Road Rage Husband

I think there is a simple solution......you drive and refuse to get in the car if he doesn't comply.

Interesting that you mentioned medication....I can't remember what medicine my husband was on (supposed to be an antidepressant, but it made him wack) when he flipped out on someone and followed them 20 miles OUT OF OUR WAY. He got off the meds and went back to normal which is just to gripe about the idiots (and WOW are they idiots) around here. I swore I couldn't get over my own road rage (I can't blame medication, but I have done things too embarassing to write in a public forum) but when I got pregnant, I simply changed. I was aware of my blood pressure and "good feelings" because I knew my flipping out would affect the baby, and I suddenly cared about someone possibly pulling a gun or ramming my car...AMAZING how someone with my temper could just change personalities. That said, I would mention it to the doctor and see if there is a side affect to his medication. I don't know what kind of music you listen to in the car, but I know that makes a BIG difference in how I feel/drive/react. I would sit him down and say how much I love him, how I DO agree that people are aggrivating, but that he should protect you and make you feel safe, and the present reactions aren't cutting it. If it can't work out, insist on either driving, or drive separately (my mom and I still do this because she can't believe I've mellowed out since pregnant with my son years ago).

My husband used to honk at people because "someone needed to tell them that they were driving like an idiot." I finally told him that I would not drive with him anymore if he honked at people. It was embarassing and dangerous, as you said. I told him the suggestion to pretend that those people had a brain tumor and could not help driving like they were. I also told him that it was not his job to inform them of their driving deficiencies. And I told him to give others a break, as he would want if he made a driving error. But bottom line, he had to let me drive when we were together or stop the honking and aggressive driving. He stopped. I guess that he didn't want to hand the keys over to me and have to tell me in person that I was driving "like an idiot!" :) Good luck!

This sounds so much like my ex. You have good reason to fear for your safety with him driving and, imo, he needs help fast. It sounds like there may be something going on with your husband and it very well could be related to his health and the medications he's on. If I were you, I'd talk to his Dr. There may be something that could benefit him. Don't wait. Good luck!

I felt compelled to respond to your email as my brother was a victim of road rage almost 3 yrs ago here in fort worth off of Bryant Irvin and i-30....so if your husband or anyone out there doesn't think it could happen...it can. My brother was 24 had his whole life ahead of him and the father of 2 young girls...he flipped someone off for cutting him off and the person turned out to be a drug dealer here in fort worth and pulled out a gun and shot him. I know that driving in traffic can be frustrating but you honestly never know who is driving in the car next to you and around you. I would ask your husband if you could drive or to just think about your daughter, you, his parents.....you never know who could be in that car.....road rage is senseless and in the age we live in people do crazy things....my brothers passing has left a permanent void in our lives...his children were 2 when he passed away and now have to grow up without him because someone chose to take his life into their own hands. I hope and pray that no one else has to experience this kind of loss and hope that your husband finds a better way to release his frustration. Good luck to you and your family and you all will be in my prayers.

C.

My suggestion is that you drive from now on. Don't make it a big argument or be pouty about it, just be matter of fact. Say, I'd like to drive, and if he refuses to let you, then say, that's fine, I'll take the other car then and I'll meet you there. When he asks why, you can tell him- you're anger on the road scares me. I don't feel safe when you drive because I'm afraid of an accident or that someone will retaliate. So for a while, I don't want to be in a car with you driving. Also, make sure your daughter goes in the car with you!

been in similar situation in the past where i was afraid of getting in a wreck or getting shot at. other drivers are crazy as well and just might follow u home or worse.
i talked to my ex husbands mom (husband at the time)and she felt the same way. she told me that if my concerns were not being respected by her son than she suggested that i drive. if he wasn't having that, than she suggested i take my own car. a little silly to drive two cars .....but is it really ? when it comes to your own safety.
needless to say in my situation my ex had more issues than just road rage....hence "ex" husband.

So I read a couple of the posts and long story short, I agree with couple of the other moms (especially April C). I would ask to drive and if he doesn't allow it, don't go. Prove your point by taking a second car and tell him you'll meet him there. After a couple of times he'll realize that you mean business. My husband, NOT on any mood altering meds, gets a little out of control every now and then, and all I have to remind him of is our cargo (our son). After having our son, I put my foot down and give him more heartburn for acting so crazy on the road than the other drivers do.

