Reversal of Potty Training

Updated on September 26, 2007
T.F. asks from Tucson, AZ
5 answers

My 3 year old son was completely potty trained by the first week of August this year. He had been partially trianed for about six months prior to August. The first week of August I bought him big boy underwear instead of the training underwear and he put them on and that was that he had one accident during the day and a couple at night. He was trianed. Then in the first week of september he started having accidents during the day. Also peeing through his pull up and cloths at night or nap time. I switched back to regular diapers on Friday to see if that helped at night. Last night he soaked through a regular diaper. He is showing no signs of illness or pain with urination. I did call the Doctor, they said it did not sound like a blader infection. I am stumped. This morning he was standing by me in the kitchen and peed right infront of me through his underwear and shorts. He then proceeded to run his foot through the puddle that he had made. He then started laughing. He thinks the whole thing is a hoot. I am at my wits end. I do not know what to do. He will even sit for hours in wet cloths, he simply does not care. In fact I asked him about it and he plainly stated, "I don't care" He is very sharp and knows how to manipulate things to his advantage already. I am not sure if it is lazziness or defience. Has any one else expereinced this sort of reversal of potty training?

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A.G.

answers from Las Cruces on

I feel for you! Since your son obviously knows what he's doing when he has "accidents", I would say he's just being 2. It's the job of the child to push the boundaries and see what they can get away with and it's your job to pull the boundaries back in and keep him under control. I know it's hard. I had the same problems with my daughter. I would ask her if she needed to go and she would say no, and then she would immediately squat down and go right there on the floor. after she did this a few times, I got really upset and made her clean it up and then I had her go sit on the potty for 5 min. She didn't like having to do that instead of getting to play like she wanted to, so she started going potty again because it took less time. This was a great thing for me, because it meant I didn't have to clean up the bulk of the grossness, and it got her out of the way for the actual scrubbing, and it got her back on the potty. I'm not saying this is what you should do. I don't know how your son will be with cleaning up and such, it's just a suggestion, what I am saying is that you just need to find some kind of punishment that is unique for this situation that works for you two. Good luck and don't give up... if he's like my daughter, this is just the peak of the terrible twos! :)

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S.D.

answers from Tucson on

Sounds to me like a power struggle. My daughter didn't do this to that degree, but the only way I finally got her trained at "number 2" was to throw my hands up and refuse to engage. I know it's a major inconvenience to have him soil clothes, floors, bedding, etc, but his behavior seems purposely combative. Especially with the laughing and playing in it. If you can, try putting him back in the underwear, letting him just do his thing and not really play into it at all. If he pees on himself, just change him and don't say a word. (kind of a "whatever" attitude, if you can muster it.)
Another little thing that works with my 5-yr-old daughter sometimes is to talk about things on the phone within her earshot. Not shaming, really, but saying to Gramma or whoever, "Oh! Cousin X is peeing in the potty? That's so great. My little girl doesn't quite do that yet." (slightly passive/aggressive of me, haha, but I can see her little wheels turn and her behavior often changes immediately after!)

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J.L.

answers from Austin on

I feel for you. I have a 7 yr old daughter who still has accidents, however, her urologist says she has an immature bladder, which is pretty common. Really? We had her tested and the results were indeed immature bladder.

She is on Ditropan (generic) to control the urges, but just like your son, she doesn't seem to care whether she is in wet clothes or not. She has even had several UTIs because she hasn't changed her wet pants. When I have talked to doctors about her not caring about being wet, they want to refer her to a psychologist, which I haven't yet pursued.

If you find out any different information, I would love to know!
Doctor's don't seem to know what to do about it. The only thing that I can figure is that she is just too lazy sometimes to get up and go to the bathroom, especially when she is playing hard outside with friends. Her friends are very supportive and have not laughed at her, so she doesn't feel any peer pressure, which would probably be a good thing for this issue.

I would agree with Megan K who responded to your question about it being a behaviorial issue and taking things away from your son, however, this approach did not work for my daughter.

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M.K.

answers from Albuquerque on

Since you know that your son has the ability to make it to the bathroom, I recommend that you talk to him about the situation and then let him know that he is going to begin losing certain things for his behavior. Honestly it isn't a potty training issue, more of a behavioral issue...so you are going to have to address the situation with dicipline. Remove favorite items, restrict "play" time from his favorite activity, enforce timeout, but also remind him that it is a choice that he is making. Have him clean up his own accidents, and help wash his clothes and bedding...at bedtime restrict all drinks including water, and remind him that he has chosen "not to care" so to minimize the issue that he isn't allowed anything to drink an hour and a half before bedtime. Slowly he will relize that he is only making his own life more miserable, and he will begin to care. Reward him on good days, and stay positive as much as possible, but continue to remind him that he is old enough to make responsible choices and with more responsibility comes more benefits.

M.

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M.B.

answers from Albuquerque on

In January of this year, I went from being a full time working mom, to a full time stay at home mom. My son was over 3 1/2 at the time & had been completely potty trained for over 6 months. We all had a little adjustment to make because of me being at home all the time. He started doing something very similar to your son - just peeing his pants for no reason. I questioned him & he just kept saying he didn't know or it was an accident, but it became apparent that this was just some sort of power struggle. Urinating is one thing they have complete control over. I finally just started telling him that I wasn't going to change his wet clothes and he wasn't allowed to sit on the furniture until he was changed. He had a lot of tantrums over this, but eventually he just stopped doing it. I just acted like it really was no big deal to me, that the consequence was to him. I think it took a few months to subside. My son is also very bright and I found this to be very frustrating as well. It took me a while to figure out that the more I reacted to it, the more he did it. Good luck and I hope this helps you in some way!!!

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