SAHM Losing Her Mind

When I was 24 yrs old, I had four children at home - 5 yrs old and under. I do understand your frustration and it is easy to get down and/ or depressed. (And, by the way, I had 5 kids when I was 25 and 6 kids when I was 27 - oldest was 8.) I used to sit down and think what I loved best about each kid and about each age they were at. Then I would tell them each what I loved about them (only positive behaviors). I nicknamed them positive names - "Mr. Maze, Mr. Music, Artistic Man, Happy Girl, etc. Then we sat down and the ones old enough to help, helped me make rules and set punishments. Then we all went by the rules - no exceptions. We had to eat what we didn't like sometimes - even me - I hate liver & onions, but my husband likes them. We all had chores to do, and after the chores, we all had something fun to do. When we worked, we turned on happy dancing music and danced around the mop and swiped the sponge and folded clothes. When I said yes to them, it was "Sure!" I tried to laugh with them every day. The kids would have their times to themselves and I would have mine - they would babysit the toddler. It wasn't ever long enough, but I would come out and thank them profusely for their help. Many times they would volunteer when they could see that I was cranky. I let them see me cry sometimes, and I apologized for yelling too much and for punishing them too much. But we really had a good life - and you can, too.

I understand where you are coming from. I am a SAHM with a 6, 3 and 2 YOs. My husband works during the day and 3 nights a week he takes and teaches karate- so he's gone from 6:30 a.m. - 9:30 p.m. The other 2 nights I teach skin care and go to meetings. I run my business from my home, and we recently had deaths (yes, plural) in the family. What I found that helped with the kids was keeping their schedule... sticking to their schedule as much as possible helped keep them "sane" when everything around them was katty-whompas.

As for me, I try to take 10-15 minutes to myself every few days. It's a treat for me to even shower by myself without the 3 and 2 YOs... so if I have to, then after all the kids go to bed I take a nice HOT shower or do a little scrapbooking or just sit and drink some hot chocolate. Also, one of the PP mentioned MOMS Club... which I highly do too. I was a member for many years and they saved my sanity many, many times! The only reason why I did not rejoin this year was because it just didn't fit into my schedule.

My friend and I help each other by watching each other's kids once a week. It may only be 3 hours, but man am I productive! And you know what? When I watch her kids, the kids play so much and so well together that I am able to get some things done. Yeah... there are double the kids in the house... but with their playmates here they leave me alone! LOL

Now, if your husband can see a change in you and SAYS something about it, then it's gotta be a big change! Do something now before YOU notice a change. You have a go-get spirit that got you through an early pregnancy to college graduate... call upon that spirit to get you through these trying times!

Good luck! I know you can do it!

You sound like you are over working yourself (getting sick and tired all the time). Set up a regular sleep schedule - go to bed at night the same every night, get up morning same every morning - weekend schedules mess up your sleep schedule. I read a previous response that suggested meals/snacks and times for those. That is a really good idea.
When my husband started seeing changes in my personality, it took me being real mature to be willing to accept it and go take a nap (I felt like a little kid, but once I realized that I was just plain tired, his observation and offer to take care of things while I slept were well accepted and appreciated). Even now with 2 three month olds, I need to get rest often.
If people around you offer help, accept it. I have a few friends that come over once a week and clean, watch babies,e tc that help me stay in control.

You can look up where your local MOMS CLUB, or MOPS. THey are both great. I have been a part of both. Right now I am part of a Mom's club in my area. You are still with your kids most of the time, but moms meet in places where the kids play and moms can get GROWN UP CONVERSATION. THey even have moms noght out once or twice a month. I would definitely try it. It's not a total fix to your problem, but it will get you out occasionally and maybe make some friends that have similar situations.

Good Luck. You sound like a great mom who just needs a little time to herself. Happens to everyone.

