Saddend by Youngest Sons Behavior

See if your church has a copy of the book called. "love Language for Children" (probably not the exact title. You can just ask for the Love Language book for kids and they should know what you are talking about. They have the adult version too. Just a thought.

If you live in the Denton area, I would encourage you to consider counseling at the UNT's Child and Familyt Resource Center. Their website is http://coe.unt.edu/CFR-clinic/index.htm. Because it is a University clinic, they work with parents on a sliding scale (depending on income, it may be free). They could offer professional guidance and support for your son, yourself, and your family as a whole. If you would like more information, feel free to e-message me!

R.

I would try talking to him (which I'm sure you're already doing). Take him somewhere fun or someplace he likes to go and spend some one on one time with him. Maybe you can get him to open up and see if there is something bothering him. I'm not a mother of a 10 yr old yet so I hope someone can give you better advice.

I see that you are a Sunday school teacher: how is your son's relationship with God? Are you teaching him as well as your class? How involved are the men in his life? It is in your son's best interest to have a male mentor (involved father/step-father preferred). Your husband is the priest of the family; do you have family devotions? You also need to remember that men would rather have respect than love, so your husband (and his father) need to reinforce the fact that he needs to respect you. You also need to remind yourself that your job is to prepare him to survive without you and what he learns today (yes today!) will affect his life in years to come. Think of him as a man in progress, as you add things to his life now, so will he be tomorrow. He may need counseling, talk to Pastor or Youth Pastor. And last, do you pray for your son? Although it it for girls, maybe you could watch Pamela's Prayer (dvd) for ideas for yourself. May God give you and your husband wisdom in training your son in righteousness.

There could be a lot of things going on. Hormones for sure but exercise is great for that. He could be having a social issue at school. Does/did he talk to you about friends/school issues?

Do you do things with him like ride bikes/roller blade? If not, I'd grab a bike and say "Hey kid, this is the deal, we ride, no questions, let's go". It's hard to have a bad attitude on a bike and maybe he needs one on one time with you that is just fun. Try that first.

Then, ask him if he'd like to actually make up a video game.
If this is what he is interested in ( and what ten year old boy is not?) then get involved. Play a game with him, get him to teach you one, you'll survive. Then, if he is that darned smart suggest he start working on his own game. You can go to the library and get books on gaming. You can even find people who do this for a living and take a "field trip" to see them. One very bright boy of 13 I know, is reading about artificial intelligence and is building a robot. There are robotics classes all over town and robotics clubs. Whateve he is interested in, feed the need and get involved. Don't be a typical parent and close the door while he plays alone, get in there and support his interest. You don't have to turn into a gaming nerd, just be supportive. But do NOT let this interfere with family time/exercise/ balance is key.
Also, do you guys eat together each night? DO IT. This is crucial. I'd suggest a family board game each night as well, but something tactical like Risk or take turns challenging each other to chess, if you can't play LEARN. Most kids who are great at video games are masterful chess players as they are problem solving constantly in gaming.
You have a smart kid here with a lot of love inside. Just find a way to involve yourself in his world and him in yours.
Does he cook yet? If not it's high time he learns. Lots of kids are craving responsibility at this age but they don't get it. Institute a family cooking night where each person contributes, even if he is making the salad, he is contributing and the reward will be huge when everyone says "great salad!" Some of this stuff is so simple but we live in a world that goes by at warp speed. Slow down, ride a bike, cook a meal with him and play a video game with him. You will be surprised and you will have your boy back.

S.,
I know it's hard, I have a daughter that is like that with me a lot. I love her very much so I know your pain, it is probably a lot of things, I know you put you are re-married, if that was recent could have a lot to deal with, plus a myriad of other reasons... Just make sure you leave the line of communication open and I can tell you are a Godly woman, keep praying. One day you'll be able to give great advice to another mother who is going through it. Pray God will change his heart, or open up to you. Be consistent in everything; good or bad. Continue to tell him how much you love him and are here for him.
God Bless and stay strong!

you might look into the 5 love languages book. If you figure out what his love language is you might be able to better show him how much you love him. He may not be able to "speak" they way that you have been trying to show him love.

Does he have friends? Does he have any social issues? I ask because I have an autistic son. Some asperger children are very bright but only focused on a single interest. At some point they realize they are different and struggle with the feelings. I don't know your son nor am I auggesting anything, just providing a different angle.

