Room Wreckers....

I have done the same thing as you. I would tell my kids to pick up their toys unless they wanted to lose them. If they didn't, I'd grab a garbage bag and go around to collect them. I'd keep them bagged up for about 3-5 days and then explain to them that they can have them back, but if they don't pick up, they will lose them again for even longer. As far as them throwing toys, there's no excuse for that behavior. If they throw something after being told not to, take the toy and throw it in the garbage. They'll get the hint quickly and stop the behavior. Just stay consistent. Kids will only do what they're allowed to get away with, so if you lay down the law and have punishments in place, they'll stop choosing the bad behavior

If they can't be respectful of you, the house and their own things......GIVE THEM TO KIDS AND FAMILIES WHO WILL APPRECIATE them! SERIOUSLY! Tell them these are the RULES and DO NOT give them "second chances". Sounds like they've already had way too many! Take them with you to a chilren's hospital, a mission or wherever to let them know you're serious. Let them cry all they want. When they realize WHO IS IN CHARGE, maybe they'll start to listen. This is NOT being mean. It's helping them realize that being respectful of the hosue, their things AND their parents is an essential LIFE SKILL. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Every time they throw a toy, etc. Make them put it in a box or bag for other kids, if they won't then you do it and DO NOT get it back out! I don't care how much $$ you've spent on toys, etc. It's NOT worth raising disrespectful kids. DEal is.....don't buy new ones, either. They can learn to be creative, read, etc. and settle their destructive minds and habits down.

There is a book called RASING RESPECTFUL CHILDREN. Might want to pick up a copy and start implementing the recommendations.

You have done the right thing for now. They need to be rewarded for picking up and putting their toys away when they do job, too.
I had a simple rule of no throwing in the house. If they throw in the house the toy is gone and they are in the high chair time out with the tray snapped in front of the them for 5 minutes.

I think first of all, it would probably be better to limit the amount of toys they have access to. I would not do this in a punitive manner. I would just calmly explain that there are too many toys out at one time so they can only play with their blocks or cars or whatever now. Explain that can only have one toy/game out, if they want to play with something else they have to put the other away. Of course, you have to remind them. I loved the M&M and timer idea of the day care worker. I used to set the timer and challenge them to the 5 minute clean up and we would sing. "Time for the 5 minute clean up" Of course, there were also times when I went crazy and started yelling and freaking out because the mess was out of control, but really that was ineffective and we all felt bad. Remember, they are young and it is difficult for them to clean up but they should start learning. After they clean, don't forget to praise them and don't expect perfection.

There are some things I read that I have thoughts on. Obviously the whole picture of what is said and done can not be shown in typing so if you are doing any or all of these then please forgive me.
1) Threatening with time outs never works. Yelling also not such a great thing. If you are saying your going to get a time out for that time and time again, and only give one time out a day to each child then really what's the punishment?? Hearing your voice? I give two warnings and then it's a time out based on their age (3 year old, gets 3 minutes, 22 month old 1.5 minutes). If they get up and do the same thing again, back in time out for the whole time agian. I have to say it will take a week of a LOT of time outs, but your will have boys that listen at the end of the week. Don't EVER give more than two chances or let the rules slide. If you let the rules slide they will think they can get away with it if they are sneaky. Pick a time out where you can see them. they can not touch each other or any toys. Have them keep their hands in their laps.
2) Decide a time to clean and you have to clean up with them. So, lets say dad gets home around 6 every night, then 5p is time to clean up and get ready for dinner. After dinner they can play again, but before bed go through the clean up again. Have things labled and a place for each toy. Picutres on the outside of the box helps kids to know where to put the toys. If they are actively putting all the toys they get out away then they may begin to think about how many toys they get out. You have to help because it's monkey see monkey do. If your sitting on the couch or upstairs yelling down they aren't going to do it. It's child's nature.
I personally do only have one child. I didn't start letting him clean up alone until he was probably 5 years old, but even still we do most things as a team, and sing the Wonder Pets song as we go! We view cleaning as part of playing and equally as fun. I realize that sometimes he has to have his cars, blocks and books out all at once, but then we have to put them all away. I have gone weeks where I have felt like he was always being punished when he started pushing limits, but after about a week he knows the lines again and we are happy again.
I wish you the best of luck. Hope you can use at least SOMETHING out of here. :)