Merry Christmas and here's to a wonderful New Year

My advice to you is to get at least a part-time job. I have a 10 month old and we were originally panning for me to stay home but decided I would go back to work part-time simply for my own sanity and to get a break and some time away from the house and baby. Its been great. I think your kids my be acting up because they can sense that you're bored and frustrated at home. You don't need to be a stay at home mom to love your kids! And, being that you were a teenage mother and finished college, I'd guess you're a super motivated and intelligent person. Its no wonder you are feeling a little closed in at home all day! If your husband has a traditional schedule (9-5 or similar), get a job at night. If not, find something 2 or 3 days per week and a daycare providing willing to take the younger kids those days. Even if your job only pays for the childcare its worth it for your sanity! Obviously you guys are making it on one income so in my mind, if your entire paycheck goes to daycare (as mine does) its worth it just to give you that break and be around other adults. Good luck and please let me know how things turn out!

Wow! You sound pretty amazing. Teen preg, and now a college grad. Good for you for being such a hard worker and not giving up.

I want to hear the answers to this dilema, as well. I don't think there is a mom out there who doesn't feel this way, at least at some point in our lives. When it gets tough, I remind myself to try to enjoy every moment, and to take things less seriously, because they will grow up too quickly and we will never have these moments back - so why remember them with bad feelings. Helps me lighten up a bit.

I found that if the kiddos are tired, bored or hungry they act out more. If you can keep them on a schedule, and they don't fall into any of those traps, it is much easier to get them on the same page as you. The difficult part is keeping them from getting any of the above, I know.

Here are some things that you can try to tweek, maybe... bedtime - graduate it by age, 18 mo old, first, if he naps early, 4 yr old first if 18 mo old naps late and can't go to sleep by 7, or 7:30. Then, have the next one go to bed 30-45 minutes after the previous one. That way, you can have alone time with each one, and that alone may help them connect and listen to you better.

If you can keep their eating schedule the same or close to the same every day, it helps too. Breakfast 8 am, lunch 12:30, and dinner 5:30, with snacks at 10 and 3. This will keep their blood sugars from spiking and they will be less moody. Snacks could be an apple, a banana, a pair of graham crackers w/milk - somewhat heathly. Breakfast, can be cereal, oatmeal, waffles, or toast with cream cheese/butter/jam/PB etc.. I also try not to serve juice more than 1 serving a day, milk no more than 1 serving a day (18 mo old can have 2) and NO POP.

Believe, I know there's not time for u, but take even 15 minutes, to take a hot bath, or shower, or something as simple as run in place. Don't try to do 30 min or 1 hr. 10, or 15 min is all you need to freshen your mind.

Last but not least, it's beautiful out, get them out of the house as much as you can. If you make it a routine, they know what comes each day. you can even do a schedule and post it up where they can see and they know what to expect... 8:30-9:45 watch TV or do an activity, while I clean dishes and get lunch ready. After snack 10:15-12:15 go to the park. Have lunch, then nap time... etc...

Good luck and I know you don't want to hear it, but hang in there. It too shall pass. Also, it helps me to remember, when I am in control of myself and my responsibilities they are in control of theirs.

I belong to a mom's group which is on meetup.com It is Tempe Sweet Peas. The moms have kids of all ages, and the moms are all ages. It's $20 a year so the organizer can pay the dues to meetup.com

there are events on most days. I know that getting out of the house will help. My daughter will be 2 next month, and she drives me nuts most of the days. She doesn't listen well to me either. It definitely helps when we get out because she acts better and gets tired so she sleeps.

I also belong to Mom's Club International Tempe-Mesa West. For this one you have to live within Tempe or West Mesa, but there are other groups in the surrounding areas.

Best of luck.

C.

Hey girl!:) I have SO been there- in fact. I am trying to get back on my feet from some devastating hits what with the economy drooping the past few years-hubby was laid off, lost our home, our car was stolen in the neighborhood we moved to,all in the same 3 month span(no joke), etc etc. I was married at 19(no shame there for me-married 8 years now:D) and have five kids. I have been through the discouragement and depression and have had to take it one day at a time, one step at a time...with everything. I can't even try to sound like I have it all together- I don't, or understand even, but I am learning how to get from one day to the next.
I found a website by Flylady when I went through postpartum depression years ago- she has a program of babysteps to help- it is like free life coaching, counseling, motivation, organization, etc etc. I love it. Flylady.net.
That is where I started. She also sends reminders and encouragement to your inbox every day.
God answered one of my desperate prayers for help with the Flylady program- among other things. Keep your chin up:) You've been through a rough time. Focus on the relationship with the kids and making them smile over their behavior or your mood.:) I hope that helps.:) I am praying for you and feel free to email me- ____@____.com. *hugs*

