Romance Help!!!

I know where you are coming from. Both my husband and I work full time, but somehow, kids, house, groceries, bills, errands, etc. all fall onto my plate. He doesn't understand why by ten o'clock at night, the only thing on my mind is sleep. I feel bad because I know that he feels like he is getting ignored, and I guess he is. One thing that we do is every year, his shop has a Christmas party at Rafferties. The hotel next to it, offers attendees discounted rates on the hotel rooms, so we save up for about 6 months before hand, and stay in the penthouse suite for the whole weekend of the Christmas party. We leave the kids with Grandma and Grandpa, and just spend time together with the two of us. This is about the only thing 'romantic' that we do together, so I really look forward to it every year.

I know exactly what you are talking about, it is so hard to make time for you and your husband when all day you devote your whole self to your kids.
My husband and I have a crazy schedule too, sometimes the only thing we can do is look at our calander and pick an evening that will be just for us. We put our son to bed a little early that night, we order out some dinner just for us and rent a movie,or watch a show that we both enjoy. It's not crazy when we were dating romance, but it does help us to reconnect when we commit to an evening just for us. I hope this helps.

AMEN, Melissa!!! I couldn't agree more!

I have gone thru those kind've spells myself.I found it helpful to do some if not all the initiating yourself.Do you have anyone who can watch the kids for a few hrs so you can escape to a restuarant for a more romantic, fancier dinner? If not, how about sitting down at night for a few hours with some candles and wine( or whatever to drink-coffee,etc...) and start out by cuddling , hugging and having a nice romantic kiss or two? I think it would progress from there....Good luck

My husband and I have date nights. It is not always every week, but usually about twice a month. If we have a little extra money we get a babysitter and we go out. If money is tight, which has been the case lately, my parents will sometimes take them and we stay in, just the two of us. Either way it is just time for the two of us to reconnect. For us it is really important that we have time to talk, laugh and do just fun things together, things that don't necessarily have to do with budget, family, work or future planning, just things that remind us why we fell in love in the first place, that in itself helps to bring the romance back. Sometimes if my parents can't take them and we don't have money for a babysitter we stay in and plan our date night for after the kids are in bed, can you stay up with him say one night a week? Make a special dinner and just sit and talk and eat together? It is at least a start to spending more time together. Like everything else in life it takes a little effort, some creativity and don't forget scheduling! We schedule all the important things, we mark them on our calendars and then work everything else around them....Isn't spending time with our partners important??? It shouldn't be the last thing we facter in to our already packed days and weeks...it should be one of the first things that go on our calanders and then we should guard that time with our lives.

If u can get a sitter for a whole night or even a weekend would be better, book yourselves a nice hotel. nothing too expensive but just one that will fit your needs. Just a getaway. U dont have to take a ton of money just enough for the hotel, & some for food. Take snacks so u dont have to spend alot of money. Even a night would be great. Me & my hubby do that every few months & it kind of rekindles things. Another thing i did was i had a sitter for the night. I had my hubby take my daughter to his moms house for the night, i left a little note w/ a rose that said go to this address which ended up being lovers lane. When he got there i had another note w/ a rose plus a little bag that i had purchased ahead of time & spoke w/ someone to be able to give him the items. on th other note it told him to go to another address it happened to be a hotel. at the front desk i left the spare key & a note that said knock three times before opening. When he came in i had candles all over the room & peddels on the bed i was in a robe & i had dinner delivered there before hand. we had a jucuzzi sweet. it was so nice & romantic. he loved it. needless to say he wanted to get down & dirty before we ate. LOL> but it was nice. thats always another suggestion. good luck.

Try to connect in the morning time before work. You won't be so tired from the day and might actually have some energy for each other. It's worth it even if it means getting up a little earlier. I'm a stay at home mom too and I know that the mornings, before the kids wake up, is about my only sane, non-stressful time to feel "romantic" with my husband. Also, let your husband know that somethings are more important than work. I know finances are probably the reason for the long hours, but if he keeps it up, he won't be close to you or the children.

Is there any way you can take a nap during the day? Maybe that would give you just enough energy to " get close" when he gets home. Maybe you could put them to bed early one night a week, and surprise your husband with a romantic dinner as well. Mornings are a good idea, if you are awake enough. It doesn't need to take a lot of time. And, what a way to "start the day"!

Morning T.,
I HIGHLY recommend the book, "Girlfriends Guide to Getting Your Groove Back", by Vicki Ivoine

Description: Everyone's favorite "Girlfriend" is back--fresh from the battles of baby- and toddler-hood--to show readers how to navigate the twists and turns of perpetual parenthood and find time for their children, spouses, homes, jobs, and themselves. Print features. (Parenting)

It's $14.95 at the Borders.com website.

Some of it is for after toddler hood but there is SOO much in the book it is really good. :0) I loved all of her books! Since you have two under 2 years old she has other books that are WONDERFUL for that age too!

Good luck! I'm still struggling sometimes but I have other issues. :0)

Take care!

I have to say that I go through the same thing. I just hope that my husband understands and we will get through this. With kids it is so different you are tired by the time you put them to bed and your spouse is just winding down from work also. I am not sure how to fix it but maybe at least once a month spend a night out together. My husband and I sign up for once a month bowling with friends. Not so sure if that is so much romance but it gets us out together.

I'm pretty young, but I can totally relate! After 2 kids finding the urge to have sex is a task for me, much less the time and energy. It sounds like you simply need to make the extra effort. Get a sitter for a day or night and just indulge in eachother. Time for just you and your husband is as important as time just for your kids. You'll be a happier better parent when you are giving yourself what you need also. Go to dinner, come home and just enjoy eachother without worrying about waking the baby. Sex is healthy, just consider it part of your new diet and exercise routine, and you'll find you can make the time if you try. Hope this helps and good luck!

I know how you feel, sadly when this happen to me it coincided with me being flabby from having just had my son~ It got so bad that i'd come right out and say, "hey are we going to have sex tonight??" he'd always reply yes, but then we'd both end up falling asleep a little unsatisfied. Once I sat him down and told him I was feeling insecure and needy, he put in a little more effort...and on my part I was working out more to feel better about myself~ We all have ups and downs, just communicate to him that you both need to find the time. Try lighting some candles and wait to eat dinner with him after the kids go to bed...rent a movie to fall asleep to, or just drink lots of coffee until he gets home to wake up a little bit~

You sound EXACTLY like my husband ane me! I have 2 small kids (2 1/2 and 16 mos) and I stay at home. My husband works about 60-65 hrs a week. But evening I am exhausted! We went through a rough patch but things are looking up. We did a lot of talking. And I know this sounds weird, but we started playing board games. It was just something that we did together in the little time we had and for some reason it brought us closer all around.

We have been where you are!! I just went to a womens conference at my church and one of the classes I took was about marriage. I got alot of great info. one of the things I took away from there was this book called "Night Light" by James Dobson & Shirley Dobson. Im not sure if you come from a Christian background...but if you do Id give this book a try. You read it together and there are questions to discuss every day. Though the questions might seem simple...it usually brings up more questions. It is a Christian devotional, but it is now a special time for us each night where we get to spend an hour or so just talking. This kind of got the "talking: flowing again.