car service in your twon? I know some insurances pay for transportation if you can't drive or find out how much it cost. I know times are tight and people always tell me join a gym or go get a massage but all those things cost money. I try to take my kids at least one place everyday just to get out of the house. Do you have an outdoor area that you can use? Some times just letting my kids play outside for an hour helps me. I also have my kids in classes. My three year old is in a drop off art class and my one year old is in a mommy and me class. Try to have one on one time with each of your kids every week. Sometimes that is all they want is alone time with you. My mother in law comes over twice a week to help but sometimes I end up having to entertain her more than my children so not always a help. Being a SAHM is probably the hardest job. Being lonely is the worst part. Feeling like you never get to do what you want to do but remember kids grow up very fast and before you know it you are going to be begging them to spend time with you. THis is just a very short part of your life. You will get to do the things you love to do again. It is all a part of the sacrafice we make to have children. Hang in there.

Being a SAHM is a challenge. Not in the sense that it is so much hard work, but its the fact that home and work are one and the same, and the two are never separated, and you often end up feeling like its a never-ending thing.

Over the last 20 months, I've come to realise a few things -
- Husbands who work, can never totally understand our point of view, so expecting them to help intuitively doesn't work out. We need to spell it clearly to them, and ask them for specific help.
- Connect with some good friends of yours, and see if you can arrange for a monthly girl's outings, and if one of them can pick you up. Let your husband know and arrange for baby-sitter if needed. The first 1-2 times can seem challenging, but it'll get smoother.
- We need to organise our own time through out the day - time for cooking, time for kids meals, time for reading, time for playing, time for shower, time for bath, time for naps, time for outings, time for a little TV, time for relaxing and kids playing by themselves, time for household chores.

It sounds really tough initially, and I freaked out when my mom gave me this advice. But she helped me break it down, and I tried a time-table for 1 week. I felt really silly doing it, but it actually worked. Do a time-table for yourself.
For the initial 1 week, you'd feel like your kids are deliberately bent on not following it and giving you hell maybe, but they need time to understand too. Keep to it. Once you form a pattern slowly, take up your old hobbies and your 'me-time' favorites and plan them one thing each week.

You can do it! Good luck to you! :)

I never had a car until our 8th child was born and we got a second car. I was home with the kids all day and you have to have rountine, schedules, and stick to them. The kids need to know that at certain times they play in their rooms or play area or outside and you can do things you need to do for yourself. They need to learn to help by having a chore/job to do that is age appropriate. This job may not always be a great help to you but does teach them responsibility, etc. Then spend time with them at certain times either reading, playing or whatever you all like. If you don't have some routine it becomes a free for all and complaining and no time for much that needs done. You'll all be happier.

It took me a year & 1/2 to get used to the transition from working to being
a SAHM.

Find things YOU enjoy doing.
Find a way to get out of the house. Rack your brain.
I know you said there is a pitbull out in the neighborhool. Call Animal Control when you see it.

Since you don't drive, look into the bus system in your area.
Google "free rides or transportation" in your area.
Is there a nearby library you can take the kids to for reading time?
Make friends with a neighbor that can maybe give you an occasional ride
into town.
Look into fun things you can do at home: join Nextflix, look up magsforcheap.com for $5/yr subscription to certain magazines.
Try to arrange a date night once a month w/your hubby if you have a neighbor you can trust willing to watch the kids while you & hubby go into town for dinner at least.
Do your older kids drive? Can they run into town to pick up a library book for you?
Next time you're at the store, pick up 6 single different beers (if you drink) & have a taste test w/hubby at home one night. Think along those lines.
Next time you're at the grocery store, p/u a $5 bouquet of cheap flowers as a pick-me-up.
You'd be surprised what you can have delivered these days to make your days at home when you're feelng stuck, feel better.
Get creative.
Give yourself time to relax & "find your groove" as a SAHM.
Rent or buy one inexpensive exercise video to do in the morning before the kids get up. Exercise will make you feel better.

Know that you are doing a great job!
Working away from your kids is hard and staying home with the kids can
be isolating too.
The key is to find a way to work with what we have.

Laughter is the best medicine (mood lifter) so find a way to get your laughs in: turn on the comedy channel for a few mins, read the comics etc.