Dear S. H,

You didn't say anything about your son's relationship with his father. What's going on there? That might be the problem. Since your son is no longer opening up to you, maybe it's time for counseling. Our church web site has a list of Christian counselors. If you go to www.fellowshipchurch.com, click on "Get Connected". Then click "Member Care" from the drop down menu. Then click "Counseling". A list will come up. You don't have to be a member of Fellowship to use the service.

I've already said a prayer for you, your son and your whole family.

Be Blessed,

Deb D

My sister just went through this with my nephew now 15 year old. We didn't know what to do so finally they took him to see a couselor. It really helped we found out he was taking prescription drugs which was only part of it. He also did not feel loved by his father (they are married). He went to a special school for 6 weeks and he is doing wonderful now. Maybe you should try it he might have some hidden feelings he just can's seem to tell you about right now. I will be praying for you and him.

Hi S.,
I had a similar experience with my oldest son. His father and I had divorced and I was just remarried with another son on the way. My sweet son stopped talking to me and became distant. He would not open up to his Dad either. I made an appointment with a children's therapist and told him that he was going to see her so he could talk about his "feelings". He objected at first, but after meeting the doctor and speaking with her, he didn't want to leave. It helped him so much. He does not see her on a regular basis anymore, but she told him if he ever needs to talk with her just to let me know. If you are interested in speaking to her, please let me know and I will give you her phone number.

S.,

When you said your son get straight A's and doesn't even try, I immediately thought that maybe he is bored in school and isn't being challenged enough. Maybe he is way too smart for his grade? Although that doesn't really explain his behavior toward you. If it is really bad, maybe you can take him to a child psychologist/therapist, and maybe he would tell that person what is going on? My only other thought is to make sure he is eating a balanced diet. Is he withdrawn and unmotivated b/c he needs a high protein snack? I don't know. I am totally guessing. I have no idea, obviousuly. I hope you don't mind what I have said. Just trying to help you. Kids are such a hard read! Best of luck!

HI S.,

My heart goes out to you. I have a book recommendation for you. I just started reading it last night. It sounds like it might be helpful for you too. It is called, Mending the Broken Bond by Frank Lawlis, Ph.D. I checked it out from the Arlington Public Library. I really like Dr. Lawlis' approach to children and adults alike! Good luck!

Hi S.,

There's an awesome book called "The 5 Love Languages for Children" that really helped me connect with my youngest son. It talks about ways to determine what really represents love in your child's mind, then give him love in the way that is meaningful to him.

It all boils down to communication. Some kids respond to praise, some to physical touch, some to gifts (fewer have this as their primary love language than you would think. If we learn to zero in on what is meaningul to them and start "speaking their language," you will be amazed at the results.

Best of luck,

M.
My son eats 10 fruits and veggie servings a day. Even the green ones!
Check out my Mamasource profile to find out how we did it!

Chances are this is all about hormones. Between age 9 and 10 they kick in. The sweetest child becomes self absorbed and suddenly treats the Mom he adored as a thorn in his side. Try not to take it personally. Keep showing him your love, Stick with your rules, but keep anger and hurt out of it. He will come back to you, but it will take a few years.

Is he bored at school? Sounds like he's not being challenged enough if he can make As without trying. I'd talk to his school about that. And... if his computer/video games aren't getting in the way of his obligations at home or school, then I don't see why he shouldn't be allowed to play them during his free time. For years we've been told that video games and computer games are bad for children, but they aren't. A recent study that was summarized on the CBS Evening News actually showed that many games are good for children/teens and teach them important skills. You can read the study here: http://www.cbsnews.com/htdocs/pdf/PIP_Teens_Games_and_Civ...

Well Im really tough on mine I have a 12yr old and we are very old fashion people we did'nt raise him with video games nothing like that we usually try to keep him busy and its hard I know but what you can do take his video games for at least a week I know is tough but sometimes it works now you are probably thinking is not a good suggestion but you can try it. Sometimes if children act that way its because there asking for help or they want to be heard from somebody maybe what can be is that he is not comfortable with your new partner (jealousy)you can ask your pediatrician maybe they reccomend you something.

Have you tried taking him someplace "special" with just the two of you and during your outing having a "heart-to-heart" talk with him? It will take a while for him to open up, but just tell him how much you love him and ask him if anything is going on, or if there is anything he wants to talk about? Just keep talking to him until he opens up. (preferrably some place where you can have a little fun - but also have a meal or something where you are sitting down and it is a good time to talk)??