RSVP Invite Etiquette

Everyone has great ideas for how you should word the invite. RSVP's rarely get acknowledged anymore. I just sent out invites for my daughters party last week and I've only 1 RSVP it's sad that people have lost consideration for others.

Just be frank. I've received several invites with the wording, "No siblings please." Also, I think it's completely fine to provide that this isn't a drop off party. If parents don't like it they don't have to come. Regarding the RSVPs, you are just going to have to deal and order enough for everyone.

I think you need to be specific.

"Suzy invites Tammy to her 6th birthday party. This is a special venue. Children will need to be dressed to swim. Parents don't have to swim but must remain at the facility. We have a limited amount of space for the party so unfortunately the invite cannot be extended to additional family beyond a parent or guardian per child. Please tell us if you are or are not attending by x date. After that date we may not be able to accommodate your child. If you have any questions, please call me at...."

I'm a big meanie. If the kid doesn't RSVP, then you can tell them that you're sorry but you don't have a goodie bag even if you can arrange for them to attend. People don't seem to understand that RSVP means "respond, please" in French. It doesn't mean "ignore me until you think you might come".

Unfortunately, people are so self absorbed now & expect to be catered to so much that I think that you have to spell it out on the invitation.

Yes, I get that childcare for the extra kids can be an issue, but you cannot expect a hostess to pay for your 3 extra kids because of it. And, please don't ask her if it's okay, because she'll be too nice to tell you that it's not. People didn't do this back when I was a kid, they somehow figured it out, so I wonder what the problem is now.

I would also mention on the invite what the extra person charge is, mentioning something about the invitee being paid for, but that any extra kids or siblings would need to be paid for by the parent.

Pool Party!
For Sammy's 8th Birthday we are splashin' it up at the Wet N Wild Pool
More information about party here (fun stuff)
Due to rules and regulations of the fecility I do need one parent in attendance along with your child, (insert name here).
I do hope you understand that again due to rules and regulations of the facility I must have your RSVP in by (insert date here), if I do not hear from you by (date again) we will assume you are not able to attend. I truely hope to see (child's name) and Mr or Mrs (last name here)
I know that personalizing it with the name may take more time, but it will keep the message clear that this invitation is for One parent (at least) and ONE child ONLY. Some of the wording could be tweaked and adjusted but that is an idea.

It's a pain isn't it? We faced this last year for my oldest's birthday. I hated to have to put this on the invitation, but I did because it was necessary (I've seen numerous occasions like what you've described). By the name of the location, I put an asterisk. At the bottom by the asterisk, I put, "Please let me know in advance if any siblings will be attending. There is a 20 child limit, and if I don't have your name on a list at the door, you will have to pay to enter." It did the trick -and it was true. I do appreciate businesses who do it that way where they have a guest list -and if the child's name isn't on it -the parent has to pay for any extras. Helps out with the non-RSVP'rs too!

I wouldn't care if the parents brought along a baby or very young child who you woudn't need to pay for or really wouldn't eat or be watched by anyone but the parent. But please, bringing other children who eat, drink, and party and your child does not know them...come on now! The other moms gave great advice and you are NOT a control freak at all. If I didn't get an RSVP that child would not be invited again. Such disrespect!

It sounds like you like a lot of control. I would stop this crazy idea now. If you want to have a party like this for your child you need to stop, invite only close friends that you can call and discuss the idea with. If you invited me to this party and had all these rules listed I would say no thanks.

RSVP's Do Not Get acknowledged much at all anymore. There will be some kids who say yes then forget completely and there will be a few that just show up.

Save yourself time, energy, and money, this party sounds like it would be a lot of fun but is way too much work.

If you truly plan of following this idea through I would say it like this:

XXX is having a birthday party on XX at XXpm; One parent will be required to stay but other children are not allowed. Babysitting will not be offered.

To attend this party you are required to RSVP by XX not later than XXpm.

Per myself and friends/Other Moms I know:
ON the invitation, it is stated "Sally and ONE parent is invited to Erica's Birthday Party. Due to space, venue, budget, and per head count, only your child and one Parent can be accommodated."

Per drop off or not: "This is a drop-off party, and there will be 5 adult family members present to supervise the children. There will also be 2 Lifeguards on duty."
Or, "This is not a drop-off party. ONE adult can accompany your child to the party. And you will need to supervise your child in the water."
"The party starts at 11:00am until 1:00pm promptly."