Hang in there, call your friends, have one of your friends that live 45 mins away come see you once a month or once every 2 months.

Balance. It's all about balance. I work (and still homeschool my kids) and my husband is a SAHD now 100%. It was a huge struggle for him at the beginning. I force him to go out for rides on his motorcycle. I told him today, "Have fun, if you aren't going to be back in 9 hours, then call me, otherwise I'll just figure you're dead in a ditch somewhere." He laughed and yelled, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!" He SOOOO needed that time alone today.

I get massages almost weekly and get to pilates class at 6am a few days each week, so that I can be back and get ready for work, but if HE worked outside the home, I would be back before he left. I take an hour here and and hours there and it works for me. He needs 6-10 hours all at one. 1 hour does NOTHING for him. We are all different.

Do a babysitting co-op with friends. You watch their kids 2 nights each month and they watch yours 2 nights each month....maybe do this with a few friends. Be clear on how many hours before you start this. Your friends can't drop their kids off for 8 hours and then just allow you 2 hours.

I find that drinking enough water, taking good fish oil, and adrenal support supplements, as well as exercising keeps me a happy mommy.

Good luck! Balance.

It gets easier. Kind of like when people told you having a newborn would get easier and after some time it did get easier. Give yourself time to transition to being a SAHM before you are so harsh with yourself. Seriously, it took me months to adjust from working to being at home all day.

The best advice I have is to work on a schedule and routine. Then you'll know when you go to the store that no one is tired or hungry and it'll save you some battles. Some moms can spend every little moment with their kids and they love it, some moms need a break now and then to be a better mom. A vast majority of moms fall into needing a break category. Work out an agreement with your hubby so that you get an hour or two a week to yourself. Just be considerate to his work demands too and you'll be able to work something out.

PS-try looking at the positives as much as possible and ignore the negatives. It's hard at first, but over time you'll see you have a lot more positives than negatives.

Jennifer P is right. It is about balance. My kids are with me almost all the time. What I do for me time is give myself morning quiet time, like right now. I wake early, do my email, financial stuff, etc. and then I work out. If my kids wake up and I'm not done, they get to play on the computer while I work out. This has done a ton to help me chose to spend the rest of the day being happy mommy. I had a bad day yesterday (pregnancy hormones and exhaustion), but it's all about mind set. If you feel like all you are doing is chores, you will get grumpy and resentful. If you chose to do these things because you want to be a good mommy, because it's too expensive to pay for daycare, etc. many times just by reminding yourself that it is a choice, you can own it and feel good about what you are doing.

Maybe workout some sort of arrangement with hubby that you get every other Friday night out, and he gets every other Saturday night out.

Also, do date night at home. After the kids go to bed, have a nice dinner (do take out!), watch a movie, drink some wine, whatever. Hubby and I do this every Friday night when there is a baby in the house and we can't go anywhere. Now that there is no baby, we get a babysitter once a month for about 3-4 hours, so we can go to a movie. We usually come home and put the kids to bed, but whatever, we get a little quality time together without the kids.

If you aren't exercising regularly, I highly recommend that you do. Exercising 3x a week for 20 minutes is as effective as anti-depressants for most people.

I am sorry is is going on for you. I understand, when I was young I didn't have a drivers license and 2 small children home and it about drove me crazy. No friends, lonely and a husband who never got it. I could take the bus but not with the children. I also never had any money. I finally took the bike I had as a youngster home and would take my bike out and pick up small items from the grocery store and get out for a ride when the ex was home.

Luckily you are in a larger city so there must be a decent public transport system. Go to meetup.com and see if there are any groups in your area that interest you. You can put in your profile that you have a medical issue that prevents you from driving and ask if someone can give you a ride. In one of the groups I belong to a member can't drive because of a medical issue and someone stops and picks her up so she can go to meetups.

About the dogs, call the police every time you see them off the leash. Become a pain in the a$$ to the police. If after repeated calls to the police the dogs are still roaming call or email the news director of your local TV stations and ask them to do a story about the dogs roaming free and scaring people. Explain that you have called animal control and the police and no one will do anything about it. Police departments do not like negative news stories. I would also call city hall and ask who your city counselman or aulderman is and talk to him(her) and complain about the dogs and that you have called the police and animal control and you will contact the local news stations. He won't want a negative news story about himself either.