Removing Children Shyness

you dont say how old they are... but I quit my job when my duaghter was 18 months.. shewas very very shy and scared of everything..

so I started socializing her.. we went tothe library and playgroups and everywhere and anywhare..

she is 4 now and still shy but much much better.. so take them places.. go to dance class or music clas and libary story times.. get them out of the house and around other people..

Hi S.,
You can't "remove" someone's shyness, it's their own personality trait. However, being shy is not the same thing as being afraid of bees. That's not shyness, it's fear. You dont say how old your daughters are, whether they are school age. Are they actually shy when in a situation with other kids? Will they play with other kids on a playdate, in a park, at a birthday party? If they are very little, do you take them to a playgroup or any type of classes like Gymboree or do they go to preschool? It's hard to make suggestions when we don't know their ages. Twins also tend to be a unit so if you put them together in a situation where they are with other kids, they may keep to themselves because they already have their favorite playmate there. But again, your post doesn't describe any type of shyness, only fear of bees and bugs, and that is a totally separate issue from being shy. If they are so afraid that they can't leave the house, I would speak with their doctor about this phobia/anxiety.

Llike the others have posted....shyness cannot be "removed" but you can help your daughters. I don't know how old they are but they need to have regular play, socialization with other children so they can learn to build friendships and feel comfortable around others.

Now, the bees issue is a fear. I don't like bees either.

I eoucourage you to open your home to playdates, that way in the beginning, your girls are on their "turf" which should make them feel more secure. Then venture outside, go to playgrounds, parks, malls, join a gym class, go to mother's day out or preschool, etc.

Once they start making friends, they'll start opening up. Encourage them but don't push.

Hello,
You've received a lot of good suggestions. One additional suggestion I have (as a twin myself) is after a while, when they are each more comfortable, encourage them to do things with friends independently of each other. I say this because in school they will not always have each other around, and twins often have each other as their security. You can ease them into this situation by encouraging them to play with other kids and not directly with each other, but perhaps knowing that the other sister is nearby.This will help them get used to being away from each other and with other kids.

Good luck! They'll be OK. :-)

Hi S. - perhaps an option would be to invite kids over for playdates at your home so your girls can be in an environment where they feel comfortable? Once the relationships are established and they mature a little, they still may not like the insects but they will want to play with their friends.

The more they are around other people/children, the less shy they will become. It is also a unique situation with twins. I have twin boys and they are very dependent on each other. They are 4 now, but when they were younger (like 1 or 2) they would hold hands in public to comfort each other and not let go.

We started separating them for periods of time so they could learn how to function without their twin. My husband would take turns taking them to play golf, or one would have a sleepover at grandma's without the other one there. When they started pre-school, we requested they be put in separate classes so they could develop their own personalities.

It seems to be working because, although one of the twins is still a little shy, they are both coming out of their shells. The love to be together, and they are, most of the time I will never change that. I just think it's important to give them some time apart so they don't become too dependent on each other and have a chance to develop their own personalities and interests. Once your daughters become more comfortable being without their twin, they may reach open up more.

Best of luck!

I am sorry but you cant remove their shyness, you cant really change the way a person is and honestly it is not good to tell them they are shy bc they will sense that you are labeling them and that it is negative. I am fairely certain that this personality type is common w/ twins as they are each others BFF. Even though you cant really change them you can help them become a bit more unshy if you will. you can help by introducing them to lots of other children, going on lots of playdates, taking them out w/ you, join a music/library/art whatever class w/ other children, be a good friendly outgoing role model and just hope they catch on. It is not really a negative thing that they are shy, it is just who they are they will not be upset that they are when they grow up and they might be very happy w/ them selves as moms we worry so much so I understand your concerns and wish you luck. oh about the bugs (I am afraid too, uugg) but if you are a good role model and show them how cool bugs are then they might belive you lol. you can catch them and observe them, draw them stuff like that. oh most importantly please dont push them or you will get an opposite of what you dont want they will retract more. just go w/ what they are comfortable with and do 'baby steps', they will respond better if you dont push them. xo

the only way to conquer fears is to face them with love and understanding. for shyness (which is just fear of people/situations, and which both myself and my 3 year old son suffer from) you just have to be around people, in different situations, as much as possible. enroll them in some kind of class, dance or soccer. encourage them to participate. you don't mention how old they are but just be patient and they will come out of their shells eventually.

Do they go to school?? Bring them to the park, take walks with them, bring a water bottle filled with water telling them that it is bug repellent. Don't really spray the bees, might get them mad. Need more info for answering you. Like how old they are, what DO they do all day inside??

all the questions daisey asked...my twins are afraid of insects too. i removed most o the plants that were attracting bees in our yard, we still get but not as much. i don't allow them to stay indoors, rather make them face fears. i am by their side at all times so they feel protected. twins take longer to become social, as they have each other to rely on. can't say more as we don't have enough info on your twins, unless we speculate.

Push them to do things. Also, enroll them in theater.