SAHM Sanity

First, please hear me when I tell you that you don't have to defend or justify that feeling to other SAHMs. I have a car and places within walking distance, but that feeling is still there sometimes. Those are the days that I hand the kids over to my husband as soon as he gets home and I spend some time sitting at my sewing machine or running to the store. Even if I can't buy anything, I can browse the racks in silence. Sweet, beautiful silence. A girlfriend and I like to go to Ikea and just wander around. It's such a big store, I've still not seen everything in it! I've been home for over 5 years now, and I have learned that you have to escape sometimes. It doesn't make you a bad mom to need a "time out" from the kids.

I remember those days!

I learned the bus routes and we had outing that way. I also drove hubby to work and back 3 days a week so I cold have the car.

You need to find someway to get the car. Take your husband to work, have him carpool, save up for a second car if you can. I think I'd go nuts if I couldn't get out and go to the park, grocery, library, or even just for a drive.

Sometimes it is kind of like that movie "Groundhog Day" when you're a SAHM (didn't I just change a diaper 5 minutes ago?!?!?) so you're definitely not alone in feeling like that! I have a 2 month old and a 16 month old so getting us all out of the house and keeping everyone content can be a challange. Not sure if you have any outdoor space, but getting the kids out of the house even if its in your own neigborhood is a big help (give them a paintbrush and a pail of water and they can "paint" the house or the sidewalk). Can you host playdates and get together with other SAHMs at your house so you can have some adult socialization during the day? Most moms clubs LOVE to have someone willing to host.

I have come to accept that "me" time is going to be very limited at this stage in my life. Everything has a season and this season of my life is about taking care of them. Just reminding myself of that helps me.That being said, can your husband watch them one night a week so you can go out by yourself or with friends? We all need some time to ourselves.

Okay:
I am a SAHM. WE only have 1 vehicle.
My Husband works.
*I* have the van, not him. THAT is because... I am home with the kids. We need to do things. It is not reasonable for us to just be stuck at home. We have appointments/Doctor/Dentist/errands for the home etc. And I have to take OUR kids to school and pick them up everyday.
AND if my Husband took 'our' van to work, then it would just be sitting there, ALL day, in a parking lot, and having to pay for parking every darn day. So that does not make sense.
My Husband KNOWS that. HE carpools to work. After work, he catches the bus home. NO problem. That is common sense. That I have the vehicle.
This is the way it has been, since I gave birth to my 1st child, 8 years ago. It is a necessity, for me/our kids.

So, for you without a vehicle... CAN your Husband, let you have the car? And he carpool or catch a bus??? Or does he need the vehicle for work????

OR, YOU can drive him to work everyday and pick him up after work.
I have done that too.

Being stuck at home, without a means of doing pertinent things, sucks.
AND what if there were an EMERGENCY or your kids were sick? Then what? You don't even have a vehicle to help them.

So you need to walk places. With your kids in tow. Or catch the bus.
And yes, you never get any "Me" time.

You and your Husband, NEED to talk about this.
AND to clearly, delineate, what you BOTH need to do, as a couple, per DAILY household, personal, and child responsibilities.
- For example: How do you take your baby to his well-baby check-ups??? Or how do you go to your own Doctor/Dental appointments?

He needs to, allow you to go out, just yourself, and do things and have your own time.

Being COOPED up, all day, every single day, at home with 2 kids.... would drive ANYONE nuts.

It has nothing to do with loving being a Mom and a SAHM or not. This is about.... being able to SHARE a vehicle, and being able to have the ability to have adequate things for your kids.
Does your Husband actually WANT you and HIS kids, to be cooped up ALL day, every single day, at home, ONLY?
What if you or the kids have to go to the Doctor? I mean, kids need check-ups and dental care and what about errands?

First after today I would take a day with just my kids any day. Woof! my boss was awful!!!

Why don't you pick one or a couple days of the week and carpool with your husband? In other words get up, who cares what condition you and the kids are in since you ain't getting out of the car, and drive your husband to work. Then make those your special outing days.

Ya know, mix it up a bit!

Oh I was a stay at home mom for 18 years, I know what I speak of. :)

We all love our kids and at some point they still get on our nerves. You are normal, even more so b/c you are at home w/them all day long.