As you can probably tell, I think most of us sahms have felt this way at least...well, probably a lot of the time. I have a philosophy- I call it the airline philosophy- you have to put on your own mask before you put on anyone else's because you're not going to do anyone any good if you're passed out on the seat next to them. You need to make sure you take care of your needs so that you have something to give to all those you love. Finding someone that you can trade babysitting with so that you can get a few hours to yourself is great. As someone else mentioned, it's amazing how much easier it can be to have a couple of extra kids around to keep your kids entertained. Find a hobby- scrapbooking, sewing, reading, writing, something that makes you happy.
I know that your hubby is tired when he gets home, but sit down with him and work out a "me time" schedule. Even if it's just a 20 minute walk around the block when he gets home, or a bath/shower, something for you to decompress. It's sometimes hard to remember that, just like our harworking hubbys need some time to relax after work, we need some time too.
There are always going to be good days and bad days, good years and bad years. Things will get better. If you need to talk you are welcome to email me. ____@____.com Good luck.

Hi C., I hope things will work out for you. The fact is, some people are just not cut out to be SAHM's. I am one of them. I own a business and enjoy working outside the home. I was not good to either myself or my kids, when I was home full time with them. Maybe you can see what your other options are. I wish you the best!

MY name is J. and I live in mesa. I have a 2 -7 and 17. I also baby sit my 3 almost 4 year old neice and my friends baby girl that just turned one. I hear ya and know what u mean. If you would like to get together some time for a play date, or swap baby sitting some time, that would be great.

We all have our days and feel so overwhelmed when the kids are acting out. They propably feel the depression and tension from the death in the family. What helps me get through rough times is: I bundle the kids up and take a long walk. They love it because they get fresh air. We usually walk to the park and it gets them off my back and gives me a chance to think and relax. I sometimes stretch. My husband also helps. He takes them to McDonalds or for a ride and gives me an hour to myself. My kids are also 7 and 4 and I find that they need to be occupied with tons of activities. Otherwise, I lose my mind. Recently we made X-mas cards. They were entertained for hours. Good Luck to you and take a deep breath.

C.,

I've been right there with you! I have always found that getting out of the house some every day helps immensely! Go for a walk (even with the kids) to get exercise, and if you can find a friend to walk with you, all the better! This will help you get endorphins that will boost your mood and help you be less tired, and it teaches the kids the good habit of exercising every day.

Let the kids play at the park while you just sit and relax/watch, or even take them to McDonalds to play if it's cold. Story time at the library is always wonderful because you do something good for the kids and you meet/socialize with other moms as well. And lastly, don't stress about the house not being clean. Sometimes just let it go so you can enjoy your kids while you can. They grow up all too fast.

I have a rather odd solution, try and get a part time job. I know with your grandmother being home with you until she passes makes it difficult but you could start looking now. It sounds like you need to get out and have adult time that makes you feel important. Your 4 year old may already be in preschool so you would just need to find care for the 18 month old.

It sounds like your children are reacting to you and how you are feeling. I stayed home with my first daughter and I had the same issues you have minus the ailing grandparent (which I am very sorry that you are going through right now). As sson as I went back to work part-time and my daughter had more people and activites to stimulate her she calmed down almost immediately.

I also feel that my husband was more understanding about my schedule once I went back to work only because he could relate to working and caring for the kids.

I may be way out in right field but it is just an idea. A happy mom makes a happy family.

C., you have accomplished a lot in your young life. I'm proud of you!
You are definitely going though a hard time in your life right now. If you can watch the show Supernanny on Friday nights on channel 15(basic channel; I would think it could help. You can get some tips! Another thing you can write in and I bet they would help you. Jo is wonderful, and she can help you get control of your life once again. She has some great tips for things to help you children get in shape the way you would like them to do. Now is the time to nip the situation in the bud. I think your going in that direction already if you aware this isn't right. You don't want your kids to grow up and still be like this years later. Yikes!
I hope things will work out for the better for you. Just remember you are the parent and they are the kids. Good Luck, N. P.