Edit: I too am embarrassed about some of the things I have done and refuse to post, but after having our boy, I'm a totally different driver. Men are different and will always react differently.

It definately be somewhat due to meds. My Husband's new blood pressure medicine makes him a little less tolerant of the drivers out there. He doesn't do much of anything when I'm with him but gripe. He's worse according to my son when I'm not with him. I don't care how crazy & stupid people drive out there, I tell him that's part of being a good defensive driver & I never get out there without expecting someone to do something stupid. That way I don't get angry and I tell him, like I do my sons, if you don't expect something crazy to happen, then that's your fault. It's going to happen, like you said we live in a big metroplex area and everyone is always in a hurry along with cell phones, etc. Don't know if someone has been drinking. But it is dangerous. Anytime, something happens and I'm with him and he gets angry, I start laughing at him and blame it on him NOT EXPECTING it. Not too long back, we had a young male neighbor who had road rage really bad. He was kind of short and small and would really pull people over & act crazy, especially when he had his really large friend with him. One night, someone wasn't ready to fight the friend, so they stabbed him in the lungs. He almost died. It's sad that it took that kind of tragedy, to make the kid stop but he did. If my Husband really starts to let it get to him, then I demand he take me home, people are crazy & with the weather starting to get hot, yep, people will shoot you. Have him take a few breathing exercises before you leave, remind him of the wrecklessness he's bound to witness and have him promise you he will stay calm or he's putting everybody in danger and you will find another way. Also remind him that usually the people that deliberately cause this and that are more than willing to get in an argument with him are probably just looking for trouble any way and he's giving them what they want. I know nothing I said sounds easy, but it's worked with him and 4 grown sons. I really laugh at them and ask them WHY didn't you expect it? You are the bad driver for not being defensive and then letting someone upset you so bad, you are not fit to drive.
Best of Luck, taking a few deep breaths before we start does remind him, I expect him to handle whatever situation without puttting us in further harm.

I had anger problem which ruined my marriage but now i am free because now GOD,S GRACE IS UPON ME.

why don't you guys try praying before you start your engine and ask god to bless us and to have his anointing on you guys.

It worked for me.

PRAISE THE LORD!

I get very irritated at stupid drivers, also, but I know they're not going to change, so what's the point of getting so worked up? Sit down with your husband and tell him that if he refuses to change his driving behavior, that you and the kids will not ride with him. Either you will drive, or he will have to take a separate car and meet you there. If he is willing to put himself in that situation, so be it. But you will not allow him to put you, and especially the kids, in a situation where they could get hurt, or worse. Chances are someone wouldn't pull a gun (although it could happen), but he could get into a serious accident. When he's acting the way he does, he's just sinking to their level and it is road rage. We all know how frustrating it is to have people cut you off, and not pay any attention to others around them. But it's a fact of life, unfortunately. We have to deal with it.

LW,

My husband also was angry and blamed everything on the "other" drivers/cars. He was stressed at work and it carried over; however, I gave him the "monkey see, monkey do" lecture. We have 3 little girls and one day the middle one made a comment that had to come from Daddy. It was something to the effect of "move stupid man", then later said Daddy would be mad if they did that to him. So I told him he needed to watch his driving and comments as it was being passed to the next generation and I did not want that happening. You might also want to remind your husband that if he reacts to the action, he then becomes "one of them". Two wrongs do not make a right. I agree with a couple of the above ladies: 1. pray first in the car as a family before driving. 2. Drive yourself if he refuses to comply. 3. Check the side effects of his medication with the doctor. You may want to try all 3 for results. God bless you and I'll keep you in prayer.

I completely understand your post. My husband is a very laid back guy in many respects, but you put him on the road and he is a different guy. All his anger is directed at the "idiots" on the road and he blows his top. We have been married about 10 1/2 months and I never realized this about him until AFTER the I-do's. He managed to hide that well from me. Now, all stops have been pulled out and it's a free for all on the roads with him.

I have put my foot down and said I value my life more than he does apparently. I drive almost everywhere we go now. He still has his little fits, but now I'm behind the wheel. He also has stopped telling me how to drive, because I started saying I would meet him there in my vehicle. He HATES to waste money, so the extra gas was enough to shut him up and make him change on this one.