Try and see if you can meet another mom on your street. Adult interaction makes a world of difference when you have to stay home w/kids all day.

I suggest getting them into some sort of preschool learning schedule. Kids need structure. That's how they learn some social skills, how to follow rules and respect authority.

A rough schedule can look like this (modeled after my son's preschool classes): after bfast and clean up, spend a few minutes of doing:
-letter recognition (books, flashcards)
-writing (letters, their name, coloring in the lines, dot painting)
-music & motion (sing along CDs or videos)
-reading
-arts & craft (doesn't ahve to be big, try to follow seasonal or monthly themes) like glueing, practicing w/scissors (4 yo only), water color painting, folding paper
- lunch
- sports/outdoor play (kick the ball around, try to roll balls around w/a pool noodle, etc)
- story/reading
- nap

You can vary the schedule according to what you've got going on already or what you are in the mood to do. If you are stuck at home w/them all day, I suggest you start "training" them to play by themselves while you throw a load in the washer, or load the dishwasher or sweep. Just tell them its playtime, leave them w/a toy or something, and go do your chore. If they cry or follow you, just put them back w/the toy and tell them you'll be right back. It'll take patience but eventually they will leave you alone for 5-10 mins at a time, where you can catch a break to think, relax and even eat a candy bar!

gl and hth

Wow-you really ARE in a bad position. I seriously could not have done it without a car. I would go so crazy home all day. Is there ANY way that you could drop your DH off at work a day or two a week? And then pickhim up when he is done work. This way you could get out and about. If not, is there somebody that you could pay to come and take you places? I am not kidding-this would be so worth it and make all the difference. Please look into some kind of arrangement. If your husband is not amenable then you need to find somewhere to go for the weekend and take the car...go visit a girlfriend, religious retreat, anything-just to give him a taste of what it feels like to be literally stranded. And then sit back down to discuss.

I'm in the same boat!
I have a almost 3 y/o and an 8month old! I'm a SAHM and my husband works 10am-7pm during the week. Same as you. We only have one car and nothing within in walking. There aren't even sidewalks....just the two lane curvy, busy street.
I've been a SAHM since my 1st son was about 5-6months old. But then we had two cars & lived near my sister and her kid. It was a lot better.

Now I DO go insane from time to time. I only get "me" time for, maybe, about 1-3hours after the kids go to bed. Weekends, I get a little break, well from my son. My daughter is breastfed so she goes wherever I go.

I used to drive my husband to work every day so that I could get the heck out of the house. Its really hard to do with both babies, because I have to have dinner ready by like 6pm, get the kids ready, which sometimes can take 20-30min. Then make sure I get them in the car and to my husbands work by 7pm. then we have to rush dinner, baths, bedtime etc.
Its almost not worth it haha.
You could go for walks, or a drive alone at night. Get a coffee, call a friend and go for a drive. Doesn't have to be a long one.

It is a difficult job. I stay home with my 9 month old. I love her so much but it can be very lonely and isolating. I think you've got some good suggestions from the other ladies on this post. I just mainly wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings.

Know that that age doesn't last forever.
Of course I'm sure they're wonderful little babies and all, but they actually get *interesting* down the line! It' won't be Cheerios and Play Doh forever. :)

My most difficult period was when my oldest three were 4, 1, and new. The 4yo was starting to become interesting at that point, but it was hard with two babies at home.

These days, there's no such thing as boring in our house. (Bad days, of course, lol, but not boring!)

Is there any way you could drive your husband to work, even if it's only once or twice a week, so that you have a car for the day? I can't imagine being stuck home like that, I would feel exactly like you :(
If that's not an option, do you have other moms in you neighborhood you could reach out to? Having each other over for snacks and play dates could really help break the monotony.
That's all I can think of. Hang in there...

omg....i rememeber when we only had one car. i didnt lose my sanity. it ran away. screaming in terror.
and even with a car sometimes i still feel slightly manic by the time my husband gets home. not that he is much help. i still have to watch her and do everything parentwise by myself even when he is home.
i agree with Ellie. take your husband to work a few time a week or if he will let you every day! that way you will have the car and can get out of the house!!
me time is really hard to get and you WONT get it unless you DEMAND IT. literally. if you dont force your husband to give you some me time, he wont do it with his own free will.
try and get a day every other (or every weekend if you can)weekend like saturday or sunday where you get the car or the house all to yourself for a few hours. i have gotten that a few times and it was magical.
dont be shy or you wont get it!

