Risk What We Have or Fight for More?

You need to find a really good family law attorney and ask all those questions. I would be hesitant to open that can of worms again. Most judges do not "do the right thing" they to "the legal thing" and the law sides with the biological parents in most things. I am assuming that D might have custody of some of his other children at this point - so I can see that a point could be made that reuniting the family could be in the interest of all kids. Not saying that that is true - just that that point could be made.
You seem to have a good understanding that having a favorable relationship with his biological parents is in this boy's interest, even if he does not see it that way now. Consider getting him counseling - he's been through a lot at a much too young age.
Good luck~

I think that you need to go to a lawyer and take JJ with you and explain all of the information to the lawyer and find out at what age in your state a child is alllowed to make that type of decision. Then make a game plan depending on what age that is so that JJ knows that you are taking his request seriously and that you are making a plan to accomplish this goal. I think you taking these steps will let him know that you want him and give him stability. I will be praying for your family and I hope that all goes well.

Don't really have any advice for you, just want to say that you and your husband are fine people. It's no wonder that JJ wants to stay with you in your warm and stable home.

I agree with Jaimee, contacting an attorney and getting some advice before you do anything sounds like a good plan...
Good Luck!

have you spoken with a lawyer? I would talk to a lawyer and see what the odds are of a judge taking JJ's wishes into account and letting you adopt.

I would talk to your lawyer and ask when you can legally adopt him without the fathers consent(nobody on this board can give you as good of an answer as your lawyer can on this). And then promise JJ that at that point you will and that he will not have to deal with his bio dad ever again. I would also have the lawyer explain to JJ that the judge will not do the right thing by him and that is not how it works. It may hit home if it comes from someone other than you.

Seems like I saw a movie once with a similar story line as yours. The child actually retained a lawyer himself (of course with help of loving caregivers) and the lawyer had to work for the child... and they won and the kid got to be adopted. Just a thought since I have absolutely no idea what his or your legal rights are in case like this. However, I'm pretty certain that his parents limited ability to care for him and provide a safe living environment are definitely in your favor. I have a metally disabled tenant that had her children taken away 6 years ago, she has been fighting endlessly to get them back and to no avail, it's sad to see how heartbroken she is over it but it also makes me thing the system does work in the childrens favor in certain cases. She would not be a good mother and the courts see that.

I'd pray about it and go with your instincts. You could go either way depending on how God is leading you. You could just stay out of the court and just explain the reason to JJ and stick to you guns to be safe, or you can step out on a limb and risk it to try to adopt JJ. Usually, in something like this, I'd pray about it, talk it over with hubby and JJ, then make the decision and trust that I'm making the right choice. I wish you the best! You're an awesome mom! Good luck!

I don't know the legalities. However, if you know there is too much risk by going back to court, then don't go back to court. You have to tell JJ that unfortunately, there IS too much risk involved in going back to court, and his idealistic view of the legal system is unfortunately incorrect.

As soon as you are legally able to adopt JJ with no risk of losing more time with him - do it, and tell JJ that's the plan. You guys are great.

Most states allow the child to "influence" the court's decision between the ages of 12-14. Prior to that a psychologist/psychiatrist MAY have some influence. A lot also depends on getting lucky or unlucky with a judge.

I would speak to an attorney again, and this time take JJ with you. Lay out the process and the timeline. Often kids just don't believe their parents. Having "what we need to do, how, and when" by someone other than you may help ease JJ's heart and mind while you 3 bide your time.

OMG...your story melted my heart:) and :(. I think you should find a gooooood attorney and make sure the best works out as possible. I don't know what I would do...I just wanted to say thank you for being such a spectacular person, you and your hubby, and as someone who has seen the worst in terms of foster care consequences for young people, I am so encouraged to know people like you exist! That's all...just thank you:)

I believe the judge would listen to him then discount whatever he had to say. The attorney knows the law, he is supposed to be in your corner, do you have doubts? Ask the attorney what the age limit is for the judge to take into consideration what he has to say.

My first thought about your letter is:
He has seen his dad 3 weeks out of the past 5 years...he had little contact with him before that...he has no idea of what his dad is like if all the interaction has been that limited. That is what a judge is going to see too.

It sounds like to me that this little boy loves you and wants you to be his parents. He is just trying to get things the way he wants them to be, fulfill his fantasy of the perfect family. Like a little kid does when their parents decide to divorce and they try to get them back together. He is just trying to fulfill his deepest desires.

Just keep explaining to him that you love him and that he is at home and always will have a home there. That things will work out for the best.

I have not a clue as to the legalities or probabilities of this situation and the potential changes of the visitation BUT I really like the idea of the child having his own attorney--as well as a "guardian ad litem" (?) to try to begin the parental right termination process.
I admire you for what you've done for this child and continue to do for him. My heart also goes out to his siblings.

I have no idea how this works in court. I would think along the lines of JJ. I would hope that a judge would hear his side. I would hope the judge would see the negligence on D's part. Unfortunately it could go both ways. I would talk to a trusted lawyer and as him/her. Also, do you have a district judge in your town that you can talk to? Just to get his/her opinion on the matter?

I wish you the best of luck. What you are doing for this little boy is the most kind, wonderful, beautiful thing that you could ever do :)

I really have no idea. I would suggest having JJ sit down with a lawyer and maybe having someone else explain what you have already would ease his mind. He would know that you want the same thing that he wants; however, a profession might be able to convince him of the possilbe negative results.