I do lots of volunteer work and I'm constantly talking to him about how he doesn't know other people's stories. The old person on the road is usually scared to be there and the mom on the cell phone is just trying to get everyone where they need to be. He has no patience with anyone, but I'm praying my talking and reasoning with him will make him see another side of people's behaviors. Good luck with your man. B.

Hi LW,
I have a fiance with similar feelings, so I understand your frustrations. If your husband won't respond to you asking nicely for him to stop, then ask him why he is SO angry? What's the big deal? People are going to be stupid, and inconsiderate no matter what he, you or I do. And he's not being any nicer than those "inconsiderate" drivers...he's glaring and flipping people off, which is no better than being an inconsiderate, or poor driver. Try speaking with him again in a conversational tone, and tell him that you are truly frightened when he acts so childisly. If he were my husband, I would tell him that if he cannot control his anger while he's driving, then nobody will ride with him. My fiance feels similarly about other drivers and gets VERY frustrated...and we've had this discussion many times. He doesn't flip people off, but he uses explitaves and honks for like minutes straight. For me it was more of an embarrasment then being afraid. So, I told him that if he couldn't calm down when he drove I would simply drive myself. I didn't have to yell or scream or get angry with my fiance...I simply said, "I love you, but your driving embarrases me...So, I either drive myself or you can calm your frustrations." If you feel strongly enough about your safety, then he should, too. Maybe refusing to ride with him will open his eyes to the situation. If you do not have your own car, this could pose as a problem if you or your kids need to go somewhere. Otherwise, I think I'm out of ideas. Just remember not to add fuel to the fire!

Good Luck!
E

My husband had some driving issues as well, though not road rage.

I very firmly told him if he didn't straighten up, then neither I, nor my children would ever ride in the car as passengers with him again. He got tired of my driving for a week and then decided to act correctly.

Also, with a stent in his heart, the stress of road rage can effect your husband's health even worse. Perhaps he needs anger management classes, as road rage can be a symptom of deeper anxiety or anger issues. Let him know that his behavior is not acceptable as an example to your daughter as well.

Road rage is known to cause accidents, fights on the road, then the angry person is so caught up in revenge and "playing" with the other, that they are no longer paying attention to the road and can cause an accident themselves.

Good luck!

LW,
If you or your husband are interested in statistics, here is some information from AAA showing the dangers of road rage. If he is not interested, maybe it will strengthen your resolve to not let him drive you around.
http://www.aaafoundation.org/resources/index.cfm?button=a...

Peace and Joy,
M.
www.yogapotential.com

Girl! I feel your pain! My husband is the same way. I agree with you and feel that when he gets mad and strikes back he is putting his self as well as his family in danger. Now days, you can't be too careful. I am blessed that my husband doesn't do it all the time. We've talked about it and I really feel that he is trying not to do it anymore. I have a couple suggestions that seemed to help in my situation. First, don't try talking to your husband about this in the middle of one of his "tantrums". Talk to him one night when you and he are having dinner or just sitting around. Tell him that you don't want to fight about it but that it is something that is really bothering you and that it really scares you. Hopefully, while he is in a more relaxed state of mind, he will see where you are coming from. Tell him you see that he has every right to get upset and that half the time you don't blame him but is it really worth putting his family in danger over?
The only other thing I can tell you that totally helped with me is this...we go to church very near our house. I told him that one of these days the person he gets mad at and pulls up next to is going to be someone we go to church with and he is going to be really embarrassed. I think he has thought of that and it has helped a lot. How embarrassing would that be??? lol
Hope atleast some of this has helped.
Blessings,
R.

I don't know if this would work for your husband, but for myself, I made a CD with a mix of very relaxing music that I put in when the traffic is bad. It helps sometimes and others, well, nothing will help. With me, yelling makes me feel better. I don't roll down the windows, I just yell inside my car. There's just no way to avoid being angry in some of the metroplex traffic. It's part of my life.

D. Kimbriel
Grandma to 2 beautiful boys

Could be the meds if this is a new thing since then...could be he's just angry and feels it's better to take it out on strangers and not family...but in the end he's hurting himself and his family. I suggest he go through http://www.sosinc.org/basic1.php. It saves lives, relationships, frees the anger, etc. Good luck.