Room Mate

Can you request to move dorm rooms???? I agree, she needs to decide and make her own decisions. This is a good adult issue to face for her.

Your daughter needs to decide if she would like to move or stay in the room. If she wants to move she needs to speak with her RA.. And if she is not happy with that, she needs to speak with housing.. She does not have to get into details..

This is something your DAUGHTER needs to do.. She is in college and colleges deal with students.

Aside from the committing suicide, she unfortunately doesn't sound like an uncommon person for that age. Selling pot is definitely not on every college student's to-do lists, but smoking it is so incredibly SHOCKINGLY common... as is sleeping around.

I think it is cool that your daughter felt open enough to tell you about her roommate. Appreciate her open-ness:)

Ratting her out, wouldn't be a recommendation, however there certainly needs to be a common respect of each other because they are sharing living quarters. If she is crossing the line (i.e. smoking in the room, turning the room into her "business place for selling" or getting inappropriate with guys in your daughter's presence), then your daughter should definitely do something about it.

I can almost guarantee that this person will certainly not come CLOSE to ruining your daughter's future. I doubt ANY single fellow student can. Your daughter is growing up, let her figure this one out for herself, and if she already sees these habits of her roommate's as bad, then she already has a good head on her shoulders.

That kind of roommate may sound "extreme", but I'm just looking back at when I was living in a dorm in a reputable college, and it sounds SOOOO common. I could have told you who had the fake ID o get beer, who was the pot dealer, coke dealer and so on (and i didn't even use their "services") ... I was a Christian, high GPA student that didn't let the party-ing get in my way. I was friendly, they were friendly, and everyone seemed respectful of each other, because we ALL had to tolerate one another.

your daughter should be able to go the person in charge of the dorms in private and discuss the issues.

I think the best thing your daughter can do is (also a good adult moment for her) would be to go talk with her RA. DO NOT call her RA for her...how embarassing. Let her tell her RA that her roommate is doing those things.

I ran into a very similar situation my first semester of college. My room mate constantly had friends over in the room no matter what time, these friends had weapons and totally intimidated me with them (cleaning under their nails with switch blade knives) and she sold pot out of our room. WONDERFUL! Welcome to college, right? I went to housing authority to see how I could get a room change. They said that if I could arrange a switch with another student that would be fine, but that they couldn't just remove me or room mate from the room unless there was a "real problem". I didn't feel comfortable saying anything to them about the things that were happening, for fear of what would happen to me in retaliation. And I didn't want to be known as a snitch in a place where I didn't know anyone and had to spend 4 more years!

In the end, I basically didn't stay in my room a lot at all. I made a bunch of other friends and crashed in their rooms a lot, kept some of my valuables in other rooms. It totally sucked, but I just stuck it out for that one semester and got a new room mate the next semester.

just have your daughter talk to her RA and they will take care of it. or YOU can give the collage a call and talk to the right department about it and you dont have to tell them HOW you found out the information just say that your daughter mentioned to you that her room mate is doing things illegally and that she does not want to be in the room with her any longer

Your daughter must get out of the situation. This is not the time to "be nice." Teach your daughter that she must "rat out" someone who is in danger. This is a good life lesson for her. Then if the girl says something to her, she can just reply very calmly that she was worried about her. No long discussion, just have her keep repeating the same answer. A suicidal girl selling pot and sleeping with guys is not going to be rational. Teach your daughter that she cannot have a rational conversation with an irrational person so she shouldn't even try. But she must do whatever she can to get out ASAP and get this girl help. If she doesn't get help, at least she tried and will not have guilt later if something horrible happens.

You have every right to have your daughter moved to another dorm room or have that roommate removed. You can simply tell them that they are not compatible and you want your daughter to room with someone else. If the roommate tried to commit suicide, while in college, the year before, then they are already aware of her situation and you would not be ratting her out. At any rate, you can simply tell them that they are really not compatible and you need your daughter to be in a dorm room with someone that she is more compatible with than the current roommate. You need to do it soon though,before all the other rooms are filled.

You and your daughter are right to be concerned. Most, if not all, colleges have housing rules that must be followed by the residents. Whether or not your daughter participates in smoking or selling pot, she definitely CAN get in trouble if the roommate has it in her possession in the room. Trust me on this, I went through something very similar with my own college-aged daughter last year, and it was a nightmare. I understand that your daughter may be hesitant to go to her RA or to the Director of Housing, but if she wants out of this situation, she will have to request a room transfer. In my opinion, it is best for your daughter to try to remove herself from this living situation, rather than confront the roommate directly. Sounds like she's bad news all around, and the sooner your daughter can get out of there the better. Good luck!

The best thing to do to start is for you or your daughter to contact the housing department on campus and let them know that the current roommate is disruptive to her learning environment and request a room change. As long as there is other housing available she can be moved.

I also agree that your daughter should be able to report this anonymously. Most likely this roommate is seeking attention more than anything. Obviously she has some issues if she is sleeping around, self exteem, being negelcted etc. Sounds like she is crying out for help. If your daughter has a good head on her shoulders, which it sounds like she does, maybe she can befriend this girl and help steer her in the right direction. Of course if this girl is completely out of control she needs to be reported so she can get some help.

Most likely the stories she is telling are being exaggerated and blown out of proportion, but just in case...

If your daughter doesn't feel comfortable reporting her, then you should! Talk to the Dean of Students or someone in the counselors office and maybe request to have her roommate reassigned if necessary.