Rude?? or Am I Taking It Personal?

I think you are taking wrong...I LIKE the idea of having the same thing there - have different toppings - strawberries on one and blueberries on the other...

RELAX!!!! It's all good.

I think you are looking for variety and he is thinking youll want the same desserts. Just a misunderstanding maybe. Hes just trying to do what he thinks you feel is best, and you are the one making it a compitition. If you really dont want anyone getting his cheesecake, then call and ask if hed mind bringing something different just in case not everyone likes cheesecake.

You are taking it too personal mama. Maybe FIL doesn't like the cheesecake you are making, or maybe he is worried that since it doesn't have eggs that it may taste a little different. He just wants to give people that LOVE cheesecake an option.
I will forever remember my mother making a "diet" pumpkin pie and telling me and my 4 brothers that it was gonna be GREAT! Eww, it was nasty. It was over 15 years ago that she gave us that and we STILL remember it.
So, my vote is not rude....just a tired mama.
L.

Actually, it's kind of nice that everyone can enjoy the same dessert....don't you think? I don't see the big deal or the reason to change your dessert in the least.

Here's my thought.
Your FIL called and asked what he can bring. YOu said bring Aunt Katy a cake and you also told him you were bringing a delicious cheesecake.
So in his manbrain he thinks OK P. wants cake, she likes cheesecake, I will bring cheesecake.
My husband would do the same thing.
Leave it be. He wants you to be happy and that gives everyone a chance to enjoy the same dessert.

I also have a friend who will ask what kind of cake is being served at the party because her son is gluten, egg, milk intolerant. So then she can make the same kind of cupcakes so her son doesn't miss out on whatever the others are having.

One of my favorite photos is a photo of our daughter, me and and an aunt all lined up each with matching bday cakes with the candles all lit.. We all have our birthdays within days of each other. We I am 30 years older than our daughter and our Aunt is 30 years older than me..

Make sure you get a photo of them side by side with their matching cakes..

Remember, this is a fun event, it is not anything to feel stressed about. I cannot not imagine FIL is trying to somehow compete or be ugly to you.

As moms we have this vision in our head and lose sight of the fact that our children would be thrilled with a cupcake and Happy Birthday sung to them on their birthdays, by just their family.. Having a big party is literally icing on the cake for them.. We are the ones that make it such a big deal and so important..

You know, if your FIL is at all like the men in my life, he is clueless, and he is copying you because he simply doesn't have any ideas of his own. He figures if you're making cheesecake, then cheesecake must be the thing to bring to a party. Maybe I'm just surrounded by space cadets, but I would sooner assume he is clueless than assume he has some passive-aggressive motive. If you know what your aunt likes, you can always call your FIL back and ask him to make your aunt's favorite cake instead.

Not one bit rude in my opinion. And how nice that he offered! Goodness, who cares what he brings? He probably thought that a strawberry cheesecake sounded good and wanted everybody to be able to have some. What if he had decided to bring chocolate and your son felt left out because everybody else got to eat chocolate cake and he had to eat dumb cheesecake on his birthday?!

Either he isn't very creative ( but super nice to actually bring something).
Or he was trying to make your child not feel excluded ( which is nice too).

Just take a deep breath and enjoy your little guys birthday. Safely first at the pool i've heard of too many drownings this summer.

You are taking it too personally.

I'm impressed that he asked what he could bring. Not rude at all.

Sorry, but yes, you are taking this personal when it's not at all.

I actually think it's nice, everyone can have some yummy cheesecake :)

Way way too personal... this party is to celebrate your son and Aunt and it's not about you (or your cheesecake)! If people in your family love that dessert, then the more the better- different toppings, different guests of honor. I would put a candle on each and let them each have their cake and eat it too!

Really not something to take issue over. Your FIL offered to bring something (thoughtful) and was not given any parameters and decided to bring cheesecake. If this really bothers you, next time either say "Dad, I'm going to make a cheesecake, so maybe you could do some cupcakes or something to go along with it for dessert" or say "Dad, if you are going to do cheesecake again, let me know so that I can do a sheet cake".

Boy that was nice of your FIL to offer to bring something and that he would bring a cheesecake for the rest of the group. Sounds like you're blessed.

Oh my god....get over it, there are worse things in this world.

I would let it go. He's a guy - most aren't that creative when it comes to menu planning. :) Relax and enjoy your day with your son & aunt!