Per RSVP: "RSVP BY Feb. 1st, 2012. You can email me at: (fill in the blank) or call me at: (fill in the blank).
If I do not hear from you, we will assume you cannot make it.

ALSO: speaking for myself and my friends, we send out invitations, at least... ONE MONTH ahead of time. SO that, Parents can make alternate plans for babysitting, if they have other kids. At least one month ahead of time.... prior to the party. Because, parents are busy and they HAVE TO... also plan ahead for babysitting, for their other kids and adjust their schedules too.

And no, do not order/buy extra goody bags for kids whom you don't even know if they will show up or not.
You ONLY... get goody bags, for those that HAVE RSVP'ed that they are coming.
That is ALSO the reason, for sending out invitations at least ONE month ahead of time... so that you have the time, to order any goody bag items or shop for it. AHEAD of time prior to the party.

I personally make, any invitations VERY specific.... and so that, the parent(s) can CLEARLY... know, that ONLY their child and ONE other parent, is invited. And if they still do not head to that and bring their whole bunch of other kids/adults to the party too... then, I nicely say "Oh, I didn't know you were attending, because the RSVP was not returned and that you were bringing others? So I'm sorry, but I don't have enough goody bags or additional treats/food etc., but you can join in...."

I think it is sad that we have evolved to the point where something as obvious as only the invited child is invited needs to be spelled out.

So far as a pool party goes have you considered inviting specific parents? When I would have them I usually had one parent for every five kids. That did not include me, their purpose was to monitor the pool. You can go with a smaller ratio. Thing is when you have all the parents there you are going to have more problems with extra kids and all the guilt calls that poor junior can't go because I can't find a sitter for junior the second. The other thing is when you have too many parents around they party themselves and don't watch the kids anyway so it becomes kind of pointless.

On the card point out that the special favor is custom and won't be available without the RSVP.

You don't say how old your child is, but we wouldn't allow our daughter to have a swim party until she was 8 and we knew that the other kids being invited most likely could swim without a parent present. We have gone to other swim parties from the time she was 5 on, and some parents did leave their kids (hopefully they could swim). Our daughter is a strong swimmer but never wanted us to leave her, so we usually stayed. When we did have the swim party this year, only 2 parents stayed, the rest left, and to be honest, I was so happy with that. Parents being there just added an extra amount of stress for me. There were lifeguards present. as for the siblings, once a mom said she had to bring the little brother and asked if she could pay for him. I told her it was okay, we were well below our head count anyway. The thing is, sometimes you just can't find or afford a sitter for the other child if you have to stay, and to have the younger sibling at something like a bounce or swim party and not be able to participate is just plain torture for the parent and the child. Always bring extra goodie bags for guests that may show up without rsvping. I'm not sure what special favors you are having, but we have always gotten and given junk that doesn't cost that much. I think the best idea BTW was a nice sized bouncy ball that my son got as a favor at a party. For once a favor that can be used another time.

You can send an evite to all parents with all the special instructions worded in a nice way and also requesting an RSVP by a certain date. If they don't RSVP, they will get a reminder to do it. You can also call them or send a personal email reminder later on telling you haven't heard back from them, and so you are assuming they are not coming. But if they have missed your evite or forgot to respond, they have to respond within 1-2 days for you to be able include them in the party.

Just curious.If your daughter will for sure have lot of families showing up without RSVP or bringing other kids at the last minute since they can't find a babysitter, wouldn't it make sense to arrange for a party which can accomodate such last minute additions. Your daughter will love to have all her friends there, even those who can't confirm ahead of time. If not maybe invite only those who you know will respect your plans. Personally if I got an invite with so many instructions , I would attend only if my kid was extremely close to your daughter or if we knew the family very well. I would definitely not bring other kids to the party where it's clearly mentioned not to, but unless I really want to attend that party I wouldnt go to the trouble of making alternative arrangements just to attend it. I would RSVP saying 'No'. The reason I tell this is because if you really want all of your daughters friends to be there, you would need to be more flexible. If you are ok having just a few close friends of hers, your plan for the party is a nice one. Your daughter will enjoy a pool party with her friends!

Hmmm! I think the easiest way to handle this is to talk directly with each parent. Send the invites with the basic info and a brief summary as you've posted it here but then call to make sure they understand.