First of all, 3 boys under 3?! WOW! No wonder you're tired! Second, yes taking the toys away was the right thing to do. You have to show them you're serious. Keep the toys away for a week. In the meantime, you'll have to find other things to keep them occupied. Could it be that maybe they are bored with their toys? I know my dd (2 1/2) gets so bored with her toys. I just had a baby (1 month old) so I know how your time is divided right now. I would say keep the toys gone for a week. Make them earn them back. If they are kind to each other all day, then they each get one toy back. If they pick up their other toys, they get another one back, etc. But, if they break a rule, they get time out AND they lose a toy. If losing toys isn't bothering them, then I'm betting it's time to clean out the toy room. Go through the things you bagged up and get rid of some of the stuff. You could sell them on Craigslist, Ebay or have garage sale. Then take the money and put it toward new toys. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

On a totally different note, you may want to consider hiring a babysitter for a few hours a day. At least then you may be able to get a nap in! Good lock B.! You sure do have your hands full!

Hi B.,
I think taking the toys away was a good thing. Sometimes Kids just have to much and it all becomes very overwhelming to them then they just act out because of frustration. I used to work in a Montessori Pre School and we would show the children how to put toys away by sitting on the floor with a basket or bin and very softly and quietly put them into the container never saying a word to them. They would watch for a few times then the would start to do what we were doing. Do you have a place for everything or do you just put things in a toy box? That's not good if that's what you do. Children need order. I think if you decide to give them back the toys you should introduce them a few at a time. Make sure you tell them they must be nice with them or you will take them away again. I don't mean to sound strong with you I just know what worked for us at school, and it worked with our 5 children and 2 grandchildren at home. If you don't nip it in the bud now you will have 3 doing it to you.
Good Luck and Blessings,
M.

Dear B.,
A great resource is through gfi.org. It is called Growing KIds God's Way. You will find material on babies to teens.
L. J

B., I have a daycare in my home. I've been dealing with cleaning up situations for 16 yrs. In my ECE classes I learned to explain to the children that they made the mess and they WILL clean it up. Talk about this in a nuetral time (mealtime, storytime, bathtime). Explain also that you will set a "timer" (egg timer or whatever you have) and that they have 20 or 30 minutes to clean up their mess. If they clean up by the timer they get an M&M (Have them in a container and either show them or shake the container of M&M's). I've told my daycare parents for years that kids would rob a bank for an M&M, because even the parents will say: How do you get them to cleanup, because they won't or don't cleanup at home. So, I shared my timer and M&M secret with them and they do it at their home, too. Then when the timer goes off and not all the toys have been put away simply say: OK, no M&M's today ! Or, if the toys are all cleaned up, and only one child cleaned everything up - give the child who chose to clean up an M&M right in front of the child who didn't. The child who didn't get an M&M will be upset, and I guarantee you that the next time it's cleanup - ALL children will be cleaning up quickly to get their prized "M&M". Hope this technique helps you. It's worked for me for 16 yrs. X 6 children everyday. Good Luck, A.

Because I have a prechool background I used the same ideas at home that I was taught to use a school. No toy box where everything gets dumped in but shelves, baskets, or boxes for organizing. I used a variety of things at home and spent a lot of time talking with the kids about ideas for organizing thier stuff. They colored the boxes and founf pictures to label. These kinds of activities are important skills for children to learn before school. I labeled the containers with both pictures and words so that it became a prereading skill. I also had rules about how many toys could be out at any one time. Sure I had to stayI know that organizinfg worked well for my children and carriesd through to my grandchildren with them when we first started but in the long run it helped. I also put away some toys and exchanged toys from time to time. When they reappeared they were treated like they were new to them. Too much stuff is overwhelming to children and then they get over stimulated. I also learned to request the children's help on some things and provide vey clear direction and consequences for others. If children mark on the wall they should have to clean it up etc.

B.,
Ridding the play room of toys that will do damage when thrown is not the answer. The answer is to teach them not to throw anything in the house period.You said the problem started about 2 years ago so It was your oldest child who started it, probably because he was getting a new brother and wasn't so happy about it so he started throwing toys.You were probably too exhausted at 7 months pregnant to worry too much about it.Now your second child throws things as well. Stop it now or you will have all 3 of your boys throwing things.The boys need very strict discpline NOW and you have to enforce it NOW or you will have 3 tearing your house apart. Good Luck my prayers will be with you.

