any success with them? Any attempt I have made has failed and falls by the way side. Perhaps my kids were just to young. Thinking of giving it another go around kids age 4.5 and 7. Any success stories? Also, what do you think of this one (see what happened)?
http://gaelstreasures.blogspot.com/2012/09/good-behaviorc...
I"m glad I asks this question. It clarifies for me that this is very much a philosoly of parenting issue. My husband is pushing for it, while I'm dragging my feet. Guess in my gut I'm a bit more natural consequences based. But the thing that struck a cord with me is a reward system for behaviors you are having trouble establishing. So as far as picking up toys, and putting away laundry, morning and bedtime routines........, that we have down pretty good. So I think it would be better to set up a temporary reward system for those behaviors that aren't coming along so nicely. And if you are curious, those are, responding verbally when given a command, obeying the first time (with a good attitude), and not leaving the table before being excused.
The younger one isn't going to be too successful with something out of reach. They need more instant gratification stuff. The older one is more likely to understand if I do this and wait and wait and wait something will happen.
Reward charts usually only work with older school kids who use stuff like this at school.
These guys are probably a little young to really understand and get it.
I believe in cultivating internal motivation, so we have daily tasks in my house. There aren't rewards for these things, they have their own natural rewards -healthy teeth, no ants living in the house, clothes to wear.
I started this when my kids were 4 and 6. Their stuff consists of brushing teeth, sweeping the crumbs, collecting the garbage cans, putting clothes away and picking up their stuff. Their bedroom floors are clean after breakfast, after lunch and after dinner. The playroom needs to be picked up before afternoon videos and before dinner. These are just all things they do because they have responsibilities, like all people.
I did print out a list to help them along, and I am printing a new list today, but it isn't a reward chart, it's a task list that serves as a reminder.
I always found natural consequences were the best way to encourage positive behavior.
For example, they always loved their screen time (TV, computer, video games.) So if they wanted any of this before school, for example, they knew they had to be fully dressed and ready to go FIRST. That put the responsibility directly on them, and I didn't have to yell.
Same thing with bed time. The more cooperative they were the longer I read to them. Again, putting the choice in THEIR hands.
So find their currency, whatever motivates them, and use that to your advantage!
I so get what you are saying. We had tried dozens of kinds in the past, and while I loved the idea of them, but we never stuck to them. I teach, and a bunch of my teacher friends helped me find a system that works. We use an app called "iReward Chart". It has literally changed our household. You can customize it per child with both tasks and behaviors. For example, They both have "Daily Chore" but only our daughter (now 5, she was 4 when we started using it a year ago) has things like "practice your handwriting", and so on, while our son (almost 7, was 5 when we started using it) has "Complete all homework tasks". The charts are synced to both my husbands and my phones. They earn gold stars for good behavior or completing a task, they lose stars when they act inappropriately, or if they don't do their daily chores. The stars are cumulative, and then you can assign rewards for each child. Examples, my son has "20 minutes of Minecraft time" for 100 stars, whereas my daughter has 'toy of your choice" for 100 stars. in a good week they may earn 25 ish or so stars (we keep the task/behavior # low, so it doesn't add up too fast). I love that it is immediate. If we are out in a store and my daughter doesn't pay attention, I can take away a star immediately. My kids love the technology aspect of it where they can see the stars being accumulated. The syncing of the phones just makes it that much easier.
The problem with rewards charts for my family is.... ME! I can't follow up with them, I tend to make them too complicated and I can never decide on exactly what I want them to be doing because so much of it depends on what else is going on.
Plus - I am not reward/punishment oriented as a parent. I don't think you get a gold start for cleaning your place at the table. You get clean dishes. I don't think you get a sticker for cleaning your room. You get a good feeling from respecting your belongings and environment. I don't think you get anything for picking up your toys... except that you now have time to watch TV (or whatever).
We all do things together. making dinner - one of us make the main dish, another one rips up lettuce for the salad, someone else pours the drinks. My 3 year old puts out silverware and napkins at each place. After dinner we all clear the table.
We all clean the living room. Each person picks up whatever they got out. Everyone moves furniture while we vacuum.
Therefore - we all get to have time to have fun. We are together so there can be conversation and immediate follow up on how the job gets done.
We have done them in the past for the short term behavior we were trying to tackle.
The "reward" was always a fun date with mom or dad, staying up a little later etc....not a toy.
H.-
See if a reward chart is used in their school, if yours paralells the one used in school, it might "take" better with the kids.
Best,
F. B.
Nope - we did natural consequences and rewards. The kids also know what their "jobs" are. This includes brushing teeth, showering, getting dressed, cleaning their room, whatever other chores, homework, etc. Once we have done what we need to do we can do what we want to do.
