Hi everyone! I have a 4 year old daughter and a 7 week old baby boy. Lately we've noticed some changes in her behavior since he was born (was expecting that...), but a lot of this was here before, mostly with being 4 years old! I am looking for some ideas on what to do with disclipling her, because time out and other methods have not worked. One thing I know is she absolutely loves her TV shows and movies and I would like to find a way to use this as a reward/discipline system, but not sure how? I was wondering if anyone else has tried something that has worked. My mom will be keeping both kids here shortly one day per week and I have noticed she isn't listening to my parents either since he has been born, so I would like to find something that we can all do so it is consistent for her. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated!
Love and Logic! Get the books and read them well. You'll be needing it until the kids are adults. LOL! It's a great method and used in many schools as well.
I believe in earning privileges and that is exactly what tv is. You could use any kind of sticker chart, or flower pot (and earn flowers), ladybug (and earn spots) and let her earn spots, or flowers, or stickers for good behavior/listening etc. Once she has five she can trade in to have tv time and then it starts over.
I mean no offense here but when people say time outs don't work it's usually because they've been inconsistant with them. I was the BIGGEST objector to time outs until I took some parenting classes (1-2-3 Magic, Common Sense Parenting and Love & Logic) and can say if you (and everyone else hubby, parents, etc.) are consistant in metting out the punishment YOU WILL SEE IMPROVEMENT and behavior modification.
I would recommend going to your library and checking out the 1-2-3 Magic books & videos...they may seem kinda hokey but they are really simple to follow and work unbelievably well. Common Sense Parenting and Love & Logic work well if you have more time to commit to them but if you are looking for IMMEDIATE results 1-2-3 Magic is the program for you. When I implemented it in my house I had new children by the end of the week and bad behaviors were not being repeated either! Good luck!
Something I came up with for our daughter and it works quite well although not perfectly as probably nothing does with this age...but I saw the idea in a magazine and it was specifically about potty training but I have kept it going so here are our rules and set up:
Happy Jar/Sad Jar
I went to Target and got 2 clear plastic fliptop containers (for food) but they have a wide mouth and the lid is attached so I wouldn't lose it. I printed out a colorful face that was smiling and a face that was sad or frowning and taped them on the front with clear tape. I already had some decorative gem rocks that are flat on one side and curved on the other. Probably from Hobby Lobby or Michaels. Anyway they are about 2 inches in diameter. I have a seperate small container for the rocks.
We picked 2-3 "things" we wanted to work on and at the time it was going TT and Poo on the potty, going to bed without fussing or crying, and having a dry pull up during the day (not at naptime). (now that she is trained and older it's going to bed without fussing or crying, playing quietly in church, not fussing or crying when told we have to leave somewhere fun) So everytime she did one of these things well or sincerely tried, we would make a GRAND BIG deal of it and she got to put a rock in her happy jar. When she didn't do well or didn't even try we didn't make a huge deal just acted sad and she put a rock in her sad jar and we didn't mention it again. Then when she did well she got to take the sad rock out and put it in the happy jar and again made a big deal of it.
So....when she was just 2 or so she didn't quite understand the concept so I taped a picture of some big toy she really wanted on the wall and we worked toward that and talked about it alot. When she got older we don't have to do that now because she LOVES the game and we don't have to discipline her much all we have to say is someting like what you're doing makes me very sad, do you think it deserves a rock in your sad jar? She really gets anxious and says no, no no...then we give her a warning and a second chance to change her attitude or behavior and if it happens again we put one in. So the main thing is, on Friday, she may have lots of happy rocks, but if she has any sad rocks she does not get a special prize. I have a box with small inexpensive dollar toys or she gets to choose to go somewhere special or watch an educational movie (she loves them too!) etc. We also have a DVD player in the car and I used that VERY successfully when potty training. Sorry, you poohed in your pullup today instead of going potty no movie of course this was AFTER she knew how to go but would just choose not to while playing or something like that. Once I started that specific thing it didn't take long and she was saying I went potty I can have a movie in the car now!
I know this is long sorry but we have really enjoyed this game with her and it takes much stress off us as parents to just mention the sad rocks and she usually straightens right up. But it did take a while for her to get the concept. I don't do too many big toys anymore since she has the idea now unless there's something she really wants like right now we're working on a scooter and she has to earn it, we don't want to just give it to her.
Any questions you can PM me. One last thing, once she "gets" the good behavior pretty consistently that we are working on we move on to something else. After all, we want her to behave because she can and not end up rewarding her for every little thing. Of course there are many things we expect her to do on her own that we don't reward her for with rocks. WE just picked a few that we felt were getting out of control. Hope this helps.
Your 4 year old is used to having you all to herself. Is there anyway, (and I know it would be hard) to spend some time just with her? Maybe even take her to the store and leave the baby with someone else? Take her to eat out and let her pick the place. Let her make the calls for an afternoon and praise her without the baby around. To discipline her I would take a TV show away from her and explain that it is because she wasn't obeying. Hope this helps you.
Sounds like she is testing the boundaries. You can use the tv shows as rewards if she isn't normally in front of the tv. or in reverse if she is often in front of the tv and she has acted out just turn it off and make her earn the right to watch it the next time. But always make sure she is getting reassurance that the new baby has not replaced her. she needs one on one time and lots of hugs. God Bless You
My friend tried a system that sounded genius to me. She made out "tickets" that she was given each day, one per each 1/2 hour show or DVD that she could watch. If her behaviour was not appropriate, after a warning, she would have to give up a ticket. She could also earn back a ticket with good behavior. Maybe some variation of this would work. Her daughter really liked having a tangible idea of how much TV time she would have and since she REALLY wanted it, she worked hard to change her behavior. You will probably need to really work up the positive comments when she is doing what you approve of, too. Good luck!
I have a 3 1/2 yr old. I just watched 123 Magic a DVD from the Library that teaches a discipline approach that worked right away. Try usuing this approach with taking away TV/Movie time for a day.
good luck, S.