I agree with what others have said. While they are sleeping or away, take everything away. Bag it up where they can't get to it. When they ask for a toy, explain the new rules and show them where the toy will go and give them the one they ask for. If it is put away properly at the end of the day, they may ask for another toy the next day. Continue in this way until they have enough toys for the space they have to accommodate them. Donate the rest after that. The time to get control is now when they are toddlers. That sets the pattern for when they are teens.

Generations ago, children managed to do quite well without all the toys available to them today. In fact, some did better exercising their imagination. It doesn't hurt the boys one bit to remove all the toys or most of the toys. If they question it, tell them they can have another toy back when they learn to play nice - with whatever is appropriate for each toy. There is a place for throwing balls, but not always inside. Same with clothes. The extra clothes are more for our benefit to not have to do laundry quite so often.

When we are tired, we tend to be more reactive than proactive. Work out a plan when you can think clearly, then stick to your guns and follow through with whatever you've told the children you will do. I'm a grandma now with three young grandchildren. My granddaughter who is 18 months old knows plenty, even if she doesn't talk. Her behavior is quite transparent when she is trying to manipulate a situation. My grandsons are very physical and need to be reined in sometimes. They need outlets for their energy, but all children need limits to feel secure. In fact we all do, the limits just change as we get older.

Good news is this is normal for all kids. You did exactly the right thing- take all the toys away. Bad news is, no child under 5 should be left to their own devices for more than 5-10 minutes.

You could get a closet space or file cabinet that you can lock. They cannot have a toy unless they ask for it. Then, they cannot have another toy until that one is brought to you in the box and put up. Or keep them out of the basement away from the toys, give them one thing at a time and have them play in an area where you can watch them. If you need rest, get a friend or babysitter to give you a hand while you rest.
Set an alarm clock if you are going somewhere or having dinner at a certain time. When the alarm goes off, let them know it is time to pick up. No dinner unless it is picked up. No bedtime until it is picked up. Etc.

Example: Ok boys here's the rule. One kind of toy at a time and it must be picked up when I tell you and no other toy until it is brought to me in the box. We are going to the park at 3:00. You may play with these blocks from 1:30 until 2:30. When this alarm goes off, it is time to put them up. If you are not ready, toys put up, go to the bathroom (or bring me a diaper), bring me your shoes and socks by 3:00, or we are not going. Then, when 3:00 comes and they are not ready, you stay home. You do not let them have TV. You supervise pick up instead and then you set them in chairs or stand them in corners until you feel they have learned a lesson. Next day, try again.

Get rid of excessive amts of toys. Too many things make kids hyper and irresponsible. Make sure they get outside to play everyday. Take them out for a half hour or so in the morning so they can run, ride tricycles, play on swing set. Then after lunch, put on Sesame Street or some other recorded show, you can rest on couch while they are watching. Then, let them play with a toy or play in the basement as long as you can see, check on, hear them. Then have them help you with dinner prep. If nothing else, have them sit and eat a snack at the table while you get dinner ready. They can wipe off the fronts of cabinets or dust table and chairs while you are busy cooking.

I have 3 kids and 2 grandkids and I know 2-3 yr olds can learn to pick up, follow orders, respect their elders. You have to command it. Be firm, no temper. Teach them responsibility by giving them chores each day. They are big enough to pull blankets up on beds, put shoes in closet, help with laundry, help with dishes. Give them rags to wipe woodwork, floors etc. Use a playpen for time out if you cannot contain them in a chair or corner. It only takes 3-4 times for them to get the lesson. You won't be fighting them forever. Stick to it. It will be worth it when they are teens.

Well, B., sounds like you have 2 very hyper boys!!! First of all, talk with their doctor about their activity; then start being a little creative with their playtime. You may want to get the input of some of your local moms. They may be able to take the boys with them when they go to the park. It might just be the boys need something more active than playing with toys. Don't. . .Don't let any doctor say that they have to go on medicine to help with their hyperness. They need to learn control. You may want to check into getting them involve in a Tai class. I listen to WFMS everyday & Deb Hunningcut has put her eldest in a similar class & it helped him a lot on learning control. Plus it was a MAN that was doing the teaching!!!! Sometimes, boys respond better to male counterparts. Also make a suggestion to hubby about taking the boys to the park of an evening or a gym somewhere to run & play. Oh & one other thing about the toys - get rid of them. If they haven't missed them; then they didn't need them to begin with. Giving them plastic trucks & cars that make no sound & getting them involved in creating the sound effects is better for them & let's face it if they weren't making a lot of noise; then they would be doing something very bad!