See if your hubby can carpool sometimes so you can have the car. Are you close to public transportation? I have a 4 year old and we'll take the bus to the movies, mcdonalds, target, whatever - he thinks it's an adventure and with a stroller, I can manage a few bags to carry home. We also have a kid bike trailer - there are 2-kid carriers, so maybe you can get a bike and kid carrier and bike them to the park? There's a little room in the back to carry stuff, so you can bring food, etc. Exercise for you, a way to travel and get out, and again - it's an adventure for them.

My hubby's taking the MCAT's soon, so I've had NO real break for several months - I feed my son "real" food at home, then we go to the mcdonalds indoor play area for a few hours and he plays. We only get drinks and fries and apples so I minimize the fast food consumptions but I get to read, or do stuff on my computer while he plays in a somewhat controlled environment. It's kept me sane (somewhat :)

You might want to join a mom's group and get involved with mom's night outs a couple of times a month. It makes you feel like you are an adult social being again and its lots of fun.

In your same boat right now, been home for six years, but luckily my son is 5 and in preschool for six hours a day. My daughter is 2 1/2 and am going back to work w/in the next year or so when she goes to school..It was rough for me for a while too, I had serious bouts of depression when they were both little, and I don't have friends here in FL...Not that I didn't make any in the 10 yrs I've lived here, it's just that once I had kids, things changed and you know how it goes.. I do have a car, but still not much to do...I take my little one to the park early in the morning but it's so damb hot here in FL.. You really can't join a mommy group w/out a car I guess, but you're not missing much there, not the mommy group type myself.. Are you going to put your 2 y/o in preschool at age 3....Hang in there, this too shall pass, just try to keep thinking that every day...I do, however, have a best friend in another state that I talk to every day she's at home too and my saving grace...It definitely helps...Good luck!!

are there any churches in your area that sponsor play groups, or mothers day out? Not sure on the ages for those things though.

the rewards of this phase of life are equalled by the stresses! since your breaks are perforce few and far between, you do have to schedule them carefully (and guard them jealously<G>.) DO take the vehicle sometimes. yes, it's hard to do it often with those tinies, but if you go to the trouble to drive your husband even once every couple of weeks, you can plan some fun activities for the babies and you which will give your routine a shake-up. and once every couple of weeks have an easy dinner ready to go when your husband gets home, and hand the babies off to him altogether. you hop in the shower and go out, even if it's just to a local borders to read a magazine and drink a latte.
you have to have an occasional treat (and something as simple as a schedule shake-up can be a small treat), and with planning you can do it. good luck!
:) khairete
S.

Im with you on this one!! I have one S. whos 2 years old. We only have one car and my husband works an hour away. It really does get very boring staying home all day everyday doing the same things everyday. I try to get out of the house everytime I can. I usually ask my family to come pick me up and I spend time with them at their house. There has been some times I just wanted to cry and cry because I was stuck at home all the time. I got to the point where I was looking for a job close by so I didnt have to be home all the time. But I have family who come pick me up. But I would suggest find some friends ad get together maybe some moms in our neighborhood.

I'm going to say the same- YokaReeder.com- helped me soo much.
best, k

crafts with the older one. lots and lots of crafts. let them fingerpaint, draw with chalk on the sidewalk. it is hard to do things with ones that are this little. i still don't get alone time in the bathroom, i have two fists pounding on the door until i open it. i would take my kids outside and let them play. as your LO gets older it will get easier since they will entertain eachother.

Can you start a playgroup in your neighborhood? Put out flyers at all the houses within walking distance and see who calls you. I'm right there with you, girl, as far as being about to lose it! GL

Can you put them in a stroller and go for a walk? Find some outdoor toys for them to shake off some energy. Also, do you have friends in the area? It's nice to get to know some neighbors with children and make playdates with them, a change of scenery and social interaction for the little ones. We had a mommy network in our neighborhood and we met on Fridays at someone's house to talk about mommyhood while the kids played. It was a life saver! After getting acquainted with them, car pool to the park or mall. It is great help to have friends with you.

Good luck!