It sounds like you are just stressed. Try to relax and not worry about little things like this. I don't know your FIL, only you do, but I suspect his motivation for bring an egg versioned cheescake is a kind one. He may just want to be uniform and has no other ideas. Think about it from his perspective. Why would he think bringing a cheesecake similar to yours is a rude gesture? People are not allowed to eat similar items? If he is like the men in my family, he is clueless what to bring so he will bring something already mentioned to make it easier on himself.

I definitely would not say anything. I think you will look back on this and realize you may be *overreacting* (I hate using that, because feelings are feelings and you are entitled to them). So go and have fun!

I guess it depends on what type of guy your FIL is. Is he a pretty nice guy who thought "gosh, that sounds like a yummy dessert (that strawberry cheesecake) and I will make another one for everyone and then maybe my dear grandson can have seconds or thirds!" Or is he kinda competive and he thinks "I know my grandson will like my cheesecake better than his moms. Wait till everyone tastes mine!". I guess only you know the answer to which one it is. If it's the latter, that is pretty lame. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I think he wanted it to be the same so everyone can feel included and your child won't see a cake and want it.
But it would ANNOY me so much because my inlaws constantly do this thing.

I think your FIL is just trying to keep your son's health as a concern... which I think is really cool! My aunt has health issues & if she eats something off her diet, it can be nearly a month before she gets to feeling better and as she get older, she is having more troubles "boncing" back. When I have dinners she is coming to I watch what I cook & always make sure I have things she can eat. But she is also older and knows what does and doesn't bother her - your son on the other hand doesn't & him not being able to have a peice of cake may cause a problem at the party.

It may have been nice to have 2 different deserts, but if you FIL doesn't deal with your son's allergies day to day, he may not know of another safe option. And I think you came up with a great way of making it work. Try to relax and enjoy the birthday party - kids birthdays only come around once a year... make it as special as you can :)

You are taking it personal. He probably thought--wow, that sounds good- I think aunt katy would like that too. Simple as that. I don' t think he was looking for a fight or to be rude. You are taking it all out of context. Take a breath and feel good that you are making your child's birthday cake!

Maybe he was just trying to make sure there was enough cheesecake for everyone to have their fill.

Maybe a tiny bit rude....but I do think your taking it too personal. Let it go, the birthday party will be fine with 2 cheesecakes. And if anything that means you get to take home some possible leftovers. :)

Let it go..The thought of a cheesecake on a hot summer day sounds good to him. He's a man and they don't think the way we do. I don't think he's doing it to be vindictive at all. He knows your son has an allergy so perhaps he is buying or making one that he likes. No biggie. For that matter since your aunt has graciously opened her home bring another cake that she likes. They really aren't that expensive and it would be a nice gesture-thank you to her. Don't sweat the small stuff :)

If it were me I would also bring a traditional cake for aunt Katy and make sure the FIL knows that I wanted her to have a traditional cake for her birthday and so that other non-cheesecake people will like it. You should do this anyhow if you are having any of your son's friends b/c not many 6 yos I know will eat a cheesecake.

You know what's rude? The car bomber in Baghdad who attacked the church my husband's aunt was inside of on Tuesday morning.

Please celebrate your son's 6th birthday without looking for trouble where there is none.

Edited to add**
Sorry if it sounds like I don't care about your issue, but I read your question literally right after finding out this latest bombing, so it really put things into perspective for me.

That really doesn't sound rude to me. We have a family member who just late last year is restricted from Glutens. She is only 7, we try very hard to make sure there are plenty of options for her but sometimes we miss the old versions. It would be different if they weren't making an effort to include your son.

I guess what I am saying is there isn't a "normal" way to adapt things like this. You just kinda go with it and learn along the way. The biggest thing we try to do is make sure she isn't being left out, the rest just falls into place. :)

You're taking this personally. I really like Rachel's answer to you. If it's going to bother you that much then call him back and tell him specifically what you need or would like him to bring. My husband hates making those types of decisions but if I tell him what I want or need, then he's happy to help me. Or make sure you mark your son's cheesecake well (blueberries) so there's no confusion on which slice of cheesecake he receives and enjoy the day. Taste test the other cheesecake, have fun with it, and be happy. Your son doesn't care that much...past the first 2-3 bites...for Mommy to be stressed or upset. When Mommy is happy your party will be a huge success!!!