As a mother of six, and a grandmother of 11, I have learned that children do not just automatically know how to play with toys.
I would advise you to spend time showing the 3 year-old how to play with the balls and blocks etc........rolling the ball to one another on the floor, building with the blocks, tossing the balls into a laundry basket, etc.
Do this until they tire of it and then put the items away, helping and encouraging them along.
I would say that if you are just sending them down there and expecting them to play that you are expecting way too much at that age.
Riding toys are good for this age and our playroom always had an old mattress covered with a sheet on which they could jump to their heart's content.
Musical toys are good if you show them how to play with them.
Toys with a lot of pieces are a pain forever unless you teach children to put them away when they are finished.
There is nothing wrong with establishing some simple "Rules for the Playroom" now and expanding on them as the boys get older.
One suggestion I have is to put away some toys that may be especially troubling now and at a later date, or on a rainy day, swap out the put-away toy(s) for ones they seem tired of.
This can be done several times throughout the year.
A big cardboard box is a great toy too.
Hope these suggestions help.

I remember when I was younger several of my toys went on "vacation"---really to my dads office as I found out one visit. If the kids cannot respect the property they lost the privledge of playing with them.
I'd start with returning a few toys. If they do well with that add more toys. If not they loose toys except for the safe toys
If this still continues you may want to consider this a cry for attention even if it is negative attention.
Can you take them to the park during the day? Let them run off some energy.
Also I read somewhere ( I only have one child right now) about the importance of spending me time with each of them. Or at least mr choice day since u bet you always have your hands full!

Been there myself, unfortunately we took everything (everything except the lovies they sleep with and they almost went bye-bye too). Keep it away at least a week or two.
My husband has joked that his dad used to use a belt to scare him and we have a garbage bag.

The biggest treat and what really woke them up is one day when we were bagging things up, we took one bag of things that they had outgrown and drove it to goodwill with the screaming kids in the car. We told them if they don't pick up the toys they will go to kids that will love them and care for them. After the goodwill trip, they have learned that we are serious and now know that if I have to pick up toys they won't have them.

I started boxing up toys and putting them away so I could rotate them out when the kids seemed to get bored. Really, I put about 3/4 of their toys away. Not only did they not seem to care (like you said), it was much more manageable to pick up. I box up toys during naps or after bed, and they don't even notice the toys are gone! This way I don't have a fight about it and don't have to explain it even.I've also heard of having a "toy library" with the toys where they can't reach them, so until they pick up one and give it to you they can't have another.

With their toys pared down already, I would work really hard on teaching them to not be destructive. A time out for every time they get out of hand or "if you throw it, it's mine". It seems like it goes through spells around here on what we have to work on. For a week or two we have to really discipline for not listening to Mom, then that gets better but throwing things in the house starts. And the cycle continues! Good luck - I have 3 boys in just under 4 years, so I'm with you.

I went through my son's toys and anything that was a happy meal toy or broken I threw away. Then I bagged up a lot of other toys and gave them to Goodwill. I explained to my son that there are lots of children who do not have a lot and it would be nice if he could share with them. He was fine with this and he was 4 at the time. We ended up giving away 3 garbage bags full of stuffed animals and other toys. This made him feel good to help out others and eliminated some headaches for me.