I've always talked directly with parents when I was giving parties for my daughter and now my daughter does the same for parties for her children. Not only does it make sure that the parent knows whats what but it sets a friendly tone for the party.

"Angel, you have been invited to be our special guest to celebrate Dominique's birthday. We have a special reserved spot for you, so please ask your mother to call to confirm you are able to come." "RSVP by 2/1/12."

So if Angel has a sister you are inviting, you might want an invitation for Angel and an invitation for Theresa, her sister.

And still, that may not do it. I had this happen with our resent party and paid $75 extra for additional guests. As well, I just came home from a party and they did the same thing. I saw the extra guests with their hands out waiting for their wrist bands to join. The party mother (a close friend) told me she was worried about having enough food and I just said not to worry about it.

In my opinion, if they bring extra guests, they should pay their ticket...entrance fee and food.

Did you notice they only brought 1 gift? Not that the gift is the reason for the invitations, but really, did you notice only 1 gift?

Typically, if you address the invitation to a person, it is a given that is the only person who is invited, unless "+1" is specified inside. So I would start by addressing each envelope to the child you are inviting. You can even address it to "Johnny Smith and Parent" to help notify a parent is expected to attend. You can also make a statement in "fine print" on the invitation beneath the RSVP date that says "please no siblings". Also, feel free to state that parents must supervise their children at the party. I don't think there is anything wrong with stating this because at a swim event, this is a safety measure. Parents should know there won't be someone else watching their child in the water. If my child were invited, I would want to be advised of that. Word it something like "parent supervision required, parent swim optional".

As far as RSVPs go, I would put on the invite "drop dead RSVP date" or something like that to indicate people must reply by your date. After that, if someone shows up who did not RSVP, I don't see why you need to provide them with a special goody bag at all. Order the special favors for the number who RSVP. You can't drive yourself crazy making contingency plans for every possible scenario that might occur. If you are really that worried about it, check in with the parents who did not reply and tell them you are ordering special favors and you just wanted to be sure if they were attending. If they say "no" and then show up anyway, they shouldn't be surprised at that point that they don't get a favor.

As far as the pool party, if you expect parents to stay, you may end up forcing them to bring the siblings because they will not be able to go elsewhere. Pool parties might be better for kids who don't need parent supervision at the party.

To avoid the whole sibling issue, we actually drive the kids to the party venue. We have cake at the house (that way you can do some decorating ahead of time and you don't have to lug all the gifts back to the car, then we take two cars to the pool or other venue. I just put on the invitation

Drop off at ....your address,
Pick up at.....pool address

Never had a problem with extra kids showing up this way!

Personally while I agree it is annoying, I usually follow up in person or by phone with people that didn't RSVP - especially if I need a correct head count. We usually do electronic invitations, so it's super easy for people to rsvp and online based service like evite also make it ease to specify the number of children and adults that will be attending and it automatically sends a reminder to people who have not answered yet.

About the specifics: yes, put it on the invitation that parents need to stay and supervise.
Last time we went to a party at a venue, the parents didn't include the venue information on in invitation but provided an entry ticket and other info after we had RSVP'd... maybe that would be an option as well. This way if you had not RSVP'd you could not have shown up unexpected.

Other than that I would say just call people or remind them in person that they need to RSVP... yeah it's a bit of work, and you really shouldn't have to, but it's a nice thing to do.

You will get some people who show and do not reply. You may get some that reply and don't show. There is no guarantees. I would do a general take home bag and if you REALLY want that special gift, either order enough for all invited kids or order after the party for those that attended.

As for no drop-offs, state that or something along those lines..."Parents are welcome to swim if they choose but either way we ask that one parent stay to supervise their child". As for the siblings, if you don't mind if the extra kid swims as long as you aren't paying for them you can state "Additional children will cost $xx at the door". If you can't accomodate due to space limitations and can't have them there are all you should say "Due to limitations, additonal children can not be accomodated".

Be prepared that some invitees may not be able to come since their siblings can't AND you expect their parent to stay. If the additional kids could come OR the parent could just drop-off, you would have more invitees that could make it.

