Reluctant Potty-trainer

Updated on April 16, 2008
D.V. asks from Ventura, CA
6 answers

My daughter will be 4 in late July. She is very smart and picks up things quickly (except potty training). Mostly she doesn't WANT to go to the bathroom. Of course, she doesn't like to be wet or dirty either. I've tried rewards. I've tried the 15 minute plan. I don't want to make this a struggle. She is going with some success. However, she needs to be completely trained by early September for school. Any suggestions that can help us finalize the mastery of this skill?

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So What Happened?

Today we sent her to school in Big Girl Panties. Went for the teachers but had a bowel movement on the playground. I think she doesn't recognize her signal for bowels yet. Still we celebrated her big girl day.

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C.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

This worked with all 4 of my kids and my 2 granddaughters....took them and let them pick out 2-3 books they LOVE....BUT the trick is, they stay in the bathroom and you can only look at them when you need to go potty....didn't take long...except, they are grown now, still avid reader, especially in the bathroom.
C.

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R.S.

answers from San Diego on

Okay--so we have a son that wasn't potty trained until exactly this timeframe. And between 2 friends we came up with this plan--and it's not fun but it totally worked. 1) I stayed at home with him for 2 weeks solid--no Walmart, no store, NOTHING! When my husband got home from work, we'd switch out and I'd get my hour out of the house or whatever. And we kept him naked. We constantly were trying to go to the bathroom---and because that was my ONLY project for that time, it worked. Also--going #2 he was afraid of being on the potty--but he understood when he needed to go--so my husband took away ALL of his toys--and all he had for 2 days were crayons and coloring books and no t.v. But--in 2 days he pooped on the potty and we were done! This whole process took 3-4 days and we were done. It was so worth it--and because she is old enough to understand the feelings of going in her body--I think it would be fairly quick for you too. But good luck! It wasn't fun or easy, but it worked for us beautifully!

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M.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Some kids take a while. Everyone is wired differently. But, don't worry... you have a lot of time. Give her "treats" every time she sits on the potty. I prefer healthy treats like vitamins, gummy omega-3s, grapes, special toys or books just for potty time, stickers, etc. (With the vitamins and omegas, don't excede the max amount in directions for use.) My daughter is showing desire to use the potty, so she can have 1 vitamin and 2 omegas for the day. That covers 3 times on the potty. Some parents use M & Ms or gummy bears or such.

Put underwear on her during the day. I know that it probably will create more work for you in case of accidents, but take advantage of the fact that she doesn't like to be wet or dirty. Put her on the pot every hour and give her a little 1-on-1 special time with Mommy or Daddy. Reward her for requesting the pot. Give her a goal... say that when she is going potty without accidents for a determined amount of time (1 week, 2 weeks, whatever time frame you decide on) you will get her that something she REALLY wants.

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T.H.

answers from Las Vegas on

Try to give her the responsibility. This is her body. Put her in underware and remind her here and there to go. Reminding is very different than telling "Now might be a good time to try" rather than "you need to go potty now". She may have some accidents have her help you clean them up (Urine is Sterile).
Take a look at your approach, has it become a power struggle? I would avoid material or food rewards, her reward is bieng a big girl who is dry and uses the potty.

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My older daughter trained very easily when she was 3 1/2 years old (it took less than a week), but I was afraid our youngest daughter would never train. She very adamantly stated that she liked her diapers and didn't want to use the potty. She, too, needed to be fully trained for school the next year, and I was afraid I was going to have to keep her home. Then I took her shopping and casually went into the underwear aisle to get underwear for her big sister. My younger one wanted undies of her own, so I let her pick some out. Then I told her that we did a potty chart with her sister, and that for every 10 stickers, she got a special treat. My younger one instantly wanted a potty chart. Every time she pees in the potty she gets one sticker; for poo, it's two stickers. When she gets 10, she gets something special, like an outing to the park (which she would get anyway, but it seems more special when she requests it), or to bake cookies or a cake (which is what she usually wants), or to pick what we have for dinner (either at home or what restaurant we go to). No penalties for accidents. When accidents happen, we tell her it's okay, she's learning, and everyone makes mistakes. This seems to have taken a lot of the pressure off and for the 3 weeks she's been training, she's been accident free for 2 of them. Basically, we gave her choices, a visual way of seeing her own process, and the responsibility. The hardest part for me was not stressing out! Which can be tough when she's playing on the couch and hasn't peed in 2 hours....

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M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Reward her for every try on the toilette with ONE m&m or other small candy she likes. My daughter was "trying" every chance she had to get another m&m!

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