How do you explain respect to a 4 year old? How to you respond to disrespect? The disrespect issues in particular are arguing, him saying, "Yes I will" after you have told him no he can't do something and messing with things that do not belong to him especially when he knows better.
I need to add that when the behavior happens it is usually when I am nursing the 3 month old and he knows I can't just hop right up and deal with him. When I am not nursing, I get right on the behavior. Thanks for the help so far. I just felt I needed to add the nursing part.
Try asking him to repeat back to you what you have asked him not to do. It works for us (sometimes) :)
We require a "yes mommy" or "yes daddy" after every direction, to make sure that we, the child, and anyone else around knows definitely that the child has heard and understand the direction, and agreed to perform it. If at any point we get a disrespectful response, we first question if the child understands that it's disrespectful. If it's a situation we haven't encountered, we explain that the behavior is disrespectful and why. Don't worry about them understanding right away. They don't have to understand a rule to obey it, or a concept to follow it....the understanding will come in time. If the child continues to be disrespectful despite our guidance, we take away a favorite toy or privilege for a specific time (usually tv for a week), and require an apologize and request for forgiveness before the relationship is restored.
This always works, but we've been doing this consistently since birth so I don't know how effective it will immediately just starting it after 4 years of a different parenting style....
Good luck!
Set up a plan. Have a reward system and a consequence chart. If he does what he is asked, he gets a "goodie coupon" or a "token", or a sticker on a chart, etc. If he doesn't then he won't earn his "reward". Rewards could be as simple as getting some toys at the dollar store (balloons, kazoos, etc.) and putting them in a box--decorate it up and call it the treasure box. If he gets so many stickers, coupons, tokens, whatever you choose, then he gets to get one prize from the box... or it could be any reward (you could have him earn small prizes or big prizes--like a trip to McD's or something he'd love). Consequence wise, try a 1, 2, 3 count and time outs. He's 4--try to write out a chart and talk to him about it thoroughly. "First, mommy or daddy will give you a warning. If it happens again, mommy and daddy will count to 3 and if you continue then you will have a time out." Then explain what time out means, etc. Choose 1 spot/chair and he is not allowed to do ANYTHING but sit. (Kind of like what you see on Nanny 911!) The main thing is BE CONSISTANT and both parents on the same page. Children respond to structure and routine. You need to draw the line and don't let him step over it... not once. I taught first grade in IPS and setting the rules up and explaining "this is what I expect and I won't settle for anything otherwise" always kept the class in good line, developed respect for authority and the children got along well with each other. Hope this helps and good luck!
Another thing... go about it as "you are a big boy now, big boys don't_______". You can also play the empathy card... "how would you feel if someone did that to you? How would it feel if mommy spoke to you like that?", etc. "How would it make you feel? Would you like it?" Keep in mind that what you model for him is what he will mimic.
I know this may seem like a ytpical answer, but I would have to say that taking my almost 3 year old to church helps with the moral issues we face.... It is a good place to get help teaching kids the in and outs of daily values. You are more than welcome to meet up at one of the two churches I go to sometime!!!!
This topic is certainly debatable. Personally, if my 4 year old disrespects something or someone, I IMEDIATELY take my child into another room, sit on the bed (time out if possible first to reflect) or wahtever, tell them that they DO NOT and WILL NOT act that way, (stern voice of course)and it will not be tolerated! I always turn the tables so my child will understand it personally. Let them know it is absolutely UNTOLERABLE, and if they continue, that they will loose privillages, even if it is being in public, or outside of their room. This kid is out of control, and it is time, you step in fast and firm. Follow through with every promise you make in terms of punishment. You have to show them you are serious. Parenting isn't always easy, but it is your job to teach them right from wrong and how to act. Tough love sometimes!
Good luck