Yes! I totally understand how frustrating it is, If you cannot tackle it head on now, imagine how they will destroy your house when they are older and how much they will take advantage of you then! My friend's kids do the same thing. We never got to that point because when my son turned 2, we were DONE with cleaning up dumped bins of toys. I would take my son's hand and hand-over-hand help him learn to pick every last thing up. Consistency is the key. Now, when he pulls out toys to play with, if he's on to a third toy and the others aren't put away, he is told to do it. If and when I threaten to take toys away, I do it. He usually complies very quickly. Now, with my frined she has three who are mobile and all under 4. She knows how especially hard it is because she has three tearing up the house at once. And she cannot hang over them constantly to enforce the pick up and put away before you are on to other toys. She also has an infant at home. But a stitch in time saves nine, I say. It will be hard for a while. Hang over them, enforce the rules, be consistent, if they ignore it, make the punishment more harsh. Take toys away. Throw them in the garbage bag and physically take them with the kids to the donation box. If they cannot take care of the toys they have, they get no new ones at birthdays and holidays. Let them see it's gone forever. Tough love now, but responsible kids later. I know it sound very harsh what I say, but believe me, you do not want this on your hands later when they are older and bigger and even harder to change or to handle. Otherwise, you should just settle into your role as the maid. If you let them pull this on you now, what else will they try to pull. They NEED this. They are little and don't understand. You must teach them. And you'll get better kids all around for it - through school and through life. Good luck!

B.,

Try to make a game of picking up,instead of focusing on punishment and disapproval. See www.housefairy.org for a wide array of positive ways to influence your children to develop better housekeeping habits. And definitely give them back their hoard of toys--they need to develop their imaginations, and be able to have fun while they are still kids instead of being miniature adults. Take a deep breath, and know things will not always be as frustrating as they are right now.

Best wishes,
K.

Hi B.,

I guess my first question to you is "Who is in charge"? It certainly sounds like your boys are, which should not be the situation! You are the mom & should be in control of them.

I never let my kids throw anything other then a nerf ball in the house. That needs to stop, as they need to respect the house that you live in.

Use timeouts, 1 minute for each year they are old. Have a timeout chair, in an area away from everyone else, facing the wall or corner. No toys or books during a timeout, just sit & look @ the wall. The time starts when you set them down & will end when they stay seated & you say the time is up or set a timer. If they get up before, it starts all over. At first you'll need to keep on them constantly. Over a period of time they will realize it would be better to listen to avoid timeouts.

I would sit down, & talk to your 3 year old especially since he is the one the 22m old will follow. Explain that you love him, but do not care for messes he makes & that he will need to start picking up after himself. Also talk to the younger one separately.

Explain to him what will happen if he does not pick, remind him only once, if he still doesn't then you will put the toys away for a while, kinda like you did. But it should be in a calmer situation & one that he was warned about.

Once he starts listening & picking up the toys that are left on the following days, you can allow him to choose one toy that you've taken from him. Only one. Explain that if he does not put it back when he's done he may loose it for good, or possibly give him one more chance. If he does it again, put it away for good, give it back on his birthday or Christmas, or get rid of it all together. There are other kids who would appreciate even 1 toy.

The other option is to allow them to play with one item each, then put it away before getting another out. He's only 3, so needs pretty much constant checking on. I don't know how you could try to lay down when they are up & playing. It could turn into a dangerous situation.

What ever you do you need to be consistant & follow through with what you say. If you don't each & every time then he'll push you until you give in. If that happens then he'll know to keep doing it & you are encouraging that behavior.

It will not happen over night, each child is different in how quickly they will realize you mean what you say, but they will learn.

They will not listen just because they are older, it needs to start now! As they grow they will continue to test you, but you need to be firm, letting them know what is expected of them.

Believe it or not they will respect you for it especially later! It doesn't sound like they respect you or their home at this time.

Good luck!

K.

If they don't miss the toys then I don't think I would give them back. Your sanity is worth something too. About a year ago I got fed up with I was the only one that picked up toys around the house. At the time my son was 2.5 yrs & my daughter was just under 1. Obviously she couldn't help, but she wasn't the major problem either. So I started talking to my son that he is part of this family and being part of the family means you have to help. We would pick up the toys together. Then slowly I started doing less and less and saying that I can't believe you can pick up more than mommy. He was excited about that. Now my children are 3.5 and 1.5. They mostly pick up their own messes. The younger one needs more prodding, but the older one loves beating his sister at picking up more things than she can. However, we have found that this strategies only works for me. My husband tries to do it and they don't respond at all. They do listen to him better on other things that they don't respond to me. I think they have just figured out what they can get away with from who. Don't get me wrong, there are days they give me a hassle, but for the most part they take care of their own messes. We have had one day this summer that I threatened to throw away whatever they didn't pick up and that seemed to do the trick. Good luck.