I am a parent who would rsvp let me say that. But now on to the other questions. No it is never all right to show up with extra kids. But it is also not all right to have a party where the parent "HAS" to stay. If your inviting my kid to a birthday party then I think you should have it covered as to having control. You might want to hire a lifeguard during the party. I would not be ok with "hanging around sitting on the sidelines of the pool" nor would I be ok "swimming" with the kids. You can write the line on the bottom that says Hope that "X" can come. If you want to bring siblings the cost is "X" make the check out to "X place" As far as goodie bags go I would skip them or do something small. Just my opinion but I would not be happy with an invite saying I had to stay and supervise. I would have to say no she couldn't go.

If its not a drop off party, and siblings are not invited, you are asking the parents to possibly have to pay a babysitter in order to attend your child's party. At an average rate of $10 per hour that is a big investment In your child's birthday. If sibs are invited, but you just have to know they are coming, be specific on the invitation.

I think it depends on the location and type of party that's being held that leads to parents bringing along extra siblings. Around here, I've noticed that parties held at a typical party place (bounce place like pump it up or somewhere like chuck e cheese) will likely have people bring siblings along - and I notice that the parents generally (at least more often than not) pay for their extra kids at the counter before bringing them in. Other parties, such as at the birthday girl's house or a bakery to do cake decorating, I have not observed extra siblings even being a thought.

I think that for liability reasons, even if the venue does not require a lifeguard (which would REALLY surprise me), that you should absolutely have a lifeguard (or two, depending on the number and age of children swimming) - regardless of life vest ability. Along those lines, I think that if the kids are not of the age where it's reasonable to assume that most of the kids are able to swim well independently (to which you've probably observed some over past summers if you've known those kids long), then you should not have swimming as an activity. Also, I don't think you should "require" that one parent stay - especially since you are not welcoming any additional siblings, many parents will not have other accommodations and will not be able to bring their invited child (especially since so many parents have different things going on during weekends, so even if they have additional kids, those kids may have birthday parties or activities that they have to be shuttled between during the time of your kid's party). Any responsible parent who is concerned that their child isn't a strong swimmer will at least remain at the party during the swim time anyway and first hand supervise their children (if they even let the child swim), so I don't think you need to put that on the invitation.

Anyone who hasn't RSVPd by the time you need to order the party favors should be followed up to get a yay or nay - and it's okay to tell them that you need to know for sure because otherwise their child won't receive a special treat at the party. I wouldn't make them feel bad for not replying sooner, just ask. I always like to have one or two extra party favors on hand in case of anything (such as you forgetting someone who did rsvp yes or one gets broken) but I guess that depends on the cost and type of party favor. And that way, if you have one kid who was invited but didn't rsvp and they show up, then you can make that child feel included instead of left out - just because the parent failed to communicate effectively, doesn't mean the child should feel the result of it.

Just be specific in your invite. You sound a little too concerned that people won't act perfectly though, and they WON'T. You need to be prepared that unless you live in a neighborhood with very "formal manners" many people won't RSVP (sad but true, I've learned this in the past few years) and some who say they're coming won't show, and unless you make it expressly forbidden, some may bring other sibs. They might figure, "Hey, everyone will have fun, I'll pay, and watch everyone". (I doubt anyone would be rude enough to drop off uninvited sibs to a pool party due to safety factor)

You need to order the amount of favors as guests just in case. If they're too expensive to have any leftovers, you should get less expensive ones. I would just to the "just in case" goody bags for everyone, and lose the stress of "special favors" (unless you don't mind a few left over to give to sibs etc). The pool is way special enough, the kids won't care.

I live in a really laid back family area, and thankfully, every birthday party has been fine to bring younger sibs. The only alternative for people would be to skip a bunch of parties, because really, getting sitters every time there's a party gets pretty steep over the course of a year for us single parents. When my daughter was in daycare and K4 there were parties practically every Saturday, plus gifts, plus tuition, I always asked if I could bring the younger ones and thankfully it was always fine. Other people did too and it made for a bigger party.

But if you want only one child to come, word it to say only guest is covered and extra kids must pay (are you paying for all guests? If not, you really cant' tell people to only bring one kid if they are paying for their own kids) And specify all children must be accompanied by adult at pool, no drop offs.
You can implore people to RSVP for accurate head count, but good look with that. I've never seen a party happen where the host wasn't saying, "I've only had two confirmations" the day before party where tons of kids show. I joined two moms for a triple party for my daughter. We had like 3 people RSVP, and 42 kids showed up (half of which were younger sibs!). But it was at a gymnastics gym with room for all so it was OK.