Could you politely ask him to bring a different cake so there is more variety?

Wow, you are baking a cake. You are a super mom!!! Let there be a two cheesecakes, you will put the other cake to shame....don't forget to enjoy the party, have fun! Ps. Some people don't understand what cluten free means, they might think it effects the flavor and taste. I would like your receipe.

I would just leave it. Its odd that he wants to bring the same dessert that you are serving, but maybe he thinks that either there wont be enough of the one you make for everyone or thinks that gluten free isnt tasty. Or maybe he is just cluseless about what other options are available. I honestly dont know of too many other egg free options for desserts.
Try making a chocolate swirl cheesecake?

Loved the question, because I've often asked the same. I have a relative who knows what I am bringing and then brings the same! And I think she's doing it as a compliment to my idea. At least that's what I tell myself. :) Have a lovely day.

I don't think he was trying to be rude. When I read you were making a cheesecake I thought that sounds really good and I am not particularly a huge fan of cheesecake! For as hot it has been that just sounds lighter and more refreshing than a heavy birthday cake and perhaps this is what he was thinking too? I wouldn't take it personally, in fact, I would take it more as a compliment! It sounds yummy! Have a great time at your party!
A.

I agree with Rachel D, I think he just doesn't know what else to bring! If you really want something different, you could call him and say "hey!, I was thinking, since it's Aunt Katy's birthday too, she really loves (ex)chocolate cake, could you bring that instead?" Or if he's already gotten everything to make the cheese cake, then don't sweat it, make yours blueberry and have a fun day!!

** I like the matching cake and photo idea too!!

Not rude at all. I think it is very nice of your FIL to ask what he can bring, and I am sure he has all the good intentions. It may actually be nice to have an option, and everybody gets a similar dessert.

Enjoy the party!

To tell you the truth, I don't think he was trying to be rude, he was probably just trying to be consistent or thought that everyone would like a full version of cheesecake in addition to yours. I really think he was trying to be nice - I really do.

I am going to give you a little example, at my son's school there is a boy that is gluten intolerant and also allergic to just about everything else. His mother excitedly brings these brownie things that her and her and her son just think are wonderful! Needless to say, the other kids just will not eat them so other parents always bring another set of brownies. For the longest time this mother was so offended. I finally told her that these kids are used to eating brownies tasting one way and unlike her son are not used to the way he has eaten them his whole life. It is just not personal, maybe your FIL was thinking that some people would enjoy a "version" of cheesecake or maybe just not used to it and thought he would provide a regular rendition of it as well.

Just let it go, I am positive he is not trying to be rude. Maybe next time just tell him exactly what you want him to bring, that way there will be no issue.

Another thing you could do is make it a cheesecake bar, serve the cheesecake plain and all the guests can go through the line and pick from a bunch of different toppings, e.g. chocolate, strawberries, peaches, blueberries, butterscotch, caramel, nuts, etc. Our friends did this a couple weekends ago at a dinner party and the kids just flipped out - they loved it!

Good luck and have a wonderful party!

That sounds like something my dad would do. We have a dairy allergy and now an egg allergy in the family. He is convinced there needs to be two of everything because when I make things he says it tastes so different. Of course I was making the same recipes for years for my vegan friends and he never made a big deal about it then. oh well. That's dad. There is no sense getting ticked at him, because that is just the way he is.

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I'm late to this, but I would immediately would have thought maybe he thinks that more than just a few people would want cheesecake, so he's making a second one not just for your aunt, but for all at the party that may not have gotten a piece of what you made for your son. One cheesecake usually does NOT serve enough at a party... I would have not taken it personally at all, and if I was your FIL I would not have even had the slightest guess that you might be offended...

Hope you become less stressed out, and try to enjoy what is left of the summer- and have a great time at the party!

i agree that its awesome because you're son isnn't going to see the cake and wish he could eat that. I always feel bad because my daughter is allergic to strawberries when other people make awesome strawberry deserts and she can;t have them....if only we could ban strawberries in her presence...lol....anywho I would love the fact that the birthday people get the same treat!

I apologize but I do think that yes you are taking this a bit too personal.

ENJOYMENT and CELEBRATION OF THE BIRTHDAYS IS THE MOST ISSUE< AND THE CAKE JUST GETS EATEN!