I did not know how to title question.
I have a cousin who married his aunt's step daughter(years ago & still married). The family talked about him very badly for years and it went in one of my ears and out of the other. Talking to my mom I just realized that the couple were not blood related as I thought I had heard but related by marriage! I was a bit aggrivated with my mom and told her that when she told the story and called my boy cousin all kinds of nasty, wrong names she failed to mention that the couple (my cousin & his wife) meet when his/my aunt married her husband (the bride was the husband's daughter).
Is it just me or was that a big detail to leave out of family gossip? I thought he married a blood cousin that he had grown up with.
I know it is still weird but she thinks it is the same & I think the info that was not given when the story was spreaded was wrong and in my opinion evil gossip! and I told her that. Her reply to me was that even the children they had together looks funny meaning when 2 relatives have children together they tend to have some type of issues. THEY WERE NOT BLOOD RELATED FOR THE CHILDREN TO HAVE ISSUES. That was just extra gossip to add to the story IMO.
My question: Is not if the situation is funky, I know it is but do you think it is the same thing as far the cousin marrying a blood relative or a married relative a taboo no no?
I hope I did not confuse you!
I am pissed for him! These GROWN woman in my family are christians and gossip and lie like a sealy mattress!
I really don't think that's at all unusual. My grandmother and her sister married men who were first cousins to each other. In a small town, you're going to be related to everybody by marriage eventually.
I see nothing wrong with it. I worked with a woman whose brother married their step dads daughter. No problems and the niece and nephew wree beautiful children. My co worker thought it was awesome to have niece and nephew doubled.
It was a bit confusing, but no I don't think it is wrong to marry someone who is only related by marriage.
I had a girlfriend who married a cousin who was only related by marriage. I saw no problem with it and their kids were great (didn't look funny or anything, hehe).
Also, we have a slightly convoluted relationship in my family also. My grandchildren are also the great grandchildren of my SIL's mother, we'll call her Mary.
My daughter and Mary's grandson have two children. So I am related by blood to my SIL and her mother through my grandchildren! (I think. Sometimes this relationship thing gets so complicated!)
Wow, that was cruel.
All of these years and they continue to stand by their behaviors. They better ask for forgiveness.. Before it is too late.
BTW~ Here is a fun song to learn as a family.. great for talent shows.. Maybe you and your kids could perform it at the next Family reunion!
"I am my Own Grandpa" by Ray Stevens..
Your cousin married his Aunt's step daughter. No blood relation. Not weird. I would have been pissed if I was HIM hearing all this talk when he didn't do anything wrong. I barely know some of my cousins!
I don't think it's that strange...you are right that the ladies in your family are bashing him and making remarks about their children looking weird is wrong, wrong, wrong! They are not blood related!
I do not think it was WRONG - questionable, yes but if they are happy and living life well then who am I to judge? I have even heard of an older sibling and an older foster sibling being together (not when they lived in the same house) about 8 or so years after moving out. The foster girl moved in when she was about 15 for one year - then was able to move with her grandparents (not sure on all the details), the two did not really hang out or "get to know each other" since it was his senior year of highschool when she moved in and he was over the foster kids coming and going. After college and getting a real job the two met, fell in love then when it was time for her to meet the parents all was realized! Some thought it wrong some did not care others thought it fate! No matter so long as eveyone is happy it is all good.
People love to have things to gossip about. And your mom sounds like she doesn't really know there's a difference between blood relatives and by-law relatives. I guess gnorance is bliss, if gossip is bliss.
When I was growing up, a neighbor family had an adopted son from a different culture, and two birth daughters of their own. I understood they took the boy in because they were good-hearted and he was essentially abandoned. One of the daughters fell in love with the adopted son, and they eventually married. It caused a bit of a stink, because the parents never imagined such a thing might happen, and they were not happy.
But it all worked out in the end – the married kids are still happily married today, almost 40 years later, and everyone accepts them, including the surviving parent, who is actually now living with the "kids."
Added – I didn't know Sealy mattresses gossiped! Learn something new every day! ;-D
Definitely not the same thing. I have to lol though--I'm the product of second cousins marrying! My family tree is more of a web...My mother is from a small island in Greece so anybody marrying there is bound to be related. She married my dad when she moved to America and his family had moved 2 generations back. I guess my point is that what is taboo is culturally determined.
Not to disrespect your mother, but I agree with you 100%. So your cousin has good taste like his aunt and married that family. That always gets my blood boiling when I hear gossip like that from "Christians"; why would anyone want to be a christian if that is the example they see? I know, totally different subject, but that bothers me so much.
I feel for your cousin too, but he's probably smart enough and figured out how dumb they were a long time ago...
Depends on how close it is. The situation you describe sounds pretty far removed - they're step-cousins - so though it isn't common, your family blew it way out of proportion. I could see a freak out if it was step-siblings that grew up together, but step-cousins? They're being stupid. And if there is no biological connection, the "relationship" won't affect the children. Their separate biology will, but it has nothing to do with the familial relationship. The only thing about the family that "damages" the children, is the crappy gossip and nasty-talking.
It sounds a little bit goofy, but there's certainly nothing wrong with it.
Here, I'll give you another example of something that has happened twice in my family: my mother's brother was married to my father's sister. Sounds wrong, doesn't it? But, it's not. Now, the cousins that came from that union are practically my brothers as we share the same genes on both sides of the family instead of just one, but other than that, not weird & CERTAINLY nothing wrong with it.
Not only is it really mean to spread gossip without the huge detail that they are not boold related but I don't even think the situation is that weird. I have a TON of cousins I have never met. Dad grew up in a big family dirt poor in Texas, moved to CA as a kid and just never looked back. I know very few relatives from his side of the family and I'm certain I have a ton of cousins I'll never even meet.
If I were to marry a STEP-cousin from that family how would that even be wierd or bad? True love is hard to find and this situation it just doesn't seem wrong. I agree, the gossips in your family should be ashamed!
You say these a Christian women? Next time gently reply " If you beleive in the Bible aren't we all related in one way or another" If there was only Adam and Eve, just goes to make since.
Yes it's strange but if they are not blood related I don't see why it would be a big deal. My asst mrg found out her and her husband share an aunt. One is related to her by marrige and one by blood.
I think marrying a blood relative is pretty taboo. In this case, they were related by marriage... did they meet as adults? They seem like pretty distant relatives. Just sounds like these women have nothing better to talk about. Really, like they have never done anything worth some gossip.
As for the Christian thing, there are many amazing ones, and many not so amazing ones... just like any other belief system out there.
It's legal for 1st cousins to marry in most states. People worry way too much about what happens in other people's bedrooms. I'm sorry you have to put up with these mean old bitties.
No it's not the same thing, but it's still kind of creepy. There are just some relationships that should not be pursued. I worked with a woman who married her ex-husband's brother. Making her new husband her son's step-dad and uncle. My husband's first serious girlfriend is now engaged to my BIL. Nasty. People really shouldn't go to family functions thinking that they'd be a nice place to meet someone - I don't care if it's blood or marriage that relates people, there are more than 6 billion people in the world...fish in a bigger pond than your family!
No--it's not the same thing. Your relatives put a spin on it that reflected their personal feelings about it, thereby effectively tainting the opinions of the younger generations still to come.
The are NOT blood relatives.
Um yeah, big detail but look how boring the story is now.
Oh boy, life is tough enough as it is without having family members inventing false scandals. You are right--poor guy! One thing to be blood relatives--totally different when there's no blood connection--they're like step-cousins, right? Hope the family can get over it and ask him to forgive them for being so cold to him all these years.
My grandmothers cousin married her uncle.......and on my dads side someone married their uncle.......heck i wanted to marry my uncle when i was younger......and my 2nd cousin. i think that you can marry them after 3rd cousin or something. there is no problem with non blood related related people marrying.......i know someone that married their stepbrother.
my 3 cousins are related on both sides. my parents got together and my uncle met my dads niece (who was adopted but that really doesnt matter) and married her. Its awesome I see my cousins on both sides and we have a lot in common.
I oly think its wierd if they were cousins from a very young age...as in she was introduced as a cousin when they were tiny and grew up thinking they were cousins not realizing the seperate blood ties.
For instance my brother has a step son that has been his kid for all intent purposes since he was 3, him and my daughter are cousins, it doesnt matter that hes not blood relation...it more matters that hes been her cousin since day one of her life
I don't think its odd for that to happen at all and that is a very important detail to leave out. The one was is ILLEGAL, how horrible for them to make it seem like incest when there were no blood ties!
Hmmm. I have a friend whose brother married their step-sister. Even HE admitted that was pretty weird, but they were older, of legal age, and they weren't related by blood. I still run into their mom every now and then. They've been married over 25 years.
My dad has passed away. I'm 49 and divorced. If my mom married someone with a son I fell in love with....technically my step brother....what difference would it make?
Weird, yes, but immoral? I don't think so.
It's not incestuous.
Just my opinion.
My grandfather married my aunt. Wonder what your family would say about that?
Ok, not that I've said it like that, let me explain the situation. My grandmother died. Several years later he married her sister, my aunt. They weren't related in anyway. It didn't stop other people from running their mouths.
I think it's ridiculous. They're not blood related, so I don't see what the issue is...and it's not like they grew up together or were living in the same house together. Sounds like your grown female members need to grow up. They might be adults, but they're not grown ups.
We have a confusing situation in our family too. HOW you say it makes a big difference, if I say "my brother married my uncle's sister-in-law" people get cross-eyed and confused, if I say my brother's wife and my uncle's wife are sisters, it's clearer-- not a family tree that doesn't branch, but TWO family trees planted VERY close together....Although it does make my cousins and my nephew "double" related-- might be a benefit if, God forbid, any of them every need a kidney or blood marrow donor....
I have a 92 year old uncle who married his first cousin - blood related. Having said that, they married later in life and never had children. I found out at a family reunion that there was another relative on my father's side who basically did the same thing and they had children - ewwwww. I have a male first cousin - never in a million years would I consider marrying him OR having children with him - and I love my cousin - just not THAT way.
I personally do understand that people marry non blood related family members. I guess I get that. When it comes to producing children, I would not ever think mixing the same general gene pool is a good idea. As a matter of fact, there are some major problems in the children that came from the inter-marriage on my